Hard 5 by Stephanie Brother

31

My cheek is warm and wet. I blink awake, finding it too dark in front of me to see even my hand.

“What is it, Big Boy?” a deep voice says. “Did you find something?”

There’s a soft whine and hot breath on my face that smells of doggie treats. When I reach out into the blackness, I feel soft fur, and then a wet nose touches mine.

“Big Boy,” I whisper. “Is that you?”

The response is lots of fast panting and then a little bark.

I roll onto my back and strain my eyes, finding the outlined shape of five familiar figures standing over me.

“She’s here,” Cary says.

“Melanie.” I know Cash’s voice. He’s the first to bend, his hand resting on my leg, big and warm and strong. “What the hell are you doing here?”

I start to cry. Not pretty tears like actresses in movies who somehow make themselves look sexier by weeping but big wrenching sobs that I know will make me blotchy.

“Hey, it’s okay.” Before I can register what’s happening, I’m being lifted out of the straw and tugged against a hard, muscular chest. It’s Cash. His scent is so familiar, and I cry even more for realizing how much I need to be close to him.

More hands rest against me. “Hey, Melanie. It’s okay. You don’t have to cry. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Cary’s hand smooths my hair, and it’s too much. He’s too kind. He’s too reassuring, and I don’t deserve any of it.

“Just put me down!” I shout, wriggling in Cash’s arms, but he doesn’t listen. “It’s my fault, okay? Everything’s my fault.”

“What do you mean?” Sawyer asks.

“I mean…I should have told you about Jethro Flint and his threats. I just…at the time, I was so angry that I’d lost my farm, and even though you’d been so kind to me, I resented you so much. When he was mean about you, it made me feel better for my ugly thoughts, like I was less alone. But you didn’t deserve any of it. Not the way I was thinking about you or the way Jethro blamed you for his troubles. You didn’t deserve it, and now everything is ruined.”

“Did you tell them to do what they did?” Colt asks. “Did you make them do it?”

“No…but…”

“Did you strike the match? Did you poison the cows?” he continues.

“Of course not but…”

“Did you stand by and watch while they did it?”

“No…”

“So, how is any of it your fault?” Colt’s lost the smiling lilt from his usual tone and just sounds tired and exasperated.

“It’s just…if something had happened to Big Boy, I would never have forgiven myself.”

“He’s fine,” Cary says. “A little shaken by his adventure but fine.”

“But Cooper’s Cottage, and the house, and the cows…”

“…Are not your fault.” Cash says firmly.

I bury my head in his work-worn shirt, so ashamed I can’t even face them in the dark. “You gave me a home and a job, and I repaid you by standing by while someone threatened you. I’m a terrible person.”

“No, honey. You’re a good person. You’re a person who puts your own life at risk to search for our dog. You’re the person who did everything they could to work things out. You’re the person who’s brought light back into our lives, who has brought us together and showed us what a happy life could be like.”

“I don’t deserve you,” I say softly. “I don’t deserve any of you.”

“Yes, you do.” It’s Scott that barks those words with a voice filled with determination. “You had no idea that the threats Jethro made were anything more than just a bitter man airing his grievances. I wouldn’t have taken him seriously either if I were you. We know who you are, baby. We know that you aren’t responsible for any of this…we know that it wasn’t your fault.”

“You don’t understand how worried we were when we couldn’t find you. We thought maybe someone had kidnapped you as part of this vendetta. We searched everywhere, but then Big Boy started toward your farm, and we followed him. It took ages…man he’s slow…but he got us here in the end,” Sawyer says.

“You’re coming home with us,” Cash adds firmly. “And I want you to promise something.”

“What?” I ask, sniffing.

“You’ll never leave us again. I mean, ever.”

Is he serious? Are they all serious? They don’t blame me, and they want me to go back to Flint House and never leave.

My heart feels like a balloon, inflating and floating from my chest with happiness even more exuberant for the sorrow that was there before. My smile is face-splittingly huge, and at our feet, Big Boy whines his approval.

“Come on,” Cash says, starting to walk with me still cradled like a bride in his arms. “Let’s get you home.”

Home.

That word settles inside me like warm hot chocolate on a cold winter’s day. The home behind me is gone, but the home in front of me is warm and welcoming, a haven of forgiveness and acceptance.

I thought I’d lost everything. I thought these five ranchers were ruthless and unfeeling. I didn’t believe I’d find a future that would ever match my past, but I have.

Five men have shown me that the future can be bright.

Five men want to take me back to their house and never let me go.

And maybe, just maybe, I want to let them.