Billionaire’s Sins by L. Steele

18

Edward

"About what?" She stares up at me, her face shining from where I’d rubbed my cum into her cheeks.

My cum.

My woman.

Mine.

And Him… What about the One to whom I’d dedicated my entire life? I lean back, putting distance between us. Her gaze sweeps down, before she raises her gaze back toward me. And I know she notices. And I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be acting in such a shitty manner, not after I’ve come this far. But old habits die hard.

Apparently, there’s a part of me, deep inside, that still holds onto the kernel of the man I’d thought I’d once been—unshakeable, focused, emptied of all personal emotions... So, I could receive His grace. His blessings. All that had mattered once was my devotion, my loyalty, my dedication to do what was right.

And what is right?

Her?

Me?

This unshakeable connection that I feel to her…the likes of which I’d only felt once before…When I’d been called to Him.

When I’d looked at Him and felt the kind of deep, intense rapport that had warned that it wouldn’t get easier. That I’d do anything for Him; that I’d turn my world upside down, tear down any barriers that could come between us; that I’d open up my heart and soul to Him. And I had. And look where that had gotten me.

"I want you." I glare at her flushed features. "I need you, but you have to understand that this isn’t easy for me."

"I understand, Edward." She folds her fingers together. "I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you. When was the last time you slept with anyone?"

"Before I was ordained."

"Which was what—?"

"Five," he mutters, "five years ago."

"And you’ve never slept with anyone since?" She gulps.

"Not even in my dreams. Not until you came along."

"You’ve slept with me in your dreams?"

"I have stopped myself from doing everything I know I can…and sleeping isn’t one of those things." I allow my lips to curl.

"Right." She shivers, folds her arms even tighter around her knees and I am sure if I touched her between her legs, I’d find her wet and aching and empty and hot and waiting for me. Fuck me. I haven’t even touched her properly yet, and the length in my pants insists it’s time. That I shouldn’t wait any longer. And that’s a laugh. All these years, I’ve never been interested, not once, in anything except my need to please Him, the One Above… And now that I’ve taken the first step out from under His aegis…it seems my past is coming back to embrace me with a vengeance.

I rise to my feet, glance down to where she has her fingers wrapped around each other. The skin across her knuckles stretches white, and for a second, I want to close the distance between us, to hold her close to me and tell her I won’t hurt her. Except, I’d be lying if I said that.

"Are you nervous?"

She nods.

"Good," I square my shoulders, "you should be."

"You’re scaring me, Ed."

"That was my intention."

"It is?"

I allow my lips to twist.

"How much have you learned about what happened to us Seven when we were taken?"

"The incident?" she asks, her voice cautious.

"The incident." I say the word without changing my tone. Good. At least, the years of trying to control my feelings have turned out to be of some use.

I rise to my feet and begin to pace. "You are aware that the seven of us were kidnapped and held for close to a month before the cops found us?"

"Is that how you got the scar?"

I stiffen, then turn to glare at her, "Is that what you heard?"

"It's what I guessed." She raises a shoulder. "The women have mentioned the incident, but they never go into it in detail."

"Trust me, it's best that way." I set my jaw. "Suffice to say that what the kidnappers did to each of us..." I fold my fingers into fists at my side. "It changed our lives forever. It changed who we were. Changed our futures, changed how we perceived ourselves. It set us apart from the rest of the boys our age then and ensured that no matter how far we ran or how much we grew up, the specter of what happened to us would never be too far off from our minds."

"Why…why are you telling me this?" She twists her fingers together in front of her.

"I am not sure." I stare down into her face. It’s the truth. Maybe I started out because I want her to understand the reasons behind what I am about to do? Maybe I am trying to make excuses for myself? Maybe… I am trying to lessen the coming blow. Maybe… I am just a bastard who is selfish enough to set aside the one good thing that has crossed his path in all these years by hurting her. But it’s for her own good. It is. No good will come of this, not when there is no future for either of us. Not when she could do much better than me. My nerve endings jangle and I ignore it. There is someone out there who can give her everything I can’t. I am doing this for her own good. I am. I lock my elbows at my sides, take a step back from her.

"This, whatever it is between us, ends here, Ava."

"What?" She blinks. "What are you saying?"

"I can’t see you again. You understand that, right?"

"But," she gapes…"I thought now that you’d—"

"Come in your mouth, everything would turn out right?"

She pales. "Why are you doing this?"

"What?’

"Trying to make me hate you?"

Because it’s the only way I can rectify what I’ve done to you, by ensuring that you hate me enough to never look at me again.

"Clearly, I am not trying hard enough, if you are still here talking to me." I roll my shoulders.

"You don’t fool me." She rises to her feet. "You’re doing this because you think it will drive me away from you. You’re wrong about it, though."

"Oh?"

"I understand what it means to have found your calling, only to question your beliefs related to it."

"Do you now?"

She nods. "When I told my parents that I wanted to be a dancer, they flipped out. They thought I was joking, that it was a temporary passion, that I’d come to my senses and move beyond it, that it was just a hobby that I was taking too seriously, that I’d outgrow it. They tried everything to stop me from dropping out of university to pursue it."

"Did they succeed?"

"What do you think?" Her lips quirk.

"I think you are perceptive and strong and persistent. That despite your fragile appearance you have a backbone of steel."

She tilts her head, "You’ve given it some thought, then?"

I’ve given you a lot of thought.

"Once you set your mind on something, you don’t give up." My heart begins to thud. I hear my words and I know it’s a sign, that she can be stubborn and persistent and focused on what she wants. All the more reason it’s important that she not waste her talents on me. "Which is why you’ll understand what I am going to say next."

"What?" she whispers. "What is it?"

"I cannot give up my faith for you, Ava."