Smokey by Sam Crescent

Chapter Sixteen

“Your baby’s a cutie,” Harlow said.

Ava laughed. “You can’t tell all of that from a picture.”

“I can’t tell, but you know I’m blessed with being able to read people.” Harlow took the ultrasound photo and touched it. “Yep, he’s going to be a cutie, and all the girls are going to swoon.”

Ava took the photo back. “Not that I disagree, because I don’t, but I really hope you’re right. Not that it matters if he’s not a cutie. I just want him to be happy and healthy.” Ava touched her stomach. It was starting to show a more roundness. The sickness was still part of her daily life as well. The mornings sucked big time, and each time she stared down at the toilet bowl with no one to rub her back as she vomited, it only served to remind her she was all alone.

“Hey, where did you go?” Harlow asked, shaking her hand back and forth in front of her face.

“I didn’t go anywhere.” She snorted. “Don’t worry. I’m still very much here.”

“What made you sad?”

Ava shrugged. “A lot of things.”

“Does this have to do with the baby daddy?” Harlow asked.

“A little.”

“What is the deal with you guys? Don’t get me wrong, I heard all the gossip. How the town believed you’d been blacklisted and all that fun stuff, but you’re still here. Anyone blacklisted by the Bastards don’t tend to stick around for long, and it doesn’t look to me like there’s much of a problem with him.”

Ava waited. Harlow had a tendency to keep on talking. She just ran on and on and on. She didn’t mind it. Harlow filled in the silence that only enforced the truth of how lonely and isolated she felt. There were times she could pretend her life wasn’t empty, but this wasn’t one of those times.

“Have you even seen the way Smokey acts around you?”

Ava heard the oven beeping in the background and shook her head before answering. “No, I don’t.”

Harlow moved to the doorway. They didn’t have any customers yet.

Going to the oven, she checked over the cookies and was somewhat impressed. Harlow had asked her to attempt a vegan cookie recipe. She had tried it, and now she was surprised. The next true test would be in the tasting.

“It’s okay. I keep an eye on everything for the two of us. Smokey can’t take his eyes off you. He’s like a lost little puppy. I’m not joking about this. If you watched him, you’d know he’s obsessed with you.”

Ava snorted. “I know for a fact that’s not true.”

“Why?”

She thought about the bruises, the beating. The aches she still got in her hand. The doctor had said that was all normal, but she couldn’t help but feel something was missing from her life. Even though Harlow had a brother in the Hell’s Bastards MC, she couldn’t bring herself to talk to her about it. It didn’t feel right. What happened between her and Smokey, along with the club, was secret. She wasn’t going to abuse Smokey’s trust even though he’d completely obliterated hers.

“Does this have to do with all the bruises you got? Is Smokey beating you?”

“Of course not.”

“No, I just follow her around like a lost little puppy,” Smokey said, making them both jump as he suddenly appeared behind Harlow, who had turned deathly white.

“Did you read the sign?” Harlow asked, her voice rising.

Ava tried not to laugh, but the look on her new friend’s face was just priceless.

“I figured I could come and see Ava. I wanted to know if you’d like to go out to lunch?” Smokey asked.

“I can’t leave the shop.”

“Why not?” Both Smokey and Harlow asked.

She smiled. “Because this is still my shop and I still have to be here for the lunch rush.”

“You saw me handle it just fine yesterday. I can do this, Ava. Please, let me show you.”

Harlow was a hard worker. No doubt about it. She served beautifully. Her customers adored her.

“If you’re sure. I just figured you’d want more … practice.”

“No, I’ve got this. People love your food. Go and have some yourself. Hopefully, it will make you smile, unlike some people around here.”

Ava glanced at Smokey. She didn’t want to make a scene. “Would you like me to bring you anything back?”

“Sure. I’d like that. You know what I don’t eat,” Harlow said, winking at her. She stepped further into the room, putting herself away from Smokey. “Can I try one of these?” She pointed at the new chocolate chips.

“Sure.”

Harlow took one, and Ava waited, watching the woman take a bite.

“Oh, fuck me, that’s so good.”

Ava burst out laughing. “Really?”

“Yeah, you have got to sell these. Wow. Can I take another?”

