Besotted by Rebecca Sharp

Miles

“You alright?” I tensed at the first two words out of my brother’s mouth when he picked up, but I knew my past behavior deserved them.

“Yeah. Fine, little brother,” I rasped, whipping a stick of driftwood back into the ocean and watching as Kona barreled after it.

“Sorry.” He chuckled with a hoarse voice. For the first time since we’d moved here, it seemed I was the one up and awake before he was. “Just don’t normally hear from you this early.”

I wished I could say that I’d woken up with the sun, but really, I hadn’t fucking slept at all. I tossed and turned, grabbing an hour of rest here and there because I kept waking up to the empty space beside me.

One night.

One. Fucking. Night was all it had taken for Eve to rewire the circuits I’d worked so hard to fry, and reconstruct my body to not know how to function without her.

“I wanted to talk to you about the apartment,” I grunted, tugging the stick from Kona’s mouth and shaking off the slobber and sea as he pranced next to me, panting for more. “I… ahh… had to end my lease at the other one because of the dog. But I know they allow pets in your old building, so I was—”

“It’s yours,” he cut me off before I even had to ask.

I whipped the stick again, not knowing how I’d ever repay Mick for everything he’d done for me. Moving from Texas. Keeping my drunk ass mostly out of trouble. Building this business with me. Giving me his condo.

“Thank you.” The words seemed too paltry compared to how much I meant them.

“Don’t thank me, Miles. I’d do anything to help you.” And that was my brother—the knight in shining armor. Too bad Eve hadn’t set her sights on him, Mick would’ve made perfect Prince Charming material.

The thought had barely whispered from one side of my skull to the other before my body was hard as a rock, my pulse thudding like I was gearing for a fight. Brother or not—charming or not—the only person Eve belonged with was me.

“Fuck…” My fingers pinched against my temples.

“Are you really living out of your car, Miles?” Mick wondered.

I huffed through tight lips, glancing back at my tented car. “Did Eve call you?”

“She talked to Jules,” he confessed, and when I didn’t respond, continued, “Why, Miles?”

This time when Kona returned, he set the stick at my feet and plopped down into the sand next to me. “I don’t know,” I admitted honestly. “You left and it felt like the only thing I had to stick around for in this town was gone. Ironic, since I was the one who made us move here.” I reached out and scratched between Kona’s ears. “And now, I have a dog and…”

He waited for a second before saying the name I wished he would’ve kept to himself. “And Eve?”

“I can’t do this again, Mick. I won’t,” I swore raggedly. “I barely had enough to get me out of Texas when Amanda—” I broke off and swallowed down the rising acid in my throat. “I just…” I trailed off, hoping he would take the opportunity to finish this statement too. “Waitin’ on you to finish my sentence, little brother.”

He laughed. “Why would I do that when I’m much more interested in you finishin’ it.”

“I don’t know how to finish it.” I stared off at the shore. It was cloudy, so the rising sun didn’t offer too much in the way of color, instead only shedding a pale gray light over the sea and horizon. “I want her…” A strained, ironic laugh escaped me. “Wantin’ her was never the problem. Hell, havin’ her isn’t even the problem anymore.”

“You slept with her?” Steel coated his question and the hardness of it shocked me. I assumed he knew… in the same way he knew about my living arrangements. “Miles…”

“Yeah.” I huffed, tugging my hair free and spearing my hand through the tangled mess. “Yeah, and now, I don’t know how to sleep without her.”

“Shit, Miles…”

“I know.” I nodded, hearing his long groan and I could just imagine the look on his face. “Believe me, I know.”

“And does she know?”

I stood and began to walk down toward the water. “She knows I couldn’t promise her anything—that I wouldn’t promise her forever. And she knows about Amanda…”

“You told her about Amanda?” The shock in his voice surprised me.

I realized it had taken me so long to be able to tell my own brother my weakness—my blind trust. No wonder it came as a surprise to hear I’d so easily told Eve. “I did.”

He didn’t say anything for a beat, but I could feel him relaxing over the line. As I stood at the edge of the water, I dragged my toe through the sand, digging random lines like they’ll point me in the direction of my thoughts.

“Would it be so bad?”

“What?” I asked.

“Being in a relationship again. Wanting more.” My mouth thinned but I couldn’t respond. “I mean, as much as I was always the more level-headed out of us.” We both laughed, “You were always comin’ up with the most romantic ideas. I mean, you fuckin’ sold prom proposals junior and senior year to more than half of the two classes.”

I sighed because it was true. I’d given two guys on the football team ideas for asking girls and the next thing I knew, I had a line next to my locker of guys begging for my suggestions. So, I’d started charging a nominal fee—all because I’d heard Amanda mention she’d wanted to ride in a limo to prom to some of the guys on the team.

