Lessons in Sin by Pam Godwin

CHAPTER 23

TINSLEY

Mortification sank into my muscles and feasted upon my backbone. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t react. The sounds in my ears pulsed like muffled gunfire.

My gaze lifted and found Tucker staring back.

His friends clung to his arms, seemingly holding him upright as they pointed at me and laughed, spewing jokes about shark week. Tucker didn’t laugh. He didn’t shove them off. He just looked at me with wide-eyed horror. And embarrassment.

I humiliated him. Totally cramped his style. I bet he was regretting that Kensington-Constantine merger right about now.

Fuck him.

With his teeth bared, he whirled, flinging away his friends, and stormed off.

He fucking left.

“Let’s go, Tins.” Daisy gripped my hand.

Frozen in shock, I kept my feet planted. If I moved, I would leave a trail of shame so gruesome it would turn the gymnasium into a crime scene.

“Really gross, Keaton’s sister.” Nevada jutted her hip.

“Gross?” Daisy spun toward her. “Because you don’t get periods? Is that what you’re confessing to everyone here?”

“No one bleeds like that.” She scrunched up her face. “Unless they’re dead or dying.”

Daisy tensed as if she were about to physically attack her. I tightened my grip on her hand, silently telling her not to leave my side.

My period was a week early, probably due to stress. But it was always heavy. Most months, it flowed so excessively I had to change my tampon every hour. The red puddle between my feet looked enormous, but it was normal.

What wasn’t normal was bleeding all over the floor during a dance.

What would my mother do in this situation?

She wouldn’t do anything. She had people. A personal assistant to fetch her a tampon. A maid to scrub the floor. A PR team to erase the embarrassment. And a devoted henchman to kill anyone who talked about it.

I had Daisy, who was having a great time dancing with a boy until I ruined her night.

And I had Magnus.

As if conjured by my thoughts, he appeared in the crowd, shouldering his way through the growing number of spectators. He carried a stack of party napkins and roughly shoved students out of his path, his eyes fixed only on me.

And here I thought the most embarrassing moment of my life was when I’d pissed on the floor in front of him.

“I want to die,” I whispered when he reached me.

“No, you don’t. You’d much rather live to annoy the hell out of me every day.”

He lowered to a crouch and placed a few napkins over the crimson puddle. I wanted to reach out and run my hand through his tousled brown hair. What would it feel like? Was it as thick and soft as I imagined?

I was so glad he was here.

“Careful, Father,” one of the St. John’s linebackers shouted from the crush of students. “If she sneezes, you’re gonna get splattered.”

The muscles in Magnus’s shoulders went dangerously tense beneath the confines of his black shirt. He rose slowly, each inch of height a visceral reminder that this man was not someone to piss off.

Too late for the linebacker.

Magnus prowled into the suddenly silent crowd and grabbed the kid by the throat. This went beyond a warning squeeze. The guy couldn’t breathe, his hands pawing at his airway as he worked his jaw like a dying fish.

“You’re out of here!” Magnus hurled him away.

He landed on his butt, skidding backward along the floor in his tux. Then he leaped to his feet and ran out the door.

I needed to go, too, but a glance down confirmed I was still dripping. I felt a pool of wetness collecting in the crotch of my panties. One slight movement and it would all flow over.

“I need more napkins,” I whispered to Daisy.

She raced off.

Magnus charged back toward me, his eyes blazing, ratcheting my pulse.

One of the boys made a face after Magnus swept past.

He slammed to a stop. The room stilled as he swung around and stood toe to toe with the kid.

“Are you giving me an ignorant look, boy?” He exploded. “Or is stupidity just a condition of yours?” The thunder in his voice sent a reverberating shudder through the gym.

“N-n-no, Father. I’m sorry.”

“Stop standing around!” He slashed an arm through the air, shouting at everyone. “Scatter! Get!”

The crowd dispersed in a flurry of taffeta and black jackets. With the music still playing, most of them congregated on the far side of the dance floor. Others proceeded to the food tables.

“Don’t send anyone else home,” I said when he returned to my side. “I’ve already ruined the dance.”

“You haven’t ruined anything.” He leaned in and whispered at my ear, “You’re so goddamn sexy it’s taking all my strength not to maul you right here in front of everyone.” He stepped back. “Go to the restroom. I’ll catch up.”

“No. I’m…”

Leaking.

My face burned, and my shoulders hiked to my ears. I felt like I was standing in a damn spotlight.

Daisy arrived with more napkins. He took them from her and gestured at someone near the entrance of the gym. I turned, spotting Father Crisanto reaching for the wall of light switches.

A second later, the dim overhead lights went nearly dark, making it difficult to see the floor.

“Go.” Magnus pushed me toward Daisy and bent to wipe up the blood.

She grabbed my hand and pulled me into motion. Okay, wow, it was dark now. Too dark to see the trail I left in my wake. But I felt it trickling down my legs and sliding between my toes.

I glanced back and found Magnus following at a distance. Every couple of steps, he angled down and discreetly swiped a napkin against the floor. I was fucking horrified, but it could’ve been worse. I could’ve been walking out of here alone, with the lights on, illuminating a trail for all to stare at long after I was gone.

