The Words We Whisper by Mary Ellen Taylor

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

ZARA

Richmond, Virginia

Thursday, June 10, 5:15 a.m.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Gina said.

Zara closed the front door and saw her sister sitting in the floral chair in the living room. She had wrapped a large blue afghan blanket around her body and wore pink footies with the nonskid pads on the bottom. The dogs hurried into the kitchen to lap up water.

“What are you doing up?” Zara asked.

“I don’t sleep well lately,” Gina said.

“You never did.” She kicked off her flip-flops and set them by her discarded heels near the front door as the dogs settled on their beds. “I was hoping the medicines might help you sleep.”

“I’m afraid to close my eyes. I’m not ready for it to be the last time.”

Her sister looked thin and pale, and her hands trembled very slightly. “Can I get you anything?”

“Just made coffee. There’s a fresh pot if you want some.”

“Bless you.” Zara filled a cup and sat on the couch next to her sister’s chair.

“How did your evening go?” Gina asked.

“Great, until he called me Catherine.” There was no other person on the planet she would have admitted this to, and she wondered how she would cope when Gina was gone.

Gina winced as she sipped her coffee. “I’m guessing it was postsex.”

“Yes.”

Gina’s eyes sparked. “Before the name mix-up, how was the sex?”

Zara cradled the cup in her hands. “Great. Terrific.”

“Not a total waste of a night, then?”

“No, it was a terrific night. And honestly, I don’t blame him. Catherine was a wonderful woman. And you can’t flip a switch and end your feelings for someone when they die.”

“You’re a reasonable woman, Zara,” Gina said. “Maybe too reasonable. I would have had a minor meltdown.”

Zara rubbed her feet and then propped them on the coffee table. “I’ve never been good with meltdowns.”

Gina sipped her coffee. “I’m going to have to add a meltdown to your bucket list. You’re too self-contained. You would be well served if you lost your shit with a real temper tantrum once in a while.”

“They don’t work.”

“I beg to differ.”

Laughter rumbled in Zara’s chest, but when she imagined losing Gina and Nonna, she realized an outburst was very possible. “Does my meltdown have to be in public?”

“Well, public displays leave a lasting impression, but no. You can sit in your van and scream to the heavens. Beat on the steering wheel, and honk the horn.”

“That would make quite the show,” Zara said.

Gina traced the rim of her cup. “By the way, I’ve had a will drawn up. It’s all going to you.”

Thoughts of Nicolas and their evening vanished. “I do fine on my own, Gina. I don’t need money.”

“You live in a van, Zara.”

“A tricked-out van that allows me to save a lot of money.”

“You cannot live in a van forever, Zara.”

The third dog would make a tight squeeze, but for now she would not worry. “I’d rather talk about you seeing a friend of mine who is a cancer specialist.”

“That was a shift in gears. I’m offering you money, and you’re talking about doctors. And I’ve seen too many doctors.”

“Humor me, and see one more, Gina. It’ll give me some peace to know we’ve done all we can.”

“I’m so tired of paper gowns, needles, and MRIs, Zara. I want the last weeks or months to be here, chilling.”

“He’s a great doctor, and he has a decent bedside manner. He’s already agreed to work you in, so there’ll be no waiting.”

“It’s not going to change anything,” Gina said.

“We don’t know that.”

“I do, but for your sake, I’ll see this guy. Tell me he’s cute.”

“Not bad looking, and thanks.”

“Enough about cancer. Where does this name debacle leave you with Nicolas?” Gina asked.

“Nowhere. But that’s okay. I think we both needed this night, and now it’s time to move on.”

“That’s very Zen of you.”

Zara smiled as she rose. “I do try.”

“Have you noticed how your tone of voice changes when you talk about him? It gets all girlie and soft.”

“It does not.”

“Say his name,” Gina dared.

“What?”

“Say his name.”

“Nicolas.” Zara kept her voice even, but color warmed her cheeks.

“I knew it,” Gina said.

“Let’s get you to bed. You need the sleep.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Gina rose gingerly, and when she stood, it took a moment for her to steady herself.

“You okay?”

Gina grinned. “Sure. Sometimes the room spins a little. Like the merry-go-round we rode at the zoo that time.”

“I almost threw up.”

“That about sums it up.”

Zara settled Gina in her bed. “Remember when Nonna used to tuck us in?”

Gina laughed. “She never tucked us into bed.”

“I know. Just testing your memory.”

“I’m still in here,” Gina said.

“Good.”

Gina gripped Zara’s hand. “There might come a day when I’m not all here. That scares me the most.”

“I’ll be right here.”

“You won’t leave, will you?”

“No. Remember, we’re the steady-as-you-go sisters.”

“Me? No way.”

“You’ve stuck by Nonna all your life. We aren’t that different.” Zara kissed her sister on the forehead.

