The Highlander’s Rescued Maiden by Anna Campbell

Chapter 15

Ellen was in such a lather to get Will away to safety that she didn’t hear what he said. She fought to break free, having some idea that if she no longer touched him, he might heed her warnings. Perhaps if he’d seen the bloodshed when a few of the suitors came to grief, he’d understand her urgency. The thought of Will’s vigor and intelligence and beauty sprawled lifeless on Bortha’s rocky shore made her feel sick.

“Will, get dressed.”

Still he didn’t move. Still he didn’t release her, curse him. “Ellen, did ye hear me?”

“I’ll go and fix some food for your voyage.”

“Ellen!” he said sharply.

Something in his tone penetrated her panic. “Aye, what is it?”

His grip firmed, and hazel eyes captured her gaze. “Come with me.”

For a fleeting instant, her heart ceased its lunatic rush. The extravagant setting of her bedroom receded from sight. She beheld a golden, unfamiliar world where she wed Will Mackinnon and bore his children and accepted his attentions as her lifelong right, not as a brief oasis in a barren desert.

Then very deliberately, she put aside that unattainable dream and made herself concentrate on the here and now. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done. Much harder than standing before him naked last night. She squashed down the anguish shredding her soul and raised her chin.

This time, when she tried to escape Will’s hold, he let her go.

“Ye mean to refuse me.” She’d never heard that rich baritone sound so flat.

“I do.” The words sliced at her like razors.

“Why?”

Ellen scrambled out of bed to pick up her robe and shrug it over her nakedness. She needed armor against what she saw in his eyes. “Will, right now this isnae important.”

“You’re wrong.” Blast him, instead of leaving the bed, he pushed himself higher against the stacked pillows. “It’s the most important thing in the whole world.”

The gallant fool. Couldn’t he see that all that mattered was getting him off this island in one piece? “Just go.”

He didn’t shift. By heaven, he was a stubborn sod. “Tell me why you willnae come.”

“Because I belong on Bortha.”

“Horseshit.”

She gasped at his bluntness. While she struggled to come up with a reason to convince him, she crossed to fling the shutters wide on the windows facing east. That was the direction that danger would come from.

The wide channel between Inchgallen and Bortha was choppy with waves and empty of boats. She sucked in her first proper breath since she’d realized that her time with Will reached its end.

When she turned to face him, she wished she hadn’t. He didn’t look angry. He was a remarkably even-tempered man, which made a nice change from her father’s tantrums. But she saw he was determined to persuade her to follow his absurd suggestion. Worse, looking at him when he was so very dear to her just made her heart crave what it couldn’t have.

“I’ve only known ye three days. You’ll regret a sudden decision.”

He looked unimpressed with that. She couldn’t blame him. Their acquaintance might be short, but it had been intense. This sounded mad, but she knew Will Mackinnon better than she knew anyone on earth. She suspected he knew her, too.

“It’s no’ a sudden decision.” He remained calm. “I’ve asked ye before.”

“That was just a trick to seduce me.”

His gaze didn’t waver. “Ye know better than that.”

She did, God help her. Which didn’t make it any easier to do the right thing.

Nor did his sheer magnificence as he lay stretched across the bed in unself-conscious nudity. To think, if she went with him, she could touch that superb body whenever she liked. She wouldn’t have to starve to death on memories. Or torment herself, imagining him out in the great wide world, finding some other lady to take as his lover.

“We dinnae have time for this.” The sea might be empty right now, but it wouldn’t stay that way.

He remained where he was. “I’m offering ye a place of honor as my wife, Ellen. Do me the courtesy of telling me why you willnae accept it.”

Will…” she whispered, tears pricking her eyes and hands clenching at her sides until her fingernails dug into her palms. The sting reminded her to be strong. For Will’s sake more than her own.

But, oh, how she’d treasure this moment, as she dwindled away on this isolated rock. Once, once, a man she wanted more than life had asked her to marry him. That ember would lend a scrap of warmth to a cold, lonely future.

His eyes sharpened. “Do ye think I mean to steal you away and make you my mistress? You misjudge me, my lady.”

Weariness, heavy as an anvil, descended. “What I think is that you’ve succumbed to all the romantic nonsense about Fair Ellen of the Isles. You see yourself as St. George, rescuing the maiden from the dragon and sweeping her away to find happily ever after. You’ve fallen victim to Highland mist and fantasy.”

He’d gone pale, and a muscle flickered in his lean cheek. “So even after last night, you dinnae trust me.”

