Smokey by Sam Crescent
Chapter Twelve
Ava took another spoonful of intense chocolate ice cream. The flavor exploded on her already cold tongue, but it didn’t do anything to appease the hunger deep in her soul. Her hand still hurt, but she hadn’t touched much in the way of painkillers. She didn’t want to get addicted to drugs and the pain helped her to remember. Not that she needed reminding. In the past few days, every time she slept, she was back in that nightmare. Every single night, she woke up covered in sweat, fear lodged in her throat, pain breaking out through her whole body. She couldn’t make it stop.
No matter how much ice cream she ate, or chocolate, nothing seemed to be helping her mood.
She hurt everywhere, not just physically but emotionally.
There was no one to offer her comfort. No one to talk to. She was all alone.
After her parents died, she’d felt lost and alone. This was the same feeling. Alone. The bakery remained closed. Her hand was useless in her attempts to bake. The machines were only good for so much.
The sound of the doorbell ringing made her pause with the spoon close to her mouth. She opted to ignore the sound, only it came again.
On the third ring, she pushed the spoon into the tub of ice cream and got to her feet. She checked through the peephole to discover Abriana standing there.
What was she doing here?
“Ava, I know you’re in there. Please, open the door.”
She kept the bolt across the door but opened the other locks. With Smokey refusing to hand in her key, she’d called an out-of-town locksmith to come and change all the locks and to add in a few others for safety measure. She didn’t feel safe. If someone wanted to get into her house, they’d find a way to do it.
“What’s the matter?” Ava asked, looking at Abriana through the small space she’d made.
“I wanted to come and see you,” Abriana said.
“You’ve seen me.” She didn’t want to get too close to Abriana. She was married to one of the club, and Ugly Beast hadn’t exactly been her biggest fan.
“Ava, please, don’t … don’t do this. It’s only me here. Ugly Beast will go as soon as you let me in.”
She couldn’t see much of the road or anything of the street behind Abriana, so she had no choice but to release the lock.
Opening the door wide, she saw Ugly Beast sat in the car. No one else was around.
“What do you want?” she asked.
Abriana winced. “I know we haven’t been close. We haven’t had the time to get to know one another. Raven told me what happened.”
At the sound of her name, Ava flinched.
“Shoot, I know it must hurt you for me to say her name.”
“I’m fine.” She had to get over it.
“You’re not fine. I wanted to come and hang out. Maybe we could talk.”
“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but I want nothing to do with the club.”
“I know. Er, I’m … I’m club, but I’m not. I’m Ugly’s wife and I have his child. He’s the love of my life, but I’m not club.”
Ava rubbed at her temple. Her eye was still covered. The swelling had reduced significantly but hadn’t completely disappeared.
“I’m not in the best place to receive guests. It’s nothing personal. I just want to be left alone.” She wore a pair of old sweatpants and a large shirt that had a couple of holes in the front. The clothes were ugly but comfortable. All she wanted right now was a bit of comfort.
“Please, let me be your friend.”
“Abriana, you’re club. You might not wear the patch or be there for meetings or whatnot, but you’re club. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
Abriana took her hand. “You need a friend. I know you want to push everything that reminds you of him and the club away, but I’m me.”
Before she knew what was happening, Abriana had stepped into her home and closed the door.
“Now, Ugly Beast will drive off and he won’t be worried. I had your back. Ugly Beast told me what was happening, I told him there was no chance.”
Ava was hit with a wave of exhaustion. If Abriana wanted to stick around, then fine, but she didn’t have to sit and listen. She went back to the sitting room, picked up her melting tub of ice cream, sat down, and tried to ignore the woman who entered the living room.
Even though her life was in tatters, her house was still very clean. She couldn’t stand living in filth. She liked neatness and order. Those were the two most important things.
Love and friendship were too hard. She’d tried to experience both and they’d failed her.
Abriana took the seat opposite her.
“How is Bella?” she asked. So much for ignoring the other woman. She didn’t want to be too rude.
