Wolf Tamer by Avery Song
Watchful Guardian
~CARTER~
"Not fair."
I opened one eye at my wolf's comment. He was in a bad mood - no, he was always in a bad mood - but I guess I couldn't help but agree with his annoyance for it was clearly valid.
Closing my eyes once more, I pondered lazily whether I should move or not. I wasn't sure if I was sulking or losing motivation due to our complicated circumstances.
My wolf was right. It wasn't fair. To feel like we were stuck because we couldn't reveal what we truly knew - we couldn't scream at the top of our lungs what the world should acknowledge.
Sadly, this was my duty, like Sam and Dolly always emphasized. It was always the same repetitive reminder. That as Alpha, it was my duty to be quiet about what I knew for the sake of protecting the pack I took under my wing.
It never was really my intention. It simply happened.
First came Damien. Then Levi. Soon it was Hayden and Heston. And then two years ago, Ian came along. Others came and went, but there was always something about these five individuals that tugged within my heart and made me yearn to be their guardian.
It was like my destiny was to protect them, and sometimes I disliked having this role.
So much responsibility... it's scary.
It wasn't like I'd asked to be an Alpha. It fell into my lap due to birthright, but what was harder was having all this information stuck in my head with no way of letting it out.
I wasn't allowed to speak my truth because the truth carried far worse consequences than silence.
Maybe that was why I struggled to sleep at night.
No. There's more to it now.
Opening my eyes once more, I decided to get up and shake out my coat of fur before stretching my limbs.
I wasn't on duty tonight, but seeing as I couldn't sleep, it just made sense to lay in my wolf form and try to relax in the realms of nature.
My eyes scanned the area I was in, taking in the large stones with inscribed symbols while I inhaled the scent of pink flowers.
My safe place.
It used to be "our" safe place, a spot I shared with someone who was chosen just for me. Andthen everything changed.
I shook my head to get the dark thoughts out. It never was a good idea to think badly when in wolf form. It riled up my emotions - made me angry - and then I'd take it out on anything that moved.
With a huff, I looked up to the starry sky and couldn't help but howl. The sound echoed around us, making the pink flowers begin to illuminate while a gust of wind passed us. The flame of magic within my body was easier to access in this form.
Many people didn't believe in magic, and I guess it made sense. People didn't believe in wolves either, but we existed. Witches or magic users in general existed, and some of us blended in because of our wolf tendencies.
I was one of the precious few who could do many things. I had powerful magic, but I personally liked to fight like a man. Alpha wolves didn't like using magic. Something to do with it being a shortcut when it came to validating one's strength.
In our world, you had to use physical strength to your advantage, while in the world of magic, people used mana. The more you had, the stronger you became, but with strength, you had to work hard to get stronger.
Slack and you'd be knocked out.
I wanted to be a powerful Alpha with big muscles when I was older. That was my goal. So I could protect everyone I love.
If I'd found her first, she'd love me more than Ian...
Harper.
She was the girl who would be Dolly's daughter tomorrow. She'd been here for a month now; four solid weeks having passed since Dolly introduced her to us.
Just thinking of her made that sinking feeling of dread grow and grow, and I knew if I kept staying here, I'd do what I disliked.
I'd cry...
So instead, I howled one more time and began to run from my sacred space of comfort, leaving behind the memories that were one-sided and getting lost in the instincts of my wolf. His sadness was as heavy as mine, the two of us in solid agreement at how unfair our life was in this defining moment.
I was struggling to accept that our Mother Moon had planned this for me, but there was nothing I could do to change what had happened.
We have to be patient.
"And what will that reward us?"
My wolf had a point. We'd been patient and all that landed us was memory problems, responsibilities, and missing the opportunity to be near Harper.
How I despised Wolfie right now, getting to snuggle with her every night like a selfish brat. He took my place, took my duty, while running around being a disobedient fool.
We followed the rules like we always did and where did that get us?
On the sidelines while Ian got Harper's attention.
Instead of being looked upon as a hero and Alpha, I was the angry wolf. The thought made me huff and run even faster, the world around me blurring until it was nothing but color as I pushed myself to my fastest speed.
I was so angry...so heartbroken. Why was everything so unfair? Had I done something wrong? Had I not done what an Alpha should? I hated being mature. Hated being a leader. It was just not fair.
This makes me miss...home.
I felt someone following me, my senses picking up their swift movements. Their familiar scent made me slow down, and I decided I shouldn't go too far. I had to have gone far enough for the adults to notice, so it was best to give them an explanation.
