Loathe to Love You by Ali Hazelwood

            So . . . Ian must have been here for a handful of days. But why? He is chief of engineering on several rover projects, and the Serendipity team is approaching crunch time. It makes no sense for one of their key personnel to be in another country right now. Plus, the engineering component of this AMASE is minimal. Only Dr. Merel and me, really. All other members are geologists and astrobiologists, and—

            Why the hell is Ian here? Why the hell would NASA send a senior engineer on a rescue mission that wasn’t even supposed to happen?

            “Are you still doing okay?” he asks again. When I don’t reply, he continues: “I’m close. A few minutes away.”

            I brush snowflakes from my eyelashes. “When did AMASE change its mind on sending relief efforts?”

            A brief hesitation. “Actually, it might be more than a few minutes. The storm’s intensifying and I can’t see very well—”

            “Ian, why did they send you?”

            A deep breath. Or a sigh. Or a puff, louder than the others. “You ask a lot of questions,” he says. Not for the first time.

            “Yeah. But they’re pretty good questions, so I’m going to keep on asking more. For instance, how the—”

            “As long as I can ask some, too.”

            I nearly groan. “What do you want to know? Best concert? Favorite concert? An overview of the amenities of the crevasse? It offers very little in terms of nightlife—”

            “I need to know, Hannah, if you are doing okay.”

            I close my eyes. The bite of the cold is like a million needles wedged under my skin. “Yes. I . . . I’m fine.”

            Suddenly, the call drops. The static, the noise, they all disappear, and I can’t hear Ian anymore. I glance at my satphone and find it still on. Shit. The problem is on his end. The snow’s getting thicker, it’ll be pitch-black in minutes, and on top of that I’m almost sure that Ian has been attacked by a polar bear. If something happens to him, I’ll never be able to forgive myse—

            I hear steps cracking the snow and look up to the rim of the crevasse. The light is dimming by the second, but I make out the tall, broad outline of a man in a ski mask. He is looking down at me.

            Oh God. Is he really . . . ?

            “See?” Ian’s deep voice says, just a little out of breath. He lowers his neck warmer before adding, “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”





Six


            Johnson Space Center, Houston, Texas

            Six months ago

            I am surprised by how much the email hurts, because it’s a lot.

            Not that I expected to be happy about it. It’s a well-established fact that hearing that your project has been denied funding is as pleasant as plunging a toilet. But rejections are the bread and butter of all academic journeys, and since starting my Ph.D. I’ve had approximately twelve hundred fantabillions of them. In the past five years, I’ve been denied publications, conference presentations, fellowships, scholarships, memberships. I even failed at getting into Bruegger’s unlimited-drinks program—a devastating setback, considering my love for iced tea.

            The good thing is, the more rejections you get, the easier they are to swallow. What had me punching pillows and plotting murder in the first year of my Ph.D. barely fazed me in the last. Progress in Aerospace Sciences saying that my dissertation wasn’t worthy of gracing their pages? Fine. National Science Foundation declining to sponsor my postdoctoral studies? Okay. Mara insisting that the Rice Krispies Treats I made for her birthday tasted like toilet paper? Eh. I’ll live.

            This specific rejection, though, cuts deep. Because I really, really need the grant money for what I’m planning to do.

            Most of NASA funding is tied to specific projects, but every year there is a discretionary pot that’s up for grabs, usually for junior scientists who come up with research ideas that seem worth exploring. And mine, I think, is pretty worthy. I’ve been at NASA for over six months. I spent nearly all of them in Norway, at the best Mars analogue on Earth, knee-deep in intense fieldwork, equipment testing, sampling exercises. For the past couple of weeks, ever since returning to Houston, I’ve taken my place with the A & PE team, and it’s been really, really cool. Ian was right: best team ever.