Abriana smiled. “Growing so fast. I don’t think it’s fair that they get to be babies for such a short time. You don’t have any children, do you?”
“I’m thirty years old. Even if I had a kid at eighteen, it would still be living with me.”
“Right, of course.”
“How old did you think I was?”
“No, I was making conversation. You were married before.”
“Yep, to an asshole that with everything that happened, Smokey makes look like a saint. Who would have thought it?” Ava laughed, even though amusement was the furthest thing from her mind.
She wasn’t happy. Sadness overwhelmed her.
“I’m so sorry for what they did. I know Rav— I mean, she is really upset about what happened.”
“I get that the two of you are best friends, but I don’t want to hear about her.” She had some more ice cream, but she suddenly started to feel sick.
“I know. This is so awful.”
Ava got to her feet. She didn’t need to hear how awful it all was. She’d lived it. Every hit and bad word that came her way.
Even what Smokey had said to her. “You were only ever a decent fuck and you weren’t any good at that. You were easy, but I’ve had better.”
Ava reached up and touched her hair. Raven had cut it all off.
She had yet to go to the hairdresser’s to try to repair the damage. She’d loved her hair. The natural blonde locks had been a joy to brush at night. What remained of her hair, she currently had pinned to the base of her head. She stopped in the kitchen and stared around at the clean counters. Everything was in order.
“Ava?”
“They cut my hair off,” she said. “Did you know that?”
She reached for the clips and let what little hair she had fall out. There was no straightness to it. The hair had been hacked off.
Abriana went to her, and she stared at the other woman, tensing as she wrapped her arms around her, holding her.
Ava stayed perfectly still.
She wasn’t used to such physical contact. The sweetness that was Abriana brought tears to her eyes.
“I’m here for you, Ava,” Abriana said.
“I think I want to go and get my hair done.”
Between the hospital visit and the bakery, she’d put so much of her life on hold.
“Do you want me to call Ugly Beast to come and take us?”
Ava shook her head. “No. I want to call a cab.” She wasn’t going to drive just yet. Anytime she put any pressure on her hand, the pain was too much.
Abriana nodded. “I will have to tell Ugly Beast what we’re doing.”
“You do that. You don’t have to come with me. I can go to the salon myself.”
“No.” Abriana took her hand. “We’ll do this together. I want to be there for you.”
“Okay.”
She called for a cab as she made her way upstairs to change her shirt. She kept the sweatpants on but she couldn’t go to a salon with holes in her shirt. She had some standards. At least, she hoped so.
With a fresh shirt in place, she made her way downstairs, stopping when she heard Abriana.
“They cut her hair! No, Ugly, this isn’t funny. I had no idea. Have you seen what they did to her? Raven was lying to me. I don’t want her near me for a long time. I’m so mad at her. I don’t care what you have to say to defend yourselves. It’s wrong. Ava had never given any of you any cause to doubt her.”
She shook her head and watched as she hung up.
“You don’t have to do that for me,” Ava said, startling her.
Abriana whirled around. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
“Kind of hard not to when you’re yelling.”
The sound of a car tooting its horn caught Ava’s attention. “That was fast.”
“Smokey’s made it so.”
Ava paused. “What?”
“He’s, er, he’s made sure everyone in town knows that you’re a priority. He wants everyone to be on their best behavior. What you want, they have to get.”
“I didn’t ask for that.”
“I think it’s one of the many ways he wants to attempt to make amends.” Abriana shrugged. “I’m sorry. I don’t know much. I tend to stay out of the whole club thing.”
Ava nodded. “You can be friends with her. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not going to be part of it. I’m not even thinking of sticking around for much longer.” She opened the door as Abriana caught her arm.
“What do you mean?”
She looked at the hand on her arm and waited for Abriana to let her go, which she did within a matter of seconds. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“I get it. I’m thinking of selling this place and the bakery. I haven’t replaced the furniture inside, and I have no fresh products waiting to be used. It’s an empty carcass.”
“But you love this town.”
