Maid For The Mafia by Alice T. Boone
Chapter Five
The old man was certain that being out of control of your thoughts was the same as being out of control in your life, and maybe he was right. There was nothing I hated more than being distracted. I loathed the clutching of my chest, the ringing in my head that came whenever I knew I was drifting further away from where I was needed the most. I didn’t need to be staring at Travis to feel his expectations. I couldn’t even get an afternoon to myself without some asshole barging in, insisting I play whatever fuckin’ role they needed.
When did I turn into the mafia’s mutt?
When the fuck did I get so compliant?
“We need a decision, Terry.”
With my head beneath the river, I glanced up at the child who dared to enter my office. Travis had only been with me for months, a transfer on good faith from a boss in Toronto. No part of me liked the prick, but when Pauly said they assigned him to my crew, there wasn’t much more to be said about the matter. The kid couldn’t have been much older than 25— just young enough to think this life chose him instead of realizing that he chased after it. Not only had Travis barged into my office unannounced, pinning me to my home instead of allowing me to head into the city for my usual appearances, but he came in with that smug fuckin’ grin. Tall, boyish looks, and an insufferable grin reminding me of the kid I used to be.
But then, maybe that’s what bothered me so fuckin’ much.
Shifting from the limelight and into administrative work hardly took me out of the lifestyle. I assumed I was less likely to get nicked in a shootout, but I was far from untouchable within the walls of Vancouver. A captain was a captain was a captain— especially within the mafia. When something went wrong with one of my men, it was my responsibility to handle it. It was a job I otherwise took pride in. I kept older men on the payroll, kept everyone happy, and fights were becoming non-existent. Until, at least, the young blood arrived. Travis had a way of stirring the pot, and when word arrived of two of my men starting to snarl over turf I had already assigned, Travis was the first up my ass.
When did it get so hard to follow instructions?
My eyes drew back to the papers in front of me, and I suffocated the growl building. “Set up a meeting for me,” I drawled. “Tuesday.”
“For who?”
Even with a pen in my hand, my fists clenched. This need to repeat myself was getting unbearable. “Emmanuel.”
“What?”
“I didn’t fuckin’ stutter.”
Travis’ annoyance only cemented my decision. It was that flash of anger that reminded me why I had avoided keeping anyone too young. Travis thought when a dog bit, it was the mutt’s fault. Meanwhile, I was the idiot who thought they could handle minimal supervision. I was the one who loosened their god damn chain.
Her presence filled the room before she even entered. Another spark of anger smoldered as Selina took a careful step into the room, confusion knitted along her gentle features. My orders to the staff couldn’t have been more clear, but then, I was beginning to think Selina listened just as well as the idiots in the city. No one followed instructions anymore. When the dark-haired woman glanced over to Travis, when she refused to take her gaze off of him, the pang came again. Another spark of resentment, another memory of the power I used to have.
To say Travis had a reputation would almost be an insult. The kid was 25, and after four months, he’d made his way through the city with nothing more than a grin and a dose of fuckin’ penicillin. I knew who he was, and yet, something in my stomach twisted when he gave Selina the same eyes he’d used on every woman before. In front of us, the maid straightened her spine, and I watched a new shift within her. It was the same stiffness Micah brought over her a month before, the one I couldn’t bleed out of my system. Her dark eyes flashed to me as she searched for guidance, a sense of obedience in the moments where she needed me the most, and another snarl built in my chest.
“Forgot to mention you’ve got some fresh meat, T.”
Her brows knitted together at Travis’ chuckle, but her eyes wouldn’t leave my face. Not that it mattered. She wasn’t hiding anything from me, and Travis was far too stupid to pick up on the shift. The kid wouldn’t have known how to treat her, what to watch for in those doe eyes.
Finally, her gaze shifted and Selina offered a courteous smile— the first hollow expression I’d ever seen on her face. “Selina Carter,” she lied. Before Travis could open his mouth again, the maid’s attention shifted back to me. Whatever he awoke in her, Selina looked completely content to break the single rule I’d given her. “I’m sorry, Mr. O’Brian. I’ll come back in—”
“Thought Mr. O’Brian usually hires from the agency.” Selina’s mouth zipped shut as Travis took a predatory step forward. “Think I’d remember you.”
Another twitch to her brow, another twist in her stomach, another flash of panic in her eye.
“I’m from Alberta.” Her lie hissed out the side of her mouth.
The anger was the only thing to keep my grin at bay. At the very least, Selina knew better than to trust a viper like Travis with the truth— a characteristic my own men lacked.
“Long way from home.”
