Never Just Friends by Katerina Winters

Chapter 11

 

 

"Sooo…Carlos has told me that Cade has been staying with you for the past week since you two came back," Valerie began with barely suppressed glee from her pedicure seat next to Maritzia. Wiggling her perfectly arched eyebrows suggestively at her, she demanded details. "Tell me, tell me, tell me all the details!"

 

Pressing her back further into her massaging seat, Maritzia stared ahead at the fish tank on the opposite wall of the nail salon and smiled. "It's not like that, we're just friends. He paid for the trip, and I figured he could save money by just moving in with me and-"

 

"Don't you dare lie to me right now, Maritzia DeLeon," Valerie growled at her left. Maritzia could see the seriousness in her cousin’s bright eyes. Leaning over the side of her plush massage chair, Valerie ignored the water splashing at her feet and got closer to Maritzia. "You're finally living with the man you've been in love with since we were kids. I don’t have time for lies, just tell me how you truly feel."

 

Her words took her breath away. Valerie never referred to her love for Cade. Only once years ago when they were still in high school after Cade had left did Maritzia admit to Valerie her feelings for Cade. She had consoled her and told her everything would work out but never once did they refer to it again. Now here she was saying the words out loud and Maritzia felt exposed and out of breath all at once.

 

"I…just can’t. It's like it's just too much," Maritzia confessed with a steady breath. Focusing on the slow-moving colorful fish, she tracked their slow progress back and forth in the tank. "I can barely even think about it without feeling like my chest is going to explode."

 

It all felt too surreal. The happiness she felt just thinking about waking up to him next to her only a few hours ago felt lethal. The golden-brown skin of his bare chest gleaming in the morning light hypnotized her each morning. She wasted who knew how much time just staring at his big body in the sheets next to her, watching the slow rise and fall of his steady breathing. Everything was different with Cade—things felt right. She found herself suggesting carpooling to work, something Victor had once suggested and she categorically turned down. Her drive to and from work was her only free time to herself, and she did not want it filled with shitty podcasts and the latest gossip around work. Now each morning for weeks since their return from their trip, Cade drove her car while she slowly sipped her coffee in the passenger seat. Their morning rides were perfect. They stopped at a bodega near her building each morning and grabbed two breakfast sandwiches and coffees and spent the remainder of their ride in blissful silence as they listened to the news. But what really made her life feel like it should belong to another was the kiss Cade gave her each night before bed. It was always a little different and a little unexpected, keeping her on her toes. Sometimes he would catch her when she was at her closet pulling out her clothes for the next day, waiting for her to turn back around before pulling her into his arms for a quick peck on the forehead. Or sometimes he could sneak up behind her as she put away dishes and lean in to kiss her on the cheek. But the worst of them was like last night's. Disappointed that she had not received a surprise attack she pulled the sheets up to her chest and watched Cade turn off the lamp near the bed. Draped in darkness she felt the bed dip next to her and assumed he was settling down to sleep. It was the dark shape moving over her that made her blink in shocked confusion. Seeing the glint of his eyes in the darkness, Maritzia's face warmed at the steadiness of his gaze. Leaning down, his hot chest brushed against her hands still clutching the sheet as his lips found her cheek and the corner of her mouth.

 

The sound of Cade's husky voice whispering above her in the dark was the last thing she heard that night. "Good night, Sunshine."

 

"All right then," Valerie's voice broke into her thoughts. "Just tell me if you want this. And I ask this because I want you to consider the years you spent with Victor and how, if you really think about it clearly, it was not what you truly wanted."

 

Smiling at the attendant who sat down in front of her feet, Maritzia turned to Valerie and gave her a solemn look. "I've never wanted anything more."

 

Valerie nodded in satisfaction and Maritzia could see the relief and happiness in her cousin's eyes at her confession. "So, have you seen Victor at the precinct since you've been back?"

 

Tilting her head up, Maritzia thought about that. It has been about three weeks since they got back. "No, actually. I thought I saw a glimpse of him at the parking lot, but it was dark out and I'm not sure. Also, Uncle has advised me there is no need for me to go down to that part of the building where he works and that I shouldn’t, for obvious reasons. And Cade has demanded that I don't go down there for obvious reasons," she said, exasperation for the two men clear in her tone.

 

Valerie laughed at that. "Do you think he knows that Cade came to Jamaica after he left you there?"

 

"I don’t know," she admitted. "Cade told me he made Carlos swear he wouldn’t tell Victor when you guys met him back at my apartment."

 

"Yeah, and he so very much wanted to," Valerie shook her head with a rueful grin at the memory, "but Carlos kept his mouth shut."

 

"And I made sure to keep all my photos of my trip off Instagram," Maritzia added, "and post them only on Facebook so that I could filter it not to go to any of his family members or him."

 

Handing the manicurist her own bottle of deep red nail polish from her purse, Valerie gave Maritzia a disbelieving look. "It all just feels like something you would see in a Lifetime movie."

 

"Tell me about it," she groaned. "Uncle also has Cade and me working with different detectives occasionally, so I also have to deal with the silent angry war that Cade has for Uncle now."

 

"He isn’t going to permanently change you two to different partners, right?!" Valerie asked, shocked.

 

"No, and that was what Uncle told Cade. But Cade is so surly about the change. I think Uncle is only doing it to try and save face if anyone questions why Cade and I work together, live together, and were promoted together so early. So, every now and then on certain cases I work with Scanlon, you know Morris Scanlon—I think you met him at our last precinct Christmas party."

