Waste My Time by Kelsey Clayton

I'm notthe kind of person who gets nervous easily. Public speaking, cheering in front of huge crowds, starting a new job or having to meet new people—none of it bothers me. I possess almost the same amount of confidence as my brother does. But sitting here in front of the computer screen, staring back at my parents on the other side, I might vomit.

How do I even tell them this? That their perfect daughter wound up pregnant in the middle of her college education. They are the kind of people who have always expected me to make the right choices. My mom has talked about my bright future for as long as I can remember. Let me tell you, this was never a part of it. They’ve always said that they’re not paying my tuition for me to mess around with my friends. And now I need to tell them that I fucked up. That I failed them. That I ruined their plans for me.

“What's wrong, sweetheart?” my mom asks. “Is everything okay?”

I swallow down the lump in my throat. “Y-yeah. I mean, nothing is wrong, per se.”

“Then why do you look so sick?”

Every part of me wants to run. To shut the computer and act like my internet stopped working. Put off telling them for another couple weeks. But knowing Ryker as well as I do, it's only a matter of time before he lets the news slip. Honestly, it's a shock that he hasn't already.

“I actually need to tell you something.”

It's okay. They can't do anything. They're a thousand miles away, and if they react badly you can just get off the call.

“Well?” My father asks expectantly. “What is it then?”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes as I let the words flow from my mouth. “I'm pregnant.”

The call goes quiet—so silent that the only indication they're still there is the sound of my sister's pet parakeets chirping in the background. When I force myself to look at the screen again, they're both just staring with their jaws slacked.

“Say something,” I beg. “Please.”

My mom's eyes widen, and she shakes herself out of it. “Are you sure?”

I nod. “The doctor said I'm due August 27th. I had an ultrasound and everything.”

“Wow,” my dad murmurs.

Everything feels awkward as we sit on opposite sides of a computer screen. We're so far apart, and yet I can still choke on the tension. It isn't until they start whispering something I can't make out between themselves that the hormones start to get the better of me.

Tears build until one slips out and slides down my cheek. “Do you guys hate me?”

Both their attention turns back to me and they answer in unison. “No.”

“We could never hate you,” my mom assures me. “This is just a shock. We thought you and Easton broke up.”

“We did,” I confirm. “I got pregnant before we broke up. I just didn't know until after.”

“And what about Easton? Is he doing his part?” my dad inquires, sounding like he'll have his gun ready depending on the answer.

I drop my head. “He's trying. It's just not an easy situation.”

My mom grabs her phone. “I think I need to fly out there. You need your mom right now.”

No. That's actually the last thing I need.”No, Mom. You don't need to do that.”

“I think I do, Kennedy.”

Fuck. “No, really. Finals are coming up and everything. I won't even have the time to spend with you.”

She sighs, but thankfully gives in. “Well, are you at least taking care of yourself? Prenatal vitamins are very important.”

“Yes, Mom,” I say with a small smile. “I take them every day, even when they make me feel sick. And I've been napping in between classes and studying. I promise.”

My mom breaks into an already well known story about how she had preeclampsia with the twins, and how I should be very careful and always go to the doctor for any concerns. I nod patiently and have to hold back a laugh as my dad rolls his eyes when he thinks she isn't looking.

“I saw that,” my mom chastises.

My dad smirks. “I didn't do anything.”

As they bicker back and forth, a knock at my door pulls my attention away. I get up and walk over to it, but when I open it, there's no one there. Instead, there is just a paper bag. My brows furrow as I glance down the hallway just in time to see Easton enter the stairwell. Grabbing the paper bag, I bring it inside.

“Who was that?” my mom questions.

“Easton,” I murmur as I start taking things out of the bag.

Each item has a little note attached to it, and every single word pulls at my emotions.

Gatorade—to keep you hydrated.

Tums—for when the baby gives you heartburn, or when I do.

Tissues—for when everything just becomes too much.

And lastly, a key—for if you ever need anything, no matter what time of day.

I hold the key to his house in the palm of my hand as my heart swells. Out of all of it, I think the thing that means the most was the selflessness. He didn't stay and try to talk to me. He didn't try to force what he has to say down my throat. He simply wanted me to have these things.

He's changing.

“Well?” My mom asks impatiently. “What is it?”

Tears stream down my face and I quickly swat them away. “Just a few things I needed. Can we talk about this later though? I've got to go.”

“What? You can't just drop a bomb like this on us and then say you have to go.”

My dad shakes his head. “She's a grown adult, Melissa. She can do whatever she wants.”

Mom sighs, and I give Dad a thankful smile. “I love you guys.”

