Billionaire’s Sins by L. Steele

12

Edward

What the hell am I doing? Clearly, I have lost it. That’s the explanation for why I brought her here…to my secret spot. The place I’ve been coming to on my own since I was young. Staring at that incredible piece of manmade wonder is a reminder that there is hope. That if man puts his mind to it, he can overcome insurmountable challenges. That I can, perhaps, despite my past, try to break free and embrace who I have become. If only it were that easy to figure out what to do about this…whatever it is, between us. And, yes there is a connection here… I could turn a blind eye to it, I could try to avoid it, and that’s what I’ve been doing, but my reaction to finding out that she was in trouble…had thrown me. I hadn’t been able to stop myself from going to her, putting myself between her and the bastard who had tried to physically touch her… He’d…he’d…put his hands on her and I’d lost it. At that moment, nothing else mattered except teaching him a lesson. That he couldn’t touch what was mine. That no one else could come near what belongs to me. That she… Belongs to me. That she... Is mine.

"Fuck." I rub my palm across my face.

Next to me she goes completely still. "Did you just—?"

"Swear?" I laugh bitterly. "That’s the least of my sins."

"Have you sinned, Father?"

I stiffen, then turn to her. "I am sitting here with you, aren’t I?"

She tilts her head, "Are you saying I make you sin?"

"What do you think?"

"I think," she turns to stare ahead, "that you can do anything you want, you can be anything you choose to be, but you’ve put barriers around yourself and you hold yourself up to impossibly high standards, the kind most men would find it difficult to live up to and—" She swallows. "That only makes you even more desirable."

"Where did you learn to speak like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you are laying out all of your emotions to the world and not hiding a thing." I shoot her a sideways glance. "Don’t you have any self-preservation?"

"Not where you are concerned."

"You’re not making this easy." I curl my fingers into fists. "I should leave you and walk away from here."

"Why don’t you?"

"I should turn around and get out of your sight and never come near you again." I set my jaw

"Do you really want to do that?"

"I should let you lead a life far, far away from me." I roll my shoulders.

"Will you be able to do that?"

"No," I lower my chin, "and that is the problem."

"What are you trying to say, Father?"

"That I have taken my vows, I am bound to the Church, and I will never be available for you as a man is for a woman."

"And yet, you came to the bar, knowing I was there, then proceeded to step in between me and another man, then drive me on your bike—which, by the way, was totally unexpected—and, bring me here…" She nods to the glorious sight of the illuminated bridge in front of us. "A place that is clearly special to you, so pardon me for feeling confused."

"I brought you here so I could get to know you."

"But you just said—"

I raise my hand, "Let me complete the statement. To get to know you as a friend."

"As a friend?"

"That’s what we agreed to earlier, right?" I tilt my head.

"Hmm, the way you burst in on me at the bar, Father, I could have sworn you were jealous."

"Edward," I snap. "Call me Edward when it’s just the two of us."

"Edward." She rolls the word about her tongue as if testing it, and every one of my senses focuses in on her. The sound of my name from her lips sends my pulse racing. This won’t do. I am sitting here, hoping to come to terms with what can’t be. Trying to find a way forward, but it seems everything I do only connives to deepen the attraction between us.

"And I wasn’t jealous," I insist. "I merely saw that the guy was bothering you at the bar and did what anyone else in my position would have done.

"But no-one else came to help me; only you did," she points out.

"Guess, my reflexes were quicker than theirs, hmm?"

"Is that what you’re telling yourself?" she mutters.

"It’s true, though." I set my jaw. "And I forbid you from ever going to a bar again dressed like that."

"Dressed like what?" She glances down at herself. "I’m wearing a perfectly decent dress."

"A dress that’s so short it barely covers your crotch."

"It comes to mid-thigh."

"Too short."

"It’s what I’d wear during the day when I’m not dancing."

"Change your wardrobe."

Her jaw drops. "How dare you?" She springs up to her feet. "First, you tell me there can’t be anything between us. Then, you think you can dictate what I should and shouldn’t wear. If I didn’t know better, I’d think the you were my—"

"What?"

"Father."

Ouch.I set my jaw. "I am merely a concerned friend."

"Oh?" She snorts. "And what are you concerned about?"

"Your safety, of course."

"So, if I decided to date other men, that’d be fine?"

My guts twist and anger laces my blood. I stare ahead, jerk my chin.

"And if I decided to sleep with someone else, you’d be okay with that?"

I dig my fingernails into the palm of my hand and squeeze down with such force that pain lances up my arm. I nod my head.

"Will you?" she asks.

I school all emotion from my face, turn to her. "Yes," I force the word through a throat gone dry. "Yes, I would."

Her features distort, a tear runs down her cheek, and a hot sensation stabs at my chest. I reach for her, but she steps away. She turns her back to me, and the cold seems to intensify.

"I’m glad we cleared this up, Father." She stares ahead.

