Secrets in Smoke by Ashe Moon
5
Rainor
The orb burston the ground, sending out ripples of dragon ice like waves on a frozen shoreline. Thomas cursed and kicked the wooden crate, jingling the glass orbs inside. He hadn’t landed a single target since we’d started again, not with ice nor tomato, and it made no difference whether I was holding the target or standing beside him. That was clear when he’d nearly turned me into an ice statue. Whatever skills he’d had before had completely vanished. No, he was even worse than before.
Thomas hadn’t realized I’d been looking at him the entire time, only half paying attention to the sudden turn in his marksmanship. I had other things on my mind.
He was an omega. I’d spent the last night in utter torment and had volunteered to take a double patrol shift so I could have time by myself in the skies to think and reexamine every damn thing, every little interaction I’d had with Thomas. I’d always been drawn to him, and it’d been difficult for me to truly explain why. Because he was entertaining, I’d always said. Amusing to follow, fun to tease, easy to rile up. But now I wondered if there’d been something else. The times I’d silently confessed that if he weren’t an alpha I might want him. The moments when I’d felt protective of him in a way that was different from a friendship. Flashes of heat and confusing desire.
He’d put up walls. He had a hide thicker than dragon skin, and it’d been my joy to try and penetrate it, to see how I could push him. But I understood now that these defenses were more than just a way to act tough—they were shields to stop anyone from seeing the real him. Shields he could never put down around anyone. I couldn’t imagine living like that. It had to be exhausting. It made me wish there was something I could do for him because I knew he had to be suffering. But I wasn’t good with that kind of thing. My feelings always came out in a jumbled mess, harsh words or deflective jokes. I just couldn’t help it.
“I don’t know what the hell is wrong,” he breathed. “I can’t do it.”
The missed orbs had formed pillars of ice around the poles holding up the targets, and I went over and melted them with a touch of my palm. Then I yanked the poles out from the ground and set the targets so they were facing the sky.
“What are you doing?” Thomas asked.
“Let’s try something new. Before we waste any more ice.” I said. “Aerial targets.”
“Aerial targets?” His eyes widened. “Now, wait a second. We never discussed flying.”
“Sometimes the only way to get at a fire is from the sky,” I said. “And if my two-year-old flight-daughter can do it, then I think you can too.” I smirked. “Or maybe not. You’re full of surprises.”
“No. I’m not flying.”
“Yes.” I laughed. “Shit. You aren’t afraid, are you?”
“The sky belongs to birds and dragons, not humans. I don’t have wings, and don’t tell me you have some kind of potion that will give them to me.”
“That would be silly,” I said. “No, you’ll ride on my back.” I beckoned for him to come over, enjoying the look on his face. “Come on, I won’t go too fast.”
Thomas stood rooted in place, one hand gripping the crate of orbs next to him like he was in danger of being sucked up into the sky. “We have ladders. Very tall ladders.”
“Thomas Everheart, captain of the Watch, defeated by high places,” I said out of the corner of my mouth. “I never had much hope for you, but I didn’t think this would be the thing to do you in.”
“It’s easy to insult me when you’re the one who can fly.”
Then Thomas let go of the crate and started towards me, his feet moving like blocks of stone. I shifted forms, my claws pushing into the dirt as I dropped onto all fours, and I stretched my wings high into the air. Thomas went pale, but he kept moving, approaching like I was an untamed beast that could strike out at any second. I curled my tail around to give him a platform to stand on, and he held out his hand and hesitantly placed his palm on the side of my body. As small as he was compared to me, I could feel his trembling touch on my scales as clearly as it would’ve been on my human skin.
“Come on,” I said in a low voice. “You’ve got nothing to be afraid of.”
He sniffed. “Right. And knowing you, you’ll do some kind of maneuver to scare me. A flip or a roll.”
“Whatever I do, I won’t let you fall.”
“That doesn’t make me feel much better,” he muttered and then stepped up onto my tail. He yelled in surprise when I lifted him and pushed him onto my back, right in front of the ridge plates that ran down from the base of my neck. He flopped over me on his stomach, his legs kicking wildly, and I gave him another nudge to get him saddled in place.
“You’re good on a horse,” I said. “Think of me as a giant, scaled, flying horse.”