I saved up all that money, rented the damn limo, and when I told her, she’d been disappointed. Turned out, she only wanted to ride in the limo with the rest of the starting football team. And she only wanted to do that because she wanted to flirt with them.

“Yeah, well, I was foolish. Fairy tale romance doesn’t exist like that, Mick.” I bit back a curse, realizing how it sounded. “I mean, what you and Jules have… that’s somethin’ different. But for me… hell, even for Eve, it’s just dangerous.”

Maybe that’s why I’d stayed away from her from the start. Her romantic notions reminded me of who I was and how easily it was for that kind of person to get hurt.

“I won’t fall for forever again.” I began to trace out the offending word in the sand.

Mick let out a small laugh, like he knew something I didn’t.

“I hate to break it to you, big brother, but sometimes you don’t get a choice in the matter.”

My foot froze, and I stared down to see the words for eve with a stray line trailed off at the end where I’d been about to add the final ‘r’.

“I don’t want to hurt her,” I rasped softly.

“I know, Miles. But I don’t want you to hurt yourself either. And I think you deserve more. Hell, I think you deserve everythin’ Eve wants to give you.”

The lump in my throat grew as I pinched the bridge of my nose, ignoring the spray of water on my legs as Kona joined me and began jumping in the small waves.

“And I think she deserves more than I can give her,” I replied softly. “I think maybe one night was the safest. Now, we can both move on… knowing… and not needing more.”

In the silence, he was disagreeing with me. I heard his arguments just as loudly as though he’d spoken them. Maybe it was because we were twins or maybe because, just like everything else about him, the opinions of Mick Madison were too big to contain.

“Well, the apartment is all yours. For however long you want or need,” my brother said gruffly. “You know you can lean on me for anythin’.”

“Thanks.”

I turned and looked back at my Jeep and the tent I’d thought I’d be fine living out of. And I had been. For weeks. Weeks that could’ve stretched to eternity and gone anywhere. Until today.

Until I looked down and instead of seeing the world drifting farther and farther away from underneath me, like my life was a hot air balloon in flight, I saw tethers to the ground that hadn’t been there before. I saw Kona. I saw Eve. Like fishing wire, the ties were thin but strong. Still, they were something I could break easily if I wanted.

Closing my eyes, I saw more strands forming of a future I hadn’t thought about in a long time. A family. A home. A forever.

With a low growl, I shook my head like it would snap me from the bonds and began to walk back to my Jeep.

“Will I see you today?” Mick asked before I could say goodbye.

“You’re still finishing up that kitchen on Seaside?” Even though the rest of my life might not be together, when it came to our business, I kept everything on track. It was the one thing that kept me going—and kept me from going off the deep end.

“Yeah. Not too much left to do though.”

We’d been working on a massive kitchen remodel for one of the mansions along the scenic drive between Carmel Cove and Monterey and a small snag in the piping had put us half a day behind—which was still two days early for what I’d told the customer.

“Alright, well, if you think you can handle it, I’m goin’ to head over to the Cove Vineyard and get started on the addition to their tasting room. I know I told Danny we’d have to do it after the Blooms project, but since that kitchen, even with the delay, went quicker than expected, I think I can knock it all out by Thursday for her, and then the following week, we’ll start at Blooms.”

A few weeks, that’s all I’d allow.

In Carmel. With Eve.

The past weekend was the beginning of the end. As soon as we were finished with the remodel of Blooms, I’d take my Jeep and move on with the nomadic life I’d been planning.

I knew myself too well—and I knew how much I still wanted her—to think I could avoid her when she was waiting in my reach. I would need a clean break to get over Eve Williams. All I could do was hope the break didn’t extend into my already fractured heart.

My brother’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. “Sounds like a plan. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Yup.”

“And Miles?”

I almost pretended I didn’t hear him and hung up. Almost. “Yeah?”

“I’m just speakin’ from experience, but the harder you fight it, the harder you’ll fall.”

My mouth thinned as I opened the back door to the Jeep, giving Kona an eye to get inside.

“I’ll take my chances,” I snipped and then tacked on, “I’ll talk to you later,” before ending the call.

As I began to pack down the tent and head over to my new apartment for a shower, I thought about the forever I’d abandoned in the sand, leaving for eve, instead.

I wasn’t falling. I was a rock climber, so I knew what falling felt like. I knew what an unsteady grip or misplaced footing could lead to. I’d trained my body to know all the warning signs of an impending fall.

So, I could want her. I could even have her. But there was no way in hell I would fall for Eve Williams.