Cave Men by Frankie Love
Summer
At first,it's kind of comical the way these two men are fighting over me, Storm with his masculine energy, and Carnage with his smirking one-upmanship. But after a while it gets frustrating. Are they so dense they can't read my body language, my vibes, my innuendo? I'm not asking them to fight to the death for me. I'm not asking them to prove themselves. I’m not even saying I want to choose one of them over the other. I have clearly stated that there's no reason to make a choice at all.
I've kissed them both of my own free will. I'm the one who's made the moves. If they can't see my willing and eager nature, I'm not going to spell it out.
The fight escalates. For hours. It becomes two men one-upping each other until it’s a pissing contest.
It’s a real shame too, because they are both funny, charming, and sexy but they just are being such MEN about it all.
I guess years alone with each other might do that.
I try to be understanding of their plight. I do.
But eventually I am just plain old tired.
And I miss Fancy. I want my best friend. I need to know she is safe, alive. Well. I want to give her a hug and tell her I love her.
I have bigger priorities than some wild menage in a cave on my first night in the Stone Age. I'm here for Fancy, not for some prehistoric fantasy, though that is pretty high up on my list. But if they're as dense as cave man comics make them out to be, then they can play into their stereotypes all they want.
Me, fire, eat meat.
No, I'm not going to sit around here all night, choosing one barbaric man over the other.
Instead, I use the apothecary items I packed, thankfully. I have some face cleanser and moisturizer and try to clean myself up. I braid my hair and tie it back. I put on clean wool socks and slip into a cave. I don't care who sleeps next to me. I just plan on getting up early in the morning and setting out on my own without either of these cave men.
Truthfully, they'll probably be arguing the whole time I'm looking for Fancy and I don't want to deal with that.
I don't want to be traipsing around for the next day or week or month or year looking for her and dealing with their drama. They can duke it out among themselves.
Eventually they come to bed, grunting and growling, huffing and puffing, probably mad that I didn't make a choice. Fine, I think. It's been a long enough day. Heck, I time traveled. I still haven't come to terms with that reality. Thankfully, I don't have much to lose back in the 21st century.
As I count sheep to go to sleep, I think about the life I've lost. What was it, really? I had an apartment in LA with rent that was way too expensive. I had a part-time job at a coffee shop that I used to cover my expenses as I tried to get my online apothecary shop going.
I made salves and tonics and skincare products from my home kitchen. I loved it. Actually, it could come in handy here. I’ve seen so many vines and roots, so many herbs and flowers that I could use for products, if only I had people to test them out on.
As I fall asleep, in between two men after all, I think how the other people that have gone missing in that cave must be out here somewhere. There's got to be more than just us. Fancy and the other people on the Special Ops mission have got to be here too. The other women who were lost in the cave, they've got to be here as well, haven't they? It's more than a coincidence. Maybe it's fate.
* * *
In the morning,at the crack of dawn, I sneak out of the cave. The men are so unused to a woman in their midst that they don't notice me tiptoeing out. While I know they're going to be worried the moment they realize I’m gone, I decide it's worth it. I've got to go out and try to find Fancy on my own. Their drama is just too much for me. With my backpack on, I grab one of their extra knives. They have several at camp and a few guns as well. They're lucky they had so many supplies on their mission.
I know now that the woolly mammoth I saw yesterday wasn't a predator. I know pretending it was had been Carnage's way of getting me alone, and I went along with it because I didn't mind him wrapping me in his arms and drawing me into a cave and giving me an opportunity to kiss him.
I liked it, the thrill of it. I feel like I'll be able to take care of myself in the jungle. Heck, I’ve spent my whole life taking care of myself. I didn't have a family looking out for me. It was just me and Fancy. Two little girls against the world.
After a long morning of hiking through the jungle, I decide to climb a mountain, thinking if I get higher, I might be able to see out over the jungle. By mid-afternoon I decide it was a good decision.
When I get to the top of a peak, I set my backpack down and with the knife strapped to the belt of my shorts, I begin to hitch myself up a tree. Midway up, though, I realize this was a mistake.
Six feet above me, there’s a jaguar on a branch.
A jaguar with beady eyes and big teeth, paws larger than my hands. I swallow.
"Oh my God," I whisper not knowing how the knife in my belt is going to help in this moment. A gun wouldn't even help me. It's not like I know how to shoot. I'm scared the jaguar is going to pounce.
When I've lost all hope, I hear a man.
"Drop," he says. "I'll catch you."
I look down, assuming it's Storm or Carnage. My heart is racing in gratitude, thinking they've followed my tracks and found me.
But when I look down into the man's eyes, it's neither of them.
It's someone else, a man I've never seen before.
"Who are you?" I ask.
"Drop,” he says, “and I'll tell you."