Until Death Do Us Part by Adelaide Forrest

5

Isa

My lungs filled with a sudden shock of air as I sat up in bed. Touching my hand to my chest, I sank into the relief of the feeling of clothing against my palm. I sat there, breathing deeply and trying to calm my racing heart.

The last time I'd woken up in a bed I didn't remember falling asleep in, I'd feared for my life. I'd been violated and deceived, with no ability to begin to comprehend everything that would come my way soon enough. My hand slid down to touch my stomach instinctively, relieved there was still no pain to signal something might be wrong with the baby.

As my breathing finally calmed, I glanced around the room to take in my surroundings. The opulent bedroom had light gray walls with colorful painted canvases lining them. They spoke to a cool, modern luxury that felt far more impersonal than the home Rafe and I shared in Ibiza, with the warm neutrals and natural light flooding through skylights and windows.

Finally turning to the space where I felt Rafael’s presence like a sear on my soul, I met his tired eyes. The dark circles beneath them made me believe he still had yet to go to sleep, instead taking to watching over me in my drug-induced unconsciousness. “You drugged me,” I said, the faintest feeling of deja vu overcoming me as soon as the words left my mouth.

“A sleeping pill in your water,” he confirmed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He made no move to close the distance between us, instead watching me carefully from his seat next to the bed. His suit was rumpled, his hair disheveled as if he’d run his hands through it while I slept.

“And you don’t see anything wrong with that?” I asked, my voice dropping low as I fought back the urge to strangle him. The drugging, the maneuvering and manipulating me until I did exactly what he wanted: I was so tired of all of it.

“The drugs are safe in moderation at this stage in your pregnancy, and far less dangerous than the ways you might have put yourself at risk should I have chosen not to give you a few hours of peaceful sleep. I won’t apologize for doing whatever I have to do to keep you safe, even when you hate me for it,” he said, and something in the tone of his voice on those last words felt more genuine than I could have expected given the circumstances. I’d forgiven him for drugging me before; I could hardly say that I wouldn’t do it again.

I tried to remember what he’d said to me before I fell asleep, but the memory of everything was nothing but a hazy series of impressions. “Joaquin and Gabriel are safe, right?” I asked, the memory of Hugo’s face in front of mine coming more clearly than the others.

“Yes, they’re all fine,” he said, his voice flat and even. Despite his exhaustion or maybe because of it, there was no inflection to his tone. No relief or satisfaction that we’d managed to walk away from what was clearly meant to be the final battle of our lives.

“Then what’s going on?” I asked, pushing the covers back off my legs and moving to the edge. He moved then, touching a hand to my shoulder and forcing me to lie back in the middle of the bed.

“The doctor needs to do a more thorough exam now that you’re awake,” he said, slipping his cell phone out of his pants pockets. He typed off a text quickly, undoubtedly summoning the mysterious doctor. He sat on the edge of the bed, touching a gentle hand to my stomach that I covered with my own.

The worry he felt for the baby was tangible in those moments, when he lowered his forehead to rest against mine sweetly. His eyes clenched closed, his face twisting with a grimace. “When was the last time you slept?” I asked, reaching up a hand to cup his cheek.

He opened his eyes, staring down at me intently as he ran his nose up the side of mine. “I’ll be okay, mi reina.” Those captivating mismatched eyes held mine, warmth chasing away the exhaustion in them. There was a pause of silence as he stared back at me. “Amo cuando te preocupas por mi,”he murmured, heat filling his eyes. Even not knowing what he said, Rafael communicated the meaning nonetheless. “Tell me you love me.”

A knock sounded at the bedroom door, but Rafe refused to take his face away from mine to go and answer it. He didn’t call out, waiting and staring at me with rapt attention while he waited for me to give him the answer he so desperately needed at that moment. “Ketapanen,” I murmured, watching as his eyes widened. “I love you,” I echoed, confirming the meaning of the word he’d probably never heard.

I so rarely spoke in the language of my grandmother’s people, the use of it outside my family and the Menominee Center being all but futile, but in a way it almost felt like giving Rafe that one last piece of myself. Like bridging the final gap between the Isa who had existed in the life that came before, and thequeen he’d crafted from her ashes.

“Do you know what I think?” he asked, the breath of his words caressing my cheek softly.

“What?” I whispered, my eyes tracking to the still closed door where the person on the other side knocked once more.

“I think we were always meant to be right here. That you’ve been a part of me for longer than either of us could have known, and there was never any possibility where you belonged to anyone but me,” he said, putting his mouth on mine slowly.

The first brush of his lips against mine came in a smooth caress, the faint taste of him rolling over my senses as he teased me. I moaned in response, welcoming his hands as they touched my sides and he leaned more of his weight into me. He kissed me roughly, consuming me with his unyielding embrace as he steadied my body.

His right hand came up to tangle in my hair, angling me the way he wanted so that he could swallow me whole as if it might be the last time he’d be able to kiss me that way. Feeling the uncompromising gloom hovering on the horizon, I sank into his touch and welcomed the darkness of his soul into mine.