“Just looking for a change.” A shrug brushed the question off, and her head tilted back to me. “When should I come back, Mr. O’Brian?”
His eyes wouldn’t leave her— not while they drifted down her body. Suddenly, the two inches she’d taken in on her uniform felt like a mile. Need pushed me out of my chair, and when Travis still couldn’t pull his attention off her fucking legs, my jaw snapped so tightly I thought the damn thing would break off. Through gritted teeth, I offered Selina the only protection to be found within the wolf’s den.
“Stay.” My annoyance only sparked her interest. Her shoulders wouldn’t relax again until our eyes met, and by then, I worried it was already too late. “Travis was just leaving.”
The order came with another pause, another moment that choked out the oxygen in the room. The prick wanted to fight me on the demand, as though I was something he could ever challenge, but arrogance never translated well within my walls. Before he could bark out at me, I’d already tightened his leash. A wave of my hand was enough to tell him the conversation ended, my snarl just another confirmation of his place on the food chain.
“Make the meeting, Travis.”
She didn’t flinch when the door shut, and her armor didn’t crack when the new silence settled in around us. While she didn’t know better than to disturb me at work, she seemed to know better than to move without my consent. For now, at least. Her eyes barely blinked as she scanned my features, searching for a reassurance I wasn’t sure I could give her. It wasn’t until my chin lowered slightly that she found the strength to examine the room again, her false sense of security the drug I craved the most.
She moved around the room effortlessly, but the beast in my chest snarled that this was her favourite game. She was taunting me, teasing me, reveling in the chaos she brought to the mundane. As she turned to examine my bookshelf, blind insecurity whispered that she knew the way my eyes would travel down her body, searching the same curves Travis had been so enthralled in. Careful footwork drew my attention to her legs, to the shapely ass that was so desperate for my handprint.
“Where did you want me to—”
“If this is some kind of game to you, Selina, then I need to know right fuckin’ now.”
The snarl sent a shiver up her spine, but she wouldn’t turn around so fast. Selina took her time to glance over her shoulder, to twist her figure in another tantalizing way before she finally turned to face me. When she needed space between us, Selina’s back pressed against my bookshelf, and whatever hope I had of breathing vanished.
“Some kind of game,” she repeated, mulling the words over before her brow furrowed. “I’m not playing at anything, Mr. O’Brian.”
“First you make me get rid of my best man and now this shit?” Her brow knitted, pretending she didn’t know what she was doing to every asshole she passed by. “My staff doesn’t come in and flirt with my fucking men right in front of me.”
Finally, a flash of anger, the twist of disgust I craved. Selina’s eyes narrowed, her arms crossing over her chest and her hip jutting to the side. “I would never flirt with that prick.”
“I already warned you what was going to happen if you couldn’t stay out of my way.”
Narrowed eyes widened, a flush of heat finding her cheeks. At any other instance, Selina was some kind of marbled Madonna. Now, as memories of my words danced through her head, I watched for the signs she tried so desperately to hide from me.
She tried to straighten her spine to disguise the way her soft thighs tightened for me. As she spoke, her eyes drifted to the far side of the room. “It won’t happen again.”
“What the fuck do you want? This is how desperate you are for attention?”
In a flash, those dark orbs were back on me, her lips parting just enough to torture my thoughts.
“I’m not desperate.”
All it took was a condescending chuckle, a step forward, to have her chest heaving in panic. Her cheeks reddened further, and my vision darkened. Around Selina, those lines of anger and lust blurred too much to recognize. This weight I carried for so long had a way of crushing me around her, the animal I created desperate for a release.
Anyrelease.
“You’ve been flitting around the house in that fuckin’ outfit all god damn week,” I ground out, sending another shiver through her system but never enough to draw her eyes back to me. “What else could you possibly want?”
When words wouldn’t crawl out her throat, Selina’s hands rushed to brush down her uniform. “The thing was baggy and uncomfortable,” she defended stupidly. “I’m sorry if you got the wrong message—” As I took another step forward, closing whatever distance was left between us, Selina’s words choked back. Another pause, another attempt to moisten her lips. “I’m not interested, Mr. O’Brian. We’ve got a professional relationship at best.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.”
“Then if I stick my fingers in that sweet little cunt of yours, you’re not gonna be dripping for me?”
Just one phrase was all she needed, a lamb to my slaughter. Her dark eyes jumped up to me, unable to hide this thing within her anymore. I didn’t need to touch her to know the way her thighs clenched at the thought of me, to know the way she prayed for intervention. She wanted to lie to me again. I was certain that when her lips parted, all she wanted to do was try to fucking lie to me, but that only seemed to feed this thing.