“I can hold on to a horse. Where do I hold—”
I pinned my wings back and bolted across the field, and Thomas flattened himself onto my neck and squeezed me with his arms and legs as tightly as he could, screaming as I leaped and pulled us up into the sky.
“By the Gods, I’m gonna die!”
“Shut up and open your eyes,” I barked. “You don’t need to stick to me like a squashed bug. Relax, use the ridge plates as a saddle and backrest. You’ll be fine.”
I climbed higher and higher, nearly a straight ascent through the clouds, and then whipped around and leveled out. My wings caught a current of air and I rode it, gliding at an almost stationary position above the Watch headquarters. Thomas muttered curses to himself as he slowly pushed himself upright, his legs on me like a vice grip, and when he was finally in a seated position, I angled my wings and made a sharp dive.
“Oh, you bastard!” Thomas shouted. “Rainoooor!”
The clouds broke open to the rooftops of Old Shore Port far below us, the sun still in the east casting a clean light across the landscape. I leveled us out with another current and went back into a glide. A hawk was riding the same air as I was, and it screeched in surprise when it realized we were flying next to it and frantically peeled away. Thomas groaned.
“I knew it,” he said. “I knew you were going to do something insane.”
I turned my long neck so I could look at him with one eye. “You said not to do any flips. I didn’t do any flips. Anyway, you’re alive, right? I didn’t let you fall. Now, look down. Open your eyes and look down.”
He opened one eye, then the other, and his jaw dropped. I smiled to myself. I could see the fear melting away into wonder as he beheld the entirety of our home below him. He turned to look all around him, at the bustle of the market district in the west, smoke from the smithy quarters, the farms and cottages out north on the edge of the forest, and the fishing boats making their way along the coast below the cliffs. He gazed off into the distance over the Ivilirst forest towards the mountains and the hazy beyond, eyes glittering. I knew what he felt. To see this home that I loved from the sky always took my breath away, and this was the first time he’d ever held this view.
“If only we had wings,” he said.
“Once your men know how to use our dragon ice, the first to arrive will be able to take care of any fire. You won’t need wings.”
“It’s not just that. Everyone should see things from up here. A reminder of how small we are and what we have. What we all share, humans and dragons.”
“Are you getting philosophical on me?” I teased.
“Just a bit of remorse,” he said.
“About what?”
“The people who could use this view.”
“It sounds like you’re talking about someone specifically,” I said.
“My father,” he answered, to my surprise. I’d expected him to deflect, not to open up. “He believed strongly in the stratification of all men and ‘the beasts below them.’ His words. Humans on top, dragons on the bottom, and all omegas the least valuable of all. But does it really matter? From up here, no one can tell the difference.”
Thomas gazed over the town and I could see he was lost in his thoughts. I read what was behind that look and knew it was the same as when I found myself reliving the most painful memories of the past.
That’s why he tries so hard,I thought, and I felt angry for him. I knew what it was like to not have anyone in your corner, but I couldn’t imagine the amount of pain it took to make someone feel like they had to hide away from who they were and pretend to be someone else.
And for what? To prove they were worth something?
“Pointless thinking about it,” he said. “He’s gone now. And even if he could see things from up here, it wouldn’t have changed him.” Then he laughed. “Apologies. I guess I am getting philosophical on you. I know it’s nothing you want to hear.”
“I get it,” I said. “The sky can do that to you. It’s the best place to go when you need to think about things. It’s where I go, especially these days when it’s hard to find a quiet place with a little girl running around. What you gain from this place matters to you. Who cares about what your old man would think? You’re right. It’s pointless to care about the opinions of someone who didn’t care about you. Even if they were blood.”
“Easier said than done. I wish I didn’t care, but I’ve already constructed my life on a foundation that can’t be changed. Letting go would mean letting go of everything I am.”
I grunted. “That’s your fucking problem, Thomas. You’re anchored to the past. And you’re stuck there.”
“My past doesn’t anchor me. It’s propelled me. It’s gotten me to where I am.”
“And you’ve hit your limit. Why do you think you can’t compete with us? It’s not because you’re a human.”
“It has nothing to do with it,” he said. “Anyway, who isn’t affected by their past? It’s what makes us who we are.”