 

"Oh yes, he was super sweet and kind of short? The one that wore that deep purple suit?"

 

"Yeah, that's him," Maritzia nodded and looked down at the fresh coat of white paint that was painted over her toenails. "He's really cool. And Cade works with Edwards. Which he secretly doesn’t mind because Edwards was in the army, too, and all they do is sit there and shoot-the-shit about the glory days of the army while subtly trying to see who is more badass than the other. They even go work out in the gym during some lunch breaks, completely overdoing it. Both of them end up groaning like old men all the next day."

 

Valerie laughed. "That sounds amazing."

 

Maritzia smiled as she thought of Cade laying out face down on her sofa earlier that week as he lamented on his gym mistakes. She had no doubt that Edwards was somewhere in the city doing the same at that moment.

 

"So, what are you all's plans for the weekend?" Valerie asked after a few minutes.

 

Looking up thoughtfully, Maritzia reflected on her empty master bedroom. Last weekend they had the carpet ripped out and new hardwood floors installed. Now the room just sat empty. With all the furniture sold to one of her cousins, all that was left was to furnish it how she wanted it this time.

 

"Well, I need to get some groceries, and Cade and I are going to go shopping for a new bed," she thought aloud.

 

Valerie's little squeal of delight nearly made Maritzia jump. Seeing her cousin's delighted expression, she thought of her words and felt herself flush at the double meaning.

 

She turned away to hide her smile. "You know what I mean."

 

 

~*~

 

Maritzia suppressed a laugh as she tried to maintain a straight face with the helpful attendant. The young man was listing the qualities of a white bedroom set she was interested in.

 

"We call this one a French country design, although a lot of our customers consider it classical modern…" he explained, his voice fading into the background of her mind.

 

On the other end of the furniture store directly in the line of sight of the attendant stood Cade—holding up a giant canvas photo of a beaver. Raising an eyebrow, he wiggled the canvas in his hand as if asking "want to buy this beaver painting?"

 

Firmly looking away from him, she gladly turned her back on his antics as the attendant showed her the matching chest of drawers and nightstands.

 

Looking at the stark white option versus the creamy off-white she imagined it set against her shining new oak floors and smiled.

 

"I think I will take this one," she said, pointing to the off-white set.

 

More than happy about the prospect of the sale, the attendant quickly brought up his tablet that hung at his hip from a crossbody belt across his chest. Tapping onto the screen he paused. "Will you need a king-size or queen-size?"

 

"We'll take a king." Cade's voice cut in between them. Turning, they both looked at him as he flashed a handsome grin, his dark eyes settling on hers in an unmistakable challenge. Without taking his eyes off of her he continued. "She's an intense snuggler in her sleep. The more room the better."

 

Irritation ticked at her brow and Maritzia crossed her arms over her chest, shifting her hips while giving Cade a sharp smile. "Is that so?"

 

Cade's eyes lightened in delight at the challenge he provoked. Unapologetically he made a deep sound of agreement in his throat.

 

"Well then," she said, turning from Cade and feigning to look at another bedroom sets nearby, "maybe I should rectify that somehow and-“

 

The warm grip at the base of her neck stole the rest of her words. Holding her gently, the grip at her neck guided her to turn slowly back to face him. Seeing that he wasn't needed the flushed sales attendant quickly murmured something about getting the order started and ran off.

 

Maritzia wanted to say something smart like “now look what you've done”, but no words came to her. Staring up at Cade she watched as the playfulness in his gaze wavered to something intense—something hungry.

 

"Don't even consider it Sunshine," he whispered deeply, his chest only inches from hers while his hand at the base of her neck massaged gently, reminding her of its presence. "I'll use my real dom voice on you right here in this store and I promise it’s nothing you've ever heard before."

 

Fucking hell, what was going on?! She wanted to melt and let out a squeal all at once. Was this really happening? Were they flirting with each other in the middle of a furniture store?! Or was he just playing with her?

 

For a brief second uncertainty flashed in her eyes as she looked at him and she wondered if he could see her hopefulness buried deep within.

 

Cade's searching eyes watched hers and she could feel the grip on her neck tighten before pulling her forward until she was pressed flush against him. Taking a deep breath, Maritzia allowed her eyes to close for the briefest second as she enjoyed the bliss of his hold before stepping back and giving him a smug look.

 

"I think I could handle it."

 

The hungry look in his eyes returned and he stared at her in awe for a moment before letting out a deep laugh. Sliding his arm until it draped over her shoulder, he tucked her in close to him. "Oh, I'm counting on it."

 

After purchasing the furniture and securing a date of delivery, they finally made it back to the car.

 

"It's a shame you didn’t get that beaver painting. I think it really would've added that extra special something to the room."

 

Sliding on her seatbelt, Maritzia snorted. "Oh yeah, I'm sure it would. But really though, who in the hell wants a four-foot canvas painting of a beaver in their house?"

 

They continued to laugh about it, throwing out ideas until they finally agreed that only Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre could actually want the tasteful beaver painting.

 

"Hey, let's stop by that one pizza place off Martin street on the way home," Cade suggested as he took a left-hand turn at the light.

 

Maritzia thought of the warm cheesy pizza topped with spinach, mushrooms, and other goodies and nodded. "Yeah, that would be great."

