The Earl, the Lady and the Song of Love by Fanny Finch
Chapter 17
As the wheels of the carriage rolled, bearing Nigel home, he could not help thinking over the events of the day.
He had not really been certain what to expect from the meeting as he left his home that morning. However, knowing that if he wished to have a life with the lovely Miss Hartford, meeting her entire family was the least he could do, he had prepared himself for whatever was to come.
When Miss Hartford had told him the reason her aunt wished to see him, he had tried to keep from being worried. Her aunt had every right to be weary of his intentions and the pace at which they were moving, so he had told himself.
Thankfully, upon meeting the Marchioness, he had immediately taken a liking to her. She was warm, pleasant, and so very welcoming.
He had felt at ease right away, his fears disappearing. Even when she had begun to interrogate him after they had dined, he had not been nervous one bit.
Playing croquet with her had been quite enjoyable as well. It had been a while since he last played the game. It was wonderful to know that he still had a knack for it. Of course, losing to her had been a given.
No woman liked to lose. He had the feeling that the Marchioness in particular hated it. Ensuring that she took the victory and glory had been necessary if he wished to endear himself to her, and he did.
He had definitely enjoyed his time at Dusham utterly. Even more so because he had seen Miss Hartford shine like never before.
Nigel had always thought her delightful, but something had been evidently different that day. Before his very eyes, she had bloomed, showing him arrays of a thousand colorful lights.
Of course, he knew that her wholesome relationship with her aunt might have been the reason for this. Nevertheless, a part of him liked to think that she was truly beginning to see him as someone who she could be her true self around.
It would mean that indeed, she was starting to trust him. Hence, why she had let herself relax so.
Miss Hartford had mentioned that those who considered her a bore changed their stance when they got to know her better. Nigel was unashamedly thrilled at the thought of how much more charming she would become as their relationship grew.
It was indeed something to look forward to . . . as was the prospect of becoming her husband.
After the small conversations they had had in the carriage and by her doorstep as they said their farewells, he believed that it would not be long now.
Of course, he had meant every word when he had said that there was no rush, and he was willing to wait. Still, it was only a matter of time. Miss Hartford herself had shared that she would not object to marrying him.
He knew he had her father’s blessings and he hoped Lewis approved of him, too. Something told him her aunt did as well.
All they needed was time, time to get to know each other even better.
Nigel feared that he was already starting to like her too much for his own good. In fact, if he were being entirely honest, he would say that he was beginning to fall for her. After all, he had liked her since that night he first set his eyes upon her.
He tried not to worry about this, but he could not help himself. In his foolishness, he had given her his word that he would never ask for love. What would happen if he ended up falling completely for her?
Would he be happy in a marriage of unrequited love? And if he would not, would he break his honor by taking back his word?
The way she had looked at him as she said those words, “It appears you speak to my soul, my dear Lord. I simply cannot help trusting your words and believing you are right for me”, made him believe that he did not have a wholly farfetched dream.
That she, too, could come to love him.
Still, he knew it would be foolishness to hope, lest he only got himself hurt. How wonderful would it be though, to love and be loved by her in return?
It was the truth; he had never sought love in marriage. Even though he had seen his parents share one and watched his mother become lucky enough to find it again with Lord Cheshire, he had still known enough to tell himself not to dream.
Miss Hartford had changed all of that. She made him dream. She made him feel and want. And he found he was drawn to her all the more, for that.
Ethan was in the study when Nigel finally arrived home.
Nigel smiled as he found him sitting on one of the sofas, book in hand. When his brother would not even look up at him, Nigel wondered how interested the tale had to be to have him so engrossed.
“I never thought the day would come when I would be envious of a book,” he jested as he began to shrug off his coat and hat.
Without looking up, Ethan replied. “The book is more intriguing than your person. You, I have known all my life. This tale, I have only just stumbled upon.”
He closed the book as he finished speaking, only looking up then.
Nigel went ahead to the liquor cabinet to grab a bottle of brandy before coming back to sit.
“How was your afternoon?” Ethan asked after an appraisal.
Nigel drank before responding, “Lovely.” There was a smile on his face.
He wondered if Ethan realized he was smiling as well.
“I take it you enjoyed your visit then. How was her aunt? Charming?”
“Quite,” Nigel responded. “I felt at home and we happened to play a game of croquet, her aunt and I.”
Ethan widened his eyes in mock horror. “You should have been winning her over, not beating her at a game of croquet! Of all the sports you could have played, you happened to choose one in which you never lose—well, except to me, the master of the game.”
Nigel chuckled as he sipped from his glass again. “Well, for the sake of clarity, I did not choose the game. Lady Darkwood did.”
“Still, you could have refused.”
“Refuse a lady? Come now, even you know that is a greater offence than winning. That is not to say I did not try though. I did. She simply would not have it. The Marchioness, what shall I say? She is a special woman, with steel for a spine. All the more reason why I instantly took a liking to her.”
Ethan hissed, eyeing his brother. “It matters not if you like her. She is the one who has to take a liking to you if you hope to marry the niece she considers her own daughter. How ever are you to achieve that now that you have beat her at a game of croquet?”
Nigel chuckled again, his deep, rich timbre filling the air.
“I only said I played a game of croquet, Ethan. I never said I won. Let us not be quick to jump to conclusions now, shall we?”
“You mean you deliberately lost to her?” There was gladness in his brother’s eyes.