“There’s a difference between being informed by your past and being trapped by it.”
“Now who’s getting philosophical?” Thomas huffed.
“Trust me. I could’ve gone down a different road and been a prisoner to the mistakes I made when I was younger.”
“But because you’re a smartass and so much stronger than everyone else, you didn’t. Right?”
Flashes of hard memories filled my head. The fire roaring up the sides of the building. Flames moving fast. So fast. There were people inside, trapped because of what I’d started. I was just trying to frighten them, I didn’t mean any harm.
“No,” I said. “Because I had someone show me the way.”
I saw Altair extending his hand. “You can be more than what you are, Rainor. Protect this town with me.”
Banking out of the air current, I wheeled us around into a descending spiral until the training field was back within view, the targets directly below us. I caught the air at that altitude and circled slowly, like a hawk watching its prey.
“Alright,” I said. “I’ll guide you. Hold out the orb, watch the target below, and when I tell you to let go, let go.”
Thomas said nothing. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see he was angry or at least fed up with hearing me talk. I couldn’t tell if my words had meant anything to him. It wasn’t my business anyway, to tell him how to live his life. I didn’t know why I even bothered. It was irritating that I had to care about him. But I’d always known he was someone worth caring for. A good person, like Altair. Someone who put their life on the line for others. He needed someone like that, someone to show him the way. But it couldn’t be me.
He’d carried several orbs with him in a pouch on his hip and fumbled to get one out. As he brought his hand out, the glass slipped from his grip, bouncing off his fingers as he fought to nab it in the air. But damn his clumsiness—he leaned out too far to catch it and was past the point of no return; his legs couldn’t hold their grip and he slipped from my neck and fell, his hand grabbing at nothing, his eyes sprung wide and locked with mine. He plummeted to the ground. I whipped around, locking my body as straight as a spear, and dove after him, the wind howling around me, the ground rushing up toward us.
Idiot!I thought. How could someone be so capable and incapable at the same time?
He was just a few feet away, his open palm outstretched towards me. Then, a hair’s breadth from becoming a pancake, I opened my wings, swung my claws down, and snatched him. Right as I pulled us into the air, the falling orb smashed into the target with an explosion of ice and snow.
“What the hell were you doing?” I bellowed. “I said to throw an orb, not yourself!”
We touched back down in the training field and Thomas stumbled forward and fell flat on his face onto the dirt. He rolled onto his back, gasping for breath, and his laugh filled the air.
I walked over to him in my human form, shaking my head. “You can’t blame me for that one. You were the one that fell.”
“By the Gods, I don’t want to ever fly again.”
I sat down next to him. “You don’t have much of a choice, Captain. We’ve still got a hell of a lot of work to do with you.”
But whatever new walls Thomas had put up were holding fast. He just couldn’t seem to use the orbs with any kind of efficiency—hitting the targets at times but mostly missing them. It was like he was throwing blind despite the intensity of his focus. And yet, when it came to anything else—tomatoes, stones, eggs—he seemed to have no trouble. It was like there was a barrier in his mind or a fissure that drained all confidence in himself the moment he picked up one of those orbs. And I was sure it had to do with me finding out he was an omega. He’d managed to live with that secret until now, but something so big could only be saddled for so long before it took a toll, and it was taking a toll.
If only he could see just how it was affecting him.
I pulled open the trap door in the watchtower and was greeted by Dalia’s face grinning up at me from the bottom of the spiral stairs. She clung to the iron post with one hand and tried to climb up when Altair appeared and nabbed her by her armpits.
“Dalia, we told you not to climb the stairs,” he scolded.
“Uncle Rainor is home,” she said.
“Hello there, my little troublemaker,” I said, coming down the stairs, and she squealed and wriggled and held out her arms to me.
“Alright,” Altair laughed. “Finally, a break.”
I took her from him and swirled her around, then held her up with the palm of my hand like a waiter carrying a tray and made a whooshing noise as I flew her through the air. She held her arms out at her sides like wings, giggling and demanding I lift her higher.
“So, how was it?” Altair asked, following me downstairs.
“About what you’d expect,” I said. “We nearly went through a crate of orbs today and he still can’t get it.”
