Loathe to Love You by Ali Hazelwood

            The croissant! “Thank you so much!” I smile. “I didn’t mean to steal your food.”

            No reply.

            “I could pay you back.”

            Still no reply. Just that severe North Germanic stare.

            “Or I could buy you a muffin. Or a bagel. I really didn’t mean to interfere with your breakfast.”

            Number of replies: zero. Intensity of stare: many millions. Does he even understand what I’m— Oh.

            Ooooh.

            “Thank. You,” I say, very, very slowly, like when my mom’s side of the family, the one that never immigrated to the U.S., attempts to speak Italian with me. “For”—I lift the croissant in front of my face—“this. Thank”—I point at the Viking—“you. You are very”—I tilt my head and scrunch my nose happily—“nice.” He stares even longer, pensive. I don’t think he got it. “You don’t understand, do you?” I murmur to myself dejectedly. “Well, thank you again. You really did me a solid there.” I lift the croissant one last time, like I’m toasting him. Then I turn around and begin to walk away.

            “You’re welcome. Although you’ll find that the croissant leaves much to be desired.”

            I whirl back to him. Blondie the Viking is looking at me with an indecipherable expression. “D-did you just speak?”

            “I did.”

            “In English?”

            “I believe so, yes.”

            I feel my soul crawl outside my body to astral project itself into the burning flames of hell out of pure, sheer embarrassment. “You . . . you weren’t saying anything. Before.”

            He shrugs. His eyes are calm and serious. The span of his shoulders could easily moonlight as a plateau in Eurasia. “You didn’t ask a question.” His grammar is better than mine and I am withering inside.

            “I thought . . . It seemed . . . I . . .” I close my eyes, remembering the way I mimicked the word nice for him. I think I want to die. I want this to be over. Yes, my time has come. “I am very grateful.”

            “You probably won’t be, once you try the croissant.”

            “No, I . . .” I wince. “I know it’s not good.”

            “You do?” He crosses his arms on his chest and gives me a curious look. He’s wearing a suit, like 99 percent of the men who work on this block. Except that he looks unlike any other man I’ve ever seen. He looks like a corporate version of Thor. Like Platinum Ragnarok. I wish he’d smile at me, instead of just observing me. I’d feel less intimidated. “Could have fooled me.”

            “I— The thing is, I don’t really want to eat it. I just need it for a . . . for a thing.”

            His eyebrow lifts. “A thing?”

            “It’s a long story.” I scratch my nose. “Kind of embarrassing, actually.”

            “I see.” He presses his lips together and nods thoughtfully. “More or less embarrassing than you assuming I don’t speak English?”

            The swift and violent death I was talking about earlier? I need it now. “I am so, so sorry about that. I really didn’t—”

            “Watch out.”

            I look around to see what he means right as some guy almost runs me over with his skateboard. It’s a close call: between the precious croissant I clearly feel ambivalent about and my bag, I nearly lose my balance, and that’s where Corporate Thor intervenes. He moves way quicker than anyone his size should be able to and slides between me and Skateboard Guy, straightening me with a hand around my biceps.

            I glance up at him, nearly out of breath. He’s as towering as a Greenlandic mountain range, pressing me a bit against the window of the corner barbershop, and I think he’s saved my life. My professional life, of course. And now also my life life.

            Oh shit. “What even is this morning?” I mutter to no one.

            “You okay?”