Sparks by Yolanda Olson
My God,what have I done?
What’s become of me that in my need for feeling the touch of another, I’ve looked to my own son? Why is he so ready to love me in ways that he shouldn’t and why am I so eager to allow it?
I’m not a sick woman, but it feels like an illness has taken over me, making me crave him in ways that I never did his father. He’s so willing to learn—so keen on making his mother happy, and it’s like a drug. A pill that I shouldn’t swallow, a tonic that should never cross my lips, and an ambrosia that was only meant for the gods.
And yet it’s here.
In my own home, under my roof, waiting for me on nights when I need it the most and can’t control my hunger for it any longer. I indulge in the euphoria of his moans and the way his hands feel when they explore my body.
I’m not worthy of this bliss and I’m not immune to the fact that what we’re doing is forbidden, but we love each other—even if in ways that a mother and son never should, and that has to mean something. The universe can see what we’ve become, and it has yet to strike us dead, and until that happens, I’ll do my best to savor every drop that I was never meant to taste.
As I sit on the edge of my bed, watching the sunset on another day that should never have been, I wonder if Luke understands this as I do. That we should never have been together, and that we’re not meant to live like this.
I wonder if he cares, but I know the boy. I knew him before he came into this world, when he was still growing inside of me. I felt his malcontent for humanity then and I can see it in his eyes when he watches people from the perch of his bedroom window walking down the street.
He cares for no one except for me. Not his father, his siblings, or any strangers that pass by his line of sight. I only hope that one day his love will grow—blossom into something that it should, and that he’ll be able to learn to love a stranger and give her his heart as he’s done to me.
Until that moment comes, he’s mine and even though I know in my heart it’s wrong, I’ll keep him close by when I need to feel the gentle caress of true love.