He was a part of me. A piece that I would never be free from, and that I suspected I would never want to purge from my soul. He made me feel like I wasn’t so alone—like the people around me who somehow felt different didn’t matter, because the echo of my heart beat within his chest.

I was breathless by the time he pulled back, his voice deep and guttural as he called out to the person in the hallway. I flushed from head to toe, knowing that my lips must have been red and swollen in the aftermath of Rafael’s kiss.

“It’s good to see you awake, Mrs. Ibarra,” the doctor said, placing his bag on the foot of the bed as he stared at me. “My name is Dr. Hall. How are you feeling?” Rafe stayed close, clutching my hand within his and watching me intently.

“Groggy. A little sore, but fine otherwise,” I said, pinching my bottom lip between my teeth.

Hot. Aching. Needy.Hardly seemed like the appropriate response.

“I’ll need a urine sample,” he said, pulling a clear cup from his bag and holding it out for me. Rafe stretched out a hand, taking it from him without hesitation.

I nodded through my embarrassment as the request doused the flames Rafe had put in me with his lips on mine, snatching it out of Rafe’s grip as I moved to swing my legs out of the bed. “Do you need help?” Rafe asked.

“I think I can manage to pee in a cup on my own, thanks,” I snarked.

“Just leave it in the sink, Mrs. Ibarra,” Dr. Hall called. Retreating from the awkward situation, I closed myself in the bathroom and went through the process to get him the sample he needed. I straightened my hair slightly before returning to the bedroom, refusing to meet Rafe’s eyes as the doctor stepped into the bathroom and emerged a moment later as I settled back into the center of the bed. Crossing my legs beneath me and pulling the dress down to cover my knees, I waited for what might come next. “Everything was fine with your bloodwork. Did you notice any bleeding when you were in the bathroom?”

“No,” I said, shaking my head slowly. I knew well enough to know that blood during pregnancy, particularly after an accident, would be the first sign of something concerning. “When did you draw blood?”

“When you were sleeping,” Rafe said. I should have known better than to think my husband would allow me any control over my body, especially when there was a risk to my health. “Can we do an ultrasound?” Rafe asked, continuing on as if the violation was of little concern to him.

I supposed it was.

“I don’t suggest it at this stage in her pregnancy. It’s too early for a heartbeat, so the results would be inconclusive at best, and probably cause more stress than it would be worth. I’d like to do an internal examination of the cervix, but other than that everything so far has been reassuring that the baby will be just fine. Why don’t you go ahead and remove your underwear and lie back at the edge of the bed, Mrs. Ibarra?” the doctor asked, going to his bag and grabbing an exam glove.

I stood to do as he said, discreetly lifting my dress in the back to grasp my panties and slide them down my thighs. Rafe grasped my hand, tugging it away from my underwear and glaring over at the doctor as he averted his attention and waited for me to be ready. “Is that really necessary?”

“Is what really necessary?” Dr. Hall asked, turning to level Rafael with a confused stare.

“The exam. What will that tell you that the samples can’t?”

“Rafe,” I mumbled, snatching my hand out of his grip. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“I promise, exams are a standard part of the first visit, even under normal circumstances,” the doctor returned, his discomfort with Rafael’s line of questioning obvious.

“Rafe, it’s fine. It’s not like it's my first time going to the gynecologist,” I scoffed.

He leveled me with a glare. “It was a man?”

Rolling my eyes, I turned my attention to the doctor. “Do you perhaps have a female associate?” I couldn’t repress the groan that came from my throat having to ask such a stupid question, but I suspected the doctor may find it difficult to perform pap smears in the future if Rafe severed his hand from his body.

The fact that it was a distinct possibility said mountains about the state of my life.

“I don’t,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Right. He’ll control himself,” I said, pinning Rafe with a look as I tugged my underwear down my thighs and let them pool on the floor. Kicking them to the side to avoid the awkwardness of having to bend down, I went to the opposite side of the bed and positioned myself appropriately so that Rafe wouldn’t have an unobstructed view of the doctor's hand on me.

“You’re going to have a female doctor from now on,” he barked, taking a seat next to my head. I grasped his hand in mine, holding his eyes with my gaze as I released a chuckle. There were the faint sounds of rustling as the doctor got into position.

I kept my face neutral, refusing to show the uncomfortable grimace that I wanted to make as soon as unfamiliar hands touched me. Rafe glanced down my body and growled, and I caught his hand in mine and squeezed to reassure the nightmare within him that everything was as it needed to be.

The doctor’s spare hand pressed down on my stomach, feeling my uterus while he went through the motions of his exam. “All done,” he said, standing and giving us privacy for me to sit up and let Rafe wrap me in his arms.

I had to be impressed that the doctor had survived the ordeal, so I’d give Rafe whatever he needed to calm the raging possessiveness in his nature.