“We love you, too,” they answer in unison.

As soon as I shut the computer, I sit down on my bed and stare at the key still firmly in my hand. I don't think I can find it in me to trust him again yet. The choices he made and the things he did are some that are the hardest to forgive. But if he keeps doing things like this, I can't say it won't happen eventually.

EVERY DAY CONTINUES THEsame way, with a knock three times the way Easton does, and a bag of something left at my door. Day two was a couple books by my favorite authors. On day three it was cold, and he dropped off a hoodie of his that I always stole whenever I was at his house. Day four, a fetal Doppler so I can listen to the baby's heartbeat on my own.

One thing I've noticed is that he always comes around the same time—6:15 p.m., when he knows I'll be home. On day five, I decide to stand near the door and wait for the knock. The second it sounds, I yank the door open just as he's putting the bag on the floor.

Easton's eyes meet mine and he picks the bag back up, handing it to me. “I figured with studying, you'd be hungry. Amelia said this is one of the only things you can hold down right now.”

I open the bag to find lasagna from an Italian place over by Tye and Carter's new house. I've been obsessed with it ever since the restaurant catered their housewarming party, and now it seems to be the only thing the baby wants.

“Thank you,” I tell him sincerely. “I'm actually starving, so this helps.”

He nods slowly. “Well, you should go eat while it’s hot. Do you need anything else?”

“No, but I appreciate it.”

Taking a step away, he stops and then turns around. I stay completely still as he comes closer and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. My eyes close as I feel his breath on my skin, and when he pulls away, he puts his hands in his pockets and walks down the hallway.

I'm so fucked.

TYE AND AMELIA WATCHin amusement as I throw my head back and groan. It's pretty much the only thing I've been doing since I got to work. It's like my brain is such a puddle of mush lately that I can't even formulate a complete thought, let alone make any sense.

“Why can't he let me be mad at him?” I whine. “Being mad at him was easier than this.”

Amelia chuckles. “First you're mad because he's doing everything wrong, and now you're mad because he's doing everything right. He deserves a medal for dealing with you.”

I narrow my eyes at her, but when I open my mouth to retort, nothing comes out. She's right. I'm sitting here getting frustrated because he's doing all the right things, when I should just be thankful he's still trying. He's still holding on. He won't give up no matter how hard I push back. And there's a lot to be said about that.

Becoming fully vulnerable and exposed, I drop my guard and look at them with fear in my eyes. “What if he hurts me again?”

“I mean, he probably will. He’s a boy. They do stupid things. But I don't think he’ll do it on purpose,” Tye counters.

“You don't know that. He could change his mind. Take one look at the baby and decide being a father isn't what he wants after all. Or he could fall in love with someone else after spending the night at the bar looking for something to take his mind off the hundreds of responsibilities he has at home. Or what if he lies to me again? I can't handle all that. I'll—”

Tye throws a hand over my mouth to stop my rant. “That isn't going to happen. He loves you.”

My shoulders sag in defeat. “How are you so sure?”

“Because he came into Safe & Sound earlier,” she admits.

I throw my hands in the air. “Great, so he was hanging out with Tessa. This is exactly my point!”

She rolls her eyes and then grabs my cheeks. “Listen to me. He came into Safe & Sound to tell Tessa that he can't talk to her anymore.”

“He what?” Amelia and I ask in unison.

Tye nods. “I didn't hear the conversation first hand, but when he left she told me that he said he couldn't talk to her anymore. That he values her friendship and thanked her for everything she's done for him, but that he has to put you first.”

Shocked doesn't even begin to explain how I feel. My whole body is tingling, and my heart is beating against my ribcage like it's trying to break free. I always wished he would pick me over Tessa, but I never thought there would be a time he actually would. It's why I left. I couldn't handle being second choice to the person I always put first. But he...

“Oh my God,” I breathe. “I have to go.”

Tye tosses me the keys to her brand-new car with a smirk, and I run out the door.

I need to get to Easton.

ALL THE LIGHTS IN the house are on as I run up the steps. I pull out the key Easton gave me and shove it into the lock, throwing the door open as soon as I can. Zayn is sitting on the couch and looks at me, confused, but it only takes a second before he figures out what, or rather who, I'm looking for.

“Upstairs in his room,” he tells me.

I thank him and book it up the steps. Before I can second guess myself, I go straight to his bedroom and barge in. Easton is sitting at his desk, earbuds in, hunched over a notebook, but when he turns around and sees me, he yanks them from his ears.

“Kennedy?” He stands up and comes toward me. “Is everything okay?”

“You gave her up,” I say breathlessly.