“Thank you.” I squeezed Daisy’s hand. “For giving me the courage to walk out of here.”

“Thank you.” She squeezed back. “For giving me the courage to walk in here.”

We exited the gymnasium and stood in the dark entryway. Turning my neck, I watched Magnus throw away the used napkins and return the lights to a soft glow.

The floor was clean. Not a drop as far as I could see.

Down the hall to the right, the line to the only bathroom was ten girls long. Straight ahead, a crowd of students gathered near the doors that led outside. To the left was the side door where I’d spoken to Father Crisanto earlier. No people there. I headed in that direction.

“Tinsley,” Daisy whispered. “Where are you going? The bathroom’s the other way.”

It would be a long walk back to the residence hall in the freezing cold. I would have to clean up and find an adult escort before I could leave this building, but I didn’t want to turn back and face all those people. I couldn’t.

I slipped around the corner and pressed my back against the wall in the vacant hallway, disgusted with myself, humiliated, and on the verge of tears. I held my hands to my eyelids as fire swept through my sinuses and scorched my eyes.

The numb shock that had held me together for the past few minutes was cracking. Tremors overtook my limbs, and boiling pressure built in my throat. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling, but I swallowed down the sounds.

I was so focused on trying to remain quiet that I didn’t sense him until his fingers touched my face. I lowered my hands and stared into eyes so blue they made my chest hurt.

“I don’t care what anyone thinks about me.” I clenched my legs, trapping the cold, sopping wet crotch of my panties between them. “But this is awful. I can’t help it. It’s a painfully humbling experience, and I hate that so many people witnessed it.”

“You handled it with grace and class, Your Highness.” His fingers tiptoed along my jaw, his voice caressing my lips with reverence. “I’ve never seen anything more beautiful in my life.”

“Magnus.” My stomach dipped.

“Tinsley.” His mouth slid down the slope of my neck, curving into a smile that felt like the beginning of a journey. Perhaps the most important journey I would ever take.

The sound of footsteps pounded around the corner. He shifted away just as Daisy burst into view, holding our coats.

“Father Magnus.” She draped my coat over my shoulders. “Can you escort us to the church? Tinsley can use the restroom there and—”

“You’re not leaving.” I pointed in the direction of the gym. “The dance just started. Kevin is in there waiting for you. Go dance with him.”

“No, I’m not staying without—”

“You’re so beautiful, Daisy. Please, don’t let me ruin this night for you. If you leave with me, I’ll feel worse.”

“If I stay, I’ll feel terrible.”

She wanted to stay. I heard it in her voice, saw it in her posture.

“I need you to go in there and defend me.” I slid my arms into the sleeves of the coat, holding her stubborn gaze. “Stand up for me when they call me Tampon Tinsley or whatever dumb names they’ll think up. Father Magnus will escort me back to campus.”

Her shoulders squared, and she stepped forward. As she gripped my hands, she pressed a tampon into one of my palms. She must’ve grabbed it from the bathroom. God love her.

“When I was born,” she said, holding my hands, “my parents took one look at my face and saw something they never wanted to see again. They left the hospital within hours and never came back. No one would adopt me, so a convent of nuns took me in. When I was fourteen, Father Magnus moved me here and gave me the best education in the country for free.” She gave him a grateful smile and returned to me. “When I met you, you took one look at my face and saw me. In that single look, Tinsley Constantine, you showed me how to bravely be me.” She blinked, and a tear rolled down her cheek, compelling my own tears to fall. “I just wanted you to know that.”

Walking backward, she wiped at her face. Her lips lifted in a soft smile, and she disappeared around the corner.

I pulled in a ragged breath, shaking. “That’s heavy.”

“It’s all true.” He clutched my arm and guided me out the side door.

The icy darkness attacked my bare legs, biting through my skin. I dreaded the five-minute walk to the church. But the residence hall was even farther.

I hunkered deeper into my coat and stared at my blood-soaked heels as I shuffled along, following his black shoes. He had such a confident gait, powered by muscle and aggression. It was a sexy swagger and a predatory prowl all rolled into one.

“So you let Daisy go to school here free of charge.” My teeth chattered. “How did that happen?”

“I read about her story in the Catholic Times. It moved me.”

“She’s not the first one, is she? I bet there are others who go here for free. Other students that you help.”

“Does it matter?”

“Yeah. It matters.” I lifted my face to the chilly night sky. “You come across as this scary, grouchy tyrant. But there’s some warm, squishiness inside you. Not a lot. But enough to…move me. Be careful with that, Magnus. You might just steal my heart.”

He said nothing, his concentration seemingly focused on getting us to our destination as quickly as possible.

Once we were out of view of the gymnasium, he gripped my hand. His frigid fingers drew my attention to his black shirt and hunched shoulders. He was freezing.

“Where’s your coat?”

“We’re not going far.”

That was when I noticed he’d led me in the opposite direction of the church and campus. I looked around, noting the quiet side street, the small single-story building, and his car parked beside it.

He tightened his grip and ushered me to the front porch.

“Magnus.” My heart stammered with excitement and worry. “I can’t go in there.”

Without a word, he opened the door and pulled me inside.