Winter Awakening by Elizabeth Lennox

Chapter 10

Kate wandered the aisles of the hardware store, but her focus was elsewhere.  Her thoughts lingered around the previous night.  Mack had been…focused.  Relentless?  Yes, that was a good term.  But why?  What was going on in his head?  He’d made love to her with an intensity that…well, it had been highly enjoyable, but…what was it about?  Usually, he was a bit more playful during their interactions. 

She picked up a door handle, toying with it as she thought.  Last night had seemed odd.  Satisfying and yet…not entirely satisfying. 

Tossing the handle back into the bin, she sighed and moved on.  It wasn’t the sex.  Well, it was the sex.  She was really becoming…irritated by the sex. 

No, not irritated.  Kate rubbed her forehead in frustration, at a loss as to how to move forward.  Part of her plan was working brilliantly.  She’d floated the idea of three different festivals over the next three months to the various local churches, clubs, and organizations.  Right now, there were more vendors and exhibitors for each event than there was room.  The mayor was completely on board.  His conditional wariness had morphed into eager anticipation.  She’d spoken to the business owners down along the expected festival perimeter and they were all enthused as well, asking what they could do to help.  The festivals would bring customers for their businesses as well, so it seemed everyone was on board, eager to make her idea into reality. 

But…Mack.  Every time she tried to bring up the subject of a future with him, he changed the subject.  The future was off-limits.  They came together for dinner and their conversations were animated and wonderful.  After every meal, he’d help her clean up and then he’d take her into his arms.  He’d make love to her until she was delirious with pleasure.  Then he’d hold her all night long. 

Unfortunately, every morning she woke up alone.  The coffee was freshly brewed, but she was alone.

It was almost as if he were compartmentalizing his life and Kate was only allowed to occupy a small part of his world.  It was so different from twelve years ago, when they’d shared all of their hopes, dreams, and wishes for the future.

Granted, she hadn’t told him about her festival ideas.  She had a few more issues she needed to nail down before her plan would become a reality.  She was close!  So wonderfully, amazingly close!  Two days, maybe three…when she had the chief of police’s seal of approval and the zoning committee’s okay, then she’d have all the pieces in place.  Then Kate could go to the mayor with a full budget.  She was fairly certain that the mayor would approve the funding once she could add in the cost of permits and the price of police personnel. 

Paint.  She needed paint.  How tedious, buying paint.  And she was going with white.  She’d paint the walls white…maybe dove grey, then she could paint the trim white.  Yeah, that was a better plan.  Boring, but better.  More sellable. 

She put in her paint request and waited for the paint to be mixed.  As she waited, Kate leaned against a shelf, wondering why Mack refused to talk about the future. 

And as she stood there, Kate acknowledged the hurt at his refusal.  Twelve years ago, that was all they’d talked about.  Sitting in that cold house, lying on the hard floor, wrapped in blankets and each other, they’d talked about building a life together.  She’d get her business degree and he’d renovate houses.  She’d do the financial side of things and he’d be the expert.  They’d even talked about how they’d start with the Victorian house.  Even to the point of dreaming up…!

Kate jerked away from the shelf. The yellow kitchen.  He’d laughed at the idea of a yellow kitchen and yet…he’d painted the kitchen a warm, buttery yellow. 

“Ma’am?” the paint guy asked. 

Kate blinked.  “Yes?”

“Your paint?” he reminded her, gesturing to the gallons of grey and white paint.  “It’s all ready.”

“Oh!” she replied, forcing her thoughts back to the present.  “Right!  Thank you!”

While Kate loaded the paint into her shopping cart, her mind whirled.  The details.  What were all of those details that they’d talked about?! 

After returning to her mother’s house, she eyed the boxes, the ones that she’d designated as trash.  Her old notebooks!  Which box had she dumped them in?!  She hadn’t labeled the trash boxes, because they were trash!  The other boxes, she’d been meticulous about labeling, listing the contents on a piece of paper taped to the outside of the box but the trash…darn it, she’d just dumped those notebooks into an old box and…!

“Ha, found you!” she took the box down and dumped it out on the floor.  Sifting through old high school papers that her mother had kept for some reason, she found what she was looking for.  The notebooks!  There were dozens of them.  Some were her old school notebooks and others were more personal. 

When she finally came to the notebook she was looking for, she sat back on her heels and flipped slowly through the pages.  As she read, Kate smiled dreamily, thinking back to the nights when she’d snuck back into her room, late at night, tired, but blissfully happy. 

