Out of Character by Annabeth Albert
Chapter Fourteen
Milo
So. I kissed Jasper. That was a thing that happened. And then I told him…well, not everything but close enough. Close enough that when we almost skidded off the highway, that wasn’t even the third most nerve-racking moment in the last hour or so. Traffic slowed down to deal with the increasingly dicey road conditions, and my grip on the steering wheel tightened. My leg ached from doing the clutch. I needed to deliver Jasper back to his dorm in one piece. That was all that mattered.
“Think we should take the next exit? Try to wait this out?” Jasper wrinkled his forehead, his expression, as always, a window into his emotions. I liked how he was so easy to read. There was no guessing with him. When he was happy, the whole world knew it. And right then, he was worried, same as me.
“It’s probably only going to get worse. And we’re close enough to home.” I hoped that was true. I hated driving in weather, and I didn’t want Jasper catching on to exactly how freaked out I was. But maybe there was a way out of the pounding in my head. “Unless…You drive in the snow a lot? I’d be willing to swap drivers.”
“Ha. Much as I’d like the chance to drive a classic beauty like this, I can’t drive a stick.” Jasper laughed, which was good as it probably meant my efforts to hold it together were working, but it also meant I had no choice but to push forward.
Trying to keep my mind off all the possible doomsday scenarios, I made my voice light. “That’s okay. I’ll teach you sometime.”
“I…uh…might take you up on that. You sure?” Jasper shifted in his seat. Maybe he was cold. Wishing I had a more fun way to warm him up, I adjusted the heater again.
“It’s the least I can do. You’re saving my bacon. One card down. Three to go.” Optimism wasn’t my strong suit, but I tried to channel my inner Jasper.
“Hmm. We’ll see.” Jasper sounded more like me for a change, pragmatic and guarded. “After this cold snap clears, maybe. I’d hate to ruin your clutch though.”
“Let me worry about that.” I wanted him excited about this prospect. And if it meant more time together, well, there wasn’t really a downside I could see. It would be worth a repair if it meant doing something for him after all he’d done for me.
“Okay. Deal.” Jasper nodded then stretched his neck. A rogue thought about what I’d like to do to that neck danced through my brain, but I forced my eyes back on the road. A couple of miles passed in silence before Jasper said, “Milo?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry you had it so crappy. I wish I’d known.” His voice was soft and a little uncertain and warmed me more than the unreliable heater.
“Thanks.” Keeping my eyes on the road, I had to swallow before continuing. “I wish…lots of things.”
“Yeah.” Jasper’s sigh held an entire library’s worth of meaning. We drifted into another silence, this one less tense but still potent. Our conversation had left us in a strange place. He now knew more about me than almost anyone else, but I still had no idea if we were friends again, or if such a thing were even possible. And I’d lived with regret so long that my hope muscles were all atrophied to the point that I didn’t know what exactly I wanted here. Learning to hope again only to fall flat on my face would suck.
And yet, as we neared Gracehaven, something kept fluttering inside me. Not hope maybe, but its restless, more anxious cousin. I wanted…something.
“Is your group doing the cosplay thing again this Wednesday?” I kept my voice casual, distant even.
“We are. It’s not always all of us every week, but those of us who can, try to go at least weekly.”
“Cool. I… Cool.” I wasn’t quite sure how to move the conversation to where I wanted to nudge it without seeming overeager.
“Are you asking because you want to join us?” Direct. And this time I appreciated that quality in him that much more because it saved me a lot of waffling.
“‘Want’ is a strong word.” I tried to keep my eyes on the increasingly slushy road even as my brain felt equally difficult to navigate. “But we’ve got more cards to track down. And the weather’s supposed to be bad most of next week, so teaching you to drive a stick might have to wait. If showing up as the toga guy gets me more of your Google-wizard searching skills, then I’ll be there.”
“Sure.” Jasper sounded as carefully indifferent as me. “Prince Neptune is always popular with the kids. I was planning on only making you do the command appearance thing for the costume ball, but sure, you should come Wednesday. If the weather’s bad, I’ll drive you home so you don’t freeze at the bus stop.”
“Sounds good.” Actually, it sounded terrifying, but I now had a guaranteed time this week to see Jasper, so win. Also, we finally reached the Gracehaven exit, which I took slowly. “No sudden moves” seemed like a good motto right then. The campus was relatively dead for a Saturday night, everyone probably huddling indoors, but the lights of the library and the dorms added a certain warmth to the winter scene.
“It’s neat that you get to go here. I know how much you wanted it as a kid.” Most of the students at the near-Ivy college were from out of state. Townies like Jasper getting big scholarships were relatively uncommon.
“Yeah. I got lucky. If I hadn’t won the scholarship, I still would have stayed local. I couldn’t see going too far from my family.”
“You’re a good guy,” I said as I pulled even with the sidewalk near Jasper’s dorm. The parking lot was deserted, most cars covered with a thin blanket of snow like they’d been there all day. “And you’re the opposite of me. I couldn’t wait to get out of this place. Thought college would be a fresh start.”
“What happened?”
Part of me wanted to spill the entire tale right then, but the other part of me was still recovering from having my emotions scraped raw earlier. I already felt too exposed. No way could I air all my dirty laundry at once.
“Guess I couldn’t outrun my issues.” I shrugged. “Team wasn’t that different from high school. A top-rated Division I program like that…it comes with certain expectations. Don’t know why I was expecting anything different.”
