Accidental Mail Order Bride by J. S. Cooper

Chapter Eighteen

I staredat my suitcase and clothes and debated whether to pack up my belongings and leave. Austin’s words had hit me to my core. My soul was aching, and all the self-doubt I’d been fighting was threatening to bubble over the surface. I wasn’t a gold digger, but I knew that the mere fact that I was here looked questionable. I had my reasons for being here, of course, and they were good reasons, but they were hard to understand and hard to explain.

Knock, knock.I ignored the fact that someone was loudly banging on my door. I didn’t want to speak to or see anyone.

“Lucy, can I come in?” said Austin’s deep voice. I didn’t respond.

Knock, knock.The banging was loud now. “Lucy, I know you’re in there! Can I please enter?” he shouted.

“No!” I shouted back, not leaving the bed.

“Please? I have a cup of tea for you. Please let me come in.”

“I don’t want any tea. Just leave.”

“It’s good tea, I promise. I added lemon and honey.”

“Go away.” I glared at the door, even though I knew he couldn’t see my face. I had absolutely no interest in talking to him. He had really hurt my feelings.

“Lucy, please.” The door creaked as he opened it slowly. He poked his head inside and smiled at me. “Can we talk? Please?” he said.

His eyes pleaded with me, but I just turned my face away. I wasn’t going to let his handsome face and puppy dog eyes convince me to let him in and to talk to me. I was done with him. I never wanted to speak to him again, and I certainly was never going to kiss him again.

“I said no, I don’t want to talk. I’m not interested in what you have to say. Go away, Austin.”

“I’m sorry, Lucy. I—”

“I don’t care!” I turned back to look at him. “You said what you said and that’s that.”

“I don’t really think you’re a gold digger, Lucy,” he said.

“And I don’t really think you’re a nice guy, Austin.”

“That’s not what you said when you kissed me.” His green studied my face as he held the cup out toward me.

“I don’t want any tea, and I don’t want you. Get out.”

“I made it especially for you.” He gave me a soft, sweet smile.

I gave him a hard look. “You made it for me, or your mom did?”

“I did,” he insisted. “Well, my mom suggested it when I told her I was going to apologize to you properly, but I made it.”

“Austin, did you really think a cup of tea would make up for calling me a gold digger?”

“No, but I hoped it would give me an entryway into talking to you.”

“Well, it doesn’t. I’m fed up with men like you.” I pointed at him.

“Men like me?” He looked affronted.

“Yeah, men that think that they can just do and say whatever they want to a woman and then give some sort of sweet apologetic smile and think it will all be okay.”

“I take it that it’s not okay, then?” He frowned and his face looked so sad and sexy that I could feel my anger melting away like snow on a warm day.

“No, it’s not okay,” I mumbled. “You definitely understand that, right?”

“So you don’t want the tea?” He held the cup out. I shook my head. He sipped it and moaned. “Mmm, you’re missing out, Lucy. It tastes really good, if I do say so myself.”

“Well, enjoy it and get out.”

“I don’t want to get out, and I’m not enjoying it.” He sighed. “Don’t be mad at me, Lucy, please.”

All of a sudden I was taken back to the past. I’d been in my apartment in New York with my mom, and I’d been telling her off because she told me to give Mikey another chance. She liked the fact that he had money and he could take care of me. I’d shouted at her and told her that I wish she could understand that I could take care of myself and that he was bad news. She’d started crying and begged me not to be mad at her, just like Austin was now, and I’d just shaken my head.

“I’ll think about it,” I’d said to her on that day. And then she’d gone to the restroom, and twenty minutes later, I’d heard her fall. She was gone within two hours. The doctors had told me that she’d had a heart attack. She’d had undiagnosed high blood pressure and her heart had failed. I felt like I’d broken her heart and then she died. Her face flashed in my mind. I could see it so clearly, the pain in her eyes, the bleakness, the love. I felt myself breaking down then. I couldn’t stop the tears. I was in over my head. I was an emotional wreck.

“Lucy,” Austin’s eyes widened in fear. “Oh God, I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean it. I promise. I guess I was just taken aback when I saw you with the ring. I promise I didn’t really think you were a gold digger.”