 

They could eat pizza and watch a movie or fold the mountain of clean clothes he washed yesterday.

 

Maritzia's phone began ringing in her pocket.

 

Reaching for the phone she saw it was her parents and put it on speaker.

 

"Hi, momma," she called out. "You're on speakerphone. Cade is driving."

 

"Hi, momma!" Cade chimed.

 

"Hey, you two. I just called your brothers and a few more of your cousins and invited them over. We are cooking in the back tonight. You two should come over."

 

Maritzia gave Cade a disappointed look. She wanted pizza and a movie with just the two of them, but she also didn't want to miss out on a family gathering. Giving her an understanding smile he reached across the divider and put a hand on her thigh and squeezed it gently as he answered her mom. "Sure, we'll be there soon."

 

"Okay, great. Be careful," her mother answered, and Maritzia could hear her happiness.

 

As the line disconnected, Cade made a quick right turn and headed in the direction of their old apartment building.

 

Placing his hand back on her thigh, Cade glanced from the road to her giving her a meaningful smile before looking back ahead. "Don't worry, we'll have plenty of opportunities for our pizza night in."

 

His words felt like warm honey against her and she looked down at his hand with hope overflowing in her heart. Every second it felt that things were changing between them. Tracing the long strong lines of his hand with her eyes she realized that for years this hand seemed so out of reach. It was hard to believe that her heart used to hurt when she looked at him. From the day he moved back to New York with Bethany in tow, it would pain her to see his face. Her heart burned at the sight of his smile and Maritzia had convinced herself she was never supposed to have Cade, not the way she wanted him. She once thought maybe she was supposed to feel this never-ending regret and want for the rest of her life, this terrible lingering question of what if. Everything she felt for him was just one-sided. Maybe all she was ever meant to be was the friend that stood by his side smiling as she died on the inside. Or at least that was what she had thought. Now as she looked down at his hand gripping her thigh she prayed. She prayed this growing feeling between them wasn't some illusion in her head. Hesitantly, she reached out with a held breath and placed her hand on top of his, and looked up at him.

 

Slowing down at a light, Cade looked over at her and she felt the tightness of her heart give way at the intensity in his eyes that told her this was real.

 

Outside in the back lot of her family's private apartment building, they all ate as a family under the twinkling lights strung up from one end of the lot to the other. They laughed and joked and basked in each other's company. Sitting side by side, Cade held her close in a silent display of possessiveness that made Maritzia feel like years of dreaming were finally coming true.

 

~*~

 

Her new bedroom was everything Maritzia never knew she had always wanted.

 

Turned around completely from where it used to sit, her new white bed sat at an angle in the middle of the room with the footboard pointed to the large window. With only a tall matching chest of drawers against the wall and a small blue velvet chair that sat low to the ground to replace the stuffy old wingback, her room now had a modern airy feel to it. Not at all like the cramped room it was weeks before, lined with heavy traditional furniture covering damn near every square inch of the wall. Now it was open and free of clutter. The shiny wood flooring and its sparse design gave it a bohemian loft feel, she thought.

 

Smiling again at the magnificence of her room as she emerged from the bathroom, Maritzia pulled the towel from her hair, letting the semi-wet black locks hang free. With her comb in hand, she sat on the edge of the bed and let her feet dangle above the floor. Smiling to herself, she gently combed out her damp hair so she could part it into two French braids for bed.

 

The bedroom door opened behind her and Maritzia breathed in the fresh, familiar scent of Cade's body wash that suddenly infused the air. Without needing to turn around, she knew he was coming into the room for the night. Though it was never agreed to or even acknowledged, they both knew that they would be switching from the guest bedroom to the newly renovated master bedroom together.

 

There was a click of the door closing shut followed by Cade's gentle footsteps around the bed.

 

Pausing only for the briefest of seconds, she waited for the inevitable press of his weight into the mattress behind her.

 

The new plush mattress dipped only slightly, signaling his presence. Her smile grew warm in satisfaction as she finished her last braid and turned around to face him. Leaning back against the headboard with one arm bent behind his head, Cade gave her a quiet penetrating look that made her nervous and curious all at once. Shirtless, his honey golden skin shined under the dim light of her lamps as if he were set under the heady glow of candlelight. She wondered if the dim light did the same to her? Maritzia mentally snorted. Who was she kidding?! She knew it didn't.

 

Smiling wider, she tilted her head slightly, prepared to ask him what he was thinking when he suddenly spoke.

 

"I know you saw Victor today," Cade said coolly.

 

Maritzia blinked and stared at him. Staring directly into his searching eyes as she processed the calm accusatory sentence over again in her mind.

 

It had been nearly a month since she came back from Jamaica, and in all that time she had successfully avoided any meeting with Victor. With both of their jobs keeping them on one side of the station, Cade and her uncle's orders of staying clear of him were kept quite nicely. That was until today. She had just come up from the locker room after working out and was passing by the downstairs meeting rooms when she saw him. Dressed in his usual full police uniform, just without the vest and the equipment belt, Victor stood in the deserted hall as if he had been waiting for her.

 

"Can we talk?"

 

"Do you think we should?"

 

"Yes, of course. I mean, we can't just…" Victor's words trailed off as he looked over her shoulder and Maritzia turned to see a pair of female officers walking through the intersection of halls as they chatted. Turning back, Victor gave her a crooked smile before pointing his thumb to the empty meeting room next to him. "Let's go in here."

