Final Extraction by Julie Trettel

Chapter 1

 

 

 

I was destined to be alone with only Fury by my side.

Given my situation it seemed like an ironic name for the cat I’d rescued on a mission shortly before my world spun into darkness and rage. She was my best friend and the only woman I’d ever share a bed with again.

Maybe that seemed a little dramatic, but I had laid eyes on my mate before her death and that was all it had taken for my gorilla to seal my soul to the one woman made just for me, the one woman that could never be.

The cat jumped up onto the bed next to me and cuddled onto my chest. I petted her as she purred happily. She was one reason I was still here. Fury needed me more than anyone else and she was a little shit when I forgot to feed her or clean her litter box. She brought just a tiny bit of normalcy to my otherwise lost soul.

I had replayed the events of that day over and over in my head. More than six months had passed, and it still felt like yesterday. The time was nothing more than a blur, and often in a drunken stupor. I was lucky I even still had a job. Our missions had been few and far between and I knew that was my fault.

My men and women were loyal. They wouldn’t take a mission without me, but I’d been in no condition for work, and they all knew it.

I’d fallen into a routine of depression. I’d contemplated killing myself simply to relieve the pain from seeing that building collapse every time I closed my eyes.

It should have been a simple mission. We had it planned and all our I’s were dotted, and our T’s crossed, so how had it gone so incredibly wrong?

Derek Woodward otherwise known as Woody was the leader of Charlie team. He’d overstepped his position and had ordered the bombs to be detonated before my team was safely out. He’d put us all at risk. Knowing Vada was in there with them, I ran to assist.

Somehow, we’d missed someone. There was a cry for help. That single moment played like a movie in slow motion over and over in my mind.

She stopped. Our eyes locked for only a second. Then she turned and ran to answer the cry. I tried to run after her. I’d tried to stop her, but the others pushed me out of harm’s way. They’d sacrificed her to save me. Why couldn’t they just have let me go?

Every single one of them had mates. They should have understood.

Maybe they would have if you’d just told them the truth.

They hadn’t known. They had suspected, but they hadn’t known she was my one true mate and now she was dead, and it felt like it was all my fault.

I had been feeling her presence for years. She haunted me with each Raglan encampment we took down. She was always there but just out of reach.

I had learned from Emma that her name was Vada and that was simply who she was. She was a survivor but also a protector. She put the lives of everyone else ahead of herself. She had saved countless shifters, always sacrificing herself to get others out. Right up until the very end.

I understood that was just who she was. I was proud of her for that but losing her had hurt in ways I couldn’t bear.

I wasn’t sleeping well despite the tranquilizers Micah, the Westin Pack physician, had started prescribing me. I wasn’t eating and had lost some weight. It showed in my now baggy clothes, but I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to replace them with new stuff that fit. I just cinched the belt a little more each day.

I recognized the affect it was having on my team. Still, I couldn’t pull myself out of the darkness.

Now, Woody and his unit would be arriving. They could already be here for all I knew. It was the annual Force Ball and Conference. A part of me held him responsible for Vada’s death. If he hadn’t stepped in and issued that order, maybe she’d still be alive. I didn’t trust myself to see him face-to-face. I wasn’t sure how my gorilla would react.

While my human side had spiraled into a dark depression, my silverback was raging and furious. He was so filled with hostility that somedays I could barely control him. And still other times I simply didn’t want to. It would be so easy to just give in to the beast within and forget about everything, but there was comfort in the darkness, comfort in my pain. Some sick part of me stubbornly believed I somehow deserved this and that small piece within me wouldn’t submit to the animal.

Patrick O’Connell had already sat me down for my weekly pep talk. I knew what he expected of me, and I knew my team was going to be by my side ready to intercede at any second throughout the coming days. I didn’t like feeling like I was being babysat, but I couldn’t deny it was a necessary plan.

