The Billionaire’s Bride by L. Steele

35

Ava

It’s been a week since Edward and I returned from the hospital, and things are going… Fine. Every morning, he cooks me breakfast, then I do my admin stuff for my studio, while Ed gets on calls with the rest of the Seven. He’s been taking an active interest in 7A, the company that he owns with the rest of the Seven. The money he’s made, up until leaving the Church, has all been in a trust that carries out charitable work, and he doesn’t want to touch that. So, he’s working on a separate ‘starter portfolio’ with the Seven that he can grow and invest. The gains will provide an income from which he is going to live. And when I say live, I mean he can live a very good lifestyle off the money he’s set to make.

His sprain healed up quickly, and while I took the tube to work the first two days, from the third day onward, Edward has insisted on taking me. I can tell that leaning back against the car seat—any seat, really—causes discomfort, but he denies it.

Now that the men who attacked me are behind bars, at least, I’ve been able to regain some level of independence. I have told Ed he doesn’t need to drive me, but he insists.

While I am in the studio, he heads off to the offices of 7A or makes calls, or sometimes, simply heads back home to work on his assets some more. He’s always back in time to pick me up… And yeah, he has cameras stationed within my studio, so he can keep an eye on me. And yeah, also tracking devices in my phone—a new one that he bought for me.

We normally have dinner together, which he insists on cooking, and then, we sleep in my bed. He spoons me as I fall asleep and I am glad for his warmth. Still, most mornings I wake up on the opposite side of the bed from him. It’s like he’s giving me time and space to come to terms with the decision. And somehow, it’s not helping.

I wish he were more demanding, more dominating, more the kind of Edward he was when he’d sauntered into my home and fucked me before taking off. Somehow, that Edward had been raw and hurting. He hadn’t cared that he was going to upset me when he left… Or if he did…he hadn’t shown it. And it had been honest and real and… Everything that I had been looking for. Now, he’s the same man… So, why do I feel so unsettled about being with him?

Today, after the last student departs at the studio, I decide to stay a little longer. I text Edward to let him know that I need a little more time. Then I flip the music to one of my favorite pick-me-up dance songs. The beats of Gasolina by Daddy Yankee fill the space. It's reggaeton, not strictly belly dancing music. But told ya, I love to interpret belly dancing in my own style.

I shimmy my shoulders, lift one side of my hips, drop, swirl into a figure eight, then lift my arms, allow the beats to thrum over my skin, sink into my blood. I plunge headlong into the rhythm, the music already pounding at my temples. Lift and drop my hips…lift and drop, let the beats ripple down my spine, curve my torso, my hips, twirl on my toes, and again. Drag my fingers down my arms, turn, and crash into something hard. My heart hammers in my chest and my eyelids snap open. I meet Edward’s amber gaze.

"Oh," I press my hand to my heart, "you scared me."

He grips my shoulder to right me. "Did I?" He peers into my face. "You didn’t expect me to come in, did you?"

"N…no." I step back and he lowers his arm. "I won’t be long, I just wanted to take some time to perfect a new routine."

"That’s okay," his lips twitch, "I love watching you dance."

And there was a time when I’d loved having him watch me. I walk over to the panel in the wall and shut off the music. Silence descends. My breath still comes in pants from my earlier exertion. I reach for my towel, mop my forehead. "I really won’t be much longer," I murmur.

I sense him move, hear his footsteps approach, and stiffen.

He bends, pressing a kiss to the curve of where my neck meets my shoulder. I freeze.

He takes my shoulders, urges me to turn around. I drag my feet, allow him to position me so I am facing him.

I stare at the tendons of his throat, the familiar square jaw, now set in uncompromising lines. He notches a knuckle under my chin, tilts it up. I raise my gaze, meeting his eyes, then glance away.

His chest rises and falls; he blows out a breath.

"It’s not working, is it?" he asks, almost tenderly.

"What…what do you mean?" I swallow. My heart begins to race. Shit, shit, shit. And I thought I had disguised my emotions so well.

"Don’t hide from me, Ava." His voice softens even further. And somehow, that makes it all so much worse. I wish he’d rage at me. That he’d throw a tantrum; that he’d demand that I give him my full attention, that I dance for him, strip for him, that I drop to my knees in front of him… But he does none of that. He wipes the tear that trails down my cheek, before urging me to glance up at him.

I raise my gaze reluctantly, gazing into those glowing golden eyes. Eyes that have seen so much. That see me now, for what I am. A woman in love with his best friend. The man I’ve missed since he walked away from me.

"It’s okay," he says, "I understand."