When she found the page, Kate fell back onto her bottom, staring at the words.  “Lemon kitchen with a raised herb garden in the backyard.”  Looking up, she bit her lip, smiling at the words and the memories.  She’d always loved cooking and, even more than cooking, she loved watching people eat what she’d cooked. It had always been a thrill.  Not enough to want to do it for a living, but enough that she’d shared with Mack how she’d love to have an herb garden right outside of her kitchen so she could use fresh herbs in her cooking. 

How many times over the past few weeks had she walked past those raised garden beds?  She hadn’t realized what they were because it was winter and the plants were dormant.  Plus, Kate hadn’t consciously thought about the wooden boxed areas until she’d remembered this notebook!

She read through the rest of the journal.  Sure enough, just about every plan they’d made had been realized with Mack’s efforts!  And the house…it was beautiful!  Actually, it was even more perfect than their plans. 

Closing the notebook, she stood up and went downstairs.  Looking out the front room window, she stared at the Victorian.  It was a masterpiece.  Small, but quaint.  Three bedrooms, two full bathrooms and a half bath on the lower level.  Eat in kitchen, family room, and a small room in the front – more of a parlor than anything else. 

“It would make a perfect office,” she whispered, staring at the front window, already picking out the furniture in her head. 

“Her” home office?  Seriously?  Was she taking over Mack’s house?  But…they’d dreamed up the plans for that house together! 

She laughed at her ridiculous thoughts. 

She hugged the notebook against her chest, chewing on her lower lip as she considered the possibilities.  Her heart raced. Was possible that she could achieve all of her dreams?  Her own event business…plus Mack? 

Was she being greedy even thinking about shooting for the stars like this? 

Mack’s SUV pulled into the driveway before she could come up with an answer. 

Going on instinct, she stepped out of her mother’s house.  Instantly, Mack’s eyes caught her movement.  A wariness haunted his expression. 

“You’re not wearing a coat,” he said softly as soon as she stepped closer.

Kate didn’t feel the cold and said so.  Mack had on a canvas, lined jacket and a thick sweater underneath. 

Without a word, he shrugged off his jacket, draping it over her shoulders.  “Get inside, woman,” he grumbled.  But he didn’t wait for her compliance.  He wrapped his arm around her waist and hustled her inside through the back door. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, moving through the house and turning on lights.  It got dark early these days, and the light added a warmth and coziness to the space. 

“I found my old notebooks,” she said, watching his features carefully.

“What notebooks?” He moved over to one of the cabinets, carefully locking his service revolver into a hidden safe. 

“I used to write all the time, things like thoughts and hopes and dreams.  When I’d get into a fight with my mom, I’d write about all of the horribly unfair things she’d said or done.” 

He lifted an eyebrow.  “What were the horrible things your mother did?”

Kate shrugged, draping the coat over the back of the couch.  “Oh, awful things like forcing me to study.  Do my homework. Make my bed and clean up my room.”

“Evil woman,” he teased.

Kate moved closer, still hugging the notebook.  “I also wrote about us.”

His eyes grew even more wary.  “What about us?” he asked, reaching into the fridge and pulling out a reusable water bottle.  He never used the store-bought plastic bottles.  He’d bought several reusable glass bottles and simply refilled them, putting them into the fridge so that he always had cold water. 

She watched him, admiring his economical movements.  Plus, his actions were good for the environment.  Was there anything about this man she didn’t like?

No, not “like” she mentally corrected.  Loved.  Yes, she finally accepted the fact that she loved Mack.  Hadn’t ever stopped loving him, actually. 

“The yellow kitchen,” she said, looking at the warm, welcoming space.  “I mentioned wanting a yellow kitchen.”

He looked around at the walls of the bright, sunny room.  “I like the color as well.”

“And a raised herb garden.”

He didn’t bother glancing through the long windows to the backyard where the raised beds sat, ready for spring.  “Herbs are healthy,” he said by way of an explanation.

“And the gazebo in the back corner?” she asked, grinning now. 

“What about it?’

“Does it have a ceiling fan?”

“Yes?” he replied, taking a long swallow of water.  “What of it?”

She opened the notebook, flipping to the page she’d been reading earlier.  When she found it, she turned it around so that Mack could see.  “Here,” she pointed.

He glanced down at the words, then shrugged. “Okay, so we’d talked about a gazebo with a ceiling fan.  What of it?”

“This house,” her eyes took it all in, “it’s everything we’d talked about while we hung out here.”

He didn’t reply immediately.  “There might be some similarities,” he commented. 

She laughed. “Literally everything we’d talked about.”

He sighed, rubbing a hand over his jaw.  Absently, she wondered how soon the scruff started after he shaved in the morning.  Probably immediately, she thought.

