Pause by Kylie Scott
EPILOGUE
“I’m not sure about this,” I say, swishing the skirt on my blue evening gown. Without a doubt, I am in full-blown princess mode.
“It’s definitely not the sort of thing you should rush into.” Clem’s mouth flatlines in concern. “We can just pack all of this up . . .”
“Huh?”
“You know, give you more time to think it through.”
Tessa nods. “She has a point. Big life decision happening here.”
“Oh, no,” I say, lifting the bodice on the strapless gown just a little. Nobody wants any nipples making an appearance at inopportune moments. Or at least, not too early in the evening. “I was talking about wearing this over-the-top dress as opposed to say jeans or something. Not about the other thing. We’re full steam ahead on that front.”
They exchange relieved glances. And fair enough too. We’ve only spent the last hour decorating the condo with candles and rose petals. It looks like St. Valentine exploded in here. Add the champagne chilling in the ice bucket and the mood music playing over the speakers and we are good to go.
“Mostly I was just wondering if a more relaxed feel with the wardrobe would be better,” I explain. “Guess I’m just nervous. About everything. What if he doesn’t like it?”
“He’s going to love it. Now kick off your heels,” says Briar over FaceTime. She couldn’t get away from New York due to work, but wanted to participate in the moment.
I do as told, stopping to stretch my toes afterward. It’s grounding, having the cool polished wooden floorboards beneath my feet. Suddenly it feels like I can breathe again. “Oh yeah. That’s better. Good call.”
Briar raises her glass of wine to me. “You’ve never really enjoyed wearing heels.”
“Does anyone?”
Tessa shrugs. “Eh. Depends on the occasion. Just don’t ask me to run in them.”
And then it happens. Keys rattle in the door and Leif walks in, eyes going wide as the romance of the room smacks him upside the head. His cheeks are pink from the ice-cold wind undoubtedly blowing outside. There’s a good reason I’ve got the heat cranked up to make wearing this somewhat scanty dream of a dress okay.
Clem’s brows jump. “You’re early! He’s home early!”
“We’re out of here.” Tessa grabs her hand and they head for the door, squeezing past my boyfriend to get gone, closing the door behind them with a “Good luck!”
“You’ve got this,” says Briar. “Don’t let your anxiety get the better of you. Enjoy the moment and do your thing.”
“Thank you,” I say.
Briar gives me a saucy wink and hangs up.
“What’s going on?” Leif tosses his leather jacket over the back of a chair, giving me a good look-over in the process. It’s crazy, how the sight of him still makes me swoon. How butterflies go wild in my belly when he gives me that certain look. “Did I forget an anniversary or something? Why are you dressed so fancy, baby?”
I smile. “It’s a secret.”
“Huh.”
“I will tell you all in my own good time, however. I’m a giver like that.”
“Okay then.” He gives me a lopsided grin that honest to God makes my knees weak. This man. Happy sigh. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“One of these days I’m going to surprise the shit out of you and turn up in a suit.”
“You’d look awful pretty in a suit. Of course you look awful pretty in anything. Or nothing. I’m a lucky woman.”
He just grins.
“Why don’t you do the honors and pour the champagne?”
“On it.” He crosses to the bottle and the waiting glasses. “You know, the last time you were dressed like that was your happy divorce party going on six months ago now.”
I slump oh so gracefully onto the sofa, accepting my glass of bubbly. A bit too much running around for one day maybe. Though the overall effect of all of our decorating the place is gorgeous and my friends were happy to help. It’s nice to have new and awesome friends. I like it a lot. “It hasn’t been long since all of that, has it? I mean it feels like we’ve been together a long time, but we haven’t really. Everything about us being together used to worry me so much.”
“But not anymore?” He sits beside me, slinging an arm around my bare shoulders and drawing me close. The motive for this becomes obvious when he takes a moment to peek down the front of my dress for various reasons. All of which make me smile.
“No, not anymore.”
“Good.”
“I’m happily living my best life and I hope you are too.”
“You bet I am,” he says.
“How was work?”
“Good. Art was in getting his children’s signatures on his calf muscle.”
“He’s a nice man.”
Leif smiles. “He is. He said to say hi.”
“That’s nice. Gosh darn you’re handsome.”
“I find you awfully fetching too, Anna. Especially all dressed up like you are,” he says. “Though I also like you a lot naked with your hair all rumpled and sleep in your eyes. I’m easy for you like that.”
“Why thank you, kind sir. I put extra effort in because I wanted to make something out of tonight. A surprise something.” I couldn’t keep the answering grin off my face if I tried. So instead I take a sip of booze and get my thoughts in order. Hours have been spent in front of the mirror preparing for this speech, but the words still feel like a jumbled anxious mess on my tongue. “It’s more than just attraction between us, you know? A lot more. You’re my best friend, Leif. You’re smart and kind and you mean everything to me. Life is better with you.”