Slowing to a stop, I waited until my eyes caught onto the large black wolf with hints of dark brown mixed into his coat. He was double my size. As he reached where I stood and I caught my breath, his bright blue eyes locked onto my currently golden ones.
"Stressed?"
I wasn't expecting his question as I caught my breath and shook out my coat that was drenched in sweat. When I pushed myself like that, it made my body go into overdrive, which left me feeling hot and sweaty in no time.
A little...what you doing here, O'Neil?
Officer O'Neil was one of the few who regularly patrolled the area to make sure hunters didn't get close to the area. I'd known him since I'd arrived, and I personally liked him because he listened to me.
He wouldn't remind me what my duty was, or why I had to keep my emotions tucked away. He let me express myself, and if I needed to have an outburst or cry, it was allowed in his presence.
"You went pretty far," he acknowledged and lifted his head so I could acknowledge the area we were in. I didn't recognize this place, which could have been a problem if O'Neil hadn't stopped me.
There were only a certain amount of areas we wolves could enter. If we accidentally went into enemy territory or the land of another pack we weren't associated with, it would be extremely troublesome.
Sorry...I was...um...
"Stressed," he repeated, and I nodded my head. "Let's go back. We can talk about it when we reach the shelter grounds."
With another nod, I followed his lead as we made our way back. I felt like O'Neil was running slower on purpose so I could keep up, but once we got to familiar land once more, I increased my speed and let my human senses fade away.
That's when I heard it.
My wolf shoved into control as we skidded to a stop in time to shift our gait to the right and push off the ground - a second before our bared teeth locked onto a brown wolf.
The scent of smoke filled my nostrils, but I did everything I needed to disable the wolf that was desperate to get out of my hold. It was double my size, but that wasn't going to be a disadvantage to me as I continued to bite on their neck.
I only needed to do it for a few more seconds, and when I sensed that looming threat, I let go and pushed off the ground as a gust of wind shot at me - sending me further into the air as I watched O'Neil's massive body land on the target.
Seconds before he ripped them to shreds.
Compared to me with my white coat stained in blood, the dark red stain barely showed on O'Neil's soft coat. The battle was over before it even began, and I noticed the lingering gun that was stationed upon a rock.
It made me sad to think about it because this wolf should have been a part of a pack. Instead, they were taking orders from those who hunted us.
The wolves who took contracts for big money to try to hurt us.
"Are you okay, Carter?"
I turned my attention back to O'Neil as he walked around the remains of our attacker. He was doing it on purpose, leaving his scent to ensure those who found this man knew who his killer was.
The moment they caught O'Neil's scent, they wouldn't try to fight back. Everyone in Moonshine knew he worked with the police department so if anyone tried to fight back and claim he murdered this man, they would get a one-way ticket to jail.
That's how Sam explained it.
This was the side I didn't want the others in the pack to see. They were oblivious to this side of the world, where we had to protect them with everything we had. They knew nothing about how I'd been trained to go on hunts or knew how to fight. Levi or Damien may catch on in the years to come, but Ian, Hayden, and Heston were too young.
All of us carried a traumatic past, and these things could trigger it. I didn't want them to deal with the mental scrutiny. At least I knew I could handle it.
I can handle seeing blood and watching the speck of life fade away from one's eyes. It was the circle of life.
I gave O'Neil a nod in reply. He shook out his fur, and we both made our way to the nearby stream where we easily washed off the blood.
O'Neil decided to switch into his human form, and I waited patiently as I watched him stretch before heading to the rock that hid a set of clothes for emergencies. There was also a phone and a walkie-talkie.
It wasn't long before he made a call to the department to come do an investigation on the body and try to track if there were any others associated with him. Then, he used the walkie-talkie to talk to Sam.
"Nah, no one got hurt. Carter is with me."
"He's not supposed to be on duty today," Sam noted, and I could tell he was mad.
"You're right," O'Neil admitted. "He couldn't sleep, and you know his meds don't kick in right away. Figured taking him for a stroll would be therapeutic and another learning opportunity. Glad I did. He's the one who took the culprit down."
That hushed Sam up real quick, and I happily looked at O'Neil as he smiled my way.
Sometimes I had to take medication to sleep. It didn't really do much, but it cut down the time it took me to finally feel sleepy by half.
And made sure the nightmares stayed away.
An Alpha couldn't let his packmates see his weaknesses, which was why I was grateful to O'Neil. I could cry, get angry, or have a full-on tantrum in his company, and it was okay.