“I thought I did, but feelings can be easily changed.”
“This is about Smokey again.”
Ava smiled at Abriana and pulled away slightly. “Please, don’t worry about it. I’ve got an appointment with a realtor in a week. It’s where I intend to talk to them. I’m looking for another place to live.”
“You’ll wait to make that decision.”
“There’s nothing keeping me here, Abriana. If I decide to make the move, I will. I’ve just got to find someplace where I can set down real roots.” She was checking towns extensively. She’d already made the decision not to live in the city. What she wanted to make sure of was that there were no towns with an MC club.
Fort Clover was the last town she ever wanted to be in. As she climbed into the back of the cab, Abriana joined her, and Ugly Beast tailed them as they made their way into town.
“Will you tell Smokey?” Abriana asked.
“No. I have no reason to tell Smokey anything. He’s not my boss, and I’m not indebted to him. I’m a free woman.” She rubbed at her chest, praying for the pain in her chest to go away.
Thinking of Smokey always made her hurt. She loved him. No doubt about it.
A part of her always would, but she wouldn’t fall for him, not again.
****
It had been a long time since Smokey had experienced a beatdown. His fists were bloody, his nose broken, again. One of his eyes was sealed shut, and his lip was cut. A tooth was missing, and he’d bitten a section of his tongue as well. Aching ribs and a hell of a lot of bruises, but he’d taken on Creed.
Of course, his boys had been alerted that he was in Twisted Bastards territory and the fight hadn’t lasted as long as he’d wanted.
He hadn’t gotten to kill Creed.
Instead, his aching ass was dragged right back home, to where he sat now, in the clubhouse, getting stitched up by the doc.
“What the fuck were you thinking?” Hunter asked.
“That’s your first mistake,” he said, laughing.
“Does it look like I’m laughing?”
“Does it look like I give a fuck?” Smokey asked. “I did what I had to do.”
“You go into their turf, you can guarantee retaliation.”
“We’ll be ready for them.”
Hunter growled and looked ready to punch him. Smokey was more than ready for another throwdown. Any of these bastards wanted to take a turn, he’d be right on them. As soon as the doc had stitched him up, he’d pop them right on open.
“Someone try to reason with him. I’m done trying. He’s not fucking listening to reason.” Hunter shook his head.
“I think it took balls,” Kinky said, who was nursing a bruised jaw.
“Thanks.”
“This because of what he made you do to your woman?” Doc asked.
“Be careful,” Smokey said. Ava wasn’t his woman and knowing that hurt.
He was struggling with not being able to hold her. He’d give anything to wake up with her in his arms. As it was, he just had to relive the memories of all the times he’d taken for granted.
He’d give anything to have Ava back in his arms. Anything.
Doc nodded and went back to finish stitching him up. The doc was leaving as Abriana and Ugly Beast came into the clubhouse.
Ugly Beast held his daughter against his chest, and it looked like little Bella had puked down the leather of his cut.
“Gross,” Smokey said.
Abriana stormed right up to him and glared. “You butchered her hair!”
Smokey looked past Abriana’s shoulder to Ugly Beast, who shrugged. “You asked for Abriana to go and see her. You were right. Out of all of us, she got into the door.”
“And we went to the salon. She hadn’t dealt with her hair, and it looked like a mess. My God, how could you do that to her?” Abriana looked toward the bar. “And you, I don’t like you at all right now.” Her words were directed at Raven.
“Join the club,” Raven said. “You can hate me all you want to, Abriana. It’s not going to change the fact that I already hate myself.”
“How is she?” Smokey asked.
Abriana laughed. “Well, she has less hair now. The stylist did some kind of short cut. It’s layered and comes around to beneath her neck.” She shook her head. “But she’s not in a good place. Her home is neat and tidy. It’s spotless. I don’t think she’s doing a lot all day. Her hand is bandaged up and she’s eating ice cream.”
“Tell him, Abriana,” Ugly Beast said.
Her shoulders slumped.
Alarm bells went off inside his head. “Tell me what?”
