The Blood is Love by Karina Halle

5

Lenore

“Wow. You’re hella drunk,”Amethyst says as she puts my arm around her shoulder. “Like, actually drunk.”

“You’re drunk too,” I remind her. I can walk, so I don’t need her support, but I am delighted in the fact that I can’t walk in a straight line. Fucking eh, I did it. I drank enough to feel human again.

“I’m buzzed,” Amethyst tells me. “Happily, pleasantly buzzed. But also sober enough to get us a cab and go home.”

I suppose she’s right, though I’m having fun walking in the mist. We started our bar crawl down in the Castro and ended up here in Upper Haight. I didn’t want to go to the Cloister because it reminded me of bad times, so we stayed at a few places on Haight Street, doing shot after shot after shot.

Okay, so maybe I was the only one doing shot after shot. I was determined to get drunk off my fucking ass, and because of my vampire blood, it takes a lot of alcohol to get me to that level. But, score one for me, all that tequila worked.

And honestly, it was much needed. When Amethyst said we should go for a girl’s night, something we’ve been talking about having for a while, I jumped at the chance. I just wanted to let off some steam, feel normal for once, do the things I used to do.

For the most part, it worked. We talked about life, the normal life, the thing that exists outside of the house. We talked about our exes, friends (though I tried not to say much on those two subjects, considering how fresh those wounds are), we talked about our families. I was open with her about my relationship with Solon (I mean she’s literally the only person who could understand what it’s like to be with a vampire), but no matter what I said, I couldn’t get her to open up about Wolf.

I know I’m nosy as fuck, but I can’t help it.

“Hey,” I say to her as we stand on the curb and she pulls out her phone, looking for a ride. I’m feeling emboldened in that too-much-tequila kind of way.

“Mmmm?” she says, thumbs firing on the screen.

“Does it, um, bother you at all that I was intimate with Wolf?”

Her eyes widen briefly as she stares at her phone. She swallows and then gives me a furtive glance. “Does it bother you that you were?” she asks.

I shrug. “Not really. I don’t think about it. I mean, I only remember some of it anyway. But, you know, it happened, and I know how you feel about him and I don’t want you to hate me or think it’s weird or—”

She holds up her hand to shut me up. “First of all, Wolf is a friend, nothing more.” Uh huh, sure. “Second of all, I don’t hate you or think it’s weird. It’s part of The Becoming right? Solon wanted to stay in control, but you were in pain, so to speak, so he had Wolf, you know, help you. I get it.”

I nod, feeling a bit better. “Okay. Good. Great. Just wondering.”

“It’s totally cool. I mean, it’s not like you had sex with him,” she goes on, back to look at her phone.

“Ummmm,” I say, feeling my cheeks flame.

She glances at me and frowns. “Is that what you think happened? That you slept with Wolf?”

Uh, I really don’t want to go into details here. “Well.” I clear my throat. Oh, so awkward. “Yes. We slept together. I was tied to the bed and he was, you know, going down on me and…”

Her black microbladed brows tick up. “Yes?”

“And yeah…” Fill in the blanks here, Amethyst.

“So what makes you think you had sex?” she asks, her lips twisting into an amused smile.

“The fact that we did?”

“And you remember this?”

“Well. No.”

“Have you discussed it with Wolf?”

“Uh, also negative. Though he did say we had good rhythm together.”

“And that’s what you’re basing this on?”

I frown. “Do you know something I don’t know?”

She laughs. “Oh, you poor thing. You really thought he had his dick inside you.” She catches herself, cheeks going pink against her pale face. “Sorry. That was uncalled for.”

I shake my head, not understanding. “Solon told me. After I woke up in the bathtub when he was trying to fucking drown me, he said Wolf fucked me for two days! Said the whole house smelled like sex!”

“Well, it did. It smelled like…um, you. I guess. I don’t know. This is getting weird now.” She looks back at her phone, hastily tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“But why would Solon lie about that?”

“I don’t think he lied,” Amethyst says. “Face fucking is still fucking, isn’t it? All I’m saying is that if it makes any difference to you, you didn’t actually have penetrative sex with Wolf.”