 

It was the last thing she wanted to do, honestly. But deep down, Maritzia knew this conversation was coming eventually and she may as well get it over with now. Following him inside the abnormally cold meeting room, Maritzia crossed her arms under her breasts. Goddamn, it was freezing in here! Looking around, she spotted two massive vents at the top of the wall and glared at them. It was as if all the building's vents were pointed into this one room. Cold and a little impatient, she leaned against the long meeting table and gave Victor a waiting look.

 

Searching her face as if looking for something and not finding it, Victor gave her a half-smile. "How are you doing?"

 

"I'm fine," Maritzia said nodding, her tone a little clipped. "I'm doing good."

 

"Yeah, it seems that you are." Victor began toying with the back of one of the mesh office chairs. His fingernail sliding back and forth creating a dull zipping noise in the cold room.

 

Oh God, here it goes. Just what was that supposed to mean?

 

Seeing that he wasn't going to elaborate, she plowed forward, hoping to be done with this conversation. "I gave a box of your things to your cousin. Did you get it?"

 

"Yeah, I did, but I was hoping…" his voiced trailed off as he gave her that all too familiar look of wistful disappointment she had come to hate.

 

"Hoping what?" she snapped. She was too cold and so beyond being the beholder of his life's disappointments.

 

Victor frowned. "I was hoping you would meet me in person. I wanted-"

 

"You wanted me to come running back to you," she answered for him. "After you left me at the resort?" she asked, appalled she was really having this conversation. "You really expected me to do that?"

 

"After I left you on a fully paid vacation to sort out your damn feelings," Victor yelled, stepping away from the chair. "I was hoping you would see that I was serious, Ritz!"

 

She suppressed the urge to shudder at the use of her nickname. He didn't have the right to that anymore. "That makes no sense. How the hell is leaving me, after writing a passive aggressive note going to make me see that you were serious?"

 

"Yeah, well I guess it doesn’t matter, does it, because I found out," he spat out, his eyes flashing in fury.

 

Angrily she blinked at the sudden shift in the conversation. "Found out what?"

 

Stepping closer to her, Victor pointed a finger angrily at her. "I know you invited Cade there right after I left," he seethed. "And I know he's living with you now. Fucking hell, you didn't wait at all. You didn't even spare me one thought, did you?"

 

That last little shred of patience within her snapped. Maybe it was from the cold brittle air of this terrible Antarctic room or it was the levy containing all the shit she endured over the past couple of years finally bursting free, but it was all coming out now. Stepping forward, she closed the gap between them until she nearly bumped her chest into his. Maritzia watched the brief flash of fear in his eyes come to the surface as he hastily retreated a few steps back. "Oh, I spared you a fucking thought," she growled. "I beat myself up for days on that trip thinking I must have done something really wrong in order for you to just leave like that and abandon the ‘chance on us’ we were supposed to be taking. But after Cade showed up, and yes, he just showed up after you posted to the world we had broken up while I was asleep. He helped me realize what I had tried to tell you before we even left—that we are no good for each other, Victor! So, save me the pity party."

 

Taking a fortifying breath, she held onto her self-control and lifted her hands at his attempt to talk. "Just…just leave before we both say something nasty to each other. I wish you well, Victor, I really do and I'm sorry if I made you feel unworthy."

 

She didn't give him time to reply nor did she look at his no doubt crestfallen or probably angry face. She didn't care which it was. She was done being emotionally manipulated by him. She was done not being enough.

 

Looking at Cade, she searched his face and wondered if he was jealous. Standing up from the bed, she walked into the bathroom to set her comb on the counter.

 

"And how exactly did you know I met with him?" she asked, hating the snide tone in her own voice. A couple of years ago she would have killed for Cade's jealousy, but not now. Not after dealing with Victor's never-ending supply of jealousy.

 

"Somebody saw you two, and of course they were too happy to report it back to Edwards so he could tell me."

 

Closing the bathroom door, she avoided looking at him. With every step she took as she made her way around the bed, she felt the weight of his gaze. Sitting back on the edge of the bed with her back facing him, Maritzia reached for her lotion tucked into the discreet little shelves made at the base of the bed. 

 

"Ritz…" Cade said in a ragged breath. "Look, I…"

 

She listened to him search for the right words to say and she felt herself soften a little bit. Turning around she caught the need in his eyes and relented.

 

"I don't want him back," she admittedly quietly.

 

Relief and regret showed in his expression as he reached out both arms for her. Gripping her around the waist, Cade pulled her easily across the cool sheets until her hip bumped up against his legs. Closer now, she faced him and waited with held breath as his hands slid to her hips, settling there comfortably as if that was where they always belonged.

 

"I know, Sunshine," Cade whispered hoarsely as he looked down between them. “I guess I just wanted to hear you say it."

 

There was an open, raw honesty in his expression that made her own walls lower. This wasn't like Victor. Cade was nothing like him. He wasn't trying to accuse her, he just wanted reassurance. Pulling her legs up until she was sitting comfortably in front of him, she moved a little closer to him. Like a watchful lion, Cade's pupils seemed to dilate at the unspoken meaning behind the movement. Sitting up straighter against the headboard, his hands around her waist pulled her in closer until their chests almost touched.

