Last Guard (Psy-Changeling Trinity #5) by Nalini Singh

The only thing that stopped him was the need to give her freedom.

He wouldn’t hold Payal to him by force or with emotional demands. Her wings were opening wider with each day that passed. She had to choose whether to stay with him or fly.

Soft kisses on his jaw that led to his lips. Shuddering, he held her tight as she explored his lips, tasted him. His heart punched against his rib cage, his breathing going erratic. “Payal,” he rasped.

Sliding her hand over his cheek, she broke the kiss to say, “I don’t want to slow down.”

He saw the glitter in her eyes, knew her shields were fracturing. “What about—”

“I am this broken, fragmented patchwork person,” Payal said, sitting up and facing the beautiful man who’d once held her bloody hand. “I’ll always be some version of this.” Nothing would ever “fix” her, and she didn’t want to be fixed.

She just wanted to be Payal without the screams and the chaos, wanted to be a woman in control of her mind. “Today, here, in this dream from the past”—she held out her hand to catch the falling petals—“I remembered how fast life can change, how quickly blood can flow.”

Canto’s face twisted, shadows in his eyes. “Baby, I never intended—”

Payal pressed her fingers to his lips, the petals she held falling onto the faded blue of his chambray shirt. “No, it’s not a bad thing. I got scared, Canto. Not today, before.” A whisper. “Terrified by the power of what I feel for you.” It was in every cell of her body, until it had become a defining feature of the person who was Payal Rao—there would never be any going back from this.

“I thought I was doing a good thing in stepping back, assessing, but that’s how I control the world. A good skill … but there is no controlling this, controlling us.” She pressed her forehead to his. “No matter how much I assess, how much I regulate, I will always be a little crazy when it comes to you.”

Canto, this man who was always on her side, gripped her jaw. “It’s fine to be afraid. This is one hell of a change.”

Her eyes burned. “I know. But I don’t want to stop living while I figure out the best way to be me.” She traced the edges of his eyelashes with a careful fingertip; it was a strange thing, but he allowed it because Canto allowed her everything. “The Substrate is in trouble like we’ve never before known—what if it falls? What if? I don’t want to fall with it knowing I was too scared to grab onto joy, grab onto you.”

CANTO ran his hand to her nape, squeezed. “It’d destroy me to hurt you.” His voice fractured with the force of his emotions.

Huge, starless eyes looking into his. “Don’t you understand, Canto?” Fingers brushing his lips. “That’s why I can risk this. Because it’s you.”

She broke him. Into a million pieces.

Surrendering to the need that had built and built inside him, he pressed a hungry kiss to her lips. When she responded as passionately, her hands fisting in his hair and her mouth opening over his, he knew he couldn’t allow his protectiveness to ruin this. He had to honor her choice. What about the greenhouse?

Pulling back from the kiss, her breath ragged and a feverish glitter in her eyes, Payal glanced around. “Can we come back later today?”

“Yes.” He’d paid for the whole day, and it wasn’t so far that the teleports would wipe her out.

“Then let’s go home.” The world blinked out.

She’d brought them back into the living area of his home, but—not wanting to jostle Payal with the motion of the wheels—he quickly used hover mode to move them both into the bedroom and shut the door. Just in case a bear decided to pay a visit. They’d get the hint.

Shifting back a little, Payal reached for the bottom of her top and stripped it off. All she wore underneath was a white bra with lace edging. It glowed against the honey brown hue of her skin.

His mouth dried up. Gloved hands clasping the dip of her waist, he bent to kiss the tops of her breasts, the curves plump and very, very bad for his concentration. Shivering, she held his head to her, her body warm and silky and oh so soft. He licked and tasted and stroked even as his erection swelled with dark heat.

“I should’ve done research on this,” she muttered before kissing him again.

It’s all right, he told her telepathically since their mouths were busy. A friend decided I needed an education and gave me a few tips.

The bears found it fascinating that many Psy had never indulged in sexual skin privileges. After the first time Canto visited Denhome—and found himself the target of flirtation from bear women who’d decided he was a “snack,” as described by Pavel’s twin Yakov—Valentin had taken him aside and given him the “talk.”

Not the biology of it. Of course Canto knew that. Valentin had told him things far beyond the biological act.

“Most important,” the bear alpha had boomed, slapping Canto on the shoulder, “listen to your woman. Shy or loud, she’ll find a way to tell you what she needs.”

Back then, Canto had muttered that he’d never need the information, he was quite content being alone. He’d never been so happy to be wrong. “We’re going to mess this up the first time around,” he told Payal as he pulled off his gloves, loath to have any barrier between them. “Apparently, ‘fumbling’ is a given the first time around, so the recommendation was to practice. A lot.”