God of Malice (Legacy of Gods #1) by Rina Kent

“You assume correctly.”

A ball the size of my fist gathers in my throat. “Do you really want to kill?”

He raises a brow. “Do you really want to know or will you ghost me again if I tell you what you don’t want to hear?”

“You said you don’t want to lie to me, so don’t. I can handle your true nature.”

He narrows his eyes. “Who are you and what you have done to my morally-shy little rabbit?”

“Shh, she’s currently sleeping. Don’t wake her up.”

He chuckles, the sound rumbling against my side.

I gather my courage and continue in a more somber tone, “I still prefer the truth, no matter how much it hurts.”

“Last time you said that, I was ghosted.”

“Won’t happen this time.”

“Sure as fuck won’t or I’ll punish you twice as hard.”

My core clenches at the mention of that word and I resist the urge to clear my throat. “So? Do you want to kill?”

“More than anything. Taking someone’s life, feeling as their last breaths turn to nothingness, then cutting them up to see inside them, is the only thing I’ve desired since I was about seven.”

His quietly spoken words shock me to the core and it must show on my face, because his eyes darken.

“See? You’re disgusted.”

“No,” I blurt.

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Glyndon.” His voice lowers to a frightening range. “You look like you’re on the verge of a panic attack.”

“Well, I’m sorry I didn’t give the reaction you wanted. I don’t get told something like this every day.” I inhale deeply, then exhale, forcing myself to relax.

“Then run, rabbit.” He starts to release me, sounding blank, bored, but I know it’s nothing more than the camouflage for his rage. “Don’t let me catch you this time, because I swear to fuck, a punishment is an understatement of what I’ll do to you.”

“I won’t.”

He pauses. “What did you just say?”

“I said I won’t run.” I grab his hand and put it back around my middle, slowly regulating my breathing. “You were saying?”

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Listening to you. I want to know more about why you feel the need to kill.”

“It’s in my nature. There’s nothing to explain about it.” He strokes the skin between my top and shorts, sending shivers down my spine as he appears a little stunned.

I love having this effect on him.

“Why haven’t you then? You must’ve had countless chances, especially with mafia friends.”

“The bloodlust muddies my head, and I’d have little impulse control. I refuse to be a slave to my urges, to be ruled by them, and to develop a bad habit of satisfying them. Eventually, I’ll lose control and get locked up for it, and that’s just not going to happen. So I repress as much as I can.”

“Isn’t that…painful?”

“Hmm. Interesting choice of words. I would’ve sworn you’d be relieved to hear that I repress my urges.”

“Not if you’re in pain.”

He grins. “Look at my little rabbit developing feelings for me.”

“Shut up, I’m just empathizing. Something you don’t know the meaning of.”

“Tomayto, tomahto.” He’s still grinning. “As for the pain, it’s much better than the pain of losing control. That one is irrevocable, this one is manageable.”

“How often do you think about killing?”

“Per day, twenty-four times. Sometimes more in certain irritating situations. Lately, it’s less.”

I don’t dwell on being shocked by the high number, because there’s something more important.

They can lessen.

“How did the number decrease?”

“With your presence.”

“W-what?”

He slides the other hand around my throat and pulls me over so his forehead rests against mine and I can see the contours of his lips and the sharp lines of his jaw.

Killian breathes me in, slowly. “You make the demons go away, even temporarily.”

“How?”

“Beats me. Whatever it is you’re doing, keep doing it. I like how quiet it is up here.” He taps the side of his head.

I’m so incredulous and touched that I feel moisture gathering in my eyes. “Don’t I make you repress more because I’m different than you are?”

“On the contrary, you bring silence. Long fucking silence.”

“Does that mean I’m one of a kind?” I joke.

“You think I’d spend this much time and effort on an infuriating little rabbit like you if that weren’t the case?”

“Wow. Charming.”

“I know, thanks.”

I roll my eyes but don’t resist the urge to smile.

“I told you to stop doing that.”

“No, dictator.”

He grunts. “You and that fucking no word. I swear I’m going to fuck it out of your system one of these days.”

“You can try.” I pause then clear my throat. “So, I have a hypothetical question.”

“Don’t ask it.”