“What?”

I wipe away a stray tear and hold my head high as I stare back at him. “Tessa. You chose me over her.”

He arches his brows at me. “Of course I did. You're the most important person in my life—you and the baby. I should have figured that out a lot sooner, but better late than never, I guess.”

Everything I was holding against him fades away as I stand here, remembering all the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.

My best friend's hot older brother.

My favorite late-night conversation partner.

The father of my child.

I take a step toward him. “Say it. Tell me.”

He comes closer and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “It's you. The answer to any choice is always you.”

Emotions wrack through me as I throw myself against his chest. Everything is so overwhelming and I don't know which way is up, but as he wraps his arms around me while I sob, I know I need this. I need him here, holding me tightly when things get to be too much.

He waits patiently for me to stop crying, running his hand over my hair and whispering sweet things to me.

That it's going to be okay.

That he's here.

That he understands.

And I just breathe in the scent of him, something I've missed so much.

When I finally pull away, I can already tell I look like a mess. I can feel the mascara dripping down my face. I let out a huff and excuse myself into the bathroom. Sure enough, black smears start at my eyes and make their way down.

I'm trying to clean myself up with a tissue and some water when Easton leans against the doorway. As my gaze locks with his, I stop. He takes a step toward me and gently pulls the tissue from my grasp, removing the rest of the makeup with a gentleness I don't know that I've ever felt from him.

Once he's done, he puts it down and uses a light grip on my chin to tilt my head up. I stare at him with my every emotion on full display. There's nothing I could hide from him if I wanted to right now. I'm completely exposed.

“You're beautiful,” he whispers.

Everything in me wants to kiss him. To take him back. To let him claim me the way he always used to. But instead I force myself to look away. I stare down at the floor until his lips against my ear makes my breath hitch.

“At the risk of pushing my luck, I just want you to know...” He forces me to look at him again. “I've seen the way Alec touches you, and I've been patient. But if I catch his hand on you again, I'm going to snap, and there will be no apologies for what I do to him.”

I stand tall and square my shoulders. “You're a puppy dog. Your bark is bigger than your bite.”

He smirks and wraps an arm around my back, pulling me into him. “Fucking try me, baby.”

“What are you doing?” My voice shakes as I ask the question, but my body makes no attempt to remove myself from his hold.

“Every goddamn thing it takes to get you back, and I won't let anything stand in my way—including childhood lover boys. You are mine, Kennedy.” He dips down and, without kissing me, manages to take my bottom lip between his teeth. “Fucking mine.”

I stay still as his hand splays across most of my back, until I reach up and run my fingers up from the back of his neck, into his hair. He stares into my eyes, not making a move but waiting for an okay. And when he dips his thumb under my shirt and I feel his burning touch on my skin, every restraint I have snaps.

Arching up, I press my lips to his, and it's as if he was waiting for it. He reacts immediately, taking over the kiss in the dominant way he does. He grips my hips and lifts me up. The way he holds me as my legs wrap around his waist tells me he's been working out. A way to relieve his frustrations, no doubt. But I wish he would take them out on me.

As our tongues tangle together, he carries me out of the bathroom and lays me down on his bed. I drag my nails down his back, moaning while he kisses his way down to my neck. With the force he's using, I know his intention is to leave a hickey. To mark me. To claim me for everyone to see. And fuck, why is that so hot?

“Easton,” I plead.

Between the pregnancy hormones and having gone without sex for months now, my libido is on fucking overdrive. The students of North Haven University are lucky they haven't caught me outside, dry humping the nearest bench to get a little relief. Tye kept telling me to buy a vibrator, but I haven't done it yet. And now it's led to this.

Thank fuck it led to this.

“I've got you, baby,” he answers. “Don't worry. I've got you.”

My head presses firmly into the pillow as he undoes the button on my jeans. It's almost like he's trying to take his time, wants to enjoy it, but also can't get inside of me fast enough. And God, I know the feeling.

When he isn't moving fast enough, I grab the waistband of his sweatpants and his boxers, pushing them down in one go. His cock springs free, hard as a steel with veins protruding to the surface. My mouth salivates at the sight of it, but if I don't have something to clench around soon, I may actually self-combust.

He undresses me from the waist down and presses his cock against my pussy. I'm already soaking wet as he catches some of it on the tip of his dick and rubs it on my clit—teasing even when he has no patience.

“Fuck, I've missed this,” he growls.

I go to answer, but as he sinks inside of me, the only thing that leaves my mouth is a breathy moan. He dives down and pushes my shirt and bra up, exposing my breasts, and immediately takes one into his mouth. I can feel every single part of him everywhere.