“It’s okay to want to be someone different, Milo.” Jasper’s face was unusually tender, and I had to look away quickly.
“Yeah.”
“Guess I better go.” He shifted in the seat, gathering his stuff. “Don’t forget about the card in the back.”
“Like I could. Thanks again.” I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, wasn’t ready to head back to Luther and James and that chilly apartment, but I wasn’t sure how to make Jasper linger without looking desperate. Or like I was angling for another kiss. Which I wasn’t. Okay, maybe I wanted that, but I also wasn’t going to ask.
“Hey, what’s this?” Jasper reached down to his feet and came up with one of my sketchbooks. “This must have come loose from under the seat when we stopped so fast.”
“Sorry.” I reached for the book.
“Don’t be.” Jasper didn’t seem to be in any hurry to hand it back. “What is this anyway? Drawings?”
“Kind of,” I admitted, but kept my hand out. “Give it here.”
“You still draw? You always were the best at detailed Lego plans. And I remember the teachers all loving your art projects in elementary.” Jasper moved like he was going to open the book, and I plucked it from him.
“Yeah. Art time was cool and all, but you don’t need to see my scribbles.”
“You’re twenty-two now. I doubt they’re scribbles.” Laughing, Jasper shook his head, then brightened. “Wait. Are they like naughty drawings? Nudes? Because now that you told me that you’re—”
“Good night, Jasper.” Forget lingering. I’d forgo my chance at another kiss if it meant avoiding this conversation topic.
“Okay, okay. I get it. You don’t want to share. But I’m just saying that if you’ve got that whole Tom of Finland erotic art vibe going, I’d be interested in taking a peek.”
“Great. Now I’m going to have to google who that is.”
“I think search engines have gotten you in enough trouble. I’ll send you some links as inspiration. For your scribbles.”
“Thanks.” My teeth dug into my lower lip because Jasper was being nice and cool, and I was back to being a dick all because I didn’t want to show off my drawings. “Maybe sometime I can show you one of my better doodles.”
Jasper’s slow smile was worth the way that offer made my stomach revolt. “I’d like that. Night.”
He opened the car door, letting in a gust of cold air. No kiss good night, and I couldn’t help but wonder if letting him see my sketches would have made a difference there. We seemed to be in a weird space where we had definite plans to see each other again, weren’t actively enemies, and yet weren’t friends either.
“Night.” I stopped biting my lip as Jasper got out of the car. Maybe…
Nope. He left the car without a second glance. But right when I was about to put the car back in gear, he stuck his head back in.
“Just so we’re clear…”
“Yeah?” Heck. Maybe undefined limbo land was better than some warning I wasn’t ready for.
“I’m not going to tell. Not anyone. That’s your business. And I’m not out for payback.”
“I appreciate that.” My throat went tight like a water balloon, trying to contain emotions I had no idea what to do with. I didn’t deserve his kindness, but I also wasn’t stupid enough to turn it down.
“See you Wednesday.” Slamming the car door, he then jogged up the path to the dorm, deck bag flapping behind him. I watched him the whole way to the door because I was worried he might go flying on the slick sidewalk. But when he swiped a key card to enter the dorm and slipped inside the heavy wooden doors, it wasn’t relief that rushed through me.
It was weird, missing someone moments after we’d spent over twelve hours together, and yet there I was, driving away, feeling like I was leaving something precious behind. I parked carefully in the covered spot that was the one positive to this arrangement with Luther and James. My leg was so stiff from the hours of driving that I had to suppress a groan as I unfolded myself from the front seat. After some deliberation over whether to lock the card in the glove box, I ended up hiding the bulky case in my jacket along with my sketchbook. Considering that I’d left pieces of my soul all along the interstate, I so was not up for another tense encounter with my roommates.
And damn it. Luther and James weren’t alone. The two sorority sisters who lived in the apartment beneath us were perched on the couch, holding beers. A recent comedy was on the TV.
“It’s fu—freaking cold out,” Luther said by way of greeting as he paused the movie. “The ladies had to cancel their plans to go out because of the weather, so we thought we’d kick back and see how much snow we actually get. Beer in the fridge if you want one.”
I had zero desire to be a fifth wheel, and James’s glare as he scooted closer to the brunette said that he didn’t want me horning in on his conquest. As if. “Nah. I’m tired. Gonna go crash.”
“Aww,” the blond whose name might have been Brittany said. “Luther, turn the volume down.”
“It’s okay. I’ve got headphones.”
“Where were you all day, anyway?” Luther fiddled with the remote.
“There you go, playing Mom again,” James snarked, saving me from a reply as I retreated to the kitchen. My stash of soup cans was getting low, and someone had eaten my bread again, but I quickly made a packet of instant noodles while the movie started back up in the living room.
Not wanting more interrogation, I snuck the food back to my freezing room. I didn’t want to lie to the guys, but there were certain conversations I wasn’t ready to have. Jasper was right. I needed better friends. Stat.
Jasper.Setting the noodles aside, I pulled out my sketchbook and settled on my bed. A few quick lines and I had Jasper’s expression when he’d won against that girl in his second-to-last match. I added a flashy vest in the Frog Wizard style. The more I sketched, the more my muscles loosened back up. I wasn’t anywhere close to the person I wanted—needed—to be. However, looking at my drawing next to the rare card, I felt like maybe I’d at least found the path. And for better or worse, Jasper was key.
