Besotted by Rebecca Sharp

Miles

“Damn dog,” I muttered, waking up to the howling and whimpering of Kona from his bed inside the back seat of the Jeep.

He’d done that every morning since we’d left.

And every morning I knew I should’ve left him with Eve.

Every morning, I knew I should’ve done a lot of things… different things… than what I’d done.

Pregnant.

“I’m pregnant, Miles.”

It was incredible how the same three words could make me feel the same fuckin’ emotions I’d left Texas to escape. Betrayal. Bitterness. Heartbreak. All larger than fuckin’ life.

But now that I was looking back on that moment, I really heard the words—how different they were. It was like night and day. It was like Mick and me—our DNA an exact copy, letter for letter, and still we weren’t the same person.

And Eve wasn’t Amanda.

“Alright, alright,” I grumbled, pushing myself up at Kona’s persistent whine and climbing down to let him out.

Every morning for the past two days he did this. He whimpered like he needed to go out and when I opened the door, he just climbed down and laid at my feet.

With a sigh that felt like a hundred pounds of hurt, I sunk down and propped my back against the back tire, rubbing slowly over his head and ears.

“Why’d you come with me?” I rasped. “You should’ve stayed with her. You would’ve been better with her.”

He cried in protest, and all I could do was tip my head back and look up at the slowly dawning sky.

When I walked out of the apartment on Saturday, I’d gotten in my car and drove north out of town. Nowhere in Carmel was safe; there was nowhere to escape her. Or what I’d done.

So, I drove north and ended at the park I’d taken both her and Mick to outside of Monterey. I’d done nothing but climb for the past two days. Climb and think.

I texted Mick I was going to be out of town for a few days. I knew it didn’t matter for work—George Covington, Carmel’s plumber and Ace and Benny’s dad, was going to be at Blooms for at least two days replumbing through the area of renovations. There were other things I could have done, but nothing urgent. And right now, I was more liable to cut off a limb trying to work than get anything productive done.

Maybe if I was missing a limb, I wouldn’t notice my missing heart so damn much.

“C’mon, you clown,” I grumbled, standing as I grabbed a protein bar from the front seat and my climbing shoes from the floor.

Kona trotted along in silence ahead of me, looking back every few steps to make sure I was still following him over to the rock face.

Pregnant.

The pit in my stomach lessened each time the word echoed in my thoughts, but the stab in my chest burned as I remember the beautiful face that came along with it—and how I’d reduced it to tears.

The first time I’d heard those words, I’d planned something special to propose to Amanda—to solidify our forever.

The photos of Eve’s house on Sunflower weren’t a proposal; they were more than that, I realized. I wasn’t asking just to share her life, but to be a part of her vibrant dreams. But when she told me about the baby, instinct that had been beaten into me by the worst kind of betrayal, reared its head, and demanded, for the sake of self-preservation that I run. That I push her away before she used me, too.

Picking up the stick that was in the same spot on the ground I’d left it yesterday, I chucked it into the trees for Kona to go chase while I tied my shoes.

I’d only started climbing after we moved here. I saw a few kids doing it when Mick and I were renovating a pavilion at one of the parks and decided to give it a try, needing something that would push my body and my mind at the same time.

Mick had his woodworking, and I had my rock walls.

“Last one,” I said as I tossed the stick again. As he ran off, I opened my bag and dumped his food into a small bowl so he could eat when he got back.

My fingers finding the familiar depressions in the rock, I began to scale the steeper, more challenging part of the rock several yards down from where the wedges were placed—from where I’d taught Eve.

Even though I’d climbed almost every day for the past year, my muscles burned from never having done it so much in such a short amount of time. My arms and back pulsed with the steady heat of a fire as I pulled myself up higher and my shoes found footing in crevasses and ledges.

I came to climb. I came to scale the mountain of my thoughts, to know I could pull myself out of the gravity of the pain that fought to pull me down.

And with each coordinated movement of ascension, I realized I climbed because I wanted more.

Even after what Amanda had done, I climbed to overcome the fear of falling for the prospect of reaching the peak—to overcome the fear of betrayal for the possibility of still finding my forever.

Sweat broke out on my forehead and my muscles began to scream, but I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop no matter how much it hurt because I knew what was at the top was worth it.

I knew that Eve was worth it.

But was I?

Growling, I pushed myself higher, my arms shaking with the effort.