 

Averting her gaze from his, Maritzia looked at the strong lines of his shoulders. Following the strong curve of his pectoral muscles, she delightfully settled on the tiny disc shape of his nipples. They looked soft, she thought. Ignoring the unreasonably strong urge to reach out and touch them she settled her hands on the rise of his shoulders. His skin felt like burning liquid silk beneath her hands.

 

Rubbing her thumbs backward and forward she enjoyed the feel of the hot flesh as she let the words in her heart come forward. "I want us to be honest with each other."

 

Leaning in closer to her, Cade made a deep groaning sound within his chest. "I do, too."

 

Years of pent-up truth fought within her, at odds with her mind and heart. For years her practical mind had won against the truth in her heart, doing its best to keep them safe. But she was too tired now to go on. She wanted them to be open and real with one another. No more secrets, no more forced smiles as her heart broke behind the lie.

 

Although she forced the words out of her heart and through her mouth, Maritzia could not bring herself to look up at him. "Then please tell me how you really feel about me."

 

Smoothing up from her waist and up her back, Cade cupped his hands around the base of her neck. His thumbs brushing against the underside of her chin, gently tilting her face upward until their eyes locked once more.

 

Leaning down, Cade's eyes rested on her lips and Maritzia tensed. Her pulse slowed as she watched him come closer. Staying perfectly still, she closed her eyes as his lips touched hers. It began as a gentle brush of dry, closed lips, the pressure slowly increasing until Cade moved his lips against hers, gaining the soft opening of her mouth. Maritzia's hands tightened against his shoulders as she felt the subtle intrusion of his tongue. Soft and coaxing, he moved his tongue gently against hers as his hands fell from her face, his arms wrapping around her body until she was flush against his chest. Vaguely she could hear the wet sounds of their kiss as the hunger between them increased with each stroke of their tongues. Maritzia let out a little sound at the barely contained pleasure and she felt Cade shudder against her.

 

Pulling his lips away they both breathed, catching their breath. His eyes were like a brand on her skin. There were so many things unsaid just beneath the surface, so much raw need that Maritzia felt herself begin to tremble.

 

"I'm in love with you," Cade said, his voice low and rough. "I've been in love with you ever since we were kids."

 

Closing her eyes, she was surprised by the pain the words caused her. For years she had imagined those words coming from his lips. Except for nearly three years, she had to watch him say it to another. Pushing back in his hold, she ignored the confusion in his eyes as tears rolled down from hers. She suddenly needed space, she needed a moment to gather herself, but Cade's arms around her tightened keeping her against him.

 

"Ritz-" The question in his rough voice was apparent but she cut him off.

 

"Then why did you come back with Bethany?" she cried, hating herself for showing this type of weakness. She told herself she would never ask him; she would never lower her pride to need to know. Only it hurt too much to hear his claims of love and not know. She had to know why he chose someone else over her. "You had to know that I loved you. You had to know that I waited for you to come back. I never felt like a bigger fool in my life when you-"

 

"Oh baby, please don’t cry." Cade hushed her with a kiss to her lips. Pulling her up and closer until her bottom sat on his lap, he hugged her tighter, burying his head into the crook of her neck. "I was an idiot," he murmured, his voice vibrating against her pulse.

 

Sniffing, Maritzia looked beyond his head, over the headboard into the shadows of her bedroom beyond she listened as he spoke. "I-I was thinking…I mean, I thought if I admitted how I felt about you back when I was living here everyone would have seen me as some sort of pervert," he grumbled. "I didn’t want to mess up my family, Ritz. You and your family mean so much to me and mom."

 

Maritzia tried to ignore the rapid beating of his heart pressed against her stomach and opened her mouth to argue. "But what about-"

 

Letting her go just enough so that she could lean back into his arms, Cade gave her a pleading look. "I didn't know you had waited for me," he rushed out.

 

Maritzia gave him an accusing glare and he rushed to explain.

 

"I swear it, baby, I looked at your videos of you doing so well in college basketball. I talked to you nearly every two weeks, not to mention your brothers. Everything in your life seemed so…put together. I thought that maybe you had gotten over your crush on me. And I figured I would make myself do the same. Please, baby, I fucked up." There was a naked desperation in Cade's voice she had never heard before. The cage his arms made around her shook with the need to grasp her tightly to him. She knew he wanted to hold her and not let her go until she understood him.

 

"I can’t really justify it more than that," Cade groaned, dropping his forehead to the top of her breasts. "I knew I fucked up the moment I came back and saw your face. I lived in hell for years with Bethany and watched you give yourself to Victor. Sweetheart, I fucked everything up and paid for it twice over. Please, baby, give me a chance to make it up to you."

 

She could feel his hand flatten against the middle of her back, her loose-fitting pajama tank-top offering little protection from the heat of his long-calloused fingers. Silently, his eyes pleaded for her understanding, begging her to forgive.

 

They had both been fools. In love with one another but too wrapped up in their doubts and fears to make the first move. If only she had told him how she felt during one of those many phone calls. Could she have prevented their years of heartache with other people? Thoughts of what if threatened to overflow in her head. What if she had been bolder before he left for the military? What if she had ignored Bethany's presence and simply told Cade he was breaking her heart? But what-ifs had no value. Looking into his dark honey eyes she focused on what was in front of her here and now.

 

"I love you," she whispered.

 

Cade let out a deep groaning breath and held her tighter. "Oh God, I don’t deserve it but I'll take it. I'll take all of it, sweetheart. I have loved you for so goddamn long."