I was through being denied, being doubted.
“That what you’re telling me?”
“I—”
I’d never forget the squeal she gave as I tore the zipper down the front of her uniform. Selina’s hands jumped to my own, but the push felt like anything but resistance. All I felt anymore was her excitement, the way her eyes locked onto my face as she tried to drag my attention off her body. The only thing to hide her pale flesh from me was the matching lace of her bra, her soaked panties. Another way to tease me, another way to force me to fuck her the way we’d both been dreaming of. My hand tore from her grip with ease, dipping beneath her panties despite her cry of frustration. I was certain she wanted to watch me play with her, wanted to watch me touch her, but when Selina’s eyes dipped to the floor, another snarl tore through my chest. My free hand captured her chin, drifting to her throat as our eyes locked. I needed to see her as my fingers finally dipped between her folds. I needed to see her as she came apart. I needed to see her as her armor fell for me.
Everything moved so fucking quick. My hands tore the uniform off her body so feverishly that I was certain I’d ripped it, but she never once looked away from me. When the desperation tore through me, I barely had time to slip my cock out of my trousers, and the heat left me unable to undress her the way I needed most. My hand slipped over her mouth before she had a chance to beg me for more, sealing her grunt of pain as I jammed my cock into her tight pussy. Every piece of her clung to me, welcomed me, begged me to use her, and I was too hungry to deny her anymore. My body slammed into her as I forced Selina up onto the closest shelf. Her fingers dug into my shoulders for support, but no piece of me could care about the bruises— not anymore. Not when her body clamped around me so addictively. With her eyes on me, I turned into something else. Within minutes, I was certain I’d feel guilty for not paying her enough attention, for not being more conscious of the pain, but as her thighs tightened around me, I couldn’t stop myself.
I fucked her hard.
I fucked her raw.
I fucked her just the way she needed.
My hand drifted from her mouth to her waist, certain the shelf wasn’t going to be able to take the way I planned on slamming into her. As her legs locked around me, my hands drifted to the ass I’d been so fucking in love with since the day I met her. Her moans were quieted only by her own hand over her mouth, and as I slammed into her, I finally closed the gap between us. Her arms wrapping around me was the only push I needed, and as we both approached our highs, my body followed a routine I hadn’t remembered in years. My lips found their way to Selina’s neck, sucking on her sensitive skin just enough to leave my darkened mark.
Truthfully, that thought alone was enough to make me cum inside her. I needed to see my memory on her skin— even if only for the rest of the week.[EC2]
In this life, reality was never far behind. It was when you found a harbor in the storm that you were at your weakest. I had abandoned the notion of feeling weightless, feeling relaxed, once Jemma was born. The only attention I’d been able to stomach the past decade had been one-night stands, and even that was only when I couldn’t take it anymore. I hadn’t allowed myself to relax in ten fucking years, but maybe that wasn’t enough to justify it. Maybe I was just trying to excuse my own weakness. When Selina’s breath finally brushed over my neck, her hands on my back warmer than I ever could have imagined, I found a comfort that terrified every fucking piece of me.
I was good at one-night stands.
I wasn’t good at whatever the fuck this was.
Reality washed over both of us, and as I straightened, I’d never felt so stupid in my entire life. There were no words to make her feel better about what we’d done, no phrases that could erase the mistake I made. Fear whispered that this was more likely to end in a god damn lawsuit than it was to be forgotten— and that was the best-case scenario. Worst case, it was another strike against my ability to lead, my ability to control myself.
Frustration pulled me away from her, and I couldn’t even glance at Selina as I tucked myself back into my pants. All I wanted to do was smother this new sense of doubt, but as I took a step towards my desk, it was impossible to ignore the broken mess I’d left behind. Hurt laced over Selina’s features, and while she may have been able to hide her annoyance, she was shit at hiding pain. As I settled back into my desk, Selina remained frozen, half dressed and fully humiliated.
As she pulled her uniform back around her shoulders, I felt a familiar numbness take over me. My gut wanted to say something to make her feel better, wanted to apologize and remind her that this didn’t have to mean anything. Instead, when I opened my mouth, all that came out was the anger I’d known for so long.
“Go find some dust, Selina,” I drawled, my attention back on the laptop in front of me. “Or whatever the fuck it is I pay you for.”
I didn’t need to look at her to catch the way her shoulders collapsed. Still, maybe she was stronger than me. Selina’s face remained honest when mine couldn’t, and after she fixed herself back up, she refused to resort to the cowardice I had.
“Sure, Mr. O’Brian.”
