Duke of Wicked Intentions by Harriet Caves
Chapter Twenty-Four
Miranda couldn’t calm her mind down long enough to string together a logical thought. She could hardly believe any of this was happening, and she didn’t know the best way to process any of it.
She was pregnant. Pregnant with Benedict’s child. They had only spent that one night together, and yet their joining had planted a seed which had immediately taken root.
Miranda wasn’t sure how she felt about the revelation. On the one hand, she had always wanted to be a mother, and so a part of her was happy to be carrying a baby of her very own. On the other hand, the father of that baby wanted to abandon her and had broken her heart into countless pieces.
The pain she still felt regarding Benedict’s dismissal of her was tainting her joy at finding out she would be a mother, and that only made her more resentful of him. “Miranda, we should discuss this–”
“No,” she snapped, shaking her head. “I do not want you here because you feel it is your duty or any other such nonsense. I do not want you here if you do not want to be here. Rest assured, your heir will be cared for and raised properly, with the education necessary for his station.”
He stared at her as if in disbelief. She wished he’d leave, but he continued to sit next to her on the bed, far too close for her liking. His scent surrounded her and she could feel the heat from his body coiling around her. Her body responded to his nearness, growing soft and warm. That place between her legs started to dampen and she grimaced in disgust of herself. How could she be so furious at him, and yet want him so badly all at once?
“Miranda,” he softly said, reaching out as if to take her hand, but she jerked it away from him before he could touch her. His hand stayed suspended in the air for several long moments before he slowly lowered it again. “Miranda, please, just listen to what I have to say. Then you can decide if you want me to leave or not.”
She glared at him. “I’ll decide if I want you to leave or not? Oh, no. You will not turn this on me, as if I’m the one who has brought us to this point. This is not my fault. I am not the one sending you away, but I also will not force you to stay.”
Benedict raised his hands as if in surrender and nodded. “Yes, yes, you’re right. I apologize. I didn’t mean to imply that you are the one wishing for me to leave. I just…I just don’t want you to hate me if I stay.”
She released an exasperated breath. “Is this guilt? Is that why you’re saying all this? I don’t want your guilt, Benedict. I don’t have the time or patience for it.”
“It’s not guilt,” he insisted. Then, he amended, “Or, at least, it’s not primarily guilt. I am sorry that I told you I would leave. I was a fool to even entertain the notion. But you have to understand, it wasn’t because I don’t care for you. It’s because I thought it was the only way to keep myself from hurting you.”
She frowned at him, her expression baffled. “How does that make any sense? You hurt me so that you wouldn’t hurt me? Do you hear yourself, Benedict? Do you understand how nonsensical that sounds?”
He released a heavy sigh. “I…I do, yes. If you will allow me to explain, though, I think you will better understand my point of view on the matter.”
She was tempted to tell him to get out then and there, just to spite him. Yet, she couldn’t quite shake her curiosity as to why he thought staying would lead to him hurting her. Benedict was not an illogical man, and so to have such an illogical thought was certainly surprising, coming from him.
With a begrudging huff, she leaned back against her pillows and snapped, “Fine. You may explain your point of view, but I make no promises that I will think any better of you.”
He nodded. “I understand. That seems rather fair, actually.”
When he didn’t speak right away, she pursed her lips together and waved her hand at him. “Well? Get on with it.”
He looked thoughtful a moment more, and then he began, “My father was a rather mean man. He did not treat my mother well, nor myself for that matter. As I understand it, when they were first married, he was quite good to her. Affectionate and doting. Overtime, however, something in him changed. Something rotted inside of him and turned him…bad.”
Miranda furrowed her brow, thinking back to when they were younger to try and recall how the Duke treated his family. She hadn’t often seen the Duke throughout her adolescence. He was more of a fringe character in her memories, lurking just out of sight, mostly talked about rather than seen.
She did recall that the few times they had been present in the same place, he’d seemed rather cold and held himself at a distance from everyone else. Miranda had never been all that comfortable around him, as he never seemed all that pleasant of a person to her.
It wasn’t hard for her to believe that he would treat his family poorly, then. Sympathy bubbled up within her for Benedict, and even the Dowager, but she didn’t let herself be completely softened by his words. He still hadn’t explained why his father’s actions would cause him to want to abandon her, especially when the Duke was no longer living.
“I am sorry that your father was not a good man,” she told Benedict. “And I am sorry for anything you might have suffered at his hands. I must admit, though, that I don’t see how this affects us now.”
Benedict ran an agitated hand through his hair. “I was…afraid.”
“Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that I would become just like him,” he admitted softly. “An angry, cold man who treated his wife and child as though they were burdens on his life rather than his family. I…I didn’t want to treat you the same as he treated my mother. I was terrified that whatever it was that rotted away his soul would rise up in me and eat away at mine as well.”
Miranda blinked, surprised by his confession. She didn’t say anything in response for several moments as she tried to sort through everything he’d just said. “You…you feared you’d become like your father,” she softly repeated. “And that you would hurt me as a result. That’s why you wanted to leave?”
He lowered his gaze, as if ashamed, and nodded. “Yes. That’s why.”
Though it was likely foolish of her, Miranda’s heart began to soften toward him, just a bit. She thought the idea of Benedict becoming like his father was ridiculous, but clearly the fear of such a thing happening was very real for him.
“Why didn’t you simply tell me this?” she asked. “Why did you keep your reasoning a secret? I might have been more understanding had I known. I would’ve thought you were ridiculous, but I would have understood.”
