Lessons in Sin by Pam Godwin

CHAPTER 11

TINSLEY

The touch from his thumb lingered.

It tingled along my lip as I wiped down my legs and scrubbed the floor. In the residence hall, the phantom sensation persisted as I showered and changed into jeans. In the dining hall, I caught myself touching my mouth and thinking about his damn thumb as I grabbed my dinner to go.

During my jaunts back and forth through the campus, I didn’t see Father Magnus. I looked for him. Not because I wanted to see him. But I was thinking about him.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the tender way he held my face and stroked my lip. For so many years, I’d fantasized about receiving affection like that—a caress, a longing look, an adoring kiss. I wanted to experience it so badly I could taste it.

But all I’d ever encountered was frantic fondling, sloppy kisses, and some interrupted blow jobs.

It wasn’t healthy to mull over the way a priest’s touch felt. It meant nothing to him, and if I didn’t stop obsessing about it, I would turn into just another lusty member of his boarding school fan club.

It wasn’t that I thought I was better than those girls, but I had a sense of self-respect. At least, I did until I pissed myself.

How could I ever look at him again? The humiliation was more than I could bear. But I didn’t have to worry about that until tomorrow. For now, I focused on the food in my bag and the path leading me to the trees.

Overhead, the silhouette of a large falcon circled the property. I felt its eyes on me, following me into the grove.

I found Jaden and Willow where I’d left them, and a feeling of weightlessness fell over me. They’d eaten more of the bread and lifted their curious noses at my approach.

“Hey, there.” I opened my bag and removed the tiny dipping bowl I’d stolen from the dining hall.

I also had several bottles of water, an assortment of fruit, vegetables, and nuts, and the remnants of my destroyed uniform. The heavy material should keep them warm in the coming weeks.

Storing the unopened bottles near the rear of their hollow, I set out the food and bowl of water and murmured to them as they ate.

They were the sweetest bundle of babies. Like teeny curious monkeys with wiggly noses and the cutest little hands. I could play with them all night and intended to do exactly that until the sound of footsteps encroached on my sanctuary.

I twisted, putting my back to the opossum hollow, and squinted up at the intruder.

Daisy stood a few paces away with a hand anchored on her cocked hip.

Fucking great.The last thing I needed was the resident tattletale turning me in for sneaking food to wild animals.

What would Father Magnus do with orphaned opossums?

It was safe to assume he wouldn’t love them and talk to them and tuck them in at night.

Angling her neck, Daisy leaned around me and directed her gaze at the wriggling babies. Then she scrunched up her nose.

She’d ditched her school uniform in exchange for rocker boots and black leggings. A loose-fitting tee and oversized, distressed cardigan draped her toned body beneath a cropped leather jacket, which was decorated with metal studs and patches. A rock-chic hat topped off the edgy, layered look.

I felt a pinch of envy for her badass style. But that didn’t mean I trusted her.

Why had she followed me? I hadn’t exactly been sociable since my arrival.

“Are you hard up for friends?” I asked.

“Because of my face?” Her disfigured lips formed a flat line.

“No, because you’re the big sister on our floor. That makes you the official snitch.” Her eyes hardened, and no amount of deformity could diminish her ferocity. If I put her to the test, I imagined she would kick my bony ass. But I didn’t want to fight the girl. I just wanted her to go away and leave my opossums alone.

“We’re neighbors. My room is right next to yours.” I gave her a tight smile. “I’m Tinsley.”

“I know who you are. Everyone knows.”

“Okay. Look, Daisy, I…” I stared up at her, searching for words that weren’t steeped in sarcasm and brutal honesty.

How did I tell someone to leave me alone without sounding like a cunt?

“Just spit it out,” she said. “Whatever you’re going to ask about my face, just ask it.”

“Um… No, thanks.”

“What? Why not?”

“Well, I’m not interested in your face, if I’m being honest.”

She huffed, incredulous. “You’re interested in something because you got all quiet and uncomfortable with your words. And you’re staring at my face, which I find quite insulting.”

“I’m staring at you because I’m trying to determine if you’re going to tell anyone about them.” I motioned at the opossums.

“I’m not interested in your diseased rodents, if I’m being honest.”

“You’re actually being a bitch. And they’re marsupials, not rodents.”

“They eat garbage. So basically, the same thing.”

“Basically, not the same. But hey, what does science know anyway?”

“You should be nice to me, Constantine. I might be the only friend you have here.”