* * *The darkness was always the easiest. Those quiet moments in the car were the calm before the storm— the only calm I ever needed. Even that vanished when Jemma was born. The silence that surrounded me now, my eyes on the only light in the shipping yard, was anything but calm. As a teenager, I hated the dock’s brutality— even if I had been the one to invent it. There was a reason I entrusted the space to Micah once I got promoted, but that memory had a way of chilling me further. When images of her bruised neck, of Micah’s snarls, of the knot in my stomach filled my head, clearing my throat was the one way I could regain a semblance of control.
If Micah had just controlled his shit, I wouldn’t be here.
Throwing myself out of the car, I tried to remember that the docks were a place of transformation. The blood magic offered here was something I used to change my life once; it was something I could use again. Micah swore to me that the only reason he arrived at my house that morning was because port authority seized an otherwise-typical shipment, that he was certain someone on the inside tipped off the port authority. He said he was worried about my family, about my daughter, about the only friend he’d known. I sent him to Ontario that afternoon, a demotion that would give him time to cool his heels. Sending him away was nicer than killing him, but sunrise at the docks had a way of making a man forget a lot of things.
The only sound to be heard was the creek of a door, and as I crossed the lot, I searched my jacket for a pack of smokes. Emotion dropped from my features as I reminded myself of the only reason I was in this fucking mess, of the past that kept me protected here. With Micah gone, it was on my shoulders to manage both the docks and the construction coverup. The lives I spent a decade trying to separate were becoming merged into one again, and without a stand, they’d grow into something I couldn’t control. I had to make a point— I couldn’t avoid that any longer. Tonight would remind the dogs who held their leash, but when I finally felt their eyes on me, my confidence darkened.
The hollowness was impossible to stare into, empty faces of men I vetted but hardly recognized. Where my father had been careless, I placed my pride. While the old man hired anyone with a history and a prayer, I’d been careful. Everyone who worked for me had a spotless record, but when the dark came, it didn’t seem to matter. Emptiness always looked the same. As I entered the south-side warehouse, darkened faces looked out at me and everyone in the room straightened but one. The group gathered by a makeshift table, but within the dark, the only thing I could really notice was the wolf among the sheep. Travis’ cigarette warmed his face, but a grin wouldn’t grow until he caught sight of me. The youngster stayed rooted in place until I motioned for him to come forward.
To someone like Travis, Micah’s sudden departure was a stroke of good luck. The men I hired weren’t accustomed to the brutality that the business required on those dark nights, those silent mornings. With Micah gone, Travis became one of the most competent men in my crew, but when the kid led me back to the shipping container pressed against the far wall, I knew nothing was quite so simple.
I didn’t trust Travis the way I trusted Micah.
But how far had trust ever gotten me?
“You’re late.”
Annoyance prickled my skin, a drag the only thing that stopped the clenching of my fists. The last image I needed in my head was Travis watching me in the car, watching me fall apart in the dark. Tonight would remind the new blood of where he stood, of why he’d never be ready to stand in Micah’s shoes. Tonight would guarantee that safety I’d worked so hard to build.
I straightened again. “Who’s spoken to him?”
Travis shrugged his shoulders, coming to a stop in front of the container’s locked door. “No one.”
If I hadn’t’ve been watching him, I might have missed it. His body froze when I jerked my chin, when I pushed him to open the container. That awful hesitation, the one that so often crucified me, would be my only saving grace that night. I would do what no one else in the city could do, would sharpen my teeth on the crimes even men like Travis wanted to step away from.
Tonight, I would fix this.
“Open it.”
This time, no peace lurked in the dark. A single glance kept that man planted in place, and as the door creaked shut, the only thing to surround me were my ghosts. Damage to the roof allowed slivers of light to illuminate the man in front of me—an image I’d never be able to bleed out. The stranger was innocent by every other measure. The thing that sat in front of me now, trembling in a chair with hands tied behind his back, was the type of man I would hire. In the quiet, not even that mattered. It was only that awful breathing and I left— a sound that would turn to blood-choked gasps in a moment’s time.
Footsteps brought the slightest hint of a whimper, a weakness from a man who never should have been here. If things had been different, I might have just been able to accept the story he’d spit to my men earlier— that he didn’t know Jackie, that a routine check was the only thing that brought him to the shipping container that night. But mercy wasn’t something I could afford anymore. I didn’t take risks when it came to my family, when it came to Jemma. My footsteps echoed through his chest as much as they echoed through the container, and a kick to the leg of his chair forced the figure upright.
“Please.”