“You’re a good man, Will.” Her gesture encompassed her entirety with all its glaring faults. Plague take him, why couldn’t he see what was so obvious to her? “The fact that I’m a virgin this morning proves it.”

“You dinnae want a good man?”

Oh, that hurt. That hurt like the devil.

Because if that good man was William Mackinnon of Achnasheen, she wanted him beyond bearing. But Will was lost in a fairy story, and she’d spent ten years on Bortha coming to terms with bleak reality. If she’d learned anything through all her travails, it was that bleak reality trumped pretty dreams every single time.

“I dinnae want a man who’s caught up in a grand romantic story. Because he’ll come back to earth with a nasty bump when he finds himself shackled to a crippled wife.” She hoped the harsh description would wake Will up to the desolate truth.

“You judge me to be the same as your father?” His voice remained flat, but she saw he battled with titanic emotion. “Unable to see your quality because ye walk a wee bit unevenly.”

She shook her head, even as a bitter laugh escaped. “No, I honor your generosity. I honor your…honor. But ye need a woman to walk at your side, not limp a couple of yards behind you, always struggling to keep up.”

A lacerating silence crashed down. Her longing eyes drank in every inch of him. Because while she’d never be a fitting wife for this wonderful man, nothing could stop her loving him. She wanted to imprint every detail on her memory, even now when he was angry and disappointed in her.

Ellen returned to the window and breathed a sigh of relief to see that the sea remained empty. When she turned back, Will stood beside the bed. He’d tugged on his kilt and a shirt hung loose about his narrow hips.

From several feet away, his eyes bored into hers. Could he see how she struggled to do right by him? Could he see how excruciating it was to deny him, when some weak and stupid part of her would love nothing better than to leave Bortha with him?

But she had too much pride to accept a husband who was so superior to her in every way that the world counted as important. The prospect of looking into Will’s beloved face and reading regret for his choice was more than she could bear.

Ellen trusted Will enough to know that he’d never despise her weakness. But pity would be worse. If he ever pitied her, her soul would shrivel to ash. Yet what other end could she expect?

He stood straight and tall – another reminder of his physical splendor, should she need it. When she’d first met him, she’d dismissed him as nothing more than a handsome rogue, up for any dare that amused him. The man who stared her down was still handsome, so handsome he broke her heart. But now he looked like a carved effigy from one of her folios of etchings. Etchings of places she’d never see.

Will was stern and intent, and he appeared older than his twenty-eight years. “You’re trapped here forever, then, Ellen,” he said in a hard voice.

She was grateful that he didn’t try to change her mind with pretty words and soft caresses. If he did, she couldn’t be sure she’d hold out.

“Of course I am.”

“No’ just your body, but your mind. You’ve taken yourself at your father’s valuation, and that’s placed chains around your heart and soul. It’s a sodding tragedy.”

She faltered back with a choked cry. “That’s no’ fair.”

His expression didn’t soften. Through all their time together, she’d basked in his smiles and his laughter and his care for her. This man looked like he faced down his greatest foe. “Is it no’?”

As she found her balance, she realized that she’d hurt him. He might be lost in an impractical dream of the two of them making a life together. But the flimsiness of his hopes didn’t save him from genuine pain at her rejection. Remorse flooded her, even as she recognized that she couldn’t succumb to it.

She squared her shoulders. “What we have on Bortha…”

“Has been a miracle.”

His unexpected interruption made tears rush to her eyes. That was true for her, but it was a surprise to hear he felt the same. A surprise and a blow.

“I’m glad ye feel like that,” she admitted, then cursed her concession when he stepped forward and extended his hand.

“It’s spitting in fate’s face, if ye make me leave without you.”

“There ye go again, talking about things that don’t exist.” She tried to sound scornful, but her response emerged as a sigh, rather than a reprimand.

“I believe I found your island because I was meant to. I believe that we were born to be together.” Fervor rang in his voice, as his hand dropped down to his side. “I believe that ye were created to be my wife and live at Achnasheen as the mother of my children.”

“Oh, Will…” Tears overflowed. “I wish it was different.”

“Ye can make it different,” he said implacably. “It just takes determination and confidence that we can build on what we started here.”

She raised shaking hands to dash the tears away, but more poured down to replace them. “You dinnae understand.”

“Aye, I do. You’re afraid to leave this island where you’re safe and nobody is cruel to ye.”

“I loathed being an object of derision in my father’s house.” She lifted her chin and tried to glare at him, but that proved impossible when her face was awash with tears. “You cannae blame me for no’ wanting to endure that again.”

