Lies of My Monster (Monster Trilogy #2) by Rina Kent

Kirill’s safety is a nonnegotiable concept in my book. The other day, I choked a girl for daring to step into his path, and he had to order me to back away before I killed her.

Sometimes, he reacts to my bursts of protectiveness with a smile, and other times, he just sighs and shakes his head as if he thinks he’d have better luck trying to tame a lion.

It’s a problem that I’m working on. I know full well that I shouldn’t be acting like that, but I’m still traumatized by the scenes of him surrounded by blood on that hill and then lying in a hospital bed with lifeless eyes and bandages covering his body.

I will never allow such a thing to happen again. Never.

So what if I’m being a little bit too crazy about this? Viktor does it all the time, and he’s not seen as abnormal…at least, not much.

At any rate, I think I’m being perfectly reasonable, and no one, not even Kirill, will convince me otherwise.

Earlier, after he fucked my brains out in his office and I blurted that I loved him like an idiot, he told me not to come to this party.

He mentioned something about keeping Karina company and taking the night off. I thought he was joking, but he was perfectly serious.

I said, “The possibility of me not accompanying you tonight is on the same level as you allowing me to spend time with Konstantin.”

He didn’t seem happy with my decision to come along.

It did hurt a little to have him think that way. Maybe he took my feelings for him badly. Maybe I made a terrible mistake by voicing them. Isn’t there some sort of rule that you shouldn’t express your feelings during or right after sex?

That’s when I feel the most vulnerable, which is why I couldn’t control those overwhelming emotions or the need to let him know about them. And now…well, now, I’m plagued by this horrible feeling that I did something wrong.

Kirill is not an emotional man, and any outbursts like that could backfire. I knew that, but I stupidly brought up emotions related to whatever we have.

Is it wrong that I want more of him? And I don’t mean his body and intense dominance. I don’t mean his protectiveness and care, either. I need…something deeper.

I want to wake up in the morning and know that he’ll be there for the rest of my life. I don’t want to think that this is a phase that will eventually fade.

I’m being a sappy idiot right now, and Kirill can’t, under any circumstances, find out about these thoughts, or he might distance himself from me.

Desperate much, Sasha?

I wince at that but straighten when Damien leans against the wall beside me, hands in his pants pockets. He’s supposed to be wearing a suit, but I saw him throw off the tie earlier and then slam his jacket on the ground, so now, he’s only in a crumpled shirt with the first two buttons undone and surprisingly pressed pants. His hair isn’t a disaster like usual, though, but he’s definitely run his fingers through it a few times.

I’m more presentable than he is, but he still looks great, even when he’s dressed worse than anyone here. People with superior genes like him and Kirill manage to look like supermodels in whatever they’re wearing.

“Aren’t you supposed to be mingling around with the others?” I ask. “This is a guards’ area.”

“Fuck mingling.” He glares at the crowd. “That Yakuza old geezer is trying to corner me for a drink, and the worst part is that he doesn’t even do vodka.”

I smile. Ever since Damien was arranged to marry a Yakuza princess, he’s been more irritable than not, especially with Rai and Kirill, who helped arrange it.

In their minds, it’s simple. They need a strong alliance with the Japanese, and to accomplish that, a marriage has to happen.

It’s so common in these circuits that it’s become normalized. I still see the concept as a little disturbing, mainly because women don’t get a say in it. They’re just traded like stock between men.

“What the fuck you smiling at, pretty boy?” He narrows his eyes. “You find this amusing or something?”

I stand tall, my expression going back to all seriousness. “No, sir.”

“You obviously do. No wonder they say the quiet ones are the scariest. You’re a fucking sadist, aren’t you?”

Try the opposite.

My cheeks start to feel hot as erotic images from earlier barge into my head. It takes me a few moments to dispel them.

I clear my throat. “If you’re against this marriage, why don’t you pull out? Surely you have the power to.”

Okay, so maybe I’m trying to save the poor Japanese girl from Damien.

His lips curve in a smirk. “Who says I’m against it?”

“You…want to get married?”

“I didn’t think so in the beginning, but now, I’m sure I do.”

Wow. I feel more sorry for the girl. I can’t imagine what it’s like to have the attention of someone as unhinged as Damien.

He’s been doing all sorts of things to fight Kirill and has been failing for so long that anyone else in his position would’ve given up.

Not Damien.

“Her father is a fucking nuisance, though.” He clicks his tongue. “Question. Do you think she’d still marry me if her father was somehow removed from her immediate surroundings…say, for good?”

“You can’t kill your future father-in-law, who happens to be the head of the Yakuza, Damien…I mean, sir.”