“Kate,” he sighed, then shook his head.  “What are you trying to say?”

She moved a step closer, her heart pounding.  “I’m hoping that…maybe we could…find that dream, together.”

He stared down at her, his dark eyes searching for something.  She wasn’t sure what, exactly.

“Tell me what you’re hiding from me,” he said, his voice harsh. 

“Hiding?” she asked, her mind going blank once again.  “I’m not hiding anything from you.”

She saw a muscle flex in his jaw.  “Kate, you’re definitely hiding something.”

“I’m not!”

“Why did you go to the administration building the other day?” he demanded, furious now.  “And what’s in those files that you hide in that drawer every time I come into the kitchen?  Why did you meet with Gary Sinclair two days ago down at the train depot?”

She pulled back, shocked.  “Are you spying on me?”

He glared down at her, shaking with fury.  “I’m not spying on you Kate!” he snapped.  “I’m a homicide detective, dammit!  And in the course of my current investigation, I’ve seen you all over town.  You’ve been talking to just about everyone and I’m sick of seeing you laughing with the fire chief, the mayor, the chief of police and every damn restaurant owner in the damn city!” he bellowed, throwing his hands in the air. 

Kate’s mouth had fallen open with his anger and she stared at him.  Mack didn’t get angry!  And yet, he was livid now! 

“Um…”

“I’m sick of it, Kate!  We can’t–”

“Don’t!” she snapped, holding a finger up to stop his next words.  “Don’t you dare say something you can’t take back, Mack!”  After he closed his mouth and took a breath, she continued, despite the anger still simmering in his eyes and vibrating in the air between them.  “Okay, I’ll acknowledge that I’ve been talking to a lot of people around town, and…” she lifted her finger again when he leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed his arms protectively over his chest, shutting her out.  “Don’t you dare, Mack!” 

When he didn’t move, she huffed a bit.  “Wait right here,” she told him.  Turning, she grabbed his jacket and pulled it on.  It was huge on her, but it would keep her warm.  Racing across the street, she grabbed not just her laptop, but the printouts and her notebook with all of her hand-written notes.  Carrying it all back across the street, she burst into Mack’s kitchen, relieved that he hadn’t gone upstairs, although he still looked furious. 

“Here you go,” she said, spreading the printouts over the countertop.  “We really need a kitchen table.”

Mack looked up sharply, startled by the “we” in her statement.  But he didn’t comment.  The only other sign that he was aware of her words was a tightening of his jaw as he bent to study the papers. 

“What is all this?” he asked, struggling to focus on the words.  At the moment, his thoughts were still picturing Kate hugging the fire chief.  The big, gruff guy was handsome enough, but he was twenty years older than she was.  And he was married! 

Damn it, Kate would never have an affair with a married man!  He knew her better than that!

So, why the hell was his gut churning at the idea of all of those men touching her?! 

“What do you think?” she asked.

Mack looked up, startled by the worry in her voice. 

Before he could answer, she shifted some of the papers and continued.  “I still have some details to work out.  But I’ve gotten the basics figured out.  And all of the essential services.”  She pulled a spreadsheet out and laid it on top of the other documents.  “I still need to speak with a few more store owners, but all of the local restaurants are eager for this to happen.”  She pulled another sheet of paper out, but Mack’s mind was still spinning about the other statements she’d made.  “And here,” she continued, pointing to a list.  “This is just the vendors for the first event.  And we’re completely sold out of space for the next three events!”

Kate was wringing her hands together.  He blinked at her, completely confused.  First of all, Kate never wrung her hands.  She was strong and confident and if she ever came to a situation that made her nervous, she would simply muscle her way through.  She didn’t wring her hands! 

What the hell was going on?!

Looking down again, he tried really hard to understand.  He moved the papers around, recognizing several names on the page.  Why did he know those names?  Running a hand over his face, he blinked and looked again.  It took him a long moment, but the words started to become recognizable.  He noticed “quilt” and “dolls” and “Christmas ornaments”.  Still, his jealousy clouded his reason.

“You hate it,” she whispered as her face fell.

His head snapped up, her tone clear he’d hurt her deeply. 

“Kate, I just–”

She started to gather up the papers, shaking her head.  “No, you’re right.  It’s ridiculous.  I just…” she sniffled and he felt as if someone had just kicked his nuts, the pain was deep and immediate. 

“Kate,” he growled, grabbing her hands and stopping her movements.  “Stop for a minute.”

“I just…” she bowed her head and her shoulders drooped.  “I’d better go.  I have a lot of things to do.”

“Kate!” he bellowed, not sure what else to do.