 

Cupping his face in both hands, she marveled at the texture of his barely-there beard underneath her fingers. Rubbing her fingers back and forth she relished in the feel of him. Touching him was no longer an off-limits thought, he was here in her bed right now and he loved her. Tilting her head to meet his, she pressed her lips against his. The soft warmth of his pressing itself into every memory nerve in her brain so that she could always have this feeling.

 

Allowing her to guide and take control, Cade moved his lips in time with hers parting them as she tentatively licked the seam of his lips. His body felt like hot iron around her as he groaned into the contact of their tongues. Maritzia smiled and pulled back noting the impatient growl in his chest. Opening his heavily lidded eyes to look at her she could see something carnal and needful pass through them.

 

Letting her weight fall to the side she smiled as Cade followed her motion, seamlessly turning himself until she was on her back and he was braced above her, one hand planted on either side of her head. Lacing her fingers around his neck she didn't have to pull hard for him to meet her lips again. With a greedy hunger, he covered his mouth over hers. She felt the warm heavy heat of his hips dropping into the cradle of her open thighs as his thumb pulled gently at her chin silently coaxing her to open her mouth wider, to let him in deeper. She happily complied. Greedy, slow, hot, and his demanding mouth worked over hers. His tongue tasting hers further and further until he elicited tiny little moans from her as she desperately tried to keep up with the ever-rising tide of his love.

 

"Cade," she whimpered as she felt his hips begin to rock into hers.

 

The undeniable press of his hard length into the soft juncture of her thighs was driving her crazy. Back and forth she could feel the stiff column of arousal demanding her attention as he moved. The once soft cotton of her pajama shorts and panties were damp with her need and she couldn’t stop herself from giving out a little cry of need as he bit her bottom lip.

 

"Sweet Christ," Cade rumbled above her. Placing nipping bites along her neck followed by soothing kisses, Cade's body seemed to tremble with pent-up need beneath her hands.

 

Spreading her legs wider, she grasped at his shoulders and gave him a pleading look. "Please, Cade."

 

Pain etched across his face as he took in her expression and Cade dropped his face to her bare stomach where her tank top had ridden up and let out a deep strangled sound.

 

"Sweetheart, I told myself I would do this right." His muffled words were half beseeching plea and half moan.

 

Confused and far too impatient to try and understand, she wrapped her legs around his hips, enjoying his muffled curse in response.

 

"I'm serious," he murmured, pushing himself up. The thick muscles in his arms bulged as he pushed his torso up and away from her. Cade gave her a pained look. "I want to do this right. I don’t want to make love to you for the first time right after any sort of argument. I love you so much, I want it to be perfect. We have all the time in the world, Sunshine. Let's do it right."

 

And though it wasn't a question she could see the waiting watchfulness in Cade's eyes. Surrounded by the pain of lust denied, Maritzia could see the need in his eyes for her to accept his strange logic.

 

"But I want you now," she pouted in a small voice.

 

Sitting back onto his knees Cade made an agonized sound in the back of his throat as he scrubbed his face with both hands. "Fucking hell, Ritzy baby, you think I don’t? I think I just came in my goddamn pants and I'm still hard as a fuck."

 

Sitting up onto her elbows, she looked from the outline of his arousal in his thin gray pajama pants and back up to his tortured expression. "Then why don't we just-"

 

"Because I don't want there to be any regrets later," he cut her off. Climbing back up over her body he gave her a hard quick kiss on the lips before laying down beside her, keeping one arm possessively draped over her body, forcing her to turn into him. Face to face he stared directly into her eyes. "I just don’t want to fuck this up by rushing things."

 

The last thing they were doing was rushing things, but she kept that thought to herself. Despite being still excruciatingly aroused she nodded her head and gave him a smile.

 

"Fine, but just how long is this doing it right thing going to last?"

 

Burying his face into her neck, Cade let out a ragged sounding sigh. "The way my dick is feeling and the way that infernal body spray of yours is smelling…I honestly don’t know."

 

When she didn’t say anything, Cade turned and looked up at the pout she was giving him and groaned.

 

"Don’t give me that look, Sunshine," he groused as he pulled her close and tucked her beneath his chin. "I'm the one going to sleep with a giant boner that just might kill me due to some sort of blood clot aneurysm. Go to sleep."

 

Unable to keep herself from smiling, she placed a kiss on his neck and listened to his responding grunt before closing her eyes.

 

*

 

Mistakes had been made.

 

Staring at the ceiling, Cade frowned hard at the spot he had been staring at off and on for the past two hours. Everything in his soul wanted to turn his head and check to see if it was still there but Cade clenched his jaw tighter and narrowed his gaze at the spot on the ceiling. He would not break. He would not turn his head and look. He already looked five times before. Nothing would have changed; it would still be the same picture that was burned into his retinas currently.

 

He would not look. Goddammit, he would not!

 

With his wrist resting on top of his forehead, Cade tried to focus on the weight of it against him. Or the in-and-out pull of each breath he took in the dark. Cool silvery moonlight filtered in through the gauzy curtains at the foot of the bed and Cade's eyes adjusted to the low hues until the room almost felt light.

 

Light enough for him to see everything he shouldn't, a voice whispered in the back of his mind.

 

Fucking hell.

