Unstable by Lacey Carter Andersen
8
Adam
I’m excitedto spend time alone with Cole. He reminds me so much of Emory when I first met him. It’s like he’s built a wall around himself to stay safe, and I want him to know that he doesn’t need that wall with me. With us. Drake might like to roar. Emory might like to growl. And Kiera… she wears that don’t fuck with me attitude like a cape.
Yet none of us are a danger to Cole.
We’re heading to the only shop that still seems to be open. It’s on the corner of our street and looks like a combination of a gift shop and a gas station. I hope they have clothes for all of us. Because even though Kiera was the one to mention our stink, I didn’t like it either. Emory had given me a coat he found in the back because I was covered in bloodstains. The blood had dried since Maxen and his men had tried to kill me, but I didn’t like feeling it against my skin. It seemed like a quiet reminder that life was more fragile than I imagined.
And I didn’t like that feeling.
Don’t trust that berserker-whatever. Princess’s voice slides into my thoughts.
I smile. I’m more careful than I used to be.
Not careful enough. He’s like a stray, Adam. He doesn’t have loyalty to any of us.
“We were both strays once upon a time.”
I don’t realize I spoke my thoughts aloud until Cole says, “Are you talking to that weird cat again?”
Frowning, I look at all. “Don’t call Princess weird. He’s my best friend.”
He makes a sound of disagreement.
“What is it?” I ask, half-curious, half-annoyed.
He seems to consider not answering me, from the look on his face, but then says, “Animals can’t be your friend.”
Idiot. Princess hisses into my mind, and I have to agree.
“I feel so sad for you.” The words slip out, but I don’t regret them. Cole turns that uncertain face to face me, so I continue. “Anyone who doesn’t know the love and loyalty an animal can give is a sad person who I feel sorry for. But more than that, I think you’re a lot like Emory. I think Maxen tried to break and destroy all the good inside of you. I think it made you both protect that little piece of yourself deep inside that’s still vulnerable, like the precious treasure it is. But unlike Emory, I think you don’t just not have animals as friends. I think you don’t have any friends at all.”
His hand is suddenly around my throat, and he drags me closer, so our faces are inches from each other. “I’m nothing like Emory. And there’s nothing vulnerable inside of me.”
“For a guy with as many walls as you have, you’re not a very good liar.”
His gaze locks with mine, and I get the feeling he desperately wants to hurt me, but then he shoves me away and continues toward the bright lights of the store like nothing at all happened. I hurry to keep up with him and see a flicker of surprise deep in his eyes before it’s gone.
“You’re not going to hurt me or scare me into running away from you,” I say. “If that worked, Emory and Drake wouldn’t be my best friends too.”
I’m your better friend. I hear Princess growl, and I smile searching for whatever shadows he’s tracking us from to be able to keep up with our conversation. I followed the demons to their castle. I waited and watched, forming my plan. If it wasn’t for them setting you free, I would have been the one to rescue you.
I know. You’re the toughest warrior I’ve ever met.
That’s right. He huffs into my mind but sounds a little pleased with my compliment.
“Drake and Emory aren’t your friends. They pity you, just like Kiera,” Cole says, interrupting our silent conversation.
I laugh.
He gives me a strange look. “You disagree? Come on. You’re weak. You offer them nothing. They take you along because they pity you.”
His words don’t even hurt, because I know they’re a lie. “Sorry, Cole, but I’m stronger than you think. You might be a big berserker. You might even be able to hurt me in a fight, but I’m not weak. And they don’t pity me. I’ve saved their lives. They’ve saved mine. And we love each other.”
He snorts. “Come on, man. I know Emory helped to keep you in that cell beneath Maxen’s manor. I know he was protecting his own ass over yours.”
“You don’t know him at all. Emory was keeping me safe the only way he knew how to. Maybe there were better ways to do it, but he did the best he could, and I know that, just like I know my own heart is beating. A man who doesn’t care about me wouldn’t have sat and kept me company or brought me my favorite snacks. Emory has a good heart, and he’d die to keep any of us safe.”
“You didn’t see the things I did when we were boys. Emory did things that would make your skin crawl.”
I stop walking and look at him. “And do you think, deep in that hidden heart of yours, that he did any of that by choice? Or do you think he was a scared kid who did things to survive?”
Cole looks away from me for a moment. “I—”
“We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. If only perfect people deserved love and friendship, we’d all be alone.”
Then, I keep walking.
Cole follows me more slowly. “You’re not who I thought you were, mutant.”
“Call my Adam,” I say. Nowadays, being called mutant doesn’t hurt my feelings, but I want Cole to start using my name and thinking of me as a friend. Because even though he doesn’t know it yet, we will be friends one day. I’m sure of it!
We enter the shop together and find an old lady behind a register. She glances up at us with narrowed eyes, before her gaze returns to some show about a judge. I head directly for the clothes. There’s a bunch of stuff with the name of the town we’re in, and even more with the name of our state. I manage to find some blank black and white t-shirts. Kiera is easy to shop for. I get her a few white and black tanktops, find some underwear with flags on them, and hope they’re the right size, and get some plain jeans, and a pair of work boots. The guys and I are a bit harder to shop for because we’re on the larger end of normal. I manage to snag a few XXLs that I’m hoping the guys can fit into, a few XL larges for myself, plain jeans, more workboots, and boxers with funny sayings.
When I finally get everything together, I dump it by the register. The lady looks at us in surprise but rings it all up. Cole takes that wad of money out of his pocket, but before he can pay, I pile on some sodas and snacks. He gives me a look.
“What? We get hungry.”
He smirks and lets the lady ring it up too, and hands her the money to pay for it.
I help her bag everything up, and then I head outside. At the door, I realize Cole isn’t following me. I look back at him, and he gestures for me to go ahead, then turns his calculating gaze onto the woman.
Some instinct makes me pause, waiting and watching him.
“Go on ahead,” he finally tells me.
I hesitate. He’ll never trust us if we don’t trust him.
It’s hard for me to push the door and walk outside, but I head for the motel. The streets are silent, eerily so. The trucker diner glows, and the motel sign flashes, but no one else seems to be out. A strange feeling crawls up my spine, and I duck into an alley, breathing hard, and waiting.
Princess’s voice comes to me a minute later. The berserker must be a mage too. He did some kind of spell and had the old woman give him everything in her register.
I feel a little sick as I step out of the alley and keep walking toward the motel.
Still think he’s a good guy?
I don’t answer, because the thing is, I don’t know.
