Hate You Still by Lyssa Lemire

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

KNOX

“What? No way. You and her roommate?”

Damn. Talk about dropping a bomb. I come home from Emma’s place, head in the clouds and feeling like I’m walking on a rainbow, met by Gavin telling me that he’s been seeing Emma’s roommate, Katie, for the last couple weeks.

I swear, today can’t be real.

I actually pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming.

“Katie texted me like half an hour ago,” Gavin says. “She let me know that, judging from the sounds coming from Emma’s room, you two were obviously at least on speaking terms now. So, we could come clean ourselves.”

Man, I can’t help but laugh. This is nuts.

I think back to last week, after Emma drove me home, how Katie was over here and how strange both she and Gavin acted about it. Gavin coming up with that story that she was over to borrow milk, which seemed like bullshit even at the time. But I was just too mentally bamboozled to put two and two together then.

“Why did you think you couldn’t tell me?” I ask.

“Katie didn’t want us to tell you guys yet,” Gavin shrugs. “Apparently Emma really hated you for a while, and Katie thought that it wasn’t the right time to tell Emma that she was dating your roommate.”

“Damn, bro,” I say. “You’re straight up dating? Putting a label on it and everything?”

Gavin nods. “Yep. Nothing too complicated about me and Katie. Something tells me that’s not so much the case for you and Emma though.”

That’s for fucking sure.

I still don’t know what the hell is going on between Emma and me. The only thing I do know for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is that after having her once, there’s no way in hell I can stop. I need her more and more, again and again.

Beyond that, we’ll just have to figure everything else out one step at a time. But I’m really fucking excited to start taking those steps – wherever they lead.

For once, I’m not anxious about the future. Not at least as far as this is concerned.

Are there worries in the back of my mind? Sure. All the reasons against Emma and me really being together – our complicated past, how different we are, the fact that my future as a pro football player makes the possibility of a stable life next to impossible – are all as real and as valid as they were a day or a week ago.

But I’m ready to shove all the worrying and the nay-saying out of my mind. I’m ready to jump in headfirst. I’m ready to just see what happens, following my heart.

I just don’t know what Emma’s ready for.

I grab me and Gavin two beers and we chill on the couch while he tells me the story about how he and Katie got together. Apparently, they’re taking a class together this semester and got assigned as study partners, and just had a natural chemistry. I’m happy for him.

Keeping it at just one beer – shit, talk about unbelievably happenings – I head up to my room and start cracking the books. Coach is riding my ass hard about my grades this semester. Ever since I got busted and slapped with that community service sentence, he’s really been forcing me to clean up every aspect of my life in order to have a chance to play again.

I shake my head and laugh at the irony. Could it be that getting arrested and sentenced to community service at Marshall was the best thing that ever happened to me? Would I have reconnected with Emma like I have without it?

And even more than that – I was on a fucking downward spiral beforehand. Looking back with a clear head, I can see how self-destructive and out of control I was. The few people around who actually care about me – Gavin, Coach – kept trying to tell me, but it was like I was determined not to listen.

That could have turned out a lot worse than it did.

The realization gives me the motivation I need to attack my homework with all my effort and energy. I want to show Coach, and myself, that I’m capable to turning this around and getting my act together.

The hours pass quickly as I get caught up in all my classes, even finishing a paper due next week early, and studying for a test I have on Friday. By the time I’m done, the sun has already set.

I collapse on my bed, replaying this incredible, unbelievable day through my head. I reach for my phone, wanting to text Emma, but realize I don’t even have her phone number.

Shit. It’s a revelation that feels trippy. I don’t even have her number in my phone.

After everything we went through today and the fact that we even set a date – an honest to goodness date – for tomorrow, dinner no less, the fact that we never even thought to exchange numbers yet makes me laugh.

I don’t want to wait until tomorrow to talk to her though.

My lips curl into a smile as I remember something. Back when we first started dating in high school.

The family I was staying with back then didn’t have me on their cell phone plan. I had a shitty burner phone that I loaded up with my own money. Unlimited talk and text? Yeah fucking right. I had to buy phone cards from the gas station that gave me a limited number of talk minutes and a limited number of texts.

And given how often I was able to come by money in those days – not too fucking often, believe me – I used them as sparingly as possible.

At the same time, her parents hated me. So I didn’t want to ring her front door to see her.

Instead, I would go around the back of her house and throw tiny rocks at her window when I knew she was in her room. Just like in an 80s movie or something.

Now, she doesn’t live with her parents who don’t want her to have anything to do with me. I could easily just ring her doorbell next door and talk to her.

But, right now, I think I’d rather take a stroll down memory lane.

I head outside and walk to the side of her house next door. I sure as fuck remember which window is the one for her room. I won’t be forgetting where her room is any time soon, not after this afternoon.

The blinds are down, but I see the warm glow of light from her window. I find a pebble on the ground and launch it at the glass. I wait a couple minutes. Nothing.

I pick up another pebble and launch it harder. This time, I see a silhouette against the light in her window. It’s unmistakably her.

I launch one more pebble. It’s enough to get her to lift the blinds and open her window. She peeks out. She looks like an angel, the light of her room acting as a halo around her head. She peers out into the darkness.

“Psst!” I hiss.

“What the –” she begins confusedly, craning her neck around, but finally her eyes settle on me. “Knox …”

“I wanted to see you,” I say.

“Couldn’t wait for tomorrow?” she teases.

“No fucking way.”

Even through the dark and across the distance between us, I can see her cheeks get rosy.

I take my phone out of my pocket and flash it to her. “I realized we don’t have each other’s numbers.”

She giggles. “Wow, you’re right.”

We exchange numbers at a distance.

“See you for dinner tomorrow,” I say, pulling myself away. I know she needs to get her rest for tomorrow, so I leave her to it.

As badly as I’d love to scale her wall, slip through her bedroom window, and fuck her silly for the second time today.