“Oh, is that what this is? You being my friend?”

“No, I haven’t decided if I’m willing to take on that burden.”

“Don’t bother. I already made some friends.”

“Nevada and Alice?” She threw her head back and laughed.

Truthfully, I didn’t want to be associated with those mean-spirited hussies. But I didn’t appreciate or understand Daisy’s humor in the idea.

“What’s so funny?” I glared at her.

“They’re not your friends. They will never be friends with someone who looks like you.” She pointed at my face.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t have the desire or the crayons to explain this to you.”

“Maybe just try using your big-girl words.”

“Fine.” She threw her hands in the air. “You’re prettier than them.”

Then she glowered with scornful derision as if pretty wasn’t how she would describe me at all.

I blinked, not following.

“Look at you.” She gestured and shook her head. “You’re like way-out-of-their-league, in-a-whole-other-universe prettier than every girl ever. The guys at St. John’s are already going crazy over you. Tucker Kensington, the captain of the football team—”

“Kensington? As in the global hotel chain?”

“Yeah. Those Kensingtons. When he asks you to the Winter Formal dance, which he will, every girl at Sion will hate you.”

“Except you?”

“Tucker is a total douchebag. I wouldn’t piss on him if he were on fire.”

Well, alrighty then.“What about Father Magnus?” Just saying his name sent a shiver through me.

“I mean, he’s a magnificent male specimen. But he’s devoutly married to God, more than twice my age, and also my teacher. That’s a triple veto. Way out of bounds.” She lifted a shoulder. “It’s unfortunate. He’s the only person here who seems to see me and not my face.” She narrowed her eyes. “You might be number two.”

“When I look at you, all I see is a self-righteous hypocrite, so…”

Her jaw unhinged.

I raised my brows. “You just judged me for the way I look.”

“No, I—”

“You literally said I won’t have any friends because of my face, all the while lamenting that no one sees past yours.”

She harrumphed and stepped back, looking all grumpy. “You’re different. I’ll give you that.”

“How so?”

“You’re smart, for one, which totally clashes with your appearance.”

“You’re doing it again.”

“You’re not what I expected.”

“Neither are you.”

“Let me guess.” She propped her hands on her hips. “You thought I’d be awkward and insecure.”

“No. I thought you’d be nice.”

She burst into laughter and sauntered away. “I’ll get back to you about our friendship. I need to pray on it.”

I couldn’t tell if she was serious or if her sense of humor was actually drier than my own. “I’ll be over here waiting on pins and needles.”

She better not tell anyone about Jaden and Willow. Swear to God, if anything happened to them, I would cut a bitch.

I remained in the grove for a couple more hours, eating the caprese sandwich I’d grabbed from the dining hall and enjoying the company of my fuzzy friends.

Nightfall brought a chill in the air that made me wish I’d worn a jacket. But as the opossums burrowed under the bedding I’d fashioned from my ruined skirt, they appeared to be plenty warm.

As nocturnal critters, they would eventually venture out into the dark. But not yet. Not until they were older and stronger. Maybe another month? I would do some research as soon as I had access to the internet.

I refilled the water bowl and left the rest of the food. Then I took the long way back to the dorm, hoping to see some of the bats.

My meandering stroll followed the outer perimeter, keeping to the wall and away from people. Not that there were crowds. It was too cold and too late at night. I probably only had a few minutes before the nine o’clock check-in.

While on this side of the property, I wanted to sneak a closer peek at the gate. The few times I’d passed through it, I’d been escorted by Father Magnus.

I turned the corner, bringing the exit into view and…

Speak of the devil.

A lone figure cut a formidable silhouette against the backdrop of the streetlights. He leaned against the gate, long legs crossed at the ankles, muscled arms at his sides, and his eyes…

They waited for me, tracking my movements, hunting me in the darkness. The instinct to run gripped my bones. But what if he chased me? What if I wanted that?

Under the weight of his steady gaze, I felt exposed, stripped down to my deepest vulnerabilities. He’d watched me pee all over the floor, and I wasn’t ready to accept that. The embarrassment was too fresh and raw.

I needed the night to rebuild my defenses against him. After a well-rested sleep, I would come back stronger, more confident, prepared to stand up for myself.

So I veered away, heading in the opposite direction. Without glancing back, I knew his gaze stayed with me to the building. I felt it blazing along my back.

His undivided attention should’ve scared the crap out of me, but instead, I found comfort in it. I wanted it, and that bothered me most of all.