Black Knight (Royal Elite #4) by Rina Kent

And that’s probably what will happen, isn’t it?

The moment I open my eyes, I won’t see the green of hers, I won’t taste her on my tongue or inhale her deep inside me.

I cover her eyes with my hand, slowly erasing her from memory, making her disappear.

She doesn’t resist, even as her body shivers over mine. Instead, she whispers against my lips, “What happened to us, Xan?”

“Don’t talk. Don’t ruin it.” I flip us over so she’s beneath me, small and beautiful and ready for the taking. “Fuck it. I’m going all the way.”

“A-all the way?”

“Yes, Green. I’m going to fuck you hard and fast and dirty. I’ll hate myself for it and wish I could take a rope to my neck when I wake up, but you know what?” I lean over to nibble on her lobe before murmuring, “It’ll be worth it.”

“Wait.” She places her slender hands on my shoulder. “Wake up?”

“I don’t want to wake up.”

“You already did.” Her eyes widen. “This isn’t a dream, Xan.”

“That’s what dreams say.”

“No, this isn’t. We’re –”

The door barges open, cutting her off.

“Xan! Ahmed says I can have brownies and –” Kirian’s blubbering cuts off mid-sentence and his eyes double in size as he stares at us, then grins. “Hey, Kimmy. You didn’t say you’d do a sleepover at Xan’s.”

“Oh, shit,” she mutters, hiding underneath me and pulling the covers over us.

“What are you doing?” he asks.

“Uh…wrestling. This is like special wrestling.” She struggles with the words.

“Can I join?” Kir’s grin is enormous as he trots to our side.

“No, Monkey.” She smiles awkwardly. “We’ll be right out, okay?”

“I want to join. Why are you wrestling without me?”

He grabs my forearm, his tiny hands tightening on my muscle that’s still taut from how I’m holding my body over hers.

No.

Fuck no.

I reach out and pinch her cheek and…she doesn’t disappear.

Why the fuck isn’t she disappearing?

Because she’s real, dickhead. So very real.

I’m not drunk and sleeping while Cole and Aiden sit there as guardian demons.

Kimberly winces before whispering, “What was that for?”

Proof that I fucked up.





18





Kimberly





“Where are my brownies?”

My baby brother’s voice startles me from my thoughts. I’ve been too focused on Xander to pay him attention.

He stands behind the counter, cutting the brownies into tiny pieces over and freaking out again.

Since Kirian interrupted us this morning, Xander pushed off me as if I have a contagious disease and hasn't once looked me in the eyes.

He grabbed his clothes and washed in another room, taking Kirian with him for his morning freshening up.

I don’t even recall how I took a shower. All I remember is the foreboding when I got dressed and felt his every touch like it was engraved in my skin.

His tongue, his hands. Hell, my mouth is still sore from the way he fucked it and took complete control of me.

Then he pushed me off.

Then the dream, as he called it, ended.

I try to remain calm, to not have some sort of a breakdown, but the longer he avoids me, the more I touch my wrist, the stronger the itch becomes, and I don’t want that itch to come to the surface. Not now, not ever.

Xander hasn’t spoken to me for thirty minutes and whenever he makes eye contact by accident, he freezes for a second before shaking his head and looking away.

At Kirian’s words, he smiles and places the plate in front of us. I reach over and throw a piece in my mouth, letting the rich chocolate taste occupy my thoughts. Kirian grins, nomming on the brownies with renewed energy.

I don’t realise I’ve been eating with him until my mouth turns all too sweet.

Damn. Those are at least five hundred calories first thing in the morning.

Still, I don’t feel as bad about them as I normally would. Probably because Mum’s voice isn’t at the back of my head right now. I’m not hearing her scolds or seeing the weight numbers.

The only thing that’s occupying my thoughts is the person standing behind the counter, watching Kirian eat and erasing me completely, as if I don’t exist.

I never thought there would be a day where I would be jealous of Kirian, but here it is.

“Xander,” I murmur his name as if I’m not supposed to say it. Like before.

For years, he snapped at me for saying his name, but not last night. Last night, he loved the sound of his name on my lips. Last night, he looked at me differently when I called him what I’ve always loved calling him – Xan.

His jaw tightens. He’s pissed off because he was erasing me and I alerted him that I exist right here in front of his eyes.

He says nothing.

I lean over to speak closer to his face. He smells fresh with that hint of mint and bottomless ocean. “I’m talking to you.”

“And I’m not,” he says ever so casually.

I’m about to say something else when Lewis Knight comes down the stairs. I wince, realising Xander and I might have been loud while his father is here.