His gaze warms at the words. “Thank you.”
“The last few months with you have been the best. And that’s wild given how bad the ones leading up to it were. So I pulled on my big-girl panties and made a certain phone call today . . .”
He cocks his head. “Did you now?”
“Yes.” I nod. “I rang your lovely mother and asked for her blessing to ask you to marry me.”
Beside me, the man freezes. “You did what?”
“You heard me.”
“Yeah, I did . . . I’m just surprised.” He blinks. “Anna, baby, I thought you didn’t want to get married again. You were pretty damn against the idea if I remember correctly.”
“No, I didn’t. Because I didn’t see how I could ever trust someone like that again. Didn’t know if I could ever feel that secure and happy, you know?”
“That makes sense.”
“But I do feel that way. With you.”
He exhales. “Wow. I’m so glad to hear that.”
“And I was wondering if maybe you feel that way with me?”
The corners of his lips edge up again. “I most certainly do. But we can keep going on as we are if you’re not comfortable with more.”
“That’s what I’m telling you, my love. I am comfortable with more. I’m comfortable with all of it when it comes to you.”
He just shakes his head in wonder. But he still hasn’t said yes. This is an important point.
“And when we were doing our rewatch of The Twilight Saga last week, I happened to notice how you kept watching me out of the corner of your eye during the wedding scenes,” I say.
“Anna . . .”
“And that look on your face when Bella was walking down the aisle. It made me think that maybe I’d been a bit selfish ruling out marriage.”
“I told you,” he says. “I had something in my eye. That’s all.”
“Sure. Okay. It’s a beautiful vampiric cinematic moment and no one would blame you for getting caught up in it.” I set my glass aside and turn to face him more fully. His expression is grave, his focus entirely on me. I grab hold of his hand, holding on tight. “But also, as I just explained, my reasons for ruling it out didn’t really add up anymore.”
Nothing from him.
“So I’m asking you to marry me.”
Still nothing from him.
Oh, God. My hands are a sweaty mess. “If you would like to do that maybe?”
“Anna.” His throat moves as he swallows. “Are you certain that’s something you want as opposed to being something you’d tolerate to make me happy? Because it’s kind of a big deal. We’d be legally bound together.”
“I know.”
“Even if we ran off to Vegas and kept things on the down low, it’d be a big deal amongst our family and friends.”
I frown. “Yes. I know. People will have opinions. That’s what you’re hinting at, right? Most will be delighted, but not necessarily everyone. Thing is, as I said before, I don’t care. I refuse to care. I love you and I don’t mind who knows it. At the end of the day, this is about you and me and fuck everyone else.”
“Fuck everyone else?”
“Yes.”
He blows out another breath. “So that’s what the candles and rose and fancy dress are about?”
“It felt like it should be a big moment, you know?”
“I know.” His smile is gentle and sweet now. “And I appreciate it. I just don’t want you doing something to please me that you’re going to regret.”
Now I’m really losing my nerve. Mostly on account of me running out of words. Maybe he’s trying to let me down gently. Maybe I was wrong and we’re not there yet. But no. Leif loves me and I’m certain of that. I trust him. Though maybe this isn’t what he wants at all. A wedding and marriage and things changing again so soon.
“You’re frowning,” he says. “Stop that.”
“Of course I’m frowning, you haven’t said yes yet.”
“Huh?” he asks, brows drawn together. “Oh. Yes, of course. I thought that was obvious. I’d love to be your husband. It’d be an honor and a duty and a pleasure.”
“Thank goodness for that,” I mumble, my shoulders deflating.
“You were worried?”
“Just a little.”
He laughs, planting kisses on my forehead. “Please. I’m a fool for you. There’s no way on earth I’m not marrying you given half the chance. So long as it’s what you really want.”
“It really is.” I rest my cheek against his shoulder with a smile. “I promise.”
His big hand cups my face and maneuvers me into position for a long and deep kiss. A soul kiss. My absolute favorite. The scent of him and taste of him and just everything about him is the best. He still goes to my head like fine wine and he always will. Therapy has helped a lot with his nightmares. It’s also helping me get a grip on life, the universe, and everything. Neither of us will ever be exactly what we were before the accident, but that’s okay. Starting over taught me a lot, but without a doubt, he’s one of the amazing things to come out of everything. One of the things I’ll never stop being grateful for. While I know I could live without him, that I could have rebuilt my life alone if I had to because I’m strong enough and good enough, that I didn’t have to is a blessing I’ll never take for granted.
Just when I thought it was impossible, he made me believe in love again. I really am a lucky woman.