I climbed to get away from the man who thought he deserved what Amanda had done to me because I’d been so blind. And with each push, the pain finally burned the self-loathing from my veins until I saw the top of the wall—until I saw that I didn’t deserve that kind of betrayal—no one did.

Especially Eve.

As I reached the top, the truth exploded in my brain—the kind that only comes when your body has been pushed so far beyond its limits that the only thing left is the most essential truths as they are written into your marrow.

I’d betrayed Eve.

From the first moment I met her to the second that I made her mine, I’d never doubted her truth because it effused from her expressions like steam from hot water. She spoke quickly—sometimes too quickly—because there was no filter of falsehood inside of her.

From the moment I kissed her, she’d given me her truth. She’d told me her heart was set on forever, and then she changed that for me. She’d put me first.

And she hadn’t asked to come live with me, I’d demanded. And when she’d looked for somewhere to move, I’d been the one to turn down every option with every asinine reason in the book because I wasn’t willing to admit I couldn’t let her go.

And in the moment, when she’d offered me the truth once again, full-well knowing what it meant with my past, I’d thrown it back in her face.

Worse than that.

The strength seeped from my body and I should’ve started to move back down, but I couldn’t. I was frozen, finally reaching the top of the ledge and seeing the sun peeking over the horizon, lighting the future I’d had within my reach.

Love… A dream… A family…

Eve.

Everything.

I’d recoiled at the chance for everything for the fear of nothing. My mouth went dry as those last bitter moments blotted out the warm light of the sun.

Is it even mine?

I’d questioned her motives. I’d questioned her integrity. But with those four words, I’d questioned her truth—the one thing she’d always and only given with complete forwardness, openness, and honesty. And I’d shattered that.

My body jerked with disgust. For those words. For myself.

And my grip slipped.

In those moments as I fell, I realized by simply wanting more of her, I’d overcome my past. I’d made it over the obstacles inside me without even realizing it and made it to the brink of the kind of future I’d always dreamed about.

And now that I was falling from it, it was so easy to see that this time, it was because I’d been the one to let it go.

“Miles.”

I moaned. It sounded like I was below water and someone was calling my name.

And then the water turned warm and velvety as it licked over my face.

Grunting, I turned my head and pried my eyes open, wincing as the light stabbed through my skull and the pounding in my head began.

“What the hell, Miles?” I saw my brother crouching next to me, Kona on my other side, his slobbery weapon hanging from his mouth. “Don’t fuckin’ move. Jules is on her way.”

“I’m fine,” I rasped, looking back to the wall I’d fallen from.

Even though the climb was steeper and more difficult, this part of the rock wasn’t nearly as high as the other end. I shifted my limbs slightly to confirm what I knew to be true: I’d fallen just far enough to make it hurt without actually breaking anything.

“Oh, yeah? Because I came through the clearing not even a minute ago to see you knocked out on the ground.” Anger and fear twined together in his Texan twang. “What the hell were you thinkin’?”

“I was climbing. Same thing I do every damn day. And sometimes, that involves falling.” Ignoring his protests, I pushed myself up, wincing as my head protested the movement. “How the hell did you know I was here?”

“Really? That’s what you’re worried about right now?” Mick shook his head as his large frame stood to tower over me. “You fuckin’ disappeared the other day. And I get it. I… heard what happened.” Of course, Eve probably called Jules. “But after two days and then you text that you are goin’ out of town? Yeah, no. I wasn’t goin’ to let you fuckin’ run again.” He looked over his shoulder and then admitted, “So, I called Dex and had him trace your phone.”

“Seriously?” I scoffed. “Who the hell are you? NCIS?”

His arms crossed, bulking out his chest. “No. M-I-C-K. Also known as your fuckin’ brother.” He huffed and wiped his mouth.

I looked away. “Is he even allowed to do that shit?”

“Don’t know. Don’t care, big brother,” he retorted. “Now, why don’t you tell me what the hell is going on? Because Jules is on her way and just because it’s her duty to make sure you don’t have a concussion or some other serious brain injury, doesn’t mean it’s goin’ to stop her from killin’ you the second she makes sure you’re alright.”

I grunted. She had every right to, for how I’d treated Eve.

“Eve’s pregnant.” It was the first time I said the words outside of my head. “Eve’s pregnant with my baby.”

“I heard as much,” he said softly. “But I thought you wanted this… I mean, maybe not exactly, but I thought you wanted your future with her.”