It doesn’t make a difference, not really. Maybe a little. Okay, maybe a lot. I don’t remember much of that time, if anything, which was incredibly unnerving, to know your body was going through things that your mind wasn’t. And I adore Wolf, I really do, and I trust him too, but there’s a difference between someone you trust getting you off for days on end because you were desperately horny and in need, and someone you trust getting off in you, even though they didn’t need to. The latter could fall into the taking advantage of you part.

“I mean, you’ve been Solon’s property from day one,” Amethyst adds. “He likes to have his control, but not enough to let Wolf brand you with his dick before he got a chance. Then again, I don’t know what the hell goes on in your vampire lover’s head, so I might be wrong about that. Vampires are a weird bunch when it comes to sex anyway, like it’s seriously not a big deal to them. Guess that’s what happens when you live for that long—you see a lot, you do a lot. Hey look, I got a car just two minutes away.”

I ponder that while we wait. Solon is definitely possessive, but he’s open-minded when it comes to sex, and I think as a vampire you have to be. Guess there’s something erotically charged about bloodsucking and feeding off each other. Vampires are probably pretty adept at separating physical acts from emotional ones.

But I’m not like that. And Solon knows that too.

A Prius pulls up shortly and the two of us get in the back seat, but while Amethyst is chatting to the driver about the SF Giants (who knew she was a baseball fan?), the alcohol is coursing through my veins, mixing all my emotions up, the tequila feeding anger. All this time and Solon never said anything? He knew I had the wrong impression about what happened, and he still went with it.

It’s not long before our ride drops us off at the house and we’re walking in through the front door.

“I’m going to get a drink at the bar,” Amethyst says, heading down the stairs to Dark Eyes.

“Oh me too,” I say quickly as I follow her, knowing that Solon is probably down there with Wolf, just the two people I wanted to see.

And there they are. Solon, Wolf and that Finnish guy from the other night, in the cigar lounge, smoking and drinking, in a conversation about something.

Amethyst gives me a look like please don’t, but I ignore her and march straight over to the cigar lounge door and fling it open.

“You!” I exclaim, striding toward the three vampires, nearly tripping over the Turkish rug. I stop behind Solon and he slowly turns his head to look at me, breathing in deeply and wincing slightly. I probably smell like booze. He can probably tell I’m drunk. Doesn’t matter. I’m not that drunk.

“You,” I say again, pointing at him now, “you liar!” He blinks at me, the cigar smoke wafting from his mouth. “You made me think this whole time that Wolf was fucking me when he was really eating me out for days on end!” I look at Wolf who is sitting there wide-eyed. “Isn’t that true? Why didn’t you tell me what really happened? You know I thought we were screwing.”

Solon clears his throat. “Lenore, you remember Onni?” he asks, gesturing to him.

I glance at Onni who is staring at me with his mouth agape. “Yeah, hi again.” I look back to Solon, hand on my hip. “So what was the point of all that? Some weird double standard where it’s okay to have your friend get me off, but he can’t get off inside me?”

Solon and Wolf exchange a look, like whoa nelly. Onni looks like he’s going to start eating popcorn for the show. Perhaps I shouldn’t be spewing this in front of company, but I honestly don’t care at the moment.

“Lenore,” Solon says delicately as he brings his gaze back to meet mine, “perhaps this is a conversation for another time.”

“No,” I tell him adamantly. “I don’t care what this guy thinks.” I gesture to Onni who looks mildly insulted. “All you vampires are so casual about sex, aren’t you? It’s just the same as feeding, isn’t it? Fucking, sucking, it’s all the same. But guess what? It’s not that way to humans, and if it is to some, it’s not the same to me. Okay? I totally thought that Wolf was railing me for those days I don’t remember during The Becoming, and it turns out he wasn’t! Why did you let me think that?”

“Would it have made a difference?” Wolf asks, and Solon gives him a sharp look, maybe to shut him up.