"Edward—" I correct her, "I told you to call me Edward."

"I’d prefer to stick to the right title, considering there can’t be anything more between us." She squares her shoulders, "I’d better be getting home."

She pivots and begins to walk away.

I jump up, follow her, "I’ll take you."

"No, thanks." She speeds up. I easily overtake her, plant myself in her path, and she pauses. " Get out of my way." Her voice waivers. She lowers her face so her thick hair obscures her features.

"Ava, please." I reach for her, but she steps aside.

"Don’t touch me," she beseeches me. "Please." She starts walking again and I follow her. Is she crying? Did I do that? Did I upset her? My chest tightens. Of course, I upset her. Every time I meet her, I upset her, and yet I can’t stay away from her.

She reaches my bike, walks by it. "Ava, stop." I race forward, step in her path once more. She comes to a stop, but keeps her head bowed.

"Look at me."

She shakes her head.

"Don’t disobey me," I snap, and she jerks her head up. Tears glisten on her cheeks; her eyes flash green fire at me.

"There, happy?" she snarls. "You wanted to see how your words affect me? You wanted to ensure that I am heartbroken by what you told me, that you broke up with me?" She pushes her finger into her cheek. "Oh, wait! Of course, not. How could we break up, considering we had no relationship to speak of? And we don’t, do we? Have a relationship?"

I rake my gaze across her features, the flushed cheeks, the parted lips, her jutted out chin that hints at the stubbornness in her—something I am already well acquainted with.

"Ava," I reach for her, then withdraw my hand. "You’re wrong. We have a connection, something that is unique and will always bind us together. But I can’t act on it. You understand that, right?"

"I do, but do you?" She swallows. "Perhaps that’s why you feel the need to continuously run into me? So, you can tell yourself that there can’t be anything between us. And yet, you keep finding excuses to come to me."

I purse my lips. "That won’t happen again."

Her lower lip trembles, her eyes fill with fresh tears, her shoulders shudder, and help me, God, but I can’t stop myself. I pull her to me, and wrap my arms around her. "I’m sorry, I truly am. I wish I could do something about this situation, but I can’t."

"You can." She sniffles. "You can leave the Church."

I stiffen. "That’s not going to happen; I take my vows seriously. When everything else around me was collapsing, the Church was there for me. I found solace in The Lord. He’s the reason I was able to go on with my life and why I am standing here today. I can’t abandon Him at the first instance I face a crisis of faith."

"Is that what you think I am?" She pulls back in the circle of my arms, "A crisis?"

"You are—" I peer into those beautiful green eyes of hers, "the most beautiful, most gorgeous, most loving woman I have ever met. Your passion for what you do, the intensity with which you live every moment, your sheer vivacity is unparalleled, Ava. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who can give you everything you desire."

"I want you."

"I am not yours to have."

She tries to pull away, but I tighten my hold on her. "No, don’t leave, please just listen to me."

She huffs, then stills in my arms. "What is it?" she mumbles under her breath. "What do you want to tell me?"

"I’ll never forget you, Ava. Never forget how you smile, how you laugh with your entire spirit, how when you’re angry about something, your eyes flash. How when you dance, you put your entire mind and body and soul into it. You become one with the rhythm, Ava, and if that isn’t true worship, I don’t know what is."

She stares up into my face. "I… I don’t understand," she whispers. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"I thought I could be friends with you. God knows, I’ve tried. But I underestimated the intensity of the chemistry between us. Clearly, I am not strong enough to resist it." My throat closes. I swallow down the ball of emotions, then peer into her eyes. "Try to understand, what I am doing is for the best."

She shakes her head, "No, no, please don’t."

"I won’t try to see you again. I won’t approach you. I’ll let you go so you may live your life to the fullest, only..." I squeeze my eyes shut, "only I won’t be there to see it."

"Don’t do this, Edward," she implores me. "You’re not even giving us a chance."

"I am giving you the best possible chance at living."

"I’ll die without you."

I half smile. "No, you won’t. You’ll survive, you’ll thrive, you’ll embrace your dreams, fulfill your destiny. You’ll become a well-known dancer, a devoted wife, the kind of mother every child should have." Pain twists my insides and my breath catches. I hunch my shoulders, force myself to step back from her.

She closes the space between us, launches herself at me. "I won’t let you go. I won’t let you do this to us."

"It’s done." I should push her away, keep distance between us, but as she tilts her chin up, I find I don’t have the strength. I pull her close, wind my arms about her, hold her as if I’ll never get the chance again... Which I won’t.

She holds my gaze and her features pale. A teardrop rolls down her cheek, and I bend down, then lick it up.

She stills. "Why did you do that?"

I swallow down the salty taste, then release her again. "So, I’ll always have you with me."

"You have my heart, Edward."

"No, I don’t." I take a step away from her. "You must keep it safe with you, Ava, so you can give it to a man who deserves it more than me."