His mouth.

His hands.

His cock.

He thrusts into me again and again while making sure I feel as much pleasure as possible. It doesn't take long until the familiar pressure builds in my core. I arch my hips up to grind against him, and he pleases me by pushing down with the same amount of force. It's like he's prepared for me to just use him as my own personal dildo, taking what I want and not apologizing for it.

“You feel incredible,” he says as he bends down to kiss me. “I love feeling you like this. Raw and with nothing in between us.”

My impending orgasm is doused in an instant as I realized why we're able to be like this. The reason we're here. The reason we shouldn't be doing this. The reason we can't.

There's no need for a condom when you're already pregnant.

“Stop,” I croak.

His movements halt as he looks at me, bewildered. “What?”

“Please, stop,” I repeat. “I need you to stop.”

He pulls out and gets off me without hesitation, but he watches me like I'm a caged animal and ready to run at the slightest movement. “Did I do something wrong?”

I shake my head as I start to cry again, because even now, he's being so perfect. He's been wanting nothing but this—me—and the second he gets it I take it away again, but he's still a gentleman. He still stopped the second I asked him to, asking questions after not before.

“No,” I say sadly. “You're perfect.”

“Then what's wrong?” He lays on his side next to me.

“It's the baby.”

His eyes widen and panic covers his face. “Oh my God. I didn't hurt you, did I? Do I need to take you to the hospital?”

I put a hand on his face to calm him down. “Relax. The baby is fine.”

“You're sure?”

“Yes, I'm sure.”

He exhales. “Okay. Then what's the problem? Why'd you want to stop?”

I pull my eyes off of him and stare at the ceiling. “The problem is us. God, Easton. It's so easy to get lost in you again. To just fall back into this like nothing bad ever happened.”

“So, why don't you?”

“Because I can't,” I admit. “It's not just us anymore. There's a baby we need to put first here. We can't just dive head first back into everything with no repercussions. For all we know, I could have the baby, and you could decide you don't want to be a father.”

Reaching out, he places his hand on my stomach that's starting to have an unmistakable bump. “I won't.”

“You don't know that,” I counter.

“I do.”

“You still have your out. I'm not taking it back.”

He shakes his head and smiles. “I don't want it. I want this. I want you and our baby. Ken, I asked you to marry me.”

I roll my eyes. “Because you didn't want to lose me.”

“No. Because I didn't want to lose either of you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

He's saying all the right things, and so much of me wants to just believe him. I want to take his word for it and just throw myself back into this without looking back. But I can't. I need to protect myself, because this baby needs the best, and you can't pour from a broken glass.

“I'm sorry,” I tell him honestly.

For a moment, I expect an argument. A glimpse of the Easton that gets angry when he doesn't get his way. But I don't see any of that. Instead, he just bends down and gives me one more gentle kiss.

“Just promise me something?” he asks.

“What?”

Now it's his turn to be vulnerable as I can see him almost let his guard down. “Don't cut me out again. It's not something I can handle.”

His words hit a soft spot, and I have no reason not to agree to that. He's been doing everything right lately, and even tonight, he proved that I come first.

“Okay, I won't,” I promise.

He looks visibly relieved. “Thank you.”

The two of us slip out of bed, not wanting to risk taking things too far again—especially since we both have a severe case of sexual frustration. And I know if I stay here any longer, there's no telling what might end up happening. The two of us together has always been explosive, and clearly that hasn't changed.

“I should get going,” I tell him. “I have to pack up my dorm.”

His brows furrow as he turns to me. “Where are you going?”

Fuck, I'm so not used to him not knowing things. “I'm moving to Tye's for the summer. My parents wanted me to come home, but there are so many reasons to stay. So I'm packing and moving before finals so I don't have to stress about it during them.”

“Am I one of those reasons?”

“What?”

He watches me intently. “You said there are so many reasons to stay. Am I one of them?”

I smile down at the ground and run my hand over my bump. “You should come with me in a couple weeks. I have an ultrasound.”

The corners of his mouth raise as he comes closer. He puts a hand on my belly and stares into my eyes, making me feel like I have every last bit of his attention. Always.

“I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

For a second, I cover his hand with my own as the two of us stay locked in this moment. Honestly, I could never move from here and be completely content. But instead, it gets interrupted by a sudden jab to the inside of my stomach. Both of us gasp and turn our attention to my belly.

“Was that just...” He trails off as it happens again.

I can't help but giggle as I feel our baby kicking inside me. “This is incredible.”

He covers my whole stomach with both his hands, but he focuses on my face. “You are incredible.”