A self-deprecating smile twisted his lips. “The only explanation I can really offer for that is cowardice, plain and simple. Really, my actions and my whole attitude in making this decision has been cowardly. It would have been better had I discussed the matter with you, I know that, but it was far easier to just…leave.”
His words hurt her, but they didn’t make her angrier. In fact, she was losing the worst of her temper as he revealed more and more about his beliefs and reasons for his actions. She wasn’t going to let herself forgive him entirely just yet, however. Whatever his reasoning, his actions still hurt her a great deal.
“If you had given me the chance to know all this before, we might have been able to avoid this whole mess,” she murmured, gazing down at her fingers as they plucked at the cover over her lap. “But you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.”
“You’re right,” he conceded. He reached for her hand again, and this time she let him take it. “I was a fool, Miranda. A stupid, stupid fool. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but is there any way you can find it in your heart to move past this? Eventually?”
She glanced up at him. “Possibly.”
He looked a bit disappointed that she wasn’t immediately affirming his forgiveness, but he wisely didn’t push her on the matter. Instead, he squeezed her hand and gave her a soft smile.
“I suppose I should be grateful for even that much. I promise I will make it up to you, Miranda. I will find a way to fix what I’ve broken between us.”
She wanted to believe him. She felt almost desperate in her desire to, but she continued to hesitate with him. This wasn’t the first time she’d been hurt by him. Despite it being a misunderstanding that had driven them apart before, he’d still run from England to get away from her.
That was his pattern, it seemed. When face with a problem, he would flee it rather than confront it. Was that what she could expect from him throughout their marriage? When things got difficult for them, would he just run and leave her to clean up his messes?
“Benedict, I would love nothing more than to know that you will stay with me now,” she said hesitantly. “But…I’m terrified that you’ll do this sort of thing again.”
“I swear to you, I won’t,” he tried to assure her.
“Yet that’s the thing, you can’t know that you won’t. Nothing has really changed, apart from the baby. There’s nothing to assure me that you won’t run from me the next time things are difficult for us. How can I trust you to stay by my side when you’ve given me nothing to truly reassure me that you’ve experienced a significant change?”
He looked stricken for a moment, as if recognizing the truth of her words. Then, after a few seconds had past, he released a long, deep breath and nodded. “Well…what if I could give you something more significant? What if I could prove to you that I’m truly dedicated to you and won’t run from you again?”
Miranda almost laughed. “What could you possibly say or present to me to prove that?”
Lifting her hand, he shocked her by putting it to his lips and kissing her along her knuckles. A tremor raced through her body, starting from the tips of her fingers and settling into the pit of her stomach. Her desire for him was still so strong, she knew it would cloud her judgment if she allowed it to. She tried to tug her hand away, to break their connection before her body and its wants overpowered her mind, but he wouldn’t let her go.
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Benedict, what–?”
“What if I told you I loved you?” he asked, starting straight into her eyes.
She gawked at him, certain she’d misheard. “What? What are you saying?”
“You heard me perfectly fine,” he told her, the corner of his mouth twitching. “If I were to tell you that I was in love with you, would you believe me?”
Miranda could only stare at him in shock and disbelief for several long moments. At length, she managed to say, “Love? You’re in love with me?”
He nodded. “Very much so. I’ve never felt this way about a woman before. I’m honestly not sure what to do with all the emotions swirling around inside me, but I know that I never want to leave your side again. I was foolish before. I let my fear overpower me and control me, but I see now that I was wrong to be fearful that I could become my father.”
“Why is that?” she asked him, needing to know what he was thinking in that moment. “What is it that’s made you see the truth, after so long?”
“It was you,” he told her with conviction. “You entered my world and changed everything for me, Miranda. At first, I didn’t want to believe it. I denied it because I didn’t know how you would feel in return, and I didn’t want to face a rejection if I poured my heart out to you.”
“Yet now, you’re fine with this?” she asked him as she fought not to smile. “You don’t mind allowing yourself to be vulnerable in front of me?”
He shook his head. “Not if it means convincing you that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I want to wake up every morning in your arms, and that I don’t want to leave your side.”
His words were like music to her ears, but there was still one more thing she was uncertain of. “Tell me,” she began, “the only reason you are asking me to forgive you and declaring your love for me isn’t because I’m with child, is it?”
To her relief, he immediately began shaking his head. “No! Of course not! Finding out about the baby might have pushed me to examine the depth of my feelings for you, but I’ve loved you for some time now. I was just too stubborn and stupid to allow myself to fully acknowledge them.”
He held her gaze as he spoke, and she couldn’t deny that he was telling her the truth about…everything, really. Not only did he love her, but he wanted to stay with her. He no longer wanted to run.
At last, she allowed herself to relax. She smiled fully at him as she felt tears stinging her eyes. “I love you too,” she told him in a soft voice. “I don’t want you to leave. I’ve never wanted that. I want you to stay here with me and the baby. I want us to be a real family.”
He released a long breath, looking relieved, as he leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“We will be,” he murmured as he lowered his face so his mouth hovered over hers. “We will be a family, My Love. A true family that loves each other, and I promise to do everything in my power to make sure you never doubt my affection and loyalty again.”
The tears that had been gathering in her eyes suddenly broke free and she let out a little sob of joy before Benedict’s lips met hers. She could hardly believe this was happening, but she was so happy in that moment, she felt as if her heart was soaring.
As she and Benedict kissed and solidified their bond and promises to each other of a bright future, it was as if the past simply melted away. It no longer mattered how they had spent years angry with each other or why. All that mattered now was what lay before them. A bright, joyful future filled with love, hope, and family.
