Travis (Pelion Lake) by Mia Sheridan

The rest of the photo albums my mother had given me still sat on my passenger seat and I picked one up, leafing through it idly, seeing photos of my father and me as a baby and then as a little boy, photos that stopped after the one of me in front of a cake with seven candles on it.

Why are you doing this? To torture yourself? For the reminder that you’re not worthy of anyone’s love?

To remember why he left?

I closed the album. The only other amendment to the original land deed had stuck to the top and I glanced at it. I’d already read it. It posed no threat to Archer so there was no need to burn it. If anything, it posed a threat to me, but I wasn’t concerned. Archer was reasonable, and I knew he’d be willing to overlook or void it. I tossed it aside, picking up the heavy album to set that back on the seat as well when an envelope with my name on it fell out of the back, the handwriting both unfamiliar and immediately recognizable.

My heart lurched.

I reached for it with shaking hands. My stalled heart suddenly beating erratically.

Don’t read it. Whatever it says might destroy the final piece of you.

But I had to. I had to.

My heart slammed against my ribs as I opened the flap. The seal had already been ripped. This had been read before. But not by me.

I unfolded the letter, my breath hitching. He’d printed the note.

Of course he had—I had only just learned to read that winter. He’d been writing to a seven-year-old.



May 15th

Dear Travis,

This is the hardest letter I’ve ever written but you are a good, smart boy, and so I know that you will try your best to understand what I have to say to you.

Sometimes mommies and daddies get married for the wrong reasons, and sometimes they stay together longer than they should even though neither one is happy. That’s what happened with your mother and me and that’s why we won’t be living together anymore. What will never ever change no matter what, is our love for you. Someday, you’ll know of all the mistakes that were made, but one thing you must never believe, is that you were one of them. You are my inquisitive, insightful little man, and I’m so very, very proud to be your father.

I’m leaving for a little while, Champ, but not for long. I will be back for you because I would never leave you behind. And when we are face to face, I will try to explain all the things that I know you are a big enough boy to understand.

You know the land that I took you to see right on the lake? The one with the red barn and all those rows of fruit trees? When the timing is right, I’m going to build a big house on that plot, and we are going to be happy there. I see it in my mind’s eye, Champ—me and you sitting on the dock with fishing poles in our hands.

Can you see it too?

You hold that picture in your mind.

Between now and then, please trust me. And most importantly, please trust your own wise and tender heart. Listen to that part of yourself. It will never lead you astray.

We have so many years ahead of us, Champ. Years to live and laugh and learn all sorts of lessons, good and bad and everything in between. And when you have questions, or need guidance, I will be there.

I will always be there.

I love you with all of my heart, Dad



I let out a strangled gasp of air, hot tears burning my eyes as I sat, reeling.

He hadn’t left without saying goodbye. He’d written to me, only I’d never known.

My dad had been leaving for a short time, most likely to get Alyssa and Archer to a safe location until both divorces were filed, and hot tempers flared and cooled.

He’d been leaving temporarily in an effort to protect them because he’d been in love.

I’d never understood the lengths a man would be moved to go to for a woman he loved. Because I’d never felt that depth of feeling. I did now though.

The world tilted, everything I’d ever thought to be true turning on its side.

Yes, my father had been in love. He’d loved me too though. I would never leave you behind.

I looked up, staring unseeing at the old red barn, a ray of sunlight streaming through the clouds.

Lose it all, or lose it all.

And suddenly, in an instant, I knew what I had to do.

Fear trembled through me. Fear, and a sense of rightness unlike I’d ever known.

Trust your own wise and tender heart.

I’m going to, Dad.

I turned the key in the ignition. First though, I had a few stops to make. The tires crunched on the wet gravel as I turned, heading toward the road that led out of town.



**********



My mother adjusted the bags in her hand, digging in her purse for what must be her keys as I stepped toward her. It was barely ten a.m. and she’d already been out shopping.

She startled slightly, blowing out a breath when she saw it was me.

“Travis. You didn’t tell me you were coming over.”

I held up the envelope containing the letter from my dad. Her brows knitted as she again, adjusted the shopping bags in her hands. “What is—” I saw when understanding dawned. “Oh, I see.” She gave her shoulders a small shake, stepping toward her door. But I’d also noticed that her face had suddenly lost some color beneath the heavy makeup.

She flicked open her lock, stepping inside and I followed her. “You kept it from me,” I said. I’d driven the whole way without considering what I’d say to her, so many thoughts and emotions running rampant through me that I had no room left to plan for anything. I only wanted to know why.