I was allowed to express emotion with O'Neil.
"He'll be home shortly. I'm gonna investigate a bit more."
They said their goodbyes and O'Neil looked over to me.
"Can you get back on your own?" he inquired.
"Woof!" I replied. "Yes."
O'Neil nodded, but he approached me until he stood before me. In this form, I was just above his waist. He knelt down on one knee and gently patted the sides of my face.
"I know things are frustrating behind the scenes," he whispered, and it felt like he knew exactly how heavy the weight upon my shoulders was. "Just take things a day at a time, okay?"
Such simple words held far more power than he may have realized. The tiny whimper left me as I tried not to let the sadness of everything linger when I had someone who simply got where I was coming from.
I knew I couldn't let those emotions free - not tonight when O'Neil has things to do - but it was a reminder that I had someone to talk to that wouldn't smack me with the judgment card.
I have to remember that I'm not completely alone.
"Woof!" I responded. "Thank you."
O'Neil smiled and hugged me with an added pat before he rose up.
"Get going, Buddy," he encouraged. "Howl once when you get home so I know you're safe."
I nodded and without delay, raced towards home. It didn't take long from where we were, and soon enough, I was entering the private territory.
With one final howl into the air, I stretched for a bit while attempting to tame my tumbling emotions.
It's okay...we're okay.
I expected my wolf to say something to annoy me like he always did, but it felt like he was tired. After the brief attack we’d experienced, I guess it made sense with the spike of energy beginning to drop along with our desire to stay awake.
Even with our exhaustion, I still did a quick survey of our surroundings, before checking on the pack. They were sleeping in their wolf forms - Hayden and Heston curled up with one another in one corner of the gated space while Levi and Damien were sleeping near one of the fire pits that was long out.
I noticed Levi move just slightly before his head lifted even though his eyes were closed. He sniffed the air before poking one eye open to acknowledge where I stood from afar.
I'm okay. Doing rounds. You can sleep.
He stared at me for a long moment as his other eye opened. Those orbs of gold lazily blinked a few times. He lowered his head, but his voice quietly drifted into my mind.
"Ian is at Sam's."
I was a bit surprised by his comment, but maybe he was telling me on purpose.
Good to know. Sleep. I'm gonna do one more round.
He closed his eyes then, his consciousness drifting out of our connected bond and clearly back into the realms of sleep. Deep down I felt like he was purposely giving me an opportunity.
A chance to check on Harper.
I took my time moving away from our destinated area, hoping to not alert the others of my intentions or inner emotions that were all over the place.
Would it be bad to say I was slightly happy Ian wasn't here tonight? Maybe I was a bad person for being excited to see Harper.
She'd be asleep and wouldn't know I even arrived, but it would appease the level of yearning pulsing through me.
The desire to be by her side like I always should have been.
I quietly made my way through the house, already ensuring no mud - or lingering blood - cloaked my paws as I easily maneuvered through the dark. Compared to Ian, I knew how to get where I needed to be.
I have to know how to move within the shadows so I can blend in and protect those I love.
There were times when I disliked being like this - hated that every day led to my childhood ticking away as all the adults forced me to surrender my innocence for the sake of knowledge and power.
All because of duty.
It was my duty to lead, to prosper, and to protect those assigned to me. I had to be the head and not the tail in this forbidden tale, even though it felt like all that was destined for me was being robbed by the one who should have been at the tail of this pack.
At times, I wondered if I was really jealous of Ian.
It wasn't his qualities or personality that bugged me. Neither was it his circumstances. My heart knew why I was jealous of him, and I guess my brain was simply playing catch up.
When I reached the door at the end of the hall, I stared at it for a hard minute before noticing it was slightly open. The sight should have brought more spikes of joy, but it only hurt me.
The door wasn't left open for me...but him. The wolf I'm most envious of.
It was hard to explain how I felt. These bottled emotions of chaos, negative waves that hit me at every corner, and all because of the little things - the tiny opportunities that should have been mine to claim - were bubbling up.
It's not fair...
I should have been there that night. It was my right - my destiny - and now I was forced to be nothing but a puppet. To be the protector from afar when I wanted nothing but to cuddle against the warm flesh of this girl and be her savior.
I should have been her saving grace.
As Alpha, that was my role, and yet it was taken by someone younger who was oblivious to how our world worked. How the hell was it even fair?
All the sacrifices I made for the sake of my pack, all the opportunities that should have left me feeling alive and excited to grow older, were replaced with constant ridicule and the demand to be better.