“What?!” she yelled right back at him, lifting her head to return his glare. 

“Stop,” he repeated more gently, keeping his grip on her wrists.  When she stopped struggling, he bent so that he could see her eyes.  That’s when he realized that she was struggling to keep the tears hidden from him.  “Hey!” he said softly.  “Talk to me, honey.”

Kate turned as far away as she could while he continued to hold her wrists. “I just thought it would be a good idea.  And,” she sniffed again, “well, it’s a way for me to…” she shrugged slightly, “be my own boss and do something to help this city come alive again.”  Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.  “There are so many stores that are so beautiful inside, but are standing empty.  This idea would get more people down to that area.  The Train Depot is just…it’s so lovely!  But it’s hidden away. The whole area surrounding the depot is absolutely beautiful!”

He was stunned by the passion glowing in her eyes, but still confused.  “Could you please explain all of this?” he asked, gesturing to the papers in front of him.  “I don’t mean to diminish the brilliance of your idea.  I’m just not sure what I’m looking at.”

Tentatively, Kate tugged at her wrist and he released her.  She turned to the papers, pulling out the one that had been on top previously.  It was a sketch of a street.  And the street seemed vaguely familiar, but it was filled with decorations and canopies. 

“I calculate that there is enough room down on Eighteenth Street to hold one hundred craft vendors and twenty food vendors.”  She pulled out another sheet.  It was a drawing of the space right in front of the Train Depot. “I hope to have local bands play here and,” she pulled out another sheet, “here.  That will encourage people to move from one end of the craft tables to the other, getting more foot traffic throughout the festival.”  She pulled out a third sheet.  This one was a graph with months along the side and words like “Train” and “Christmas” under each heading.  “I figure we could have a festival every month with various themes.  I’d advertise in Denver, Fort Collins, Colorado, plus Lamar and other surrounding towns in Wyoming, to bring in as many people as possible.  I’m sure I’m not the only one who would love to have something new and interesting to visit once a month.”

He was stunned.  She’d done an amazing job of not just organizing all of the basic elements of a major event, but included drawings of the events and potential decorations.  As he shuffled the papers around, she’d even included flag designs to go on the lampposts, decorations at the edge of the festival areas, and more decorations that would encourage visitors to explore the brick and mortar shops along the way.  She had specialty vendors, such as hot chocolate for the train festival…he grinned, thinking of that Christmas movie that he couldn’t remember the name of.  “Dean and I could build a wooden train that could be pulled by a horse for this one,” he offered, thinking out loud.  “You could either charge for the rides, or just include it as a treat to lure more people to the event.”

A long silence followed. He looked up to find tears shimmering in her eyes again. 

“What’s wrong?  I like your idea.  In fact, I think it’s brilliant!”

A tear teetered on the edge of her lashes, then slid down her cheek.

“Ah hell, Kate!” he grumbled, pulling her into his arms.  Because that was all he could think to do.  Kate was in pain and he had to make it better.

“You’re just saying that,” she whispered, but she snuggled up against him, hiding her face against his chest. 

“I’m not, Kate.  I’m sorry I didn’t react well immediately.  But it wasn’t because your idea is bad.  It was because…” he sighed, his fingers tangling in her long, silky hair.  “I thought…” He sighed deeply.

“What?” she asked, leaning back to look up at him.

He felt like an ass now.  “I was jealous,” he finally explained.

There was a moment of stunned silence, then she asked, “Jealous of what?”

Mack pulled away, feeling like a complete fool.  He moved to the windows, running his hands up his face and over his head.  When he turned back to face her, he accepted that he’d have to explain his whole thought process.  It was the only way to make her pain go away.  “I saw you around town with all of those men, Kate.  And I…I hated seeing other men touch you like that.”

“Like what?”

He threw his hands up in the air.  “Chief Madsen kissed you!”

“On the cheek,” she clarified, still looking confused.  “He’s a sweet old man and he showed me pictures of his grandchildren.  He loved the idea of the train festival and told me about the guys in his train club.  He has a model train in his basement that his grandkids love to play with.”

He pressed his forehead against hers.  “When it comes to you, I don’t think rationally, Kate.”

She swallowed, then pulled back slightly. “Why is that?” she asked, an odd tone to her voice.

Her eyes were hopeful now.  For a brief moment, he considered shaking his head and backing up, not saying anything.  “I’m worried I’m going to mess this up again.”

“Again?”

He sighed, closing his eyes as he leaned his head back.  “When you went off to college, I was…” he hesitated, swallowed hard, and tried again.  “I was devastated.”

She blinked, her mouth dropping open.  “Devastated?” 