Abriana took a deep breath. “Ava’s meeting a, er, realtor.”
He tensed up. “What?”
“She’s considering selling. The bakery is empty. No equipment or ingredients. It’s completely empty.”
He looked toward Ugly Beast.
“I don’t think she’s going to stick around all that long,” Abriana said. “She’s alone, and I do think she’s lonely.”
Smokey got to his feet and grabbed his keys.
Hunter was on him. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”
“I’ve got to go see Ava.”
“Not in your condition.”
“I’m not pregnant, and I’m not about to drop a brat. I’m going to go and see her.”
“No.”
Hunter stepped in front of him, holding up his hands.
“I mean it, Hunter. Step aside. You do not want to get in the way right now.” He waited and tensed his body, ready to strike.
“You’re not in a position to go. After what we did to her, do you really think she needs to see you like this?” Hunter asked.
“Today, you don’t get to be the voice of reason,” he said. He was done listening to anyone else. “Look, I made a judgment call. I fucked up. I’m owning my shit and I’m dealing with it. Ava can’t … I don’t want her to leave. She can’t leave.”
“Let her go,” Hunter said.
“No.” He growled the word loud and clear.
“And why the hell not?” Hunter asked.
“Because he’s in love with her,” Abriana said. “It’s why he can’t stand what he did, nor believe why he did it. He’s hurting because of what he did. He wants to make amends, but he can’t figure out how. You’re not going to win her over by being mean.”
Smokey snorted. “Why can’t you go back to being the scared little girl Ugly Beast took?”
“I grew up and found you guys. You’ve all taught me to stand up for myself. You’re my friend, Smokey. I may not like you very much right now, but I do care about you.”
“You love her?” Hunter asked.
Smokey’s jaw clenched. He didn’t believe in love. That kind of emotion was for pussies, and he wasn’t one.
Staring into his VP’s eyes, he knew he owed him a level of honesty. He’d given the order to hurt Ava, even kill her. They were all following orders, and he’d been wrong. If it wasn’t for Ugly Beast, she’d have been dead already.
“I love her,” Smokey said. “I love her more than anything else in the world. I miss her so fucking much, and it hurts to know I did that to her. I didn’t trust her enough to hear her side. I didn’t second-guess those … pictures. I’ve got to live with that. Now are you going to stand in my way, or are you going to back the fuck off?” He was willing to fight his VP if he had to.
“You sure you’re up for the ride?” Hunter asked.
“I’m good.” His body hurt in so many different ways, but he had to do this.
After Hunter stepped out of his way, Smokey went straight to his bike, straddling the machine. He ignored every single stab of pain in all the different areas. Several of the guys came out, watching him leave.
He ignored them and rode in the direction of town. Rather than go straight to Ava’s house, he took a detour to the town. People were still milling about even though it was dark. A couple of the streetlights were out as he parked across the street from his woman’s bakery.
There was no light in the windows. She normally had something on display that he knew from personal experience she either ate the following day or tossed out. There was nothing. No sign of any life.
Seeing her shop like this hurt.
He’d caused this. His actions had seen to it that his woman would give up.
Revving his engine, he took off, this time heading toward Ava’s house. The journey wasn’t enjoyable, but he wasn’t going to give up.
Arriving at her house, he noticed only a single light was aglow in her bedroom. Smokey took out the key he carried on him at all times and went to the front door. The key didn’t fit.
She’d changed the locks.
Cursing, he stepped back and looked up at her window. He stared at the door. Bringing his knuckles up, he knocked. The blood that had been on his hands was dried, so he didn’t leave any blood spatter.
He waited.
And waited.
Smokey knocked again.
Nothing.
He moved to be able to see her window. The light was still on. He couldn’t hear any music and so he did no more than reach for a couple of small pieces of gravel and throw them at the window.
Seconds passed and the curtain twitched. Ava opened the curtain.
“Come on, Ava.”
She closed the curtains, blocking his view of her, but he saw her shadow, still holding them closed.