Nigel hid a smirk. “Well, I am no fool. I have lived longer than you, little brother. I know how these things must be done.”
Ethan jeered at him. “Rub it in with a little more salt, will you?” His mock anger was gone in a moment, replaced by a brilliant grin. “Now I suddenly wish I were there to watch it! Lord Kensington, losing at a game of croquet to anyone other than myself and willingly, for the matter. I do believe today is a special day. I reckon there will be a heavy storm tonight. Have the clouds begun to gather?”
Raising his glass to his lips once again, Nigel said, “If I had known it would make you so happy, perhaps, I would have reconsidered telling you.”
That elicited a soft chuckle from his younger brother.
“Not having regrets so soon now, are we? Moving on, how fares the lovely Miss Hartford?”
At the mention of her name, Nigel felt warmth begin to creep up his cheeks. He knew Ethan would see and tease him harder but trying to fight it was futile.
On cue, his brother chimed. “Ooh . . . can it be? It appears only her name is enough to get you all flushed. It was not so this morning. Tell me, did something happen today? You are finally beginning to fall for her, are you not?”
“One question at a time, will you? Or perhaps you do not require an answer to any?”
Ethan’s eyes widened. “An answer to all, if you please,” he answered without missing a beat. “I want to know everything. Being back in London has been drearier than I had reckoned. It is the little news like this that keeps me from going back to sea. What do you say? Let me live through you, brother. Eh?”
Nigel’s heart was filled with joy. It was just like old times. Going back and forth with Ethan brought back fond memories. They had always been like this. When they were younger, it used to be mildly aggravating; but as they grew older, it soon became one of their favorite things to do.
He truly was glad to have his brother and best friend back home for good.
“You should live for yourself. When do you plan to leave, anyway? I hear Arthur is arranging an estate for you north of Cheshire.”
Ethan nodded. “And a townhouse in London. We both know you are not ready to have me gone, so I shall stay here for as long as I want. Perhaps, when you finally marry the lovely Miss Hartford, I will consider leaving. Now, do not keep me wondering any longer. Tell me everything, please.”
Nigel chuckled as he held brother’s sad gaze. It was no secret that he could refuse Ethan nothing, especially when he made those sad eyes. So, as Nigel recovered, he told his brother all that had ensued between himself and his lady that afternoon.
When he was done, Ethan was staring in awe.
“Goodness! I sensed that this was bound to happen, but I did not think it would happen so soon,” he gushed as he found his voice.
Nigel frowned in confusion. “What?”
“Surely, you know what I mean?”
Nigel gave it some thought. “Do I?”
“Of course! You are utterly smitten! No, beyond that, you are in love.”
Nigel’s first reaction was to laugh. As he recovered, he cleared his throat before speaking.
“Now, I am aware that I truly care for Miss Hartford and yes, I am beginning to fall in love with her. Only just beginning. I am not yet there.”
Ethan scoffed. “Do you truly believe that? Perhaps, you should look yourself in the mirror when you speak of her. You have moon eyes.”
“Moon eyes?”
Ethan nodded. “It is the eyes which a man has when he is in love.”
Nigel gave into the urge to roll his eyes. “I suggest you stop reading those romance novels, dear brother! They have got you daydreaming and sounding like a little girl.”
Ethan smirked. “Your envy certainly is getting the better of you. Moving on, this is going to pose a problem, would it not? You and the lady already have an agreement. Whatever are you going to do now?”
Nigel’s heart was beating so hard, he feared his chest would give way. He did not want to believe what Ethan was saying. How could one fall in love so easily, so quickly?
It cannot be.
Yet wasn’t it? Even in that very moment, he missed her. He had only just said goodbye, but he wanted to be with her again. He wanted to watch her as she laughed, relishing the sweet harmony that often left her lips when she did.
He could spend all night speaking to her and never grow weary. He did not want to consider it, but he knew he dreaded the possibility of not marrying her.
Perhaps, he was not utterly in love with her yet, but he was not far off.
Heavens. What am I to do?
“You see it now, do you not?” Ethan asked. “What are you going to do?” He asked again after a bit.
Nigel sighed. “I have only just asked myself that question. I gave her my word that I would not ask for more than friendship.”
“So, you agree to a life of pining after a woman who will never love you in return? Do you not believe you deserve better?”
“What would you have me do? Taking back my word would be as good as breaking my honor.”
Ethan shook his head. “Show me a man who can control his heart and I will show you a man who has not yet lived. You came to an agreement based on what you felt at the time. Now that those feelings have changed, it is only right to alter that agreement, is that not so? I am certain even the lady would understand. You did say she is sensible.”
Nigel sighed, dropping his head in his palm. “Indeed. Nevertheless . . .”
“It is what you have to do, brother. The sooner, the better. The longer it takes, the harder it shall be to tell her the truth.”
There was a small moment of silence as Nigel contemplated his brother’s words.
It was Ethan who broke the spell. “Life without love can be cold. However, a life where one loves and is not loved in return? It would crush even the strongest of men. You would only be miserable. You must tell her of your feelings and know if she is open to growing to love you in return.”
Nigel knew there was truth to what his brother said. Every word was true. Yet . . . what if I lose her for good?
As evening fell, they shared dinner. After which Nigel retired to his chambers.
Ethan’s words wouldn’t stop ringing in his head and as they did, he continued to ask himself the question.
What if I lose her for good?