Another shudder of annoyance, another snarl of rage, another reminder of how far I’d fallen. All the tired croak told me was that my men didn’t have the sense to gag him before tossing him into the dark, that they were too frightened to show their face to someone they knew I’d let live. When I tugged the hood from his head, I reminded the world that I wouldn’t have the same reservation. Where my men doubted me, I’d never had more faith.
“Look at me.” The snarl forced him to flinch, but when his head remained low, an old heat ran through my system. My hands knotted in his hair, forcing a cry and his gaze. “Look at me.”
It wasn’t until dark eyes stared back at me that the fear suffocated the room, that the panic stole our last breaths. For the first time in years, a stranger’s eyes fill with recognition. For the first time in years, I was the beast that haunted those awful docks. Suddenly, the whispers of the men outside wouldn’t knock on my chest. The only thing I could feel was the rush of power, an influence I’d been missing for so long.
“Name.”
“Markus.”
“You know who I am, Mark?”
“Yes.” The reply came so quietly, so weakly, the darkness swallowed it entirely. My fingers released his hair, but Mark wouldn’t sink back down in his chair. Desperation looked back through the dark. “I didn’t know it was your container,” he choked again. “I didn’t know it was yours. Or else I woulda—Please don’t do this.”
“Who told you about the container, Mark?”
“Please.”
“Don’t make me ask again.”
“No one,” his cry bounced off the wall and my teeth gnashed together. “It was just a spot check,” he blurted. “The log said they sent it back 12 hours after it arrived, so our policy is to—”
When all sound cut out, when nothing else inside me seemed to work, it was anger that filled my head. That awful twist came as the world grew a little dark— the twist that made it impossible to distinguish right from wrong. I wasn’t stupid enough to ignore the warnings from our shipping company’s CEOs, that a strict environmental campaign was going to be needed to keep the city on their side. Two months ago, they announced that containers above a certain age had to be inspected routinely, that when we were shipping drugs, only containers that had already been inspected could be used.
Micah stormed into my house, threatened my staff, because he was too stupid to follow my rules. Micah put us all at risk because he wasn’t smart enough to read a shipping log, and now, a stranger had to pay for it. After fifteen years of effort, I’d become just as sloppy as my fucking father.
“Please.”
The plea brought a spark to my bones, brought back memories I’d been desperate to bury. A stiff hand rubbed over my stone features. “I believe you.” Whatever peace the sentiment brought wouldn’t last long. As the man watched me remove my watch, my jacket, a new whimper filled the room. “I’ll give you a chance, Mark,” I offered. “If you ask me to kill you, then I’ll end it.”
“Please.”
“And if you make it to sunrise, I’ll let you go home.”
In time, blackness would come to blot out the memories. After a few weeks, a few months, a few years, I’d hardly remember the night. All I would ever remember was that awful sound in the dark, the whimpers for mercy, the sound of a stranger choking on blood. I would barely remember the sting of my broken skin, the scent of sizzling flesh that brought screams when sound all but died out. Above it all, the thing I knew the darkness would take from me forever was the broken promise.
When Mark begged for death, when the pain ate away the last of his senses, I pretended not to hear— a secret the two of us would share for the rest of our lives.
The numbness wouldn’t give me the cues it used to. Giving away another piece of my soul, of my sanity, meant the sacrifice of the piece that kept me human. When I finally stepped out of the shipping container, the numbness wouldn’t remind me to wipe the blood from my face, from my suit, from my knuckles. When the surrounding men froze, the numbness wouldn’t remind me to wave them off like I was supposed to.
This was what I wanted, wasn’t it?
To fix everything.
To remind them what I was capable of.
To protect Jemma.
Within the haze, I could hear the approach of footsteps, the sound of another child of the dark. Travis was next to me in an instant, offering a dampened towel when I was too numb to know I needed one. It took me a minute to realize nothing would come from rubbing my face, my hands, my hair. There was too much blood for a single towel. Fuck, there was too much blood for a shower, and finally, annoyance coloured my vision.
That had to be better than nothing.
“Take 20k from each of the accounts. Drop it at the house every night.”
“What? Why?” When his head cocked forward, I pushed the soaked towel back into his chest. “It’s not our fault this—”
I would never be sure if his lips had sewn shut or if a bruised ego silenced the world altogether. After rest, after a shower, after a night spent trying to lock those awful memories away forever, I was certain the anger would take me again. I’d seethe in his constant disrespect, tear shit from the walls as I tried to force Travis back into the hole he belonged in. In the moment, all I could think about was getting home. All I could think about was crawling into bed with the woman who, just hours before, had made things feel like they could be okay, about burying myself inside of her to help me forget.
All I could think about were the things I couldn’t have.