“To me, yeah!” I tell him. “I thought I was okay with it since I didn’t remember and it’s part of the process, but now that I know the truth, it does make a difference! And it makes a difference to Amethyst too.”

Wolf’s brows go up. “Why would Amethyst care?”

And oh my god. I’ve said too much.

“No reason,” I say quickly. “I gotta go.”

I turn on my heel and leave the cigar lounge, walking past Amethyst, who is behind the bar shaking a shaker full of ice.

“What is going on in there?” she asks, frowning, but she doesn’t seem pissed off, which means she didn’t hear what I’d said.

“Nothing. I’m drunk. Going to bed,” I tell her and keep going, through the doors and up the stairs into the house.

I get all the way to the top floor when I hear Solon coming up quickly on the stairs behind me, so fast that one moment he’s at the bottom level of the house and the next he’s standing behind me.

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks me, reaching out and pulling me to a stop just outside the door to our bedroom.

“I’m drunk,” I tell him with a scowl, trying to rip my arm from his grasp. His grip is too strong.

“I can see that. How much did you drink?”

“Enough to feel normal again.”

“And is your normal getting pissy at me for no reason?”

My mouth drops. “No reason?”

He shakes his head slowly. “I’m not a mind reader.”

“Yes you are!” I exclaim, throwing my arms out. “You are a mind reader.”

“Lenore,” he says with tried patience, “I don’t understand what’s bothering you about what happened. You’re mad because, what, because you thought…?”

I finally get my arm out of his grasp and poke my finger into his chest. “You tied me down to the bed. You had Wolf go down on me.”

He blinks at me in disbelief. “You were begging for it.”

“I was begging for you, not him.”

He raises his chin. “You were in agony, Lenore. We gave you a way out.”

“I couldn’t take the way out because I was in agony. And yes, I’m grateful, for lack of a better word, that he was there to do what you refused to. I would have gone mad otherwise, I know that. I would have hurt myself, I’m sure. But…you told me that we had sex for days.”

“You did,” he says stiffly.

I close my eyes, frustration rolling through me. “You could have been clearer about what you consider sex.”

“You don’t consider that sex?”

I fix my eyes on him. “Semantics. I thought Wolf was screwing me. He wasn’t. And why is that?”

His gaze sharpens. “Now you want to know why he wasn’t screwing you?”

“Yeah. If it’s all the same to you.”

“I never said it was the same,” he says quickly, a dark look coming over his brow.

“Then why did you let me believe it? Why did you let me think it?”

He sighs tiredly, running his hand over his face. “Why the questions, moonshine?”

“Because,” I say, knowing the tequila is causing a lot of trouble for me at the moment. I don’t mean to fight with him. “Because I’m in love with you, Solon. I’m in love with you and sometimes I just…I just get scared. I get scared that I’m in over my head with you, because what I feel is very deep and very real and it’s…it’s forever, for lack of a better word. It’s forever and it’s supernatural and it’s a big, dark love. And you, you’re this…you’re still this enigma, this mystery to me. I have no idea how you think. You may have watched me when I was younger, seen me grown up, but I don’t have that same privilege with you. I know next to nothing about you, and that’s okay, I know I have a lifetime ahead of us, but we’re standing on uneven footing here. You’ll always have the upper hand. We’re not equals.”

“Not equals?” he whispers harshly. He reaches out and grabs my face between his hands, holding me as his eyes roam my face. “Lenore, you are my equal in every single way.”

“Well, it doesn’t feel like it. Not when you’ve got so much life behind you, more than any creature ever should. It feels like it will be centuries before I know everything about you.”

“Is that such a bad thing?” he asks softly. “To spend those centuries with me, getting to know who I am?”

“No. No, of course not. But it’s hard when there’s no mystery when it comes to me. Like you say, I wear my emotions on my sleeve. What you see is what you get. I’m twenty-one years old Solon, how the hell am I even compelling enough to be with someone like you?”

“You compel me, my dear,” he says. “Your emotions compel me. Your softness, your heart. The fact that right now you’re telling me all these things, these truths about you, things I didn’t expect to hear, that compels me. I know that we may seem different, that there are differences between us, but they have no bearing on how deeply I feel about you.”

