Out of Character by Annabeth Albert

Chapter Forty

Milo

This was going to be hard. Jasper might believe in me, but right there on the front step of my mom’s little apartment, I wasn’t sure whether I agreed. Brave. Jasper had said that about me more than once, but he was the truly fearless one as far as I was concerned. And my courage was in short supply as I raised my hand to knock.

“Milo!” The door swung open before I finished the knock. Bruno stood there, a weird mix of military haircut and posture and civilian sweats and bare feet. His hair was damp and he had a huge smile for me. He looked both exactly like I remembered and completely different.

“You made it.” I gave him a back-slapping hug.

“Yup. A little while ago. Caught a transport flight up from Virginia then had to battle traffic. I’m still catching up to the luxury of having easy hot water.” Chuckling, he finished drying off his hair with one of Mom’s good towels with the angel print. “How are you, man?”

“I’m good.” It surprised me how much I meant it. I was. I still had some uncertainty about my living situation, but I’d had a promising interview that morning. Yesterday, I’d taken care of business with the car and handled the money aspect with the professors’ help. I felt lighter. Free. Ready, like I’d told Jasper.

When we’d been parked at the playground, he’d offered to come with me tonight, but as much as I’d come to rely on him being my emotional support human, I’d wanted to do this part on my own. I’d told Mom that I was bringing a friend tomorrow when more friends and family would be stopping by for a homecoming party for Bruno. But I wasn’t the type to do a big public announcement at the party, and it didn’t seem fair to ambush Bruno or put Jasper on the spot. No, this way we could talk first. The mature choice, Jasper had called it, even though his eyes had said he wanted to come. But then he’d kissed me, warmed me in places I hadn’t even known were chilly, and my plan had seemed smart.

But now I was actually here, missing that warmth, stomach doing its usual rumba routine, and I wouldn’t have minded having Jasper’s hand to hold as we made our way to the kitchen where Mom was pulling ingredients out of the fridge. Setting her armload on the counter first, she had a huge hug for me.

“What’s the plan for dinner?” I tried to sound upbeat, not wary.

“Tacos. Easy and you guys always loved those growing up.” She gave a sheepish smile that looked an awful lot like the one I saw in the mirror each day. “I got all your favorite toppings too.”

“I can help.” Draping my jacket over the back of a kitchen chair, I rolled up my sleeves. Opening the fridge, I added an onion and a head of garlic to the collection on the counter. “Do you have canned tomatoes? Fresh is better, but it’s the wrong season.”

She blinked at me before handing over a can. “Who are you, and what did you do with Milo?”

“I’m both impressed and scared.” Bruno laughed as he took a seat at the table. “But I might trust you with a knife more than Mom.”

“None of that. I can cook. I kept you both fed.” She waved a package of cheese in our direction. “I spent all day picking up stuff for the party tomorrow. Rolls from that new bakery. The cold cuts from the deli with that ham Bruno said he can’t get in Virginia. Cake from the place that did your graduation cakes. Oh, and brownies for dessert tonight from the pizza place Milo told me about. The house is stocked for my boys.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

Working together, she and I made the dinner. My onion dice wasn’t as perfect as Professor Herrera’s, but I was getting there. Her eyes got wide when I deftly drained the beef. Her new kitchen was tiny—barely enough room for all the appliances and a small dining nook—but we made a good team. It was fun surprising the two of them with my new skills, and Bruno kept up a steady conversation about being stationed abroad.

“And then our SEALs came in—”

“I love how you claim ownership of the SEALs,” I teased as I warmed tortillas.

“Hey, I save their bacon all the time. Highly classified stuff, but you’d be amazed at how much the support personnel does. And I’m up for an advancement in rank later this year. Might get even more responsibility then.”

“That’s awesome.” I gave him a high five. Mom had lots of questions about what the new rank would be and what he’d be doing, and his answers took us most of the way through eating. Afterward, Bruno and I cleaned up like old times while she made herself a cup of tea.

“Mom got a case of Sam Adams for tomorrow’s party thing. You want a cold one?” Bruno took two bottles out of the fridge.

