Loathe to Love You by Ali Hazelwood

            “Eileen knows what she’s doing. As I explained in my last blog post.”

            “Which I have, of course, read.”

            He’s not funny. He’s not that funny. I’m not half in love with his weird sense of humor. “I can’t believe you commented ‘delete your account.’ It’s cyberbullying, Liam.”

            He is now smiling, and there is something warm unfurling in my chest now. Which really shouldn’t be there, because . . . Because. “Are you and your friend . . . ?” I ask.

            “My friend?”

            “Emma.”

            “Ah.”

            Silence. I wring my hands, realizing that I haven’t really formulated a question. Is she your . . . No. Too direct. Are you two dating? And what is this hiccup in my heart as I contemplate the thought? Maybe Liam has never mentioned a girlfriend. Or any girl. But what did I think? That he was living in celibacy? It’s not my business, anyway. We’re just friends. Good friends. But friends.

            “What?” He gives me a long look, like I just asked a preposterous question that’s not grounded in reality. The reality that I just walked in on him PDAing her.

            “I thought you two . . . ?”

            “No.” He shakes his head once. Then he shakes it again. “No, Emma is . . . We were in kindergarten together. And she . . . No. We’re friends, good friends, but nothing like that.”

            “Oh.” Oh? Really? No way. Way?

            “We’re just friends,” he repeats again. Like he wants to make sure I know it. Like he’s afraid that I don’t believe him. Which, to be fair, I don’t. Look at her. Look at him. “She’s actually . . . She knows that I . . .” He wipes a hand down his face, like he always does when he’s overwhelmed or tired. It’s a gesture I’m seeing more of lately. Because Liam has been letting me see more of him. They’re not all bad, the sharp edges and deep grooves of this man’s personality. Unexpected, but not bad at all.

            “Knows that you?”

            “That I don’t usually . . . I never . . . Well, almost never, apparently . . .” Liam shakes his head, as if to say Never mind, and I remain unsure as to what he almost never does, because he doesn’t continue and I’m not certain that I want to probe. Plus, he’s looking at me in a way I can’t understand, and I’m suddenly feeling like it’s time to skedaddle. “I’m gonna go to sleep, okay?” I smile. “I have an early morning tomorrow.”

            He nods. “Okay. Sure.” But when I’m almost out of the room, he calls after me. “Mara?”

            I pause. Don’t turn around. “Yeah?”

            “I . . . Have a good night.”

            It doesn’t sound like what he originally meant to say. But I answer, “You, too,” and run back to my room anyway.





Nine


            One month ago

            I had lots of fun tonight.”

            “Good. Thank you. I mean . . .” I clear my throat. “So did I.”

            Ted is nothing if not predictable. He took me to the Ethiopian restaurant I told him I’d been wanting to try (excellent); he raised topics of conversation I know enough about to feel comfortable, but not so familiar that I got bored within a few minutes; and now, now that he’s walked me to my door, he’s going to lean in and kiss me, just like I could have anticipated when he picked me up exactly three hours ago.

            It is, predictably, a good kiss. A solid kiss. It could probably lead into good sex if I decided to invite him inside for a drink. Solid sex. Long-time-no-have sex. We’re talking years, here. Helena would pop the champagne and remind me to dust off the cobwebs.

            And yet.

            I have no intention of asking him to come in. It’s truly been ages, but this thing with Ted is just . . . no.

            He’s a nice guy, but this is not going to work, for a variety of reasons. Which, I tell myself, have nothing to do with how long Liam stared at me earlier today, before Ted pulled up our driveway. Or with the way he instantly averted his gaze when I caught him. Or with the hoarse quality of his voice when he took in my dress and said, “I . . . You look beautiful.”