Gina gripped Zara’s arm, squeezing her eyes closed before she released her. “I’m not going to cry.”

“Good.”

Zara closed the door behind her and stood in the hallway as tears pooled in her eyes. Several slid down her cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away.

She looked in on Nonna, found her sleeping, and then in her room tugged off her dress and swapped the lacy undergarments for a big T-shirt and cotton pants. She collected her dogs, who all settled on the mattress in her room, and slid under the blankets. Gus curled at the end of the bed, Little Sister crawled under the blankets and settled her head on Zara’s pillow, and Billy stretched out beside her.

She loved her pups, her work, and her family. A week ago, she would have told anyone she was content. But the foundation under her feet was crumbling, and she did not know how she was going to move forward.

Zara woke to the buzz of her cell phone and looked at the display. It was eight o’clock and time to give Gina her morning meds. Her back and neck were stiff as she disengaged from the dogs. They were slow to wake and did not spring from the air mattress, which gave her about fifteen minutes to hit the bathroom and dress. She put on her glasses, checked her medicine chart for Gina, and doled out the pills.

Down the hallway, she crept into Gina’s room and found her sitting with her head cradled in her hands.

“What’s going on?” Zara asked as she hurried to the bed.

“My gut is on fire. It feels like I’ve been hit with a two-by-four.”

“Take these,” she said. “And if the pain doesn’t settle in half an hour, we’re going to the hospital.”

“I don’t want to go. It’ll mean hours and hours of waiting for doctors and then more time before a discharge. Let’s see how the meds do.”

Nonna’s bell rang, and Zara muttered, “She’s never up this early.”

“I’ve always said she’s part witch. Nothing happens around here without her knowing it.”

“Stay put. I’ll check on her.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

Zara hurried to her grandmother’s room and found her trying to sit up. “Are you okay?”

“You have a heavy foot strike, and I hear you when you’re moving about the house.”

“Duly noted.”

“What is happening with Gina?”

“Gina has a bellyache. I’ve given her morning meds, but if it doesn’t work, I’m calling the doctor.”

“You have this under control?”

“Yes. Don’t worry.”

Nonna softly said, “You’re a blessing, Zara.”

“Even with big feet?”

“Especially with big feet.”

Zara took her dogs on a quick walk, and as they headed back inside, they barked as if complaining they had been shortchanged. “You know the drill, guys. Sometimes the patients come first. It’s what we do.”

After breakfast, the bigger dogs settled with chew sticks, but Little Sister whined when Zara moved toward the kitchen door. Getting left still did not sit well with the dog.

Zara scooped her up and carried her to Gina’s room, where her sister lay on the pillows with her eyes closed. She set Little Sister on the bed, and as she reached for her sister’s wrist to check her pulse, the little dog nestled next to Gina.

“There’s a dog in my bed,” Gina said.

“Little Sister is worried about you,” Zara said.

“How can she be worried? She barely knows me.”

“Dogs are very intuitive. She more so than the other two. She knows you aren’t feeling well.”

Eyes closed, Gina fumbled around until her fingers brushed the top of the dog’s head. She gently scratched. “Tell her I’ll be fine.”

“How’s your stomach?” Zara asked.

“Better. And my heart isn’t racing.”

“That’s good. It means the medicine is working.” The day would come when the medicine might not work, and then they would have to find other care options.

Little Sister licked Gina on the hand. “She’s sweet.”

“The dog seal of approval,” Zara said as she wrapped a blood pressure cuff around Gina’s thin arm. She took her blood pressure and found it high. “I want you to stay still. I’ll check on you every fifteen or twenty minutes.” She reached for Little Sister, who scurried away. “Looks like she likes you better than me.”

“She knows a fashionista when she sees one.”

Zara reached for the dog. Little Sister growled.

“Let her stay,” Gina said. “I don’t mind the company.”

“If the dog wants to get down, call me, and I’ll get her.”

Zara smoothed her hand gently over Gina’s damp scalp before she petted the dog. Emotions rose up and tightened around her throat as she stepped into the hallway. Finally, she drew in a breath and reached for her phone. She cleared her throat and called Mr. Harper. He answered on the second ring.

“Zara, how are you?” he said.

“Doing well. Wondered if you’d like to come here for dinner tonight. Nonna and Gina were saying how nice it would be to see you.” It would have been a true statement if she had asked.

“I’d love to. What can I bring?”

“Just yourself. Thought I’d make pasta with tomato sauce. It’s a recipe Nonna learned in Rome.”

“I’d love that. Been a long while since I had a home-cooked meal.”

“How about five thirty?” It was early, but considering the crowd, earlier was better.

“I’ll be there, kiddo.”

“Terrific.” She hung up the phone. “We’re going to make the best of the time that’s left, even if it kills me.”