My free time was spent on training, fighting, learning everything I needed to be a true Alpha while carrying the weight of the Moonshine name, but where were those moments of grace? Those special chances where I could be reminded that all of this was worth it?
I wanted to be a kid too. I wished to play and have fun and be innocent like everyone else. When would I get the chance? Would I ever?
With a low huff, I turned away from the door. I wasn't invited here. The door wasn't left open for me. I'd never get a chance to be close to this girl I wish didn't hate me.
How am I supposed to take it a day at a time when it feels like I'm drowning here and now?
"Carter?"
I froze at the tiny voice filled with sleep, and very slowly, I looked behind me to see Harper standing there.
Her eyes were barely open, looking as heavy as ever as they blinked again and again. I wondered if she thought I was an illusion of some sort - a dream in comparison to the reality during the day where I was the angry wolf that needed to be tamed.
I didn't know what to do, and my wolf wasn't any different. He was just as surprised as I, which left me in control of whether we walked away or approached her. My heart wanted us to approach - to get a closer look at the girl with long brown hair and brilliant blue eyes that were so similar to ours.
I'd never be allowed to tell her, but I loved them. I loved how they looked so similar to mine while reminding me that we could be something more.
We were destined to be something great.
I knew better. I couldn't fall into the clutches of my wants. It wasn't the "adult" thing to do - the Alpha thing to do - so I turned and decided to walk away.
"Don't...go."
My paws came to a stop, her trembling voice immediately putting my body on high alert as I wondered who hurt her. I looked back without thinking, noticing her eyes of shimmering teal beginning to fill with tears.
I could smell her fear, but it wasn't ignited by me. She was frightened about something, and if I left, it would only make it spread within her senses until it consumed her entirely.
"Please?" She was begging me to stay, and that single word forced me to cave in to her demand as a single memory hit me.
"Please...don't go, Carter."
I saw pleading eyes of blue as a small hand reached out to desperately hold me. I reached outward, hoping to touch her hand one last time, but we were too far away as those masked by the shadows held our other hand and pulled us in opposite directions.
"Harper!" I called out. "We'll be together again. Promise!"
The memory was gonewith a blink, but its effects ridiculed me to the point I couldn't help but walk over to where Harper stood.
I noticed the immediate relief that swarmed her tense features, and when I was up close, she reached out to lightly tap my nose. Was that our new gesture between us thanks to the mischievous kitten? I wasn't really sure, but it felt sacred.
Like it was just ours.
"I'm scared. The hunters will get me," she whimpered, her tears falling down her pale white cheeks. It took me a second to acknowledge that she really was pale, far whiter than her usual complexion.
Sweat cloaked her flesh, and small, tiny strands of brown stuck to the sides of her face.
"Nightmare."
My wolf wasn't guessing. He knew that was exactly what woke Harper up. As much as I wanted to go away and continue this act of defiance, I nudged my head against her, lifting my head so I brushed at her wet cheeks.
"Can you stay?" she whispered, her shaking hands reaching out to hold the sides of my face. It forced me to look into her eyes.
I can't say no to her.
"Woof!" I huffed quietly, but licked her face to try to comfort her. She ended up hugging me, and I could feel her shiver against me even though her body was blazing hot.
"Fever?"
Maybe.
That wasn't good. I didn't want her being unwell. When she let go of me, I went down on all fours, and she looked at me for a moment before she lay on top of me. I think she thought we'd sleep on the floor, but I lifted her up with ease and walked over to the bed.
I turned my body enough that she slid off me and onto the soft sheets, and I could tell she was already falling asleep. Tugging on the blanket, I covered her with it, but she whimpered.
"No...go." She was clearly asleep now but could sense I wasn't present. Without much thought, I got onto the bed, listening to the squeak of the frame from my weight.
She snuggled against me without a second thought, and her body relaxed immediately.
"Pump...kin," she muttered the word as she took a deep inhale and let it out. A part of me wondered if she knew I was the scent of pumpkin, and a part of me wished she did - that she recalled this scent that she always associated with me.
I waited for her to be completely asleep before asking Levi to get Dolly. It wasn't long until she was quietly sneaking into the room with a glass of water, a bottle of red pills, and a cold cloth.
"Good job, Carter," Dolly praised when she reached the bedside. I took my time getting out of the bed, making sure I didn't wake her with my movements.
