Ghosted (Team Zero #3) by Rina Kent

The short trip Julian takes from the chair back to the bed seems like an eternity. When he finally climbs onto his side, I’m at the point of ignition.

I swallow as he reaches for me. I’m about to close my eyes and –

Julian’s hand stretches behind me and clicks off the lamp. Then, he lies back and closes his eyes, using his forearm as a pillow.

Coldness seeps through me as if being drenched by freezing water.

Bastard.

I bite my lower lip in self-loathing. Why the hell would I want him to touch me anyway?

If only I could punch myself.

I start to get up, but a strong arm surrounds my waist from behind. Julian’s hard chest glues to my back and his warm breath strokes my hair.

The sensation compels my lids to flutter closed. I can’t help it. I just can’t. Like in the previous nights, every time his warmth envelops me, I feel like falling asleep.

“Would you stop being tense?” he asks, his deep voice a low rumble against my ear.

“I don’t do this,” I admit. Not sure whether it’s for him or for myself.

“Do what?”

“This.” I throw a hand in the air. “You. The whole intimacy thing.”

“Why not?” He sounds like he’s genuinely curious about me.

Maybe that’s why I tell him. “Because I was born in the streets. It’s kill or be killed out there. Intimacy means weakness.”

“I agree.”

My eyes widen and my jaw almost drops to the floor. “You... you do?”

He nods against my hair.

“Then why are you hugging me to sleep?”

There’s a momentary silence. I hold my breath, waiting for the answer. “I don’t know.” He pauses again. “Yet.”

Good to know I’m not the only one confused out of my mind.

In a bold move, I turn around and face him. His arm doesn’t budge from my middle and is now enveloping my back. My face is mere inches away from his. A slight deviation and I would kiss those lips.

God damn you, Elle.

I stare into Julian’s eyes instead, which isn’t a better alternative with the amount of ferocity in them.

I clear my throat. “Why did you tell Kyle I’m yours?”

“Too many questions, Firefly.” His voice lowers to a rumble. A tingle shoots straight between my legs.

“It’s not fair,” I mumble. “Why do you know everything about me, but I get nothing about you?”

“What do you want to know?” His expression is dead serious.

My lips part. I never thought he would open up. Not willingly at least.

He’s taken me by surprise so many times today. It’s starting to give me whiplash.

Countless questions fill my mouth, but I ask the most important of all. “How did you get into this world?”

His grip tightens a little around my waist. “It wasn’t by choice.”

“Everyone has a choice.”

“Sometimes, that freedom of choice is taken away, Firefly.”

Is this because of the drug? My heart aches for him. But if he’s cuffing himself, then that should mean he doesn’t like it either, right?

“How about your family?” I ask.

“I don’t have one.” His hand drops from my waist. I curse myself. Maybe that was too much.

I assume that sharing time is over, but Julian says in a distant voice, “I had a mother. I don’t remember her face. She was just a mother. When I was maybe nine, she took me to the amusement park, sat me on a bench and said, ‘Stay here, Julian. Mummy will come right back.’ She never did.”

The ache in my heart intensifies into pain. An urge to hug him overwhelms me. I keep my hands to myself. I’m sure that Julian wouldn’t want pity. I can’t believe his mother abandoned him at an amusement park. My mother wasn’t much, but she stood up for me. She made me feel loved and cherished – when she wasn’t high as a kite.

So instead of offering pity, I share a part of me as well. For the first time, I allow someone other than Zoe and Liam to hear this, “I also lost my ma when I was a kid. I was six, and I came back from school, happy that I’m first in the class. I knew she must be high because when she wasn’t, she always fetched me from school. She even went on gushing to all the other parents that I was the smartest. She wasn’t in the brothel, so I spent hours searching for her.”

Memories jam back into me and my lips tremble. “I found her in at the back entrance, near a rubbish can. It was so dark, I thought she was asleep. She usually passed out all over the place when high. Only that time... she wasn’t... asleep...”

Tears form in my eyes and threaten to spill.

Only weak bitches cry, Emmanuelle.

I swallow my tears down. Ma’s words always managed to keep me strong.

Julian is staring at me with a softened expression, but thankfully, he keeps his hands to himself. If he touches me, I might not keep it together.

I smile, trying to lighten the mood. “By the way, Ma was so beautiful and famous. Lines of men waited in front of the brothel for her. So I don’t even know who the hell my father is.” I release a bitter laugh. “I doubt Ma knew either. Whenever I asked her, she said that my father was the streets. He was a cruel, brutal father, and I needed to be strong to survive him. So I was.”

“Then what are you doing here, Firefly?” His tone isn’t accusing, merely curious. “What are you fighting for?”