The Fiancé by Stefanie London

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Ava

THENEXTMORNING, I stretch my arms above my head, enjoying the delicious pull in my muscles. Last night was...incredible. After we got home, we made love, showered, drank more wine on the balcony overlooking the city. We didn’t speak and yet it was the most comfortable I have ever been. Daniel keeps much of himself under lock and key but every day I see a little more. Learn a little more.

I could spend hours in his arms. By his side. Being quiet with him.

Everything feels so right. What started as lust has blossomed into something more. Lust is like love’s two-dimensional cousin; similar on the surface, but not the same. Far from the same. And last night, watching him be vulnerable with my family, watching him be open and honest... It slayed me.

With him, I feel beautiful. Cherished. Appreciated.

I know I have to return to real life. In fact, I have an interview set up with one of my dream schools today thanks to him. A school that would never have looked at me before is suddenly interested in my skills and experience. If I can secure that job, then my whole life could finally click into place: the career I want with kids I can nurture and develop, a salary to afford me some more secure housing, a perfect man.

He’s perfect...until the expiration date.

Sitting in the expansive bed, I hug the crisp cotton sheet to my body. Why can’t I have it all? I let my eyes slide over to the empty space where Daniel slept last night, the sheets rumpled in a rough outline of his incredible physique. Why can’t this be real?

I deserve love. I want love. And I feel things for Daniel I’ve never felt before. I’m in deeper, much deeper. To me...this could be love.

It could be everything.

But it won’t be anything unless I understand whether I’m in these feelings alone. I need to know. The clink of metal and porcelain downstairs draws me out of bed. I pull on my dress from the floor, smoothing my hands over the creases, and head quietly downstairs.

For a moment I stand at the bottom of the steps, quiet as a mouse so I can watch. Could our life be like this? Early mornings scented with coffee, sitting at a kitchen island together talking and making plans for our future?

But the smile on my lips falters as I look closer, because he doesn’t appear to be a man floating on a cloud. His shoulders are bunched, the muscles pressing up around his neck as he scrubs a hand along his jaw.

“You look very tense for a man who spent all night doing what we did,” I say as I walk over and slide a mug under the spout of the coffee machine, jabbing the button for a double shot. It whirs and the noise makes me jump, even though I’m expecting it. My nerves are frayed.

I don’t want this to end. Not yet, I’m not ready.

“We need to talk,” he replies.

“We’re already talking.” I pick up the cup but can’t find the strength to bring it to my lips. Instead I let the warmth seep from the china into my palms.

“I’m moving on from this thing with Marc... He’s obviously not coming back to the company. The deal with Livingstone is moving forward, albeit slowly. But I think I’ve done as much damage control as I can there.” He sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. “As for the reputation damage, there are still detractors, but I think I’ve put you through enough.”

Sunlight streams in as if it’s the most perfect day in existence. Just more proof that the world continues to turn, no matter what.

“I can handle it,” I say, even though inside I feel like I’m doing anything but handling it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“It’s not your responsibility to pay for my mistakes,” Daniel says darkly. “You don’t owe me anything.”

It feels like some cruel message from the universe, some dark foreshadowing. Like a higher being is trying to tell me the very thing I already know: you want something he can’t give you.

“What does that mean for our plans?” I sip my coffee, but it tastes like nothing.

“It means that we can transition out of this arrangement.”

Arrangement.The word hits like a cricket bat to the stomach. “It seems a little callous to call it that now, don’t you think?”

“Does it?” He spears me with a look.

This is it. He wants to know where I stand, and I don’t think it’s for the same reason I want to know where he stands. He’s in damage-control mode. Protection mode. My access to the soft space behind his walls is gone. A door has been slammed in my face.

“Well, I know it was an arrangement at first but...”

“We got together because we both had a problem to solve. Our being together was a solution.”

How could he reduce what we’ve shared to such binary terms? My blood boils, because I know exactly what he’s doing: pushing me away. “Was last night a solution? Or the week before? Or in France?”

The cool facade cracks and for a brief flash there’s something real and raw. He’s determined to shut me out. To keep me in my place.

“The sex isn’t business, you know that.” The sigh he lets out is long and weary. “I’m incredibly attracted to you and it curbed my judgement. I had a moment—several moments—of weakness where I gave in and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”

Sorry. Like he accidently bumped into me in the hallway. Sorry, like he spilled some coffee on my book. Sorry, like we’re acquaintances instead of lovers.

“Well, I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry we slept together and I’m not sorry I told you everything I did. This might have started as a ‘business arrangement’ but that’s not how it’s going to end. At least not for me.”