I look away, my heart fluttering.

“Look,” he says quietly. He clears his throat. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about what happened with Wolf, not because it wasn’t a big deal, but because I…I wanted to see if you’d care.”

I stare dumbly at him. “You wanted to see if I would care? What are you, twelve?”

He bristles enough to make my heart flinch. Oh, he did not like that comment.

His chin lowers as he glowers at me beneath his dark brows. “We all have our insecurities,” he says after a moment.

Okay, now we’re on to something interesting. “What insecurities? You knew I was meant you from the beginning, didn’t you?”

“Knowing and believing are two different things.”

“Are they? Because they sound the same to me. And anyway, I did care. You saw that I did.”

“I wanted to see if you’d care,” he goes on, “and I wanted to stay in control. There’s a reason why I never filled in the many blanks you had. I knew you lost a lot of time, that there was a lot you didn’t remember about that period. But the more you knew, the less that I had an advantage over you. You not knowing kept you on shaky ground. I didn’t want to give up an ounce of the power that I had over you.”

I blink. “That’s fucked up, Solon.”

He stares back at me steadily. “Yes, well. I suppose I’m a little fucked up then.” He runs his hand back through my hair, nails scraping along my scalp, making my eyes flutter. “But that was then. This is now. Now we are equals, and if anything, you’re the one with the power over me.”

Heat blooms in my chest. To think I have any power over this vampire…

I bite my lip and meet his intense gaze as his words settle into me, finding their way into my depths, spurring a warmth between my legs. “Well, as the person holding all the power, I think I’d like you to get in that bedroom and serve me.”

His eyes gleam. “Very well.”

He grabs my hand and pulls me into the bedroom, practically throwing me across the room so I stumble backward onto the bed. He kicks the door closed and in a flash he’s on top of me.

I’m in a burgundy baby-doll dress and leggings and boots, he’s in a suit, but unlike the last time we got naked, where he moved at supersonic speed, this time he’s taking things slowly. He unzips my boots, tossing them across the room, before reaching under my dress and curling his fingers along the waistband of my leggings, carefully easing them down over my thighs.

I prop myself up as his tongue flicks out, tasting the skin under my knee, then running up the sensitive flesh of my inner thighs until his nose brushes against my lace underwear.

He makes an appreciative noise, but he doesn’t pull them off, not yet. Instead, he sucks at my clit through the delicate fabric, the barrier both making me moan loudly and preventing me from being overstimulated. Once again, even though I’m supposedly in control, he’s the one controlling when I come by holding back just enough.

But as he sucks and I grow wetter and my panties are absolutely soaked and his tongue presses against me, I succumb to the sensations, lying back, letting it wash over my body until I’m sinking into the bed. Over and over the pressure builds and his mouth is relentless, and I keep chasing after the sweet relief.

Then, when I’m close to coming, bucking my hips up against his jaw so hard that I might crack a tooth, he pulls away and lets out a mirthless laugh.

“Not fair,” I protest breathlessly. So, so close.

“Never is, is it?” he murmurs, prowling over me, pulling my dress up and over my head until I’m just in my bra and underwear. He takes a long, lazy look at my body, my skin prickling under the heat of his gaze.

“You can’t let me be in control for one second, can you?” I ask.

A flash of a wicked grin. He reaches for the cups of my bra and pulls the lace down so my breasts are exposed. His fingers trail over them, lightly skimming over my nipples, the friction causing them to harden tightly. He stares at them in awe and hunger before dipping his head, his tongue swooping over the full curve of my breast before swirling around the middle, sucking in my nipple between sharp teeth.

“Oh god,” I cry out softly, making fists in the sheets, and I swear Solon can make me come just from sucking on my tits and nothing else.

“I can be your god,” he murmurs against my skin, pausing to flick my nipple with his tongue. “I can be anything you want.”

“You are my god,” I manage to say through a throaty moan. “Fuck, Solon.”

He licks and sucks and teases and my whole body is writhing.

It’s so good.

This is so good.

