Once Upon an Irritatingly Magical Kiss by Bree Wolf

Chapter Twenty-Three

A Heart’s Truth

Never in her life had Christina experienced a more awkward and painful moment. From the looks of it, neither had Thorne. He offered Sarah a polite greeting and a short bow and then quickly took his leave, undoubtedly relieved to escape the moment ahead.

Sarah, too, looked as though she was ready to faint. Her eyes were wide, and her cheeks were pale. Her gaze remained all but fixed upon Christina as though she did not dare look at Thorne. She never had, had she? Whenever Christina had seen Sarah with Thorne or near him, Sarah had always pointedly avoided eye contact as much as possible. She had always seemed frightened of him, the unease she felt in his presence written all over her face. Was that not what had prompted Christina to interfere?

Yes, initially she had been concerned for her friend. That had been her motivation, had it not? She had not set out to steal Sarah’s intended because she wanted him for herself. That had simply happened somehow over time.

When the door finally closed after Thorne, Christina slipped an arm through Sarah’s and pulled her away toward the drawing room. She could not help but wonder why Sarah had come because following the night Christina and Thorne had been discovered in the library, Sarah’s parents had been far too furious with the Whickertons to allow their daughter to visit. The friends had exchanged the occasional note, but there had been no more contact than that. What was Sarah doing here now?

“Are you all right?” Christina asked as they seated themselves. She offered Sarah tea, praying that her hands would not tremble.

Sarah heaved a deep sigh and wrung her hands in her lap before looking up and meeting Christina’s eyes. “I apologize for not seeing you sooner. My parents are still furious.” Confusion and regret lingered in her voice, and Christina could see the same torn expression she suspected showed on her own face as well.

“Do not worry yourself,” Christina assured her friend, trying her best to offer her a comforting smile. “I do understand, and I would never hold it against you. Your parents have an exceptionally good reason to react the way they do. I’m sorry for what happened.”

A frown drove down Sarah’s brows. “Never have I heard you speak with such understanding about my parents. You were always so furious with the way they used me in order to solve their own problems.” Her gaze swept over Christina as though she were looking at someone she had never seen before. “What changed?”

Christina felt her hands begin to tremble, and she quickly folded them in her lap. “I do not know what you mean,” she quickly said, glancing out the window so Sarah could not look into her eyes. “Perhaps it is simply that the threat of a forced marriage between you and…Mr. Sharpe is no longer looming upon the horizon. You are safe now.” The words felt like ash in Christina’s mouth.

Sarah’s features softened, and a deeply affectionate smile came to her face. “You truly are the dearest of friends,” she exclaimed in a relieved sigh. “The moment I learned of what had happened, I could not help but feel…” She broke off and bowed her head, then glanced up at Christina. “I’m a most despicable person, am I not?” She swallowed, then raised her chin determinedly. “I came here today to tell you that I cannot allow you to sacrifice your happiness for mine.”

Christina froze. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I cannot allow you to marry him,” Sarah burst out, her features tense with reluctance despite her exclamation to the contrary. “I cannot allow you to ruin your life for me. I’ve thought about it long and hard, and I have come to accept that me marrying Mr. Sharpe is the best solution for everyone.”

Not for me, Christina thought to herself, desperately searching for some kind of argument that would convince Sarah to allow things to go ahead as planned. Or was this Christina’s chance to step back? Was this the moment when she ought to admit to Sarah what a good man she had found Mr. Sharpe to be? Was this the moment that she ought to tell Sarah not to be afraid, but happy instead?

Was this the moment she ought to let him go?

“It would most certainly appease my parents,” Sarah continued in a hushed voice. “They are so furious with me for—”

“Furious with you? Why would they be furious with you? You didn’t do anything!”

Sarah’s gaze dropped to her folded hands. “I…I failed to secure his affections.”

Christina gritted her teeth lest she be swayed to voice her outrage with regard to Lord and Lady Hartmore’s latest failure as parents. “You have nothing to blame yourself for, Sarah.” Christina reached out a hand and gently placed it upon Sarah’s. “Please, do not torture yourself. You are a good and kind person, and any man would be fortunate to call you his wife.”

A small smile appeared upon Sarah’s face. “You are kind to say so, but we both know that it is not true. Otherwise, I would be married already, would I not be?”

Christina shook her head vehemently. “I know no such thing. What I know is that your father’s interest in gambling and your mother’s need to re-furnish your family’s estate three times a year have chased away most eligible suitors. It had nothing to do with you. You must believe me, Sarah. Your parents are the problem, not you.”

Sarah’s hand squeezed hers gratefully. “Be that as it may; I cannot let you marry him. I want to see you happy. I want to see you find love, like Louisa and Leonora did.” Tears misted in her eyes whereas a wide smile stretched across Sarah’s face. “The Whickertons marry for love after all. Everyone knows that.”

Christina heaved a deep sigh, her heart twisting painfully at her friend’s kind words. She knew she did not deserve them; yet she also knew that if she were to give up Thorne, she would regret it for the rest of her life. “And what about you? Do you not also dream of finding love?”

Sarah shrugged, once more averting her gaze. “Not everyone is lucky enough to find love. I’ve been out for too many seasons already, and yet I have never truly lost my heart to anyone.” She looked up, blinking back tears. “Perhaps it is not meant to be for me.”

Christina tightened her hold on Sarah’s hand, more for her own sake than her friend’s. “Do you truly wish to marry Mr. Sharpe?”

A brave smile came to Sarah’s face. “Not everything in life is about what we wish.”

Christina frowned. “Whenever you look at him, I see you tense. Why? How can you contemplate marrying someone who clearly makes you uncomfortable? Has anything happened between the two of you? Has he done something to you that—?” Christina felt the breath lodged in her throat as she contemplated something she did not dare believe. Still, sometimes the world had a way of shocking one that went beyond one’s wildest imaginings. Could she truly have been wrong about Thorne? About the kind of man he was?

