Fail to Love by Maci Dillon

 

Fake It Until You Make It

 

“Real love is rare but fake words and promises are everywhere.” ~ Shubham Shukla

 

 

RAVEN

 

Why am I so damn nervous?

With the way my stomach was churning with pesky little nerves, I’m glad Dr. Willis was able to see me on Monday following the last humiliating visit. Now my meds were sorted out, I was no longer feeling nauseous. If I were, I’m fairly sure the nausea mixed with the flustered state I was in now wouldn’t be pretty.

Okay, so it had been months between dates for me, and by dates, I mean the optional dinner and one-night stand—the Raven-style date. But it’s not as if Sean and I were strangers, which was exactly where the problem lies. We weren’t strangers, but we were not friends either.

And we’d already established we couldn’t be friends with benefits.

Knowing Sean was coming to my door to pick me up for our first official fake date tonight had made me stir-crazy.

It was the longest Saturday ever. Miah and Kassidy talked me into a spa day to fill in the time, hoping that by now, I’d be fully relaxed and recharged for whatever the night might bring. I had a facial, a manicure and pedicure, a haircut, color, and waxed from head to toe. That was after we had shopped for a new outfit—for the next five dates—as it turned out. I glanced around my room at all the bags of clothes and boxes of shoes.

What on earth am I going to wear tonight?

Saying goodbye to Miah and Kassidy as they left for their Saturday night shenanigans, I locked the door behind them. Sean would be here any minute, so I moved throughout my beachfront apartment in a nervous frenzy and fiddled with things as I walked around. Folded the television blanket and set it across the back of the sofa, repositioned the cushions, plucked gray cat fur from the shaggy black rug, and finger-dusted the television unit.

Even with the air conditioner on, I was sweating up a storm from the flurry of movement and anxious energy. Sliding open the heavy glass door, I stepped out onto the cozy balcony, and the summer night ocean breeze caused tiny bumps to bristle beneath my clothing from the sudden temperature change. I hugged my arms tight around myself and leaned against the railing.

Seven floors above the magnificent beaches of the Gold Coast, the moonlight bounced off the waves. I gazed out over the landscape and pictured for a moment the handsome stranger I’d met less than two months ago and had dreamed of often since. Remembering how his husky voice resonated with my body, I shuddered. It was a full moon, and my libido was out in full force.

Focus, Raven.

This is a work event—a non-date.

Everything about this evening is fake.

It would do me good to remember this fact every time mini-Raven stirred in my panties.

A demanding knock at the front door echoed throughout the apartment and wafted to where I stood as I reminisced about our first hook-up. I ran my unsteady hands down the length of my outfit and sucked in a deep breath before I made my way to the door.

Hand on the door knob, I closed my eyes and took a second to gather myself one last time. Slowly, I unlatched the security lock and pulled the door open.

Holy fuck. Sean was standing there sexy as sin.

My body hummed beneath the intensity of his glare. His dark eyes looked at me, and God, how I’d missed that subtle but seductive grin this past week.

“Sean, hi.” My voice wavered slightly as I spoke.

“Hello, beautiful, you look…”

My breath hitched as Sean hesitated, taking a long, few seconds to peruse my body.

“Underdressed?” I prompted, giddy with the realization Sean was dressed immaculately in dress pants, a brilliant blue button-up shirt with cufflinks, and a jacket. On a warm January evening, no less. My eyes roamed over the hunk of sexiness before me, taking in his suave pointed-toe dress shoes, polished to perfection.

And a tie, he wore a freaking tie.

Unease settled over me as I assessed my significantly less formal look, having settled on a low-cut, red chiffon swing dress and my favorite stilettos. I was suddenly concerned my take on professional attire wasn’t going to cut it for the evening. In my defense, in comparison to the polo shirt I wore every day at the center, my dress is over-the-top professional.

“Absolutely amazing.” Sean stepped inside and reached for me like it was the most ordinary thing in the world. He weaved his hand into my hair, cupped my neck, and moved in to place a brief but heated kiss on my cheek. “You look amazing, Raven.”

It was lovely of him to say so, but I wasn’t buying it.

“My colleagues will be jealous as fuck.” I attempted to ignore the hint of mischief in his subtle smirk.