“Nobody will disrespect ye in my presence. I can’t see anyone of good heart wanting to anyway.”

Her lips turned down. “But the world is full of bad people, Will. I dinnae want to be forever pointed out as the unfit wife of the resplendent Laird of Achnasheen.”

“Ye make too much of your limp. I’ve reached a point where I hardly notice.”

“Liar.”

“I’ve never lied to ye, Ellen. You’re a beautiful woman with a giving heart and a fine mind. If the world can’t find enough in that to admire, it’s the world’s loss, no’ yours.”

“You’re being kind again.”

Will growled and scraped one hand through his hair, rumpling it. “No, I’m being honest. I dinnae want to go without you. The thought of leaving ye a prisoner on this island makes me sick to the stomach.”

Ellen shook her head. “If I come with ye, I’ll be your prisoner instead.”

The remark hit its target and set that muscle dancing in his cheek once more. “I swear if I take ye off Bortha, I’ll expect nothing from you. You’re free.”

Free to hanker after him or free to marry him, knowing that she did him a great wrong? Neither sounded very much like freedom to her.

She glanced out the window. Fear sharp as an ice pick carved a crevasse in her soul. That dark speck on the horizon could only be the boat from Inchgallen. She’d watched its approach often enough to recognize the shape of the sail, even from this distance. “Will, I see the boat. We’ve probably got an hour, but it’s better if ye go now.”

“But you willnae come with me.”

She turned to catch a bewildered misery on his face that made her heart wither. “I belong on Bortha.”

His hands spread in appeal. “Ye belong with me.”

If only it were true.

Will went on in that same urgent voice. “I praise God and all his angels that I managed to catch ye when you were alone and unguarded. This time will never come again.”

“No,” she said, through lips that felt like wood. “It will never come again. Just as ye must never come here again.”

His baffled anguish was such agony for her to see. “So you’re happy for me to sail away today and for us never to see each other?”

She straightened shoulders that showed a lamentable tendency to slump. “My happiness has nothing to do with it.”

“Your happiness should have everything to do with it, Ellen.” Anger flashed in his eyes, turned them caramel. “Stop being so humble. Reach out and take what ye want.”

If only she could. But she was too aware that in reaching out, she’d stumble. Will would catch her, she knew that to her bones. But the tragedy of it was that she didn’t want him to carry her. She wanted to be his equal.

If she took what she wanted, in the end he’d feel sorry for her. In the end, he’d start to resent her. Proud Will Mackinnon was made to bestride the world, not wait in fuming impatience for his lame wife to catch up to him.

How her own pride balked at that idea.

She swallowed to ease her tight throat. And again, so she could speak the words that cut her like broken glass. “I told ye no. You must accept my decision.”

His jaw set with a stubbornness that she’d never seen in him before. “And if I say I willnae go unless you come with me?”

That ice pick twisted in the wound, and for a moment everything went black.

“Ellen!”

A strong hand circled her arm and kept her upright. She sucked in a jagged breath to clear the horrific images from her head. “If ye die because of me, I’ll never forgive myself. Or you.”

“Ye can choose to escape from Bortha.”

“This is the freedom ye offer, is it?” It took all her strength, but she straightened away from Will. “Emotional blackmail so your wishes prevail over mine? I’d thought better of ye.”

Shame shadowed his features. “I’m sorry.”

Ellen unhooked his hand from her arm. She stepped away, in part because she didn’t trust her resolve when she stood so close. “For God’s sake, if ye have an ounce of care for me, please go now.”

His face turned even more austere. The deep lines running between his nose and mouth betrayed how he fought to contain his dissatisfaction with her decision. “Ye leave me little choice.”

Ellen sagged with relief, even as pain slashed at her. Because clinging to harsh reality was inhumanly difficult when her foolish, longing heart told her to take the chance, to go with Will. She stole another forbidden second to picture the life that she might have with him. This wonderful, gallant man at her side, children with his vivid red hair and flashing smile. Years together with Will, free of her father’s poisonous influence.

The heroine in that particular story needed to be worthy of the hero. Ellen Cameron with her halting gait was no leading lady.

Fear overcame anguish. He might consider himself a match for any man, but her father’s guards would overpower him with force of numbers, never mind how valiant a warrior he was. “You must go.”

Will looked unreconciled with their parting. She couldn’t help but find comfort in knowing that he was as reluctant to leave her as she was to send him away.

Ellen couldn’t bear to stay and watch him prepare to leave. Every moment tempted her to toss good sense to the winds and beg him to take her with him. She turned and made her way downstairs as fast as her lame leg allowed.