“Yes. Put them in a basket as a taster, please,” she said.

“Why?”

“I want to see what other people think of them before I offer them up for sale.”

“You don’t need to do that. They’re that good, but I will do as you ask, boss.”

Ava nodded. She turned to grab her bag, but Smokey stopped her.

“I’m paying. You don’t need to worry about anything.”

She’d hoped to stall. For some imaginary problem to light up and cause some issues. Nothing.

She followed behind Smokey, leaving the sanctity of the bakery behind her.

He only had his bike and the idea of riding that thing would give her the perfect excuse to cut this lunch short.

Smokey didn’t go to the bike. He turned down the street and they headed toward the diner.

It was just before lunchtime, so as they arrived, there were plenty of seats to take. He waited for her to take a seat before he sat down.

She glanced around the diner. There were a few customers, but not many. She had no doubt it wouldn’t be long before it completely filled up and people were struggling to get seats.

“How have you been?” Smokey asked.

“Good. You?”

“Good.”

She reached out for the menu and started to glance over each item when she noticed Smokey was just watching her. “You’re not going to look?”

“I know what I want to order.”

“Oh, I haven’t been here that often. I tend to cook for myself. Do you know what’s good here?”

“I do. Do you want me to order for you?”

“Yes, please.” She’d scanned part of the menu, and it was like her mind had decided to not understand anything in front of her. The words were all clear. No problem there, it was everything else.

The waitress approached, carrying her notepad and pen, along with a big smile.

“Smokey, so good to see you here.”

“Hi, Olive. You okay?”

“I can’t complain. You know how it is. Busy man, busy life. What can I get you two?” Olive asked.

“We’ll take your burger house special with plenty of fries. Make sure to do one of your veggie burgers to go for Harlow. You know what she’s like.”

Olive wrote it down. “Coming right up. Harlow’s will be ready if you give me a five-minute warning of when you’re leaving.”

“Great,” Smokey said.

“I’ll be back.”

“Burger house specials?”

“They’re really good.”

Ava nodded. This was so awkward. She’d never felt this way when they’d been dating. She had no idea what the problem was.

“Please, don’t be nervous around me.”

Smokey’s hands were on the table. The tips of his fingers relaxed together.

“I’m fine. I’m a little surprised about your visit, but I’m fine.”

“Do you think if you keep saying that you might believe it?”

Ava chuckled. “Look, this is hard, and I’m trying.”

“I know.”

She put her hand on her stomach. “Harlow thinks our baby is going to be a cutie. She also thinks it might be a he.”

“Boy or girl, our baby is going to be a looker.”

“You think?”

“If they’re anything like their mother, then yes.”

“Smokey, don’t. I know I’m not a looker or anything. Please, don’t insult me like that.”

He reached out, taking her hand. She hated how nice that felt. His touch surrounding her, making her feel so many different emotions. None of them had anything to do with hate or shame.

She … missed him.

Damn it. She missed him so much.

Ava pulled her hand away.

“I know that asshole ex of yours did a number on you. What I said that … day. I lied. Everything I said about you was a lie.”

“We don’t have to do this.”

“We do. We’re going to have a baby together, and fuck me, Ava, I’m going to need all the help I can get. You think I don’t know how messed up I am? What I did? What I caused?”

Ava felt her tears well.

“I took a lifetime of betrayal and I assumed you were exactly the same. That’s on me. I fucked up big time.”

“I really don’t want to talk about this.” Being out in the open, talking to him about that kind of pain, she wouldn’t be able to contain her emotions for too long.

He sighed.

Olive saved them from more pain as she brought out their food. She’d never been more grateful for an interruption.

The moment the plates were in front of her, she understood why it was the house special. Food was everywhere. Burgers with two, or did she count three burgers? Lots of lettuce, tomato, cheese, and sauce leaked out of the sides. It looked like a precarious leaning tower. That wasn’t all. Macaroni and cheese was also on the plate, with a large order of fries.

Smokey didn’t reach for his food though. He took her hand, running his thumb across her knuckles. “I know sorry isn’t going to cut it but one day soon, we’re going to have to have that talk.”

Ava forced herself to look at him. “I know, but I don’t want to have that talk in a diner with people present.”