"No, you don’t…" I burst out. "How can you, when even I don’t get what’s wrong with me?" I pull away from him and begin to pace. "You are my first love, Edward. You swept into my life, you turned it upside down. It was so full-on, so everything, so much that I wanted and then—"

"I left."

I pivot to face him, take in the set lines of his features.

"I hurt you, Ava. I broke your heart. I was selfish… I’d like to think I wasn’t but... Maybe it was all too much for me. Maybe I had been waiting for a sign, for something or someone to push me to take that step, to force me to face my demons… Maybe all of that came to the fore when I met you. I wanted you, Eve… I still do… But I lost you then. I came back and expected to take up from where I had left off."

"And that’s what I wanted too," I blurt out. "You’re everything I want, Ed."

"But I am not everything you need."

I frown, "What…what do you mean?"

"Look at you, Ava. You’re not fully here. You haven’t been since the fire. Since Baron left. You go through the motions of the day, but you barely pay attention to the food that you are eating. At night, you flinch when I wrap my arms around you. You wake up on the opposite side of the bed from me—" So, he had noticed?

"You’ve been going to the studio earlier and earlier, preferring to stay later."

Argh, have I been doing that? Have I become that much of a cliche?

"And even now, when you were dancing, you weren’t really there, were you?"

I jerk my chin around and meet his gaze.

"You were miles away; you hadn’t realized when I walked into the studio… You didn’t even sense when I was in your personal space, Ava."

"Oh, Ed," my lip trembles and my eyes well, "this is such bullshit."

"It’s love." His lips curve in a sad smile. "We don’t choose who we fall in love with, when we fall, or how we fall… Indeed, sometimes we don’t realize it until it’s all but lost to us."

"Ed, no," I shake my head, "please don’t do this."

"It’s done." His throat moves as he swallows. "You are too good a person. You’d stay with me, just out of a sense of duty…of purpose, even, but you and I both know, your heart is elsewhere."

"Oh, Ed." A ball of emotion clogs my throat. "This…this isn’t how I wanted it to be."

"It is, what it is, Ava." He raises his hand as if to touch my cheek, then lowers it to his side. "Know this. I want you to be happy, Ava. I wanted to make you happy. When you chose me, I had been thrilled and excited and flattered and... I'd wanted you. I'd wanted to make a life with you. I'd looked forward to spending the rest of my days with you. I'd wanted it all and returned here with you... Only, something had shifted."

I stare at him through tear-drenched eyes.

"Whenever I’ve tried to kiss you over the last few days, you’ve flinched."

"I... I have?"

He nods, "Even now, when I try to touch you—" He reaches for me and I lean away from him.

"See?"

I swallow, "It's...it's not intentional."

"Exactly." His lips twist. "Your body recognizes what your heart has been trying to communicate to you for days."

"Which is..."

"That you don't belong to me, Ava. Not anymore."

"Oh, Ed." I take a step forward and he holds up a hand.

"Don’t feel badly, Ava. I am not going away completely empty-handed."

"You...aren't?"

He shakes his head. "It's thanks to you that I found a new lease on life. The Church was everything I needed at that stage in my life to stay sane, calm, and feel loved. You showed me I am still human, that I could feel that pull toward another person, someone who could calm me and help me feel normal. In a way, I transferred the dependence I had on the Church to you. But really, what you did was give me a starting point. You opened me up to other possibilities in life, to forgiving myself without the crutch of blind faith—not that faith isn't helpful, but blindly following isn't healthy—and that's where I was."

His gaze softens, "You taught me that it’s possible to find that one person I could truly trust, help, and be helped by. You also made me realize that I can’t replace one obsession with another. You've shown me that I need to find myself first."

"I have?"

He nods.

"If I don’t discover who I truly am, how can I give myself up to another?"

"I think, you're giving me too much credit," I murmur.

"Or not enough." He tilts his head, "You were at the right place at the right time...for me. Call it serendipity or call it an act of God," he smiles, "but you showed me I could keep my faith in the Power Above, without having to bind myself to an institution to nurture it. You set me free to explore, to discover who I truly am, and for that, I will always be grateful."

"Oh, Edward," I fold my fingers together, "whenever you decide you are ready for a relationship, whoever it is you decide to be with, she is going to be a very lucky person."

"And you and Baron are lucky to have found each other. You have what so many of us will spend a lifetime looking for."

"Hopefully, you'll find her well before that."

He tilts his head, "If you or Baron, ever need anything…at any time…" He shakes his head as if to clear it, then turns and heads for the door.

When he reaches the exit, I call out, "Edward, stop."

He pauses, his big body almost filling the doorway.

"I… I did love you, Ed."

"I know," he says softly, "but you love him more."