Then he takes off my bra, peels off my soaked underwear, until I’m naked and desperate beneath him, my body on fire, begging for him to put the flames out.

He takes his time looking at me, the fever in his gaze reaching a pitch, and I wonder what he sees when he sees me like this, the way he looks at me in both worship and awe. I know he makes me feel revered, like a goddess, like I have innate power all my own.

“For all time, Lenore,” he says, voice dropping to a rough whisper as he runs his thumb over my lip and I bring it into my mouth, sucking, biting, tasting him. “You’re mine for all time.”

The back of my head tingles, my stomach flips, and I’m giddy. Giddy and alive and in love, so hopelessly, dangerously in love.

Then he pulls out his thumb and covers my mouth with his, bringing me into a deep kiss and I’m reaching up and undoing his tie, hastily opening his shirt. He shrugs off his jacket, his belt, pants, everything, until he’s completely naked, his body cool and taut and huge above mine, the immense weight of him against my chest.

His kiss deepens, my legs part, I feel the head of his cock, hot and slick, press against me and then he’s pushing inside me, filling me whole.

I gasp, arching my back to make room for him as he pushes inside to the hilt, his cock stretching past every throbbing, aching nerve inside me, the air leaving my lungs. My head sinks back into the pillow, my mouth open, letting him possess every single inch of me.

“Lenore,” he rasps in my ear as he brings his mouth to my neck. “Lenore.”

All he says is my name, but it says more than enough. I hear the desire in his voice, the lust, the hunger, the desperation, and beneath all of that, the love.

He starts moving faster, our bodies working in tandem, fitting like magnets as skin slides across skin. I am lost to him, lost to the movement of our fucking, of how deeply he penetrates me in every way, like he’s sinking into my veins, my soul. Soon all I feel is him and I let my body go, let it become something feral and wild and beautiful.

Nails scratching down his back.

Teeth nipping at his neck.

Legs wrapped around his ass, pulling him in deeper, deeper, deeper.

And then I’m coming.

It hits me like a wave, knocking me over, and my heart seizes, like the whole world stops and as I cry out, limbs quaking, every single emotion I’ve had to juggle lately comes washing over me. It won’t stop, it can’t stop. I’m coming and I’m drowning and—

“I love you,” I say through a gasp, my eyes closing as tears spill. “I love you so much.”

My words surprise me. I’ve said, I always say it, but I feel it so much that it might just tear me right in two, down the middle of me. Maybe that’s what love is, being halved, until one part of you exists with you and the other part exists with him.

I close my eyes and I succumb.

When the room stops spinning, and air fills my lungs again, I open my eyes, the tears falling to the sides, running down my temples.

Solon is over top of me, his large, taut body moving smoothly like a well-oiled machine, watching me closely with a look I can’t read, a look that’s more than pleasure. My emotions probably took him by surprise once again.

I don’t want to get sentimental on him during sex, not when he’s yet to come, so I grab his ass, trying to pull him deeper inside me as he pumps his hips against me until my skin feels bruised. The bed is groaning under the movement and he’s gasping for breath. I love watching him come undone, working so hard that he’s actually sweating, his skin hot and tight instead of cool.

But there’s something different about him right now. The lustful, driven intensity that’s usually in his eyes as he’s fucking me, about to come, has been replaced by something darker.

Wilder.

Chaotic.

He stares at me, mouth open, fangs bared and there’s a flash of fear across his brow, his eyes widening as he fucks me harder.

“No,” he says, his voice raw but the panic unmistakable, and he’s shaking his head. “No, wait, no.”

“What?” I ask, alarmed, digging my nails into his skin, trying to slow him down so he can talk to me. “What’s happening?”

He doesn’t slow. He keeps fucking me, his cock driving in deeper and harder, like he’s not even in control of his body.

“Solon, what’s wrong?” I cry out, my stomach sinking.

But he doesn’t speak.

Instead, there’s a flash of his voice inside my head.

Run.

Run Lenore!

He’s telling me to run.

And that’s when I see it.

See what he’s trying to hold back.

The beast.