I forced myself to get out of bed. Most days that alone was an accomplishment. My body felt heavy and foreign to me as I stepped into the shower. When was the last time I took one? I couldn’t even remember. I sniffed my armpit and my nose scrunched as I jerked away from the odor. That long.

I bathed the filth from my body. Afterwards I even brushed my teeth and got dressed in what I hoped were clean clothes.

I grabbed my sunglasses and left the Lodge. My eyes squinted against the bright sunlight even with the glasses on. I’d been holed up in darkness matching my soul for far too long.

I walked towards the forest. Painter and I had been the only two gorillas in the area until his mate, Emma, came into his life. We’d found her on a mission as well. Her story wasn’t that different from what Vada’s would have been. I was certain of it.

Painter and I had built nests deep in the woods. They had brought much comfort to me since moving into wolf territory. I thought of them fondly and wandered off in that direction, finding them easily.

There were both ground nests, and others nestled high in the trees. To reach the upper nests I would need to shift into my gorilla, and I wasn’t ready to do that. I was still scared of how he might behave once I let him loose despite knowing the dangers of keeping him cooped up for so long. I’d only shifted three times since that dreaded day. They’d had to coax me back after that last one which made me anxious about trying again.

I sat in the lower nest just hanging out and taking comfort in the peace and sounds of the woods. I wasn’t really sure how long I sat there before I heard a twig crack nearby.

I casually looked in that direction only to see a bunny creeping towards the Lodge.

“Go away Keeley. What are you even doing here?” I asked the bunny.

Keeley was a known spy of the Raglan. We’d been chasing her off for months, but she still kept returning and we really didn’t understand why.

She shifted and the buxom blond walked over to stand naked over me with her arms crossed over her chest.

She was stunningly beautiful, but I felt nothing towards her, not even concern or the slightest bit of curiosity.

“Well, you’re no fun.”

“Come again?”

“Why aren’t you chasing me, big guy? Did I wear you down already?”

“Nah, my heart’s just not in it today.”

“Lots of activity going on at the Lodge I see.”

I nodded. “Annual conference and ball. If you hadn’t sold us out, you’d have an invitation. I take it you’re still busy spying and reporting back to the Raglan?”

She shrugged. “We all have our jobs, right? You can’t fault me for that.”

“No, I just fault you for being a sadistic little bitch.”

A sly smile crossed her lips. “Says you.”

I nodded. “Says me. I’ve heard enough stories to know where you stand.”

In fact, I’d come close to extracting Vada once before, but she had slipped through my grasp because Keeley had double-crossed us. I should have been pissed. I should have felt something as she had the audacity to stand there and talk to me so casually, but I no longer felt anything but pain.

“Come on, what’s bothering you? You can tell me. I recognize that look in your eyes you know. That’s the look of man who has lost everything and is ready to die.”

“I’m not dying,” I grunted through clenched teeth.

“No, that would be too easy. You enjoy the pain. Now who’s the sadistic little bitch? You’re a masochist.” She waited for a reaction, but I gave her nothing. “Wow, well, okay. So, what’s bothering you, big guy?”

“Don’t sit here and pretend you care. Just go away.”

“I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s wrong.”

She stood there staring down at me and I knew she was serious. The only way to get her to leave was to tell her what was going on with me. I hadn’t talked about it with anyone, but for some reason I opened my mouth to say no, and other words started tumbling out.

“I lost my mate in the last battle with the Raglan when we destroyed their facility in Colorado.”

She looked confused. “You’re gay?”

“What? No.”

“Then your mate wasn’t there. We lost three men, that was it. Men, Silas, not women. So, what’s your mate’s name?”

“Vada,” I whispered, more than a little confused.

She grinned. “Vada didn’t die that day.”

I looked up at her with confusion, but she simply laughed, then shifted back and hopped off deeper into the woods. I jumped up to follow, but it was too late. She was gone and even though I knew she was playing me, a bit of hope started to bloom in my chest.