“Well?” he asked, his impatience coming through as the doctor moved to the bathroom to wash his hands.

“Everything looks good. I see no indication that the pregnancy has been affected at this point. It’s not surprising that your body served as adequate protection at this stage. The uterus is tucked behind the pelvic bone, and I’m optimistic that you’ll be fine. I’d like you to have a follow up in a couple weeks to confirm. Until then, I advise no penetrative sex.”

“What?” I asked, blanching as I stared at him. Were Rafe and I even capable of abstaining for that long?

The doctor chuckled, lifting his bag off the foot of the bed. “Somehow I think you’ll manage for the sake of the baby. It was nice to meet you and best of luck.” He retreated from the room, leaving me with the caged animal holding me tightly in his attempt to restrain himself.

“He’s gone. You can release the precious,” I said, trying to restrain my smile. The silence that met my statement made me pause, freezing as I glanced over my shoulder to look at Rafe where his head touched my shoulder. “Rafe?”

“I don’t think waiting for two weeks will be a problem,” he admitted, lifting his head to meet my gaze. “I don’t want to endanger either of you.”

His hand trailed down to my stomach, touching me through my dress. I needed to shower, to wipe off the traces of another man’s touch that left me feeling icky even knowing it was just an examination. Knowing what I would feel if the roles had been reversed made me want to get rid of that feeling for Rafe’s sake. “Why do I feel like there’s more to that than what you’re saying?”

He blew out a breath, touching his lips to the name carved into my skin gently. They moved over my skin when he spoke. “My mother was prone to miscarriages. She evidently had two before I was born, and there were more after me. Unsurprising, given the state of her life in the last few years. I’ll be on you constantly and annoy the hell out of you with how protective I’m going to be, but I won’t be sorry for it.”

“Only a fool would expect you to be genuinely sorry for the things you do,” I murmured, a bitter smile transforming my face. I knew Rafe far too well to expect anything less from him. Silence met my response again, and I sat there and let him hold me for a few precious moments.

The reality of what was coming sank in, lessening some of the contentment I should have felt in his embrace. When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I finally dared to ask the question burning in my brain. “I’ve waited. I’ve slept. I’ve been seen by the doctor. Now tell me.”

He turned me on the bed, until I faced him, and his hands captured mine. The firm squeeze brought tears to my eyes, even not knowing what would come. “Is Odina—”

“Your father is in the hospital,” he said, cutting off my line of questioning. “I’ve arranged for the best burn specialists to see to his care, and he’s expected to make a full recovery. But there will be scars,” he said, his voice trailing off as buzzing rang in my ears.

“I don’t understand,” I said, shaking my head as I tried to follow the turn in the conversation. Realization struck me suddenly, a direct impact to my chest. “He came to pick up Odina?” I’d been so desperate for her to get out of the house, to get her away from me, that I’d unknowingly put my father in harm’s way by asking for someone to come get my sister.

“Dima and his men planted bombs on both your parents’ vehicles. Your father’s car that Odina drove detonated first, directly outside the house. That’s the explosion you felt.” I nodded, knowing as much even if it hadn’t had the opportunity to really penetrate in the aftermath. I’d been looking at the car and felt like something seemed wrong, felt the moment it exploded deep within my bones. “Your father was at the gate when your mother’s car exploded. He’d stepped out to speak to the guards at the booth. It’s the only reason he survived.”

Tears streamed down my cheeks, the knowledge that I’d caused my father so much pain making me feel every moment of how terribly I’d behaved as a daughter. I’d disappeared and left him to deal with the agony of his injuries that I’d caused. “I have to call my mom,” I said, pulling at Rafe’s hands to get him to release me.

He didn’t relent, holding me tight as his face twisted. “Mi reina,” he murmured, bringing one of my hands up to his face. He touched it to his cheek, twisting his lips to my wrist softly. “She was in the car.”

My body went still, my weight sagging as I fumbled for the words to say. “Then why isn’t she in the hospital?”

“Isa,” he murmured as I yanked my hand away from his face.

“No.” Shaking my head, I fumbled for the edge of the bed. I needed my phone. I needed to call, to hear her voice and know that he was being dramatic.

She couldn’t be….

“She’s gone, mi reina,” he murmured, wrapping arms around my waist and hauling me into his grip. His chest pressed tightly to my spine, his arms encasing me entirely as a strangled sob shook my entire frame.

“NO! You’re lying!” I yelled, shoving at his arms and forcing him to release me. I turned to face him, slamming a fist down on his chest. He took the hit, letting me follow it with another one, and another one after that.

“Isa,” he whispered, his voice drowned out by the sounds of my crying. By the strangled screams that didn’t seem human.

“She can’t be gone,” I whispered much later, my throat aching with the scalding tears that consumed me.

“I’m sorry, mi reina,” he said, drawing me into his arms as the fight finally receded. He held me until there was nothing left, until only the broken shell of my grief remained.