“Ava, babe, come on.” He picked up another couple of pieces of gravel and threw them up at the window.
Another pause.
Going to the door, he began to bang. He wasn’t going to give up or give in. He settled on screaming her name.
After several minutes, the light near the door flicked on. Seconds later, Ava opened it. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Don’t sell. Don’t leave.” They were the only words he could form. It was stupid how desperate he was for her to stay.
“This is ridiculous, Smokey. You have no right to come yelling at me and throwing stones.”
“They weren’t too big.”
“I don’t care if they were big or not. This isn’t funny.” Her eye was still covered. She frowned and reached out to the wall. The lights outside suddenly glowed and she gasped. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing important.”
“Let me guess, club stuff.”
Smokey shook his head. “Not club stuff. I decided to go and pick a fight with the bastard who sent me those pictures.”
“And you look like this.”
“He’s not doing much better. He had more people on his side. I went solo. Didn’t take the club with me. Next time, I will.”
“Don’t—” She stopped, closed her eyes, and took a breath. “Don’t do this on my account.”
“I have to. He fucked everything up.”
“No. All he did was provide you with the gun. You chose to load it and fire.” She held her hand out. “I don’t want to talk to you about this. Why are you here?”
“Please don’t leave.”
Ava snorted. “Abriana. So much for friendships, huh?”
“Look, she would cut my dick off if she could. She’s pissed, and I get it. We don’t deserve your forgiveness, Ava. I know I don’t.”
“Smokey, stop doing this. I’ve already made my decision. When I find the right place, I’m going to leave. It’s the right thing to do. I don’t want to be here anymore.”
“I’ll keep my distance until you can bear to see me again.”
“You lived here first.”
“And you fell in love with the place. Ava, I don’t want you to go.”
He saw her eyes glisten with tears.
“It’s not your decision, and it will never be yours to make. I’m already looking for potential buyers for the bakery, and then I’m going to put this place on the market.”
“If you loved me at all, you’d consider the next moves you make, please.”
Ava stared at him. “That’s cruel even for you. I consider everything. Don’t you think I’ve thought of everything first? It’s what I do. You’re right. I loved this place. I’d hoped to make a lot of memories. Good ones, and you had started to help me build them. There are places I pass and I can’t help but smile.”
He took a step toward her. “Then don’t go. Please, don’t fucking go.”
“You’re not the boss of me, Smokey. Two weeks ago, I’d have given anything to hear you say those words. Those memories that were once sweet to me, they’re not dead. I can’t have them anymore. You killed them for me. There’s nothing for me here.”
“There’s me.”
“I don’t have you.”
“You’ve got all of me, babe.” He took her good hand and placed it against his heart. “I know you hate me a lot right now, and I get it. I’m an asshole, but you loved me. You still love me. It’s why it hurts so fucking much.”
She tugged on her hand, and tears fell down her cheeks. He saw the pain in her eyes. How her face scrunched up, the tension in her body. Gone was the women who loved his touch. He wanted her back so fucking much.
“Love you or not, Smokey. If I decide to go, then that is exactly what I’m going to do, and nothing you or anyone else says can stop me. Please tell Abriana I don’t want her at my home again.”
“Don’t shut her out. She was pissed off. She wasn’t bragging or trying to update me. It wasn’t like that.”
“Then what was it like?” Ava asked. “You’re telling me I’ve got to be friends with Abriana, yet the first thing she came and did was tell you. You want forgiveness. You and Raven, and the truth is, I’ve got nothing to give. You broke my heart.”
The last ended on a sob, and she took a deep breath as her body shook. “I would have done anything for you, Smokey. I still think part of me would, and that scares me. You had me beaten. I can’t even use my hand properly, and we both know you were going to bury me once you were done. Now you’re asking me to stay.”
“I know I’m being unreasonable.”
“Yes, you are, and unfair. We’re not together anymore, Smokey. You don’t get to dictate where I go. Now please leave.” She slammed the door in his face.
“I love you too,” he said, putting his hand against the glass.