He agreed. “Enjoy.”

With their conversation, her appetite had waned. The amount of food was too much to send back.

Picking up her fork, she scooped up some macaroni and took a bite. It was so good. Completely unhealthy food, but it was so good, and strangely enough, exactly what she craved. She didn’t know how it happened, but she had finished her food in record time. The fries, macaroni, and burgers were all gone, while Smokey still had some food on his plate.

“I didn’t realize I was so hungry.”

Smokey chuckled. “I love a woman with an appetite.”

“That was so good.” She rubbed at her lips with a napkin, not that there were any leftovers to wipe away. She leaned back and put a hand to her stomach.

“Good?”

“Really, really good.” She smiled as he finished off his food.

“Do you want dessert?”

“No. Absolutely not. I don’t even know how I’m going to be able to move when I head back to the shop.”

Smokey chuckled. “It feels good to feed you.”

Ava didn’t say anything.

Olive came back to fill his coffee. The scent wasn’t making her queasy, but she settled on some iced tea to help her. The fruitier the better.

“So how is everything going with Harlow?” he asked.

Ava was slightly surprised by the change in conversation, but she welcomed it. They would have the real talk soon, but until then, she was happy to play it safe.

“She’s doing really good. I adore her.”

“Big Dick says she does nothing but talk and can be an irritating bitch.” Smokey winced.

Ava shrugged. “I love that about her. I don’t have to fill in the blanks. I’m not a very talkative person anymore.”

“That’s my fault,” he said.

“Look, Smokey, I’m just … my head is full with a lot of things going on. It’s not always about you. I hope you understand that.” She tried to smile. It was always about him, but she didn’t want to talk about it.

There was no way he wanted or needed to hear how she stayed up all night thinking about the women he was screwing. He didn’t need to know how she hoped one day she could forget all about what happened. Nor did he need to know how she wished he loved her. He said he did, but she didn’t believe it.

“How is the club?” she asked.

“We’re doing good.” He sat up and leaned forward. “Actually, I wanted to let you know I won’t be around much next week. I’ve got to take care of some club business in the city. I was wondering when I came back if you’d be interested in doing some baby shopping.”

“Baby shopping?” she asked.

“You know, a stroller, crib, breastfeeding stuff.”

Her cheeks heated. “You’ve been thinking about this?”

“I … figured it would be nice to know what we want to do. Breastfeeding is good for the baby, or so I’ve read.”

She laughed. “I was going to breastfeed.”

“Good. Good.”

Ava glanced down at the time and saw how late it was getting. “I really need to be getting back.”

“Right, of course.” He signaled the waitress for them to start finishing Harlow’s order.

Smokey paid, refusing to let her.

He walked her back to the bakery. She held Harlow’s food. It was awkward as she waited.

She looked at Smokey, and he leaned in close only to take a step back. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

She didn’t say anything, instead, watching him go.

****

“How’s Ava?” Raven asked.

Smokey turned to her, but he didn’t want to talk. “Fine.”

“Look, I know you hate me.”

“No, Raven. You’re wrong. I don’t hate you. I can’t hate you.”

“After what I did?”

Smokey checked to see the loading dock before he gave her his full attention. “You can try to take the blame for what went down, but it’s not on you. It’s on me. I’m the one who told you to do what you did. You can’t blame yourself. I’m sorry Ava won’t talk to you.”

Raven quickly looked away, but he saw the pain in her eyes. She thought she wasn’t easy to read, but he knew.

“I miss her,” Raven said. “I haven’t been good at making friends. Since it all happened, Abriana won’t have me around either. I lost the two friends I thought I had.”

He didn’t say anything as it was once again, all his fault.

“How is the pregnancy?”

“Good. The baby appears healthy.”

“Will you both be getting back together?”

“Raven, I really don’t want to talk about it.” The last of product was unloaded and Smokey stepped forward, shaking the mafia man’s hand. A brown envelope was given to him, and he took it, turning on his heel and leaving.

His men were already on their bikes, and Raven was to the left, straddling hers. She refused to stay at home.

Now he understood why. If Abriana wasn’t seeing her, nor Ava, Raven didn’t have anyone else. She didn’t have anything outside of the club.