 

Turning his head, Cade sucked in a breath at the sight of her. Having moved and twisted around her person at some point in her sleep, the thin pink tank-top Ritz wore was serving absolutely no purpose. Tangled and askew, the thin straps of the tank-top were pulled far off their designated path, revealing one of her breasts fully. Cade could hear his own breathing in the dark increase as he stared at the forbidden dark bud. For too many years he had dreamed of them. The thoughts always taboo, and forcing him to push them away before his mind could appropriately linger. She had always been the friend and the quasi familial neighbor, someone who should be reserved at higher levels of respect in his mind than debased with the sordid thoughts of a teenage boy. And when he came back into her life, he had brought Bethany securing himself yet again into the boundaries of propriety where thoughts of her breasts were staunchly off-limits.

 

But for the first time, the limits were gone now. She was his, sleeping right here next to him, tits out and he was sitting here like a jackass doing what?!

 

A decision snapped in his mind like a cord being wound too tight.

 

With deft movements, he pushed himself up onto his elbow and looked down at her. Sleeping on her side with her face partially smushed into the pillow, Maritzia breathed slowly and deeply. Fuck, she was beautiful. Tilting his head, Cade studied the details of her face in the moonlit shadows and smiled. Even in her sleep, her face was set in her ever-present stern resting face. He loved that about her. Tough and quiet, Ritz walked around life with a look of a bored ex-con who could easily murder again. It was only if you were really watching could you catch a glimpse behind the curtain, the wide-eyed innocence she kept buried inside occasionally peeking up to the surface.

 

Leaning down he placed a feathery light kiss on her lips. Seeing no reaction, he placed another on her cheek. Again nothing. Cade grinned. Laying down a trail of soft kisses, he followed the curving lines of her neck and down her shoulder enjoying the taste of her warm soft skin beneath his lips. Cupping her shoulder, he gently pushed until her body complied under the pressure and she turned onto her back. Naked breasts gently wobbled into the night air on full display and Cade felt his mouth go dry.

 

Dark, decadent skin crested with plum dark berries at the end. Sweet God, it was over for him. Cade could feel all his control and hard-fought reasons to abstain from touching her go out the fucking window. Bracing himself on either side of her, he lowered himself down until his face hovered mere inches over naked breast. Without any governance, his eyes drank in the sight of her areolas, categorizing each little bump around the circumference. Following along the gentle rise of her softened nipple, he let memories of their time in Jamaica filter back to him. How she would rise from the water, her body glistening with falling droplets, and how her nipples puckered beneath her swimsuit at the breeze. Closing his eyes, Cade breathed through his nose before opening his eyes again.

 

Dropping a knee carefully in between her legs, Cade straddled her sleeping form. Balancing himself on one hand he reached for her twisted tank top with the other. If he was a rational man, he would straighten it for her, thus ending his torment and allowing himself to sleep.

 

He was not a rational man.

 

Pushing the top upward until it bunched at the top of her chest, Cade denied himself no longer. Opening his mouth, he tentatively placed one soft bud into his mouth and felt the rest of his sanity leave his body.

 

Soft, warm, wet strokes his tongue laved the soft flesh as he felt the magic of her body responding to him, stiffening against his tongue. Cade groaned as he wrapped his tongue around the stem of her nipple. Switching from one to the other, he eyed her face as he suckled her. Her frown deepened and her body shifted beneath him. Massaging the abandoned breast in his other hand he flicked his thumb across the tight peak as his teeth nipped at its pair. Maritzia's mouth parted in a sigh and Cade's dick twitched. He needed more.

 

Trailing kisses down between her breasts he traveled down her firm stomach until he reached the band of her pajama shorts. For a second, he hesitated and managed to question his actions through the haze of his lust. Swiftly and silently, he crawled back up to her until they were aligned perfectly and laid a kiss on her lips.

 

"Tell me you want me," he whispered in her ear.

 

As if responding directly to his words Maritzia shivered and turned into his face with a sigh.

 

Pressing his lips against hers, he gently parted her lips. With cautious little strokes, he tasted her, groaning when her mouth began to move into his. With only the barest glances he knew she was still in a state of sleep and dreams, though despite that her body moved for him. Her tongue glided against his as her legs shifted dangerously against his thigh bringing her warm center closer. Cade bit back a curse as he felt the radiating heat from between her legs. Having gotten his answer, Cade pulled away from her lips and slowly crawled backward down the bed. Sitting back onto his haunches, Cade hooked his fingers into the elastic of her shorts and felt gently around until he felt the second band of elastic hiding underneath. With both sets in hand, he dragged them quickly down her legs losing them somewhere in the sheets below. With only the bunched-up tank top under her chin, Maritzia lay naked before him.

 

Lust like none he had ever felt in his life washed over him like a tidal wave, making his cock buck up against his pants. Trim dark curls were shaped like a heart at the apex of her thighs that made Cade want to laugh and cry at the same time. He wanted to take a picture of the cuteness of it all and save it as his wallpaper to stare at every day. He wanted to run his hands through the coarse feeling of it, but more importantly, the urge to sink his face into that soft hot center was overwhelming. Readjusting himself on the bed, Cade grimaced at the pulsing ache from his cock pushed flat against the mattress but he ignored it. Gently, he parted her legs and inhaled the heady scent of her. If he didn't blow his load now it would be a miracle.

 

Settled between her legs, he stared longingly at the soft lines and folds of her entrance. Softly he pressed his lips against her.