“Nah. I…uh…I don’t drink anymore.”

“Like, at all?” Bruno put a bottle back. “Good for you, though. Will it bother you if I have one?”

“No. I can be around it. It’s more that I don’t have to have it now. I like who I am better sober, that’s all. I make dumbass mistakes drunk, and I’m done with that.”

“I like you better sober too.” Mom kissed the side of my head before heading to the living room with her tea. “I’m going to find a movie for later. You two catch up.”

Bruno put the second beer back and returned with two sodas. My stomach didn’t really need carbonation right then, but I appreciated the gesture a lot.

“To no more dumbass mistakes.” He clinked cans with me. “Proud of you for making that change. Now if you could just convince those idiot friends of yours to give up drinking too, then you might actually get somewhere.”

“Well…” I wasn’t going to get a better opening than that. “I’m done with them too. But first I did make another dumbass mistake. That’s why I stopped the drinking. I can’t keep making the same mistakes over and over.”

“What’d you do?” Bruno sounded much more guarded now, which I hated.

“It’s a long story, so let me finish before the inevitable lecture?” I asked as I took a deep breath. Now or never. Time to be brave.

“I’m listening.”

Slowly, I told my story of what happened with the cards and the quest to get them back. Retrieving my backpack, I spread the four out as I explained. I kept thinking about the way Jasper had played the final round yesterday, the way that he’d left it all on the table. Fearless. This story wasn’t the same without him in it, and I wasn’t the same without him in my life.

“I seriously had no idea the cards were worth that much.” Bruno chewed the edge of his lip as he considered the cards in front of him.

“What?” I hadn’t considered that possibility, although maybe I should have.

He made a dismissive gesture. “Would I have kept a ten-grand item with my other cards? I’m not stupid. I won them off a guy. I knew they were ultra rares, but not that much money. You could have told me what happened, saved yourself some hassle.”

“I know that now.” I fiddled with the cracked edge on the little dining table. He might not be stupid, but I was. “I messed up, though. Again. And I didn’t want to admit it to you. At the time, that seemed like the worst thing in the world.”

“Well, I’m not happy,” Bruno admitted. “And it was an idiot mistake. But I could have added it to your tab.”

“And that’s exactly what I didn’t want. I owe you too much as it is.” Fumbling with my pocket, I withdrew the check I’d stashed there earlier and handed it to him. “Here. I told you, I’m done making mistakes like that and I’m trying my best to make up for past ones.”

“What the hell?” Bruno held the check like it might burst into flames at any second. “Did you sell a kidney? You’re not making this kind of money at your job.”

“No. I’m not.” I had to pause, let my pulse slow and tell my roiling stomach to deal. I couldn’t hurl. Not now. “I sold my car.”

“No.” Bruno tried to hand the check back to me. “You’re not doing that. Dad wanted you to have it.”

“He wanted a lot of things.” I let that hang between us.

Bruno’s expression hardened further. “He wasn’t that bad.”

“For you, maybe. You were the perfect son.” An edge crept into my voice that wasn’t there before. I’d tried not to think about that too much, but Bruno being so freaking perfect hadn’t made it any easier to be myself.

“Maybe he was a little…rough on you. I’ll grant you that.” Retrieving a beer from the fridge, Bruno cracked it open. Apparently we were done with the solidarity part of the evening. “But was he bad enough for you to spit on his legacy like this? You can repay me eventually. It’s just money.”

“It’s just a car,” I countered. And it was. I’d been sad, saying goodbye to it the day before. I’d gotten choked up and had to look away as the new owner drove it away. He was a friend of Professor Tuttle who’d only tried to shave a little off the asking price and who’d looked at the car like Jasper did double chocolate doughnuts. Nice guy. And a weight had rolled off me as he left, even through my tears. I’d been free. It wasn’t simply the money, but rather everything that car represented. And in the end, it was a car. Only a car. Like how Dad had been a man. Not a giant. Not a guardian angel. Just a flawed, human man, and it had been time to say goodbye to him and the car both.

“Why couldn’t you tell me? About the cards and now this. You say you want to stop messing up, but you’re not stopping to think, and that’s a problem.”