Once out, I allowed my body to shift, until I stood there as Dolly worked on making sure Harper was comfortable. I stole one of Ian's bigger t-shirts and a pair of pajama pants from the bottom drawer.
I purposely took his favorite ones with every intention of not bringing them back. I liked to bully him a little, but I guess it was better than hating him entirely.
When I was clothed, I watched as Dolly tucked Harper in and nodded.
"Sam and Ian aren't going to be here till early in the morning. Poor girl is probably nervous about tomorrow." She looked over at me and smiled. "Did you come to check on her?"
"No," I huffed and looked away, ignoring the way my cheeks felt hot as the idea of me checking on Harper was becoming more obvious. "I was doing my Alpha duty."
"Sure," Dolly concluded and walked up to me. Crouching down, she gently stroked my head, which caught my attention.
"Are you okay?" I think she was asking about what had occurred earlier. I bet Sam had called to keep her informed about what was going on.
"I'm okay," I replied. "I'm strong. None of the bad guys scare me."
"I know," she whispered, but pulled me into a hug and lightly patted my back. "You did very well, Carter."
I didn't understand why she was hugging or praising me, but I relaxed in her hold as my chin rested on her shoulder.
"Dolly?"
"Yes, Carter?"
"It's...not fair," I mumbled and closed my eyes. "She's mine. Why does Ian get to have her?"
Dolly pulled back to look into my sad eyes, and I didn't fight my tears as they flooded my vision, blurring it quickly. Dolly blinked her own eyes and moved her hands so she could brush away my first set of tears. Pressing her hands to my cheeks, she pressed her forehead against mine.
"I agree with you, Carter. Between you and me, it's not fair, the way they're treating you. Wishing for you to grow up far too fast. I know I contribute to such, and I'll always apologize for it. I know why you're angry, why your wolf is upset, but this is the best way to ensure Harper remains alive. You want her to be safe, right?"
I bobbed my head quickly as I sniffed. "Yes."
"Then we have to play our parts to keep her safe," she emphasized. "That means we have to make sacrifices, even though it hurts. But it won't be forever. I promise, one day you'll get to be by Harper's side and not hide it at all. Okay?"
"Okay, Dolly," I replied and tried to stop crying. She smiled and helped me wipe away my tears.
"Remember, between all of us, O'Neil and I will always listen to your needs, Carter. We'll try to think of a solution so Rogan doesn't always get his way, alright?"
"Alright," I replied.
She smiled and rose up. "Harper should sleep most of the night, so you won't need to change back unless you feel she'll wake up. If she does, let me know so I can come give her those tablets. It'll make sure she's okay for tomorrow. She'll be really disappointed if she's unwell and misses the official appointment."
"Okay," I replied as if this were my new mission.
"Make sure you sleep, too," she stressed. "Sam will be done with the investigation soon and we’ll go pick Ian up in the morning and bring him home. Make sure you're back with the others by then, alright?"
"Yes, Dolly," I whispered.
She gave me one more stroke on the head. "You're going to be a good Alpha, Carter." Turning around, she reached the door before she added, "And once the truth is revealed, you'll be a good boyfriend, too."
She was gone before I could try to ask her about what she meant.
In the silence of the room, I walked over to Harper's bed and sat down on the floor to watch her. After some time, I noticed she was mumbling in her sleep and that she still looked pale.
Glancing at the medicine on the table with the glass of water, I looked back at her.
"Help Harper?"
With a mental nod in response to my wolf's question, I took the pills and tossed them in my mouth before taking a bunch of water. I'd seen this in a movie once, and though it seemed weird to do, I wanted to help Harper any way I could.
Help her without hurting her.
In a single move, my lips met hers as the water passed through my mouth with the two pills and into hers. She took it without struggle as I held her head like in the movie. Pulling back, I made sure she was still asleep before lying her back down.
Tucking her in, I quietly moved away and finally made it to the hallway as I left the door open slightly. I finally let myself register what I'd done, my hand lifting to my lips.
Soft...
Her lips we so soft, but what made me smile was the thought of giving her a kiss - her first kiss? My...first kiss.
My lips further curled as I tried not to hop up and down. I wondered if it counted because she didn't know about it?
A secret. Yes. I'll keep it a secret.
I was good at that, it seemed: keeping all these secrets for the adults for the sake of my pack and Harper. It was for the better, and it proved that I was trustworthy of keeping them.
The only difference with this one was that it was my own little secret, a precious one that I'd hold onto until I could face Harper in this form and kiss her boldly...like a man.
For now, I'll be her watchful guardian.