 

Like a bolt of lightning going through her, Maritzia jerked underneath him and he looked up the length of her body. Frowning deeper, he could see the war in her body as she struggled to wake. Again, he placed his lips against the hot folds of her sex and watched her face as he rooted his tongue deeper into her depths. Her eyes squinted as her body trembled and he caught sight of her hands fisting the sheets around her. Smiling against her, Cade never took his eyes off her as his tongue searched and searched and then stopped. Finding what he wanted, his own body shuddered as he slid his hand under her thigh and brought it up and around until her thigh lay in the hold of his arm. Parting her folds, he looked from her to his prize. Like a tiny berry, her clit glistened at him, hooded and shy. Reaching out he kissed it directly.

 

Maritzia let out a sharp moan, and Cade felt the pre-cum of his dick moisten the front of his pants in response.

 

Again, he kissed the tiny, delicious berry and again Maritzia convulsed in a moan.

 

"Cade?" her deep sleepy voice questioned with alarm.

 

Looking up he could see her looking back down at him, their eyes meeting. Cade said nothing and took her clit between his lips and sucked.

 

"Ah!" Maritzia's cry felt like salvation to his soul.

 

Suckling harder, Cade lapped up the tangy-sweet flavor of her, ignoring her desperate cries and focusing on her long fingers spearing through his hair. Lapping and sucking, he ate her noisily, driving her to madness beneath him. Maritzia arched up from the mattress, her cries becoming desperate as her hands shook in his hair. Holding her steady, Cade rode her with his mouth relentlessly following each movement, never letting his mouth break from her soaking sex. He tortured and nipped at her swollen clit as a finger delved deep into her entrance.

 

"Cade!" she cried desperately. There was a begging note to it, asking—no demanding—something from him.

 

At the brink of his own sanity, he spread her legs wider and plunged his tongue into her tight passage, lifting her hips clear off the bed while his thumb strummed at her tortured clit.

 

And like a string being pulled too tightly, she broke in his arms. With a sharp ringing cry, Maritzia trembled and spasmed in his hold, her slick sex tightening around his tongue as she called out his name desperately into the darkness.

 

Licking and kissing her through her aftershocks, Cade savored each little mewling sound she made in protest as he lowered her gently back down. With his mouth slick from her juices, he sat up straight and looked down at her panting body.

 

"Ritz," his voice sounded like a gasp, hoarse and thick sounding. "I need-"

 

He wanted to tell her he needed her now, that he couldn’t wait a moment longer but she cut him off.

 

With hidden strength, Maritzia jackknifed into the sitting position and reached for his pants. With a forceful tug, she had them bunched around his knees and his cock bouncing free. Eyeing the glistening fat head of his cock with a look of pure hunger, Maritzia looked back at him with an expression of determined hunger that nearly made him cum then and there.

 

"Now, Cade," she said, breathlessly reaching for his shoulder. "I need you now."

 

Goddammit, he didn’t need to be told again. Letting her pull him on top of her, he felt her kick his pants the rest of the way down his legs while he adjusted himself above her. Without preamble, she opened herself to him as he positioned himself at her soaking entrance.

 

They both let out a groan as he pushed himself in, inch by never-ending inch. With each incremental push, Cade sank deeper and deeper into her tight heat. So hot and so fucking good. Cade felt as if he was gasping for air. Bracing his forearms beside her, he looked down and watched the array of emotions on her beautiful face as she accepted his intrusion when he finally settled deeply within.

 

Fuck, he wasn't sure how long he was going to last.

 

As if reading his mind Maritzia looked at him, her hands lacing around the back of his neck. "Cade?" Her voice sounded tremulous and unsure and for a brief shining moment, he was able to pull his mind back to the here and now and give her a worried look in response. Like ink hitting water, Cade watched as the girl he grew up with next door changed beneath him. He felt her legs slacken around him and watched as she bit her lower lip in expectation. "I need you to fuck me," she said, her voice uncharacteristically soft and breathy as she conveyed what she needed from him. "I need you to fuck me hard. Please, Cade, I have dreamed of this for so long. Please don't be gentle. I want you to show me that I'm yours now. I want you to fuck me hard."

 

Cade blinked as he registered the meaning of her words—and he lost himself within them.

 

Later that night Cade laid out beside her sleeping form, his breathing just now returning to normal. He lay there recalling her lustful plea and replayed what best he could from the snatches of memory afterward. It was as if he had blacked out. Her words were like some sort of forbidden spell, releasing all the restraint he normally would have used and setting something dark and primal within loose.

 

There was an eye-rolling-back type of satisfaction within Maritzia as he pounded into her. She wanted to be dominated by him. Closing his eyes, Cade smiled at the memory of her cries bouncing off the walls around them as he found the punishing rhythm they both liked. He had watched with gritted teeth as her breasts bounced and swayed with each thrust and felt her fingers dig into the flesh of his forearm as they both neared another orgasm. Shaking beneath him whimpered her love for him over and over again as he pumped the last of his seed inside of her.

 

Looking down at his chest, Cade felt his heart swell at the sight of her exhausted face and the sounds of her heavy snores. Strong, capable, and thoroughly badass by day and a complete wanton, wide-eye submissive at night.

 

Turning his head away, Cade had to fight back tears of joy stinging at the corner of his eyes. This is what it felt like for dreams to come true.