“I’m gay.” The words had been there the whole conversation and now they flew out, another level of freedom reached. Not holding them in any longer had me weirdly giddy.

“What?” He sputtered around a mouthful of beer. “No, you’re not.”

“I am. I’ve got a boyfriend now, and like I said earlier, I’m good. Better than I’ve ever been.”

“And this is why you couldn’t talk to me?” The hurt and pain in his voice were palpable. I wanted to reach for him, but I couldn’t bear it if he yanked his arm away.

“Part of it,” I admitted, drumming my fingers on the table. “I’m sorry.”

“Fuck. This… It’s a lot.” He scrubbed at his short hair. “You sure you’re not shitting me?”

“No. It’s Jasper. My boyfriend. You remember him from when we were kids?”

“Of course. You guys lived in each other’s pockets…oh.” His eyes went wide, and I swore twenty-two years of history passed between us. He kept staring at me as if he’d never seen me before. And maybe he hadn’t.

“He helped me get the cards back. He’s pretty incredible. And I want you to meet him.”

“I…” Bruno pushed away from the table, taking his beer with him. “I need to think. This is…”

“A lot.” I echoed his words from earlier. We weren’t that different, he and I. Running from hard conversations. Thinking we needed to be alone to make sense of things. I understood him, but his dismissing me still stung, made me feel raw and exposed.

“It is. The cards. The car. The boyfriend. The boyfriend. Hell. I’m gonna go lie down.”

“Okay.” My voice was small. “Do you want me not to come tomorrow?”

“Just let me think.” With that, he left the kitchen, heading for the spare room. I put my head in my hands as I heard the door shut. I had no idea how long I sat there before a gentle hand landed on my shoulder.

“You’ll come tomorrow.” Ruffling my hair, Mom plopped into Bruno’s empty chair, regarding me with sad eyes.

“He doesn’t want me here. I don’t want to make it worse. I already ruined his homecoming.” I dropped my head onto the cool wood of the table.

“You didn’t. At least you didn’t hit him with all this while he was deployed. Thank you for that.” Voice as weary as it had been in the days after my accident, she rubbed my back.

I turned my head so I could look at her. “More like I was too chicken to do it sooner, but yeah, I didn’t want to distract him in the field.”

“He’ll come around. You heard him. He needs to think. Process.”

“He might get madder.” I slumped down farther at that thought. Him surprised and confused was one thing. Him actively angry… I wasn’t sure I was strong enough for that.

“He might. But you’re still coming tomorrow. With your friend.” Her voice didn’t leave room for argument so I nodded.

“But what about you? You upset too?”

Might as well get it all out there if so. See where my cards lay and all that.

“I had my time to process. Thanks for that.” Her smile was distinctly strained.

“Sorry.” I sat up enough to give her an awkward pat. “There were maybe lots better ways for you to find out.”

“Oh, Milo. I’ve probably always known.” She touched the back of my hand. “And I did a crap job protecting you from your dad. I can’t make excuses for the past, for not standing up to him more.”

“You loved him.”

“I did. But I didn’t see how…problematic he was until it was much too late. It wasn’t fair to you.”

“We all made mistakes.”

“Yeah.” Her eyes were on something far away. I joined her in staring at the clock above the sink. Pretty, with a little poem and twin angels decorating the face, it had been in our old house too. Still had a crack from the time Dad slammed a door too hard and it fell. Finally, Mom looked away and straightened her shoulders. “But I’m not making new ones. You’ll come tomorrow. We’ll get through this. As a family.”

“Thanks.” My hand hit the edge of one of the cards. Crap. Bruno had left both the cards and the check behind. “Can you keep this safe? I’m not taking it back. No matter what Bruno thinks of me selling the car, I still want to pay him back.”

“You already have.” Standing, she kissed my head. “Now, just be patient. Give him time.”

But it felt like time was the one thing we didn’t have. The party was tomorrow. Bruno only had a short visit. And then he’d be off, sent on a mission to some far-off place. I had a narrow window to make things right with him, and it was rapidly closing.