“I know you said it was a business dinner, but I wasn’t sure of the dress code. Perhaps I should change quickly. We have time, right?”

Sean laughed before an air of seriousness fell over him. “Absolutely not. I won’t have you changing a single thing. Now, how about you give me the grand tour?”

“Hmm, okay. Well, we better not be going anywhere too fancy while I look like this and you…” I threw my hands out in a grand gesture toward him. Sean raised his eyebrows in question, amusement spreading across his face. “You look dressed up and so very handsome.”

His eyes lit up, and a grin spread across his kissable lips. “Handsome, hey?”

I rolled my eyes at him. “As if you didn’t already know. Your cockiness knows no bounds.” I summoned him in with a flick of the hand and started the grand tour of my small but perfect-for-me apartment. Located in a much sought-after beach-facing location, my newly renovated corner apartment opened out over the ocean on one side, and my bedroom included a smaller private balcony overlooking the complex pool and manmade lake on the other side. The views were exceptional from all angles, but grand wasn’t the word for this cozy little place I called home.

“This is a great piece of real estate, Raven. Do you mind me asking, are you renting or do you own this little gem?”

Mentally, I envisioned my chest puffing out like a Cheshire cat. “Proud owner,” I told him as I smiled widely.

Sean nodded, seemingly pleased with my answer.

“What a spectacular view,” he said, stepping out onto the main balcony.

“Yeah, it really is. I spend a lot of my days out here. Nights, too, during the summer.”

“I’m not surprised.” Sean reached for my hand and caressed my fingertips with his own. His touch a contrast of gentleness and strength. “I’m already picturing a second breakfast date, right here,” he said, pointing to the white antique iron table and matching high-back chairs. A family of metal seahorses hung above the table for good luck, and birds of paradise in matching pots were positioned in each corner.

“Don’t get too comfortable,” I warned, leading us back inside. “This isn’t a real date, remember? I see no reason we’d need to conduct such a ruse on my balcony.”

“Funny. I heard the words coming out of your mouth, but it sounded to me like you’re trying to convince yourself, not me.”

“In your dreams, Dr. Love. Not all women are affected by you,” I countered, gathering my clutch before we made our way out the door.

“Are you serious?” My mouth fell open slightly as Sean slowed to a stop. I clutched awkwardly at my cleavage, willing it to magically turn into a classier dress or evening gown.

I glanced around in awe as Sean handed the keys to his Jaguar XJ over to the valet at one of Australia’s most exquisite award-winning French restaurants.

Sean joined me at the bottom of the front steps, his palm softly pressed against the middle of my lower back. “You look surprised,” he whispered into the crevice of my neck.

I turned to look at him, bitterly swallowing the building humiliation. “How could you not tell me we were coming here, Sean?”

“I wanted our first date to be a surprise. Mission accomplished.” He took my hand in his as he slowly started to guide me toward the restaurant doors and up the wide greystone staircase. They were the kind of stairs that deserved the train of a designer dress to trail behind each step.

I stopped on the second step and pulled from his grip. At the risk of sounding like a spoiled and unappreciative child, I gushed, “Sean, remember this isn’t a date. I’m doing this as a favor because we have a mutual friend who I love dearly.”

Sean’s face twisted as he tried impeccably hard to conceal his laughter. “I doubt you’ll ever let me forget it. But right now, as of the moment we step inside these doors, we’re on a date.” His words were stern and showed a glimpse of how important this must be to him.

I agreed to be here, so I’d make the most of it and not let him down.

Except, I’m horribly underdressed and fractionally unprepared for this.

“Raven, I’ve never dined here before, and I hate these work functions with a passion. You look gorgeous, and I’m proud to have you on my arm as my date tonight. Please, can we go?”

I lowered my head, ashamed of my outburst. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I don’t want to embarrass you.”

“There’s no chance of that, I promise.” He kissed my forehead reassuringly, and we resumed our ascent.

“Will they be asking questions? About us, I mean. Is there anything I need to know?” I’d had a week to consider all of this, and now we were moments away, and my mind was flooded with doubt and questions.

“Just go with it, you’ll be fine. There are no wrong answers.”

His efforts to reassure me did little for the wretched nerves floating within.

Guess I’ll fake it until I make it.

What’s the worst that could happen?