Good Boy by Megan Lowe
Chapter 26
Apparently the faith I placed in my kid brother was misplaced. It turns out, much like his older brother, he’s fallen victim to Cav’s charms. I get it, trust me, I do, but Jase also has the complete picture in front of him. I didn’t. Jase sees Cav as his savior, as some great messiah who saved him from humiliation and elevated him into legend status among the freshmen.
“Cavanaugh McLaughlin went to bat for him; he must be someone we need to know,” they say. And Jase is lapping it up. He forgets about how Cav trashed my car, how he beat me up, how he’s made my life miserable. He forgets who Cav pretended to be, the feelings he made me feel. He forgets I want Cav for myself.
His last words to me the other day haunt me. You showed me what it could be like and I hate you for that.
I have to admit that yes, I wanted him to remember what we had, wanted to let him know we could have it still, but I never realized how that vision could haunt him. Despite everything, I want us to be together. Still. Even after this shit he’s pulling with Jase.
I want to look at him and see him smile at me. I want to hold his hand and kiss him in public. I want to shout from the top of Sears Tower that this incredible guy is mine. But I can’t.
I can’t tell anyone how great he is, how he listens, actually listens when you pour your heart out to him. I can’t tell anyone how his laugh hits me straight in my chest and hearing it, rare as it is, is the best thing ever. I can’t tell how he gets me going with a single word and how powerful I feel doing the same to him. But what hurts the most is I can’t tell him this. I can’t go to him when I’m having a shit day, or when Amy says something that makes me steaming mad. I can’t talk to him about cars and what I want to do to the Mustang. What’s even worse is I can’t tell Jase about it either. Not anymore.
“Where’s Jase?” Amy asks as she comes in one evening.
“With friends,” I tell her.
“Oh. Well, that’s great.”
“Yeah.” I don’t tell her how I wanted to stop him, tried to stop him.
“I know he’s had a bit of a hard time finding his feet,” she says.
“I think it’s safe to say he’s found them now.”
“What about you?”
“Huh?”
“How are you finding things?”
I shrug. “Fine.”
“Yeah? Making friends? Fitting in?”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “Yes, Aims, I’m making friends and fitting in.”
She nods. “Good. I’m glad. And, um, what about boys?” she asks. “Anyone catch your eye?”
I arch an eyebrow.
She shrugs. “I’m trying to be supportive and, you know, involved in your lives.”
I give her a smile. “No, there’s no one who’s caught my eye.” And I don’t think there will be. Cav, he… he’s a pretty hard act to follow. So many nights I wake up, hard on raging, dreams of us together fading in my sleep-filled mind.
I don’t think I’ve ever jacked off as much as I am now, not even when I first learned how good it felt when I was thirteen. I’ve tried taking the edge off by watching porn, but it’s not the same. Apparently nothing gets me as hard as Cav does.
“Oh, well, there’s no rush, right? You’ll find someone when the time’s right.”
I nod. “Yeah, I suppose I will.”
“So, um, what about you?” I ask. “Anyone special on the radar?”
She shakes her head. “No, no one special.”
“I guess we’re the perfect pair then, huh?”
“Who’s the perfect pair?” Jase asks as he comes in, dumping his backpack on the stairs.
“Oh, just Connor, and me” Amy replies.
“Of course you are,” Jase says. “The perfect two, and I’m the afterthought.”
“Hey!” Amy says while I roll my eyes. “Connor and I are far from perfect, and not once have you ever been an afterthought.”
He scoffs.
“Don’t worry about it, Aims,” I tell her. “He’s got his new friends; he doesn’t want or need anything from us.”
“At least my ‘new friends,’ as you call them, look out for me.”
I shake my head. I’ve got to hand it to Cav, he works fast. But I guess fair is fair. I’ve “taken” and turned Thomas, so now he’s “taken” and turned Jase.
“Jase,” Amy gasps. “You know Connor has always looked out for you.”
“Yeah, when it suited him.”
I nod. “Yep, it suited me the entire time Mom and Dad were sick, but now they’re dead, I guess I don’t have to worry about you anymore. I should really thank them for doing me a massive favor.”
“Connor….”
“I guess I should thank your new friends too for putting that thought in your mind. It’s funny how you’ve never once accused me of not caring until right now.”
Jase shrugs. “Maybe they opened my eyes.”
“Or maybe they’re blinding you with their lies.”
“I think I’m finally seeing things clearly, actually,” he says.
“Uh-huh, of course you are,” I agree.
“Hey, you’re the one who was telling me what a great guy Cav is.”
“What a great guy James is,” I correct. “It’s clear they’re two very different people.”
“I have no idea what’s going on,” Amy says. No one stops to fill her in.
“They’re the same person,” Jase insists.
“Do you really think so?” I ask him. “Do you really think I could fall for someone like Cav?”
“I thought you said no one had caught your eye?” Amy asks.
“Who knows with you?” Jase says. “I know you’re into some weird things, or have you forgotten we shared a bedroom wall basically our entire lives?”
I chuckle. “I see Cav’s been working his magic on you,” I say. “Tell me, has he admitted who he is yet, or is he still full of self-hate? You should tell him it’s never going to go away, that it’s a vicious cycle. Lust, hate, lust, giving in, hate. It’ll just keep going and going, eating him alive.”
“Are you talking about you or him?” Jase asks.
“I know who I am,” I say, pushing my chair back and toppling it over in the process. “Can your new friend say the same? Can you, for that matter?” I ask as I storm from the room.
“So, that was interesting,” Amy says, standing in the doorway of my room a little while later.
“Sorry about that. We’ve having some, um, growing pains, I guess.”
She waves it off and comes and sits on the edge of my bed. “Siblings fight; it happens every now and then. I never thought it would happen between you two, but….”
“It happens,” I finish for her.
She chuckles. “Yeah, it does.”
“I was talking to a guy,” I tell her. “Online. Things were going great, and I was trying to talk him into the possibility of more, and then poof, he ghosted me.”
“It sucks.”
“Yeah, it does,” I agree. “His profile picture was a hand with a star-shaped scar. Long story short, this guy at school I’d been… arguing with has a star-shaped scar on his hand too.”
“Cab and James,” she says.
“Cav,” I correct. “But yeah. Let’s just say he’s even less receptive to me in real life than he was online.”
“Oh. So how does Jase come into the story?”
“Cav’s best friend is Thomas, who is now also my friend. He thinks I ‘stole’ him.” I roll my eyes. “So he’s using Jase to get back at me.”
“Thomas Rose?” she asks.
I sit up. “How do you know his last name?”
She pats my knee. “Don’t worry, I’m not monitoring you or anything. He’s at the door.”