The Vanishing by Karla Nikole

Eleven

I’ve lost him…

The rain is still falling heavily on the third day of Nino’s absence. Haruka sits on the floor of his library, hunched and staring out the window. The light is gray. His world is dark. Empty. Sorrow eats away at him, eroding and hollowing out his chest. He stares blankly, unmoving, but when he hears Cellina’s voice, his eyes shift in her direction.

“Haruka… you should eat something. You didn’t eat dinner yesterday either.”

He sits up straighter. “I am not hungry.”

I lost him…

Cellina sits on the floor beside him, folding her legs. Haruka doesn’t want to talk. There’s nothing to discuss.

But she doesn’t talk. She sits beside him on the tatami in silence. They listen to the loud tapping of rain against the roof, breathing in the earthy, damp scent of it mixed with the grassy essence of the flooring.

I can’t lose him… I will not survive this again…

Haruka rubs his palms against his face. Hopelessness swells within him, billowing and suffocating like smoke from a forest fire.

“I think when Nino met you… it was love at first sight.”

Taking a breath, Haruka lifts his head, glancing at Cellina. Her gray eyes are cast down to the floor and the soft glow of overcast light illuminates her brown skin.

“I remember the first time he told me about you. He said that you were sophisticated and that you smelled really good. I’ve known Nino since he was a baby, but he’d never talked about another vampire that way. And then he offered himself to you within a couple days of spending time with you. I was shocked. He had never offered his blood to anyone before—never even talked about doing it! Did you know you were his first?”

Haruka shakes his head, his mind pushing through the fog and cobwebs of despair to roam back to that time. Those days when his interactions with Nino were so new. Their friendship pure. “No… not initially. I—I was in a dire circumstance, but he offered himself to help me.”

Cellina meets his eyes, smiling. “Because he loved you, right from the beginning. He hadn’t trusted anyone besides me and his brother for so long, but then he instinctively trusted you. It was beautiful watching my friend bloom and open up with you—in ways he hadn’t with anyone else.”

She reaches over, taking hold of Haruka’s hand as it lies slack against his thigh. She grips his palm. “He told me that being with you felt safe. You were thoughtful, but never treated him strangely because of what happened to him. He said he finally felt normal with you.”

“He is normal,” Haruka says, then pauses. “Well, he is exceptional, but deserving of the same respect and consideration as anyone else.”

“You know most vampires don’t think like us. What his uncle did to him is forbidden. His mother killed him, but it’s almost like… Nino carried the indignity of it? It wasn’t even his fault, but so many vamps in our realm back home rejected and pitied him—like he represented something shameful. It got so bad to where Nino hardly ever left the estate.”

Haruka scowls. “They are shameful, for harboring misplaced resentment and causing further harm to someone who had already experienced trauma. Narrow-minded idiots…”

“I agree completely.” Cellina nods. After a moment, she smiles, tilting her head. “Did you know he can dance really well?”

Haruka blinks and draws back. “I… did not.”

“Yup. When he had very hard days after his mom died, I’d blast music in his room and we’d dance. Your hubby has moves.”

For the first time in three days, Haruka smiles, thinking that although he has never seen his mate dance, Nino’s moves are definitely evident in other areas.

“Hm, what else…” Cellina looks up to the ceiling, thinking. “When he was little, he used to bite into apples and peaches with his fangs and suck all the juice out. He would tell me that he was practicing to be really good at feeding. It was so cute but so weird… Oh! He’s also really good at chess and other strategy games.”

“I know about this,” Haruka admits, amused. “I asked him to play chess with me once. He was reluctant, so I thought his skills were likely novice. But he beat me. When I suggested shōgi, he complained and called it an ‘old man’s game,’ but then he beat me at that as well.”

Cellina laughs, a sparkling sound that fills the room. “He always wins—against me, Giovanni, my little brother, Cosimo… even Domenico. Nobody can beat him. He’s so blasé while he’s playing, so you think he’s not paying attention. But then you look up and realize you’re toast!”

He chuckles with Cellina, his heart warm but still in pieces from the reality of the situation.

“He chose you,” Cellina says. “It took Nino a very long time to give himself to someone, and it’s only been a year of your bond. I think you two have a long way to go, Haruka. This is just a bump in the road. We’ll get through this.”

“What if we don’t? Cellina, I… I have failed in keeping him safe—”

“You haven’t.” She squeezes his palm a little tighter. “You had no idea something like this could happen. We were totally caught off guard, but it’ll be alright. Have hope.”

Sighing, he drops his shoulders. “It is difficult to be optimistic when life has been merciless and cruel in the past.”

“But life also gave you Nino.”

Haruka nods, the simple statement and the implication behind it undeniable. “Yes.”

She scoots a little closer, laying her head against his shoulder and gripping his hand tight. “So we’ll get him back. And you don’t need to sit here in misery all by yourself. We’re here because we’re your family. We’re going through this together.”

When they’re silent again, the sound of the heavy downpour rushes to the forefront. Haruka doesn’t know what to do. He isn’t sure that he trusts life to send him something so good without then ruthlessly snatching it away from him. Hope feels like an indiscernible thing. Something out of focus and far away. But he acknowledges Cellina’s warmth and kindness. That much is tangible.

Haruka squeezes her palm back and takes a deep breath, relaxing against the magnolia scent of her mixed in with the rain.