By the time he appeared in the kitchen, she’d dragged on a blouse and kirtle from the clean laundry pile and tied her hair back in a rough plait. She’d pushed her feet into half boots. With shaking hands, she shoved a bundle of food and a flask of cold spring water into a leather satchel and extended it toward Will.

Her eyes stung with the tears that she refused to shed, but her voice was impressively steady as she spoke. “For your journey.”

She wanted Will to remember her as brave and determined, not as a blubbering mess. Even if he must guess the effort it took for her not to wail like a banshee at the prospect of losing him.

“Thank you,” he said, sliding the satchel strap over one broad shoulder.

“You’ll need to row to get out of the cove, but once you’re in the open sea, ye can use your sail. Because you’re leaving from the western side, with a bit of luck, they willnae see you.” It was almost a relief to talk about practicalities. “I’ll do my best to distract them and keep them down on the beach. They’ll have supplies to unload before they start patrols.”

“Are ye coming to the boat with me?”

“I’ll slow ye up too much.”

She waited for Will to argue, as he always did when she mentioned her infirmity. But despite sending her a sharp glance, he remained silent.

“Ye should go,” she said after a thorny pause, wondering how she managed to put words together when she felt like she disintegrated in front of him. If she thought of what awaited her once he was gone, all she saw was desolation.

“Will ye walk me to the door?”

Ellen nodded and preceded him down the last flight of steps to the dark room where the guards lodged. They emerged into a day bright with sunshine. How she cursed the clement weather. How she cursed the fact that the storm hadn’t lingered for another day.

Although parting from Will would be no less excruciating for being delayed.

Now, too late, she was agonizingly sorry that she’d placed any restrictions on what they’d done. Now, when regret bit deeper than a sword thrust, she wished that she’d been brave enough to accept Will’s possession. She’d love to cling to the memory of his body moving inside hers. Even the thought of bearing his child didn’t seem as terrifying as it once had.

“Is this really goodbye?” he asked.

She made herself meet that somber gaze and braced for a final farewell. “Aye.”

I won’t cry. I won’t cry.

This one last time, she wanted to see him clearly. She wanted to note every detail, so she never forgot a moment of what they’d done. Her hungry gaze took in the perfect bone structure, the glittering eyes, the expressive mouth, the tall, powerful body.

He was so beautiful. Right now, that struck her as cause for sorrow rather than rejoicing. As she drank in his physical allure, she had trouble believing that she’d spent all those sultry hours in his arms.

Yet she had, she had. Whatever misery he left behind, she couldn’t regret one single minute of it.

“Kiss me, Ellen,” he whispered, stepping closer.

For the last time.

How could she bear this grief? This separation ripped her to jagged, bleeding pieces.

“Aye,” she said on a breath of sound. She put her arms around him and raised her face.

She waited for one of his gentle kisses, the ones that always threatened to crack her heart and now surely would. But his mouth was hungry and ruthless. His tongue penetrated deep and flickered against hers in an explosion of sensual intent. On a muffled sound of surprise, she kissed him back with all the passion he’d awoken in her.

She gave a murmur of surrender as her hands rose with trembling eagerness to seize handfuls of his hair. Their affinity was more than carnal. She’d always known that. But after all they’d done to each other, this onslaught of physical pleasure was intoxicating.

When he lifted his head, she’d collapsed on his chest, unsure whether her knees would support her. Her blood pumped hot and hard, and she couldn’t see straight. Her fingers tangled in his shirt, as if she tried to keep him with her.

She glanced up, almost afraid of what she’d see in his face. What she found sent fear slamming through her. Whether of Will, or of the arrival of her father’s men, she couldn’t say. His eyes bored down into hers as if her face was the only thing he saw. Heat more powerful than the sunlight radiated off him.

She gave herself a sharp reminder to send him away and fast. It was bad enough knowing that she’d never see him again, but the thought of him dead was unendurable.

Her command emerged low and urgent. “Ye must go, Will. The boat will be here soon.”

“Aye, I’ll go.” He paused to suck in a deep breath. She watched his features harden with determination. “And so, my lady, will ye.”

She frowned, too stirred up after that kiss to make sense of what he said. Then in a flash, she realized what he meant to do. With a broken cry, she whirled to run back into the tower. But as so often, her weak leg betrayed her.

Ellen stumbled on the step. Will seized her around the waist and flung her over his shoulder. She landed so hard that her breath escaped in an audible puff.