I started laughing then because my tears had nothing to do with him. He looked so panicked and worried. I could see the concern in his eyes.

“Lucy, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” He gently wiped some of my tears away. “I guess I was just jealous,” he said, as if it had just occurred to him.

“It’s not you.” I made a noise halfway between a sob and hiccup. I probably looked ugly, crying as I was, but I didn’t care. “I was just thinking about my mom. When she died, I’d been so angry with her and we’d been arguing.” I was crying uncontrollably now. “She was just trying to spend time with me, but I was mad at her.” I looked away from him, the sadness and guilt tearing me up inside. “She died at my apartment, you know?” I sucked in a shaky breath. “One moment we were talking in the living room, and hours later she was dead.”

“Oh, Lucy,” his voice was soft. “It wasn’t your fault, I promise you.”

“I think about that day all the time,” I looked back at him, “and I wonder, what if I hadn’t yelled? What if I hadn’t been upset? What if …” I couldn’t talk anymore. Austin wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

“You didn’t kill your mother, Lucy,” he whispered against my hair as I cried into his shoulders. “You’re not responsible for anyone else’s health, and believe it or not, you’re not responsible for whether they live or die either.”

“I just miss her so much. She was my best friend.” I looked into his eyes, willing him to understand. “She was my whole world and I was hers, and I’ve just been so lost since she’s been gone.”

“You needed to get away,” he said softly. I could see the understanding in his eyes.

“Yes,” I nodded. “It’s not my home without her there.” I said the words that had been in my heart, the words I hadn’t been able to tell anyone, not even Olivia. “There are so many memories in New York, so many missed opportunities, plans we made to go to places that we can never go to now.” My voice trailed off. “She would have liked it here in Montana. I wish she could have seen it.”

“She’s with you, Lucy.” He kissed my forehead. “She sees everything you see. She obviously loved you very much. I know she wants you to be happy.”

“She did,” I nodded. “I just wish she was still here.”

“So do I,” his fingers traced my lips. There was an intensity in his voice that made me shiver. “I would have liked to have met her.”

“She would have thought you were handsome,” I smiled, gazing at his face.

“I hope so,” he grinned. “Do you think I’m handsome?”

“Maybe,” I sniffled. “But you’re also rude.”

“I was only rude because I was out of my mind,” he admitted sheepishly. “Forgive me? Please?”

“Maybe.” My heart was racing now. We were still so close together and I could feel the warmth of his body against mine.

“I’m so sorry about your mom, Lucy,” he said gently. “I know how hard it must’ve been to have been there. I’m sorry you had to see that, but at least you were with her in her final hours.”

“I know. I’m glad of that,” I sighed.

“And Lucy, know that this is your home for as long as you want it to be. I won’t even be an asshole if you do decide you want to be with Beau.” He made a face, and I laughed. “I’ll always be here for you, girl. Any time of the night or day, any time you want to talk or anything, I’m here.” He looked so sincere, and I knew that he meant every single word. “Remember, Lucy, the future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. I believe in you. I am here for you. Whatever you want to do, the world is your oyster. Montana could be your new home.”

He paused then, and we just stared at each other. It was hard to explain the feelings that passed between us, but there was definitely something there, a depth and intensity that I’d never felt with anyone else before in my life, and I couldn’t stop myself.

I pressed my lips against his and kissed him.

And he kissed me back. We fell back onto the bed, our bodies intertwined, and for a few minutes, I felt like I was floating in heaven. His hands slid down the side of my body, then up my t-shirt and up under my bra, pinching my nipples.

I moaned against his lips and pressed myself into him, my hand reaching down and grazing his hardness through his pants. He stiffened suddenly and smiled as we just lay there, touching each other, exploring each other’s bodies. He pulled away slightly and ran his hands through my hair. Kissing my forehead, and then my cheeks, my nose, my lips, grabbing my hands and kissing them too.

“You’re beautiful, Lucy. And I know I haven’t said this before, but I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you came to Horseshoe Ranch. I don’t know that my life will ever be the same again after this.”

And I knew I felt the same way. My life would never be the same again, no matter what happened from here on out.