“What?” Sarah’s eyes widened before she quickly shook her head. “No! Nothing ever happened. We barely spoke two words to each other.”

Christina breathed a sigh of relief, surprised by how deeply she felt it. “Then why?”

Sarah bowed her head. “I cannot say for certain. I’ve heard…whispers.” She glanced up at Christina. “You yourself have spoken harshly about him, about men of his kind. I cannot help but think that…” She broke off, clearly unable to finish the thought. “He makes me nervous. I don’t know why, but I cannot help it.”

Christina closed her eyes, remembering her own apprehensive thoughts only too well. She remembered how Thorne had laughed when she had spoken to him of unspeakable things common men demanded of their wives. Had their kiss been such an unspeakable thing? If so, Christina could not help but think that the world at large was very mistaken about common men.

Or perhaps simply about Thorne.

Giving Sarah’s hand a gentle squeeze, Christina smiled at her friend. “I’m afraid I was severely mistaken about Mr. Sharpe’s character,” she said honestly, unable to lie to her friend, to keep lying to her friend.

Sarah frowned. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I mean,” Christina began, dreading every word she was about to say, knowing equally well that it needed to be said, “that over the past fortnight I’ve had the opportunity to spend some time in Mr. Sharpe’s company, and I have come to realize that…he is an incredibly good man.” Her voice caught on the last word, and she swallowed hard, trying her best to remain strong.

Sarah’s eyes were wide as they searched Christina’s face. “Do you truly mean what you say?”

Christina nodded. “We’ve spoken about…many things. He’s told me about his past, about his motivation in coming to London. He truly seems to care about those he’s responsible for. He’s one of those people who seek to make the world a better place. He has ambition, but not for himself. He’s kind and caring and devoted. He knows how to laugh about himself. He does not hold a grudge, and he treats others with respect, no matter the foolish things they might have said.” A wistful smile flickered across her face at the many wonderful memories she had acquired recently in Thorne’s company.

Sarah’s hand tightened upon hers, and Christina found her friend all but staring at her the moment her gaze refocused on the here and now. “You care for him,” Sarah breathed, shock marking her features. “Is it possible? Have you truly come to care for him?”

“No!” The word flew from Christina’s lips without thought, not because she intended to withhold the truth from her friend, but because she was not quite ready to admit it to herself.

Sarah’s eyes narrowed, a bit of a chiding look coming to her face.

“Perhaps,” Christina mumbled under her breath, unable to hold her friend’s gaze. “A little.”

“Look at me,” Sarah instructed, her voice surprisingly steady. “Christina, would you please look at me?”

Christina lifted her head. “I’m so deeply sorry. I should never have interfered. He is a good man, and I’m certain he will make you a good husband. I think you will be happy with him.” Her heart throbbed painfully as the words left her lips, and she could not recall ever having felt this wretched.

A look of awe came to Sarah’s face as she slowly shook her head from side to side, her eyes still wide with shock…or rather surprise. “If you want him,” Sarah whispered, a smile in her voice, “then marry him.”

Thinking her ears had deceived her, Christina stared at her friend. “But I cannot! You were to marry him, and I should not have interfered. Who can say who your parents will settle on next? Sarah, you will continue to remain in danger to be married off to someone, anyone with a full purse if you do not marry Mr. Sharpe now.” She looked imploringly into Sarah’s eyes. “He is a good man. You will be safe with him.”

“And what of you?”

“My parents will never force me into an unwanted marriage. You know that. I shall be safe. Always.”

Sarah nodded. “Safe, yes. But is that enough? What will become of us if I marry the man you care for?” Slowly, she began shaking her head. “No, the only reason I came here today was to prevent you from throwing away your happiness for me. But,” her hands grasped Christina’s more tightly, “if marrying him makes you happy, then I want you to do it.”

Christina’s heart beat wildly in her chest. Hope made her smile, urging her to accept her friend’s offer. Still, guilt and fear lingered, concern for Sarah’s future, compelling her to insist otherwise. “I could never be happy as long as you are miserable.”

“We do not know what the future will bring. Perhaps I shall find love after all. But not now. Not with Mr. Sharpe.” Deep longing rested in Sarah’s eyes, and Christina could understand that she did not want to marry a man who might never love her. “Has he spoken to you of love?”

Christina shook her head, feeling that blossom of hope slowly whither. “He has not.” Only had he not said that he liked her? And had he not said so in a way that had made her insides dance with joy?

Perhaps one day…

“I do not wish to make this decision for you,” Sarah stated clearly, a new determination in her eyes that Christina had rarely seen before. “It is yours and only yours to make. However, I urge you to think on it. Do not throw away something that could mean your happiness. Think it through and tell me what you decide.” Giving Christina’s hands a last encouraging squeeze, Sarah rose to her feet. “I need to return home before my parents realize my absence.” She moved away, and then stopped at the door, looking back once more. “Ask yourself what you want, and don’t be afraid to reach for it.”

Then the door closed behind Sarah, leaving Christina alone with her thoughts. All those many thoughts, now more contradicting than ever. What was she to do?

Despite Sarah’s urgings, Christina could not disregard her friend’s future. No, Sarah was not her responsibility. Still, they had been friends since childhood. As Sarah had said, neither one of them would be happy if the other were miserable. What was she to do?

In truth, Christina could not say if she would ever come to love Thorne. Certainly, she had come to care for him, but what did that mean? Would she still care for him a year from now? Or would time teach them that they did not suit after all? How could she be certain?

A deep sigh left her lips as she sank deeper into her seat, her shoulders slouching as her head rolled back and her eyes closed.

What on earth was she to do?