Once they were out from the drop-off, they took to the open road. Forty minutes later, they arrived at an abandoned warehouse.

He, Raven, and Hunter, walked inside.

Carlos Santigo was waiting for them, a large bag by his side. He hung up his cell phone as they entered. “In record time.”

“If you plan to stitch us up, you better know I’ll take you down with me. I’ve played this dance before.”

“Drago said you’d be a pain and completely untrustworthy.”

“You people broke my trust.”

“You people.” Carlos glanced over them, lingering on Raven. “You have a woman here. Is she some kind of gift?”

“Fuck you, asshole,” Raven said.

Smokey chuckled. “A gift. I don’t owe you shit.”

Carlos continued to look at Raven.

“What’s the matter? Can’t stand a woman being here?”

“I can. It’s just … unusual.”

Raven snorted. “Why don’t you try to pretend your women have brains for themselves? You’ll be pleasantly surprised. What the fuck are we doing dealing with this asshole?”

“You were there at the drop?” Carlos asked.

Raven rounded Smokey and took a step toward Carlos. “My ass sat on my bike, riding your product across the city, hotshot. Believe me, I can do a hell of a lot more than that.”

One of Carlos’s guards reached out as if to touch her, and Raven reacted. She slammed her elbow against the man’s face, dropping him.

Within seconds, guns were raised and Smokey had enough entertainment. Any other time in his life, he would’ve allowed Raven to have her fun, but he had a woman waiting for him back home.

She’s not waiting for you.

Fuck.

Just another reminder of what he’d lost.

Ava wasn’t waiting for him, but he wanted her.

Pulling Raven behind him, he pointed his gun at Carlos. “We didn’t cause this.”

Carlos smiled and signaled for his men to lower their weapons. “Here is your payment. It’s a pleasure doing business with you.” He turned on his heel and walked away.

Smokey checked over the money, seeing it was all there.

He was going to have to get Ugly Beast to call Drago. He was growing tired of the whiplash Carlos was causing.

“I’m sorry,” Raven said.

“Don’t apologize. The guy is a fucking asshole.” Smokey divided the cash between them all. They’d bring it back together at the clubhouse, equal it out, and then they’d be on their way.

They left the warehouse, climbed onto their bikes, and took to the road, riding well into the deep of night, only arriving back at the clubhouse when the sun had started to come up.

The guys were waiting at church. The money was distributed, and with nothing else to discuss, they all went their separate ways.

Straddling his bike, he only had to wait a few seconds before Ugly Beast came out, putting a hand on his bike.

Smokey stared at his friend, shocked he would even dare to touch his bike.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea you going out,” Ugly Beast said.

“Get your fucking hands off my bike. I’m going to go and see my woman.”

“Smokey, you’ve been without sleep for nearly forty-eight hours. You’re not going to be any good to us nearly dead.”

“I’ll rest when I want to. You’re riding to Abriana. Why can I go to Ava?”

Ugly Beast winced. “Because my wife is going to let me into my house and snuggle up close to her. Ava’s not going to let you through the front door.”

Smokey snorted. “I can’t believe you just said snuggle. All the guys are going to hear about it. You’re not living it down.”

“Damn it, Smokey, I’m not kidding.”

“And you think I am? I’m going to my woman. I haven’t seen her and I want to. Get the fuck off me. I mean it.” He glared at Ugly Beast, ready to beat the shit out of the guy if he continued to get in his way.

“I’m following behind you.”

Smokey rolled his eyes, but he didn’t give Ugly Beast a chance to catch up with him.

He rode all the way to her house, breaking every single speed limit. By the time he arrived, it was close to eight o’clock, and he was so fucking tired.

Rather than linger on his bike, he parked in her driveway.

Ugly Beast had caught up, and he wasn’t too far behind.

Ignoring him, he walked right up to Ava’s door and knocked.

She didn’t have to take him in.

He wouldn’t blame her for pushing his ass out.

Ava opened the door.

Her blonde locks were down. The shortness of them hit him in the gut.

“Smokey?” She looked, pale and he noticed perspiration on her brow.

“Is everything okay?”

“I … I had to see you. I’ve just come back from a run. Ugly Beast is following my ass, and I really want to beat the living crap out of him. Can I … crash here?”