“I did,” I ground out. “I do,” I added more painfully. “But I didn’t tell you everything before.” I bent my knees and wrapped my arms around them, linking my hands in front of me. “I didn’t tell you that Amanda told me she was pregnant, and I was goin’ to propose.”

“What?” Mick’s body swayed back against the wall as he stared at me in shock. “She was pregnant?”

I nodded. “But not with my baby.”

I wondered if these words would ever not taste like acid in my mouth.

“She was having an affair with her wanna-be congressman boss. Honestly, I think she did it expecting him to leave his family for her—to bring her along on his rise to power. Instead, he told her she needed to cover it up and quickly. And I was always her perfect backup plan.”

“She was goin’ to marry you, lettin’ you think the baby was yours?”

My head tipped slowly to confirm.

The slew of curses that exploded from his mouth was surprising. Not that he felt the way he did, but because, even in anger, he was always reserved.

“I’m so sorry,” he rasped, sinking down along the wall to sit and face me. “I wish I—Maybe if I had said—”

“No,” I cut him off. “I wouldn’t have listened to anyone’s warnings about her—not even yours. She fed me lie after lie, and I ate them up like I could find the kernel of truth buried inside them. I needed to see it with my own two eyes. Otherwise, I never would’ve believed.”

“And then Eve…”

“Is nothing like Amanda,” I ground out, wishing my body hurt more as penance for how I’d hurt my girl. My Evie. “She came to tell me the truth, and I threw it back in her face.” I laughed bitterly. “I heard those words, and all I could feel was fear. Completely irrational and un-fucking-founded.”

“Damn…”

One word from my twin summarized how I felt. Damned.

“Mick?”

We both turned to see Jules coming through the trees.

“Over here, darlin’,” he said hoarsely, walking over to meet her.

I watched with the purest longing and deepest regret as my brother pulled the woman of his dreams hard against his chest and crushed his lips to hers.

“He’s awake, and I think he’s fine. Woke up just after I called you.” I heard him say.

“Okay, well let’s take a look.”

I stared up at the woman who would be my sister-in-law someday soon. “Jules,” I rasped.

“Miles.”

I expected anger. I expected harsh words in defense of her friend. But she took one look at me and saw, like any good nurse, that there was a deeper pain rooted inside me than the one she’d been called to treat.

“How far did you fall?” she asked as she knelt down and put her hands on my cheeks, turning my head side to side.

I pointed and showed her where I’d lost my hold on the rock.

After a few more minutes of Q and A, followed by some ‘look here, look there’ and a variety of other commands, she murmured, “I don’t think you have a concussion, but you should check in with a doctor back in Carmel. And you should take it easy for a few weeks.”

She stood and Mick put his hand on the small of her back, pulling her toward him so he could drop a kiss on her head. “Thanks, darlin’.”

I squinted up at her, the pounding in my head having tamped down to a dull ache.

“How is she?” I rasped, needing and fearing the answer at the same time.

Jules’ eyes dimmed with the pain she felt for her friend. “She’s heartbroken… but headstrong.” My gut twisted as she went on. “I don’t think there’s anything that would make her give up on her dreams or her future. And if that is a future without you, she’ll find a different way to make it beautiful.”

I swallowed hard and nodded, not surprised by a single word.

“She’s Eve. She’s unstoppable.”

My chest thumped with the harsh start of a laugh. Unstoppable. That did sound a whole helluva lot like my woman.

“She bought the house.”

My eyes jerked up and Jules blushed like she was admitting something that she maybe shouldn’t.

“What?”

“Yesterday morning, she went down to the bank and pulled all of her savings to buy the house on Sunflower.”

I pushed myself up to stand, wobbling for a second as I found my balance at a new height. “Why? How? Where is she going to stay?”

I didn’t have to ask. I knew even though I’d been the one to leave that Eve wouldn’t stay in the empty apartment.

“I-I guess she worked out something with Sister Jeanne to stay there, and then Addison is going to co-sign for a home improvement loan so she can start renovations.”

All that debt. Unnecessarily. With a baby—our baby—on the way.

“I can’t—I won’t—” I ripped my hair down from the tie and yanked it back more firmly. “Just because I walked out of that room didn’t mean I was walkin’ out on her or our baby.”

And I’m sure that’s what she thought. What other choice did I give her after what I’d said?

“I think you’re tellin’ that to the wrong people, big brother,” Mick drawled lightly.

Cursing under my breath, I whistled for Kona. “I think I am, too.”