There, I’ve opened up the floodgates. No turning back now.

“Ava—”

“I know there’s something between us and you feel it, too. The way you look at me...” To my utter horror, I feel tears prick the backs of my eyes, but I will be damned before I cry in front of him. I put my coffee down and square my shoulders, mustering every ounce of courage I have. “It’s not fake. It’s not for show.”

For a moment he says nothing. That’s Daniel, always processing...like a computer.

Let me in.

I know he won’t. But I can’t be like my mother, always doing the thing that feels safest. Always putting security before passion. Always being frightened of getting hurt.

If I never chase what I want, then I’ll be hurting anyway.

“It’s lust. You turn me on more than any other woman I’ve ever known... But I can’t give you more than that. I won’t make the same mistakes as every other idiot in my family.” His face is like carved ice, like marble and stone and concrete. Glittering and hard. “If I don’t learn that lesson, then what was the point of any of this?”

“What lesson, Daniel? That people are disposable? That they can be bought?”

“What else was this if not a transaction?” He gets off his stool and paces across the room, muscles coiled and tight. “And why is that such a bad thing? We both needed something from each other, and we set limits. We’re two adults who walked into this with our eyes open.”

“Then tell me this means nothing to you now. All I’m asking for is the truth.” I lick my lips, my heart pounding so hard it feels like there’s a bongo competition in my chest. But I won’t back down now. I need to know.

“Do you even think it’s possible to love someone in less than two weeks?” He tosses his hands in the air. “That’s ridiculous. It’s Hollywood bullshit.”

Maybe so. It’s quick and I can’t explain it. Can I call it love? I’m not sure. But I know true feeling when I see it. I know potential when I see it. I know a future when I see it.

And I see all of that with Daniel.

“I never said the L word,” I say quietly. “You said that.”

He looks at me and I see it then—fear. He’s shown me his hand, because I didn’t even bring love into the equation and yet that word was already in his head. It fills my heart with hope. I wasn’t wrong, there is something between us.

“It’s mutual attraction and nothing more,” he says stubbornly. “I like you, we had fun together and we solved a few problems. Today you’ll get that job and move on with your life and that will be it. That’s all it ever was.”

Even though I knew it was coming, the words still sting. It hurts even more knowing that he’s lying to me, and to himself. That he’s using these words to hurt me because he doesn’t want to deal with what’s really here.

“I never asked you to make this ring on my finger mean something real. But don’t reduce what we shared to a lie,” I say, turning the sapphire around and around. “You’re better than that.”

The muscles in his jaw twitch. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

“I know a good man when I see one.”

“Then maybe you should get your eyes checked.”

“You can try to downplay what we shared as much as you want, but that won’t change how I feel about it. You can’t take it away from me.”

“There’s no point letting this drag on. I don’t want to hurt you, Ava.” He raked a hand through his hair, but his face was closed off. His dark eyes emotionless. “I should never have pulled you into this in the first place. I’ve been trying so fucking hard to put up this perfect image and to battle all the lies and the accusations and I’m sick of it.”

Despite my frustration that he’s pulling away, my heart bleeds for him. “You’re not that person. You’re not your father.”

“And you’re not your mother, Ava. Don’t settle. Find a man who can give you what you want, who can give you all of him, because it’s what you deserve. But I’m not that person.”

That’s when I feel it—a slicing sensation, like someone is dragging a blade across my heart. Swish. Then an awful gut-clenching. The hollow, yawning ache. It’s so much more physical than I thought it would be—so much more real. Not a metaphorical pain, but real, visceral pain.

He’s right. I can’t be like her.

“Can’t you admit it, Daniel? Admit what you feel even if you don’t want to act on it.” I know I need to let this go. It’s over. Even if we have to go on playing for the cameras a little while longer, sharing his bed—his life—that’s over.

He stares at me for a long moment, like time has frozen him into a perfect replica of a man. “I have to get to work.”

I nod, my heart slowly breaking in two.

“It might be best if you head back to your place for the next few days. I’m sure you need to pack anyway. I’ll have my assistant get in touch about setting you up in one of the Cielo apartments, and we can figure out a lease agreement later.”

Lease agreement. His assistant will call me. Packing my things.

“For what it’s worth,” I say, staring him dead in the eye as I tug the ring off my finger, “I could have loved you, and I’m not afraid to admit that.”

Before he has a chance to respond, I place the ring onto the kitchen counter. Then I turn and head into the room I haven’t slept in since those first few nights. I need to get out of here and collect myself before this interview. Today, I start building my new life. A life where I don’t settle and I keep fighting for what I want, even if the man I want most in the world can’t admit out loud what we share.