“You want to sleep in my house?” she asked.

This was a big mistake. He should apologize for interrupting, but instead, he nodded. He should turn away.

“Sure. Of course.” Ava stepped back and she surprised him by letting him inside her house.

She’d changed the locks, and he had no choice but to destroy the key he’d taken weeks ago, or was it months ago now? No, it was months ago.

The time with Ava blended all together.

Ava closed and locked the door. He was tempted to give Ugly Beast the finger, but it wasn’t appropriate.

She rubbed at her temple. “Er, do you want to … I don’t know, go for a shower? Change?”

“I could use a shower.”

His stomach chose that moment to growl.

“If you go and shower. I’ll make you some food.”

“Ava, are you okay?” He noticed she swayed a bit, and then her hand went to her mouth.

She dashed past him and he followed her. She bent over the kitchen sink and threw up.

He wrapped her hair in his fist and he missed the length.

Your fault.

All of this is your fault.

Smokey held her hair out of the way as she continued to vomit.

“I’m so sorry about this,” she said, seconds later. She cleaned up the mess and he kept her hair pinned back. She washed her mouth out standing up, and he had no choice but to let her go.

“How long have you had to deal with that?” he asked.

“I’ve been enjoying the sickness for a few weeks now.” She shrugged. “The curse of being pregnant. I’ll do myself some dry toast and all will be fine. You go and shower. I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Go, Smokey. I got this. I’ve been throwing up, feeding myself, and working at the bakery without any help. I can keep on doing it.”

“Just because you’ve been doing it doesn’t make it right.”

She folded her arms. “I’m happy to keep on doing it. Please, go and shower.”

He hesitated but her stance spoke volumes, and he had no choice but to do as she asked.

Smokey remembered where the shower was. He also found some of his clothes still in the drawer where he’d left them last time. Why hadn’t she thrown them out?

He took the fastest shower, rinsing off the days of grime and sweat from being out on the road. He was so fucking tired, but being in Ava’s house, he’d become wired.

She was in the kitchen making him some food.

Clean and refreshed, he changed into some clothes and made his way downstairs. He hung his jacket up beside her coat and held the smelly clothes in his fist.

Ava was frying him some breakfast as he entered. She finished putting the eggs into the pan and turned toward him. “I’ll take them.”

She grabbed the clothes and stepped back, disappearing to her laundry room. He’d forgotten how much he missed this place.

Ava came back. “Have a seat.”

She was no longer in her pajamas, having changed into a pair of sweatpants and a shirt with lots of holes in it. Her hair was tied up at the back of her neck.

To him, she still looked like the sexiest woman in the world. He wanted to tell her so but kept it to himself.

“I hope you enjoy breakfast.” She put out a plate full of tomatoes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and lots of toast.

He glanced over at her plate. She had a single slice of dried toast. She hadn’t even spread it with butter.

“I don’t like this,” he said.

“I’m fine. It’s why I can enjoy a really good lunch.” She nibbled at her toast and he saw she drank a glass of water.

“You’re really content to eat just that?”

“It settles my stomach.” She patted her abdomen. “I’m hoping one day he or she will let me eat something more substantial. I like to start my day with a good meal.”

“This is really good.” He felt guilty for being able to eat, but he shoveled the food in, thankful for something good. On the road, he’d eaten his fair share of greasy diner food, and not all of it was good.

Ava finished her toast and water. “I’ve got to head out to the bakery. I’ll be back later tonight.” She reached into her pocket. “If you’d lock up and hand me back the key.”

“Ava, you’re going to trust me with this?”

“I don’t have a choice. I could kick you out, but that seems mean. Besides, you’re my baby’s daddy. I’m not going to be mean.” She forced a smile. “I hope you feel better.”

Smokey wanted to say something to get her to stay, to talk to him, but once again, he drew a blank. He had nothing good to say and Ava, she needed her space.

The moment he heard the door close, her entire house felt so empty, and he hated it. He finished his breakfast. Cleaned the dishes and wiped down her kitchen. He walked upstairs, and rather than use the spare bedroom, he didn’t even look at it. He went straight to her room. Lying down on her bed, he breathed her in, and for a few short hours, he could pretend she was right there with him.