“Delos won’t be happy to hear that.”
“Yeah, well, I’m gonna have to figure something out for Thomas. I can’t see him improving any time soon.”
“Give the poor bastard a break, Rainor. He’s not that incapable.”
“I’m serious. As long as he—” I paused. “I don’t know. He’s got shit to work out.”
I hadn’t told the flight about him. I’d made a promise to Thomas, and not even my flight would hear a word from me. Not that I wasn’t dying to tell them. I had a lot on my mind, a lot of weird stuff going around in my skull, and I really could’ve used their feedback. For one, I didn’t know what to do about the way I was feeling about Thomas. It felt…wrong somehow. I’d always known him as an alpha. Why was I so drawn to him?
Dalia, already bored of me, tried to wiggle out of my grip. I set her down when we reached the station’s ground floor, and she bolted off as fast as those little legs would carry her. She seemed to have a compass for exactly where Soot was at any given moment and went straight for him. That cat was as patient as could be with her and very protective. He was always watching after her, whether it be nearby or from some distant perch, and would jump out to stop her if she got too close to something he deemed as dangerous. He was curled up on a stool now, and Dalia came over to him and tugged on his swishing black tail. He opened one green eye, yawned, and flipped over onto his back so she could pet him. On the sofa nearby, Grayson also yawned, stretched, and flipped over. He waved sleepily at me, and Altair went over and kissed him on the head.
“You have a good nap?” Altair asked. “I’m gonna make you some tea. Rainor, you want some?”
“None for me,” I said. Grayson pulled in his legs to make room for me on the sofa, and I sat down next to him.
“You look like you could use a nap,” he said.
I kicked off my boots and put my feet up on the table. “I’m good.”
“You look tired.” He tilted his head, examining me. “Or something.”
In the kitchen, Altair pushed his palm against the brass kettle and had the water inside boiling within a couple of seconds. He filled a teapot with leaves and then poured the steaming water into it. Dalia was sprawled out on her stomach in the very center of the room, and she rolled a little ball back and forth for Soot to chase after.
I scratched my head. “Hey, Grayson. Have you ever felt like you needed to hide being an omega?”
“Hide?”
“I mean conceal it so that people didn’t know you were one.”
“That sounds like a pain in the ass,” he said. “A whole lot of work. Why do you ask?”
“You humans do things in ways I don’t know if I’ll ever fully understand. Especially when it comes to omegas. It seems like you have it rough.”
“You know my story,” he said. “Things were hard for me, and all because I had her without a mate. Yeah, before you guys took me in, things were really hard.”
“But it never made you feel like you wanted to hide who you were.”
He thought about it for a moment and sat up when Altair came over with the teapot and three cups.
“Have some,” said Altair, pouring me a cup.
“Maybe I thought it would be easier to be an alpha,” Grayson said. “Yeah, I did have that thought every so often. But, actually trying to hide being an omega? Uh-uh. I can understand why someone might, though. If you spend a life hearing how you aren’t good enough, you might try to hide who you are to be someone else.”
I swallowed a mouthful of the tea and was glad Altair had brought me some. There was nothing more refreshing than a scalding-hot drink.
“You’d have to have a real problem with who you are to be able to do that,” Altair said.
“Or afraid,” I said.
“Everyone needs someone to see them for who they are,” Grayson said. “To accept them. Give them love.” He smiled, looking at Dalia, and then reached out to take Altair’s hand. Altair lifted it and kissed the back of Grayson’s hand.
“Okay, you guys are having a moment,” I said. “Thanks for the talk.” I gulped down the rest of my tea and got up.
“You sure you’re good?” Altair asked.
“Yup. Just tired after spending the day with a bunch of humans.”
I went upstairs to the common area and dropped onto the hammock. The book I’d been reading, The Five Legendary Drakes, sat on the side table. I picked it up but couldn’t concentrate on the words; my mind was too preoccupied with thoughts of Thomas. How someone could annoy me so much and yet make me feel this way was beyond my comprehension. I could see how this secret was like a heavy stone keeping him from flying, but why couldn’t he see that? Frustrating. But the most irritating part was that even though his problems were none of my business, not mine to fix, I just couldn’t let it go. I wanted to be the one to help him soar.