His lips quirked into an almost smile.  “Yeah.  I couldn’t handle being without you.  You’d left me.  So, I left too.”

She inched closer, so she pressed her face to his chest again and listened his heart beat.  “You joined the army because you thought…?”

“I figured you’d find someone in college, then come back here, and…” he shook his head and tightened his arms around her.  “I couldn’t handle seeing you with someone else, Kate. So I did the only thing I could.  I got out of here so that I didn’t have to lose you.”

She stared up at him, stunned.  “Are you telling me that we’ve wasted the past twelve years trying to prove to each other that we’re fine even though neither of us were fine?!  We both ran away from Cheyenne because we couldn’t handle the thought of seeing the other person with someone else?”

He stared. “You…?”

“I moved to Miami to get away from you!  I was so hurt when you joined the Army.  But I knew you, Mack.  I knew that you’d come back here.  This is your home and…” she pulled out of his arms, pacing back and forth, shaking her head. “Mack, I didn’t want to come back because I couldn’t handle you finding someone here and marrying them, being happy with someone else!”

He blinked, then threw back his head and laughed.  “And I joined the Army to get away from you coming home from college with a boyfriend.”

She turned, crossing her arms over her chest so that she could mock glare at him.  “You are an ass!”

“Yeah, but you love me.” He pulled her into his arms even when she tried to step out of reach.  His reflexes were too fast for that.  Plus, he knew exactly how her mind worked. 

“I don’t love you!” she snapped, even as her hands braced against his shoulders.  “You’re an ass!”

He laughed again.  “Yeah, but I’m the ass that you love.”

She shrugged, pouting ever so slightly. “I do love your ass,” she told him, then glanced up at him through her lashes, pretending to be coy.

He pulled back, looking down at her with severity.  “Is that all you love about me?”

She looked at him sideways.  “You love me too.”

He sighed, then pulled her gently into his arms.  “Yeah.  I do.”

Mack felt better when he felt her cheek press against his chest.  All was right with the world as long as Kate was in his arms.  “So, this is what you’ve been hiding for the past few weeks?”

She nodded, rubbing her cheek against his chest.  “Yeah.  I wanted to have the details worked out before I showed you.  Just in case it was rejected by the powers-that-be here in the city.”

“But they are all on board?”

She pulled back, but kept her arms tightly around him.  “Yes,” she replied, her eyes glowing.  “Everyone loves the idea!  The mayor asked me to make sure that the police and fire department didn’t have any safety concerns, which is why I was speaking with the chief of police and fire chief.  He also wanted to ensure that you guys could handle the additional traffic.”

He rolled his eyes at her, but tightened his arms around her waist.  “You know I’m not a traffic cop, right?”

She grinned.  “Yeah, I know you’re a bad-ass detective.  But I love the grouchy look you give me every time I call you an officer.”

He grumbled again, and she laughed and hugged him closer.  “That’s the look I love.”

“So, it is more than just my ass?”

She laughed, but when she looked up at him this time, her amusement faded and her eyes turned serious.  “Yeah.  I love you, Mack.”  She looked at him.  “It’s the reason I came back.  I just couldn’t stay away any longer.”

“I thought you came back to pack up your mom’s house and get it ready to sell?’

“That was the excuse.  I could have done all that in a week if that was what I wanted to happen.”

“So, it was more?”

She smiled.  “Yeah, as soon as I saw this house, I knew I wanted more.  But until I saw you again, I didn’t know what ‘more’ entailed.”

“I’m more?”

“Yeah,” she replied, going up on her toes to kiss him.  He met her halfway.  “I love you, Mack.”

“I love you, Kate.  And if you ever leave me again, I’m going to find you.”

She grinned, his lips hovering about an inch above hers.  “Promise?”

“Yeah.”  He claimed her mouth with his own.  When he straightened up, she saw the light sparkling in those dark eyes of his.  “So,” he nodded toward the papers on the counter, “does this mean you’re going to stick around?”

She leaned into him, her smile widening.  “Depends.”

His hands tightened on her waist.  “On what?”

“On whether you’ll let me have the front room as my home office.”

He stared at her for a long moment, then threw his head back, pulling her in for a kiss.  “Yes!  That room is all yours under one condition.”

She slid her hands into his hair.  “What’s that?”

“That you marry me,” he replied.  “And help me fill up the empty bedrooms with kids.”

Kate’s heart warmed with his words. “Yeah,” she said softly. “I think I can do that.”

He asked, “Does that mean that we’re engaged?”

There was a moment’s pause before Kate replied.  “I think so,” she whispered. 

And with that, he lowered his head and kissed her ever so softly.  “Finally!”