Don’t Mind If “I Do” by Everly Ashton

Twenty-One

Mazzy

“There’s my devious best friend.”

I look up from my phone. Ava is standing on the other side of the table with a less-than-impressed expression.

It reminds me of my mother’s face earlier today when I met with my parents in my dad’s office. She was livid that I didn’t tell her I was getting married—mostly, I suspect, because she was caught off guard when people asked her about it.

But with my father’s cajoling, Mom backed off. My dad’s text after I left told me to keep up the good work, he’s counting on me, and it put more pressure on my shoulders.

Now my best friend bears the same look, but I’m tired of explaining myself.

Ava’s known me since elementary school and she must see I’ve reached my limit, because she pulls out the chair on the other side of the table and squeezes my hand. “I was just kidding, Maz. I’m happy for you, but I’m a little disappointed I wasn’t in the loop.”

I give her a small smile. “I just came from seeing my parents.”

She nods, pressing her lips together. “I take it Estelle Pembrooke didn’t appreciate being blindsided?”

“That’s putting it mildly.” I set my phone on the table. “She’ll get over it.”

“Sure she will when she realizes how deliriously happy you are. Which I assume you must be since it is not like you—at all—to get married on a whim. Tell me everything.”

Guilt coats every one of my words as I tell her the story Nick and I agreed on. Ava’s chin rests on her palm and her head is tilted. I swear she has heart eyes. If I were telling her the truth about Nick forgiving me when we saw one another again and that we knew we wanted to be together forever, then I’d have heart eyes too. But since it’s not the truth, her reaction makes me feel guilty as hell and like a terrible friend.

I remind myself that Pembrooke Financial rests on this false relationship and my ability to pull this off.

“I can’t believe you married Nick! I mean seriously, Maz. I know how crushed you were after everything went down.”

I frown. “Yeah, it took me a long time to get over it.”

“I’m not sure you ever really did, did you? I mean, why else would you have married that douchecanoe, Jeffers?”

“Can we not talk about my ex-husband please?”

“You know I’m right.” She gives me her patented “tell me I’m wrong” look.

And really, she is right. I loved Jeffers, but never the way I loved Nick. I think I knew deep down that Jeffers wasn’t right for me, but I hoped we’d make it work. I caved to the pressure from my mother and some of my other friends to get married and start a family. But the moment I saw those pictures of Jeffers with his mistress, we were finished. I refused to turn a blind eye to his cheating. I deserve better than that.

“Regardless, I don’t want to talk about him.”

“Okay, then let’s talk about how the sex with Nick is. Spill.”

I chuckle. “I’m not going to discuss sex with my husband with you.”

She fake pouts for a second. “You’re no fun.”

The waiter comes and takes our order, and after he’s brought us our drinks, Ava fills me in on the latest design disaster in her world. Then she changes the subject back to Nick and me.

“At least tell me whether it topped what happened at prom.” Ava leans in, obviously eager for details.

I think back on our kiss after the wedding ceremony. Every part of it is burned into my brain. As amazing as our kiss was at prom, the one at our wedding topped it. Back then we were two kids who didn’t know what to do with our lust. Now we’re adults with more experience and regrets behind us and that was obvious in our kiss.

Even though Nick has been in college for two years, we’re still as close as ever and he’s the only boy I wanted to go to prom with. Lately I felt as if the string connecting us has been pulled tighter and tighter. Still, I knew if I asked him to take me to prom, he’d say yes, and he did.

The party was a success, and once we got to Payton’s house for the after-prom bash, Nick and I both opted to change into more comfortable clothes. Soon we found ourselves outside, as we often did at these parties, lying side by side on an oversized chaise beside the Olympic-sized pool in Payton’s backyard.

Payton’s family lives in Winchester, a wealthy suburb of Boston. Maybe that’s why Nick and I always found our way outside at these parties. Both our families have large brownstones in Beacon Hill, and though the square footage is large, the yards are not, and the light pollution of the city makes it difficult to see the stars.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Nick asks, slipping his hand into mine.

The warmth of our palms touching sends an electric current up my arm to my heart, which loses its rhythm for a moment. “The best time. Thank you for being my date.”

He lets my hand go and rolls onto his side so he’s facing me. I do the same. I can just make out his face thanks to the ambient light cast on us from the water. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him look at me like this.

The two of us are the best of friends, but sometimes I catch him looking at me in ways that make it obvious he hasn’t friend-zoned me. I’m sure he’s noticed the way I look at him—with a mix of want and devotion.

“Thank you for asking. I couldn’t have handled you taking someone else,” Nick says.

My stomach feels as if someone is tickling it from the inside. “Why would it matter to you?” I hold my breath, praying his response will be the words I want to hear.

But he shakes his head and closes his eyes briefly. “I don’t want to say.”

“What if I want you to say?” I whisper.

Our gazes lock, and it’s a long minute before he speaks. “Because I want you and I don’t want to see you with someone else.”

A floating sensation comes over me as if I’m in the middle of the calm lake on a raft. My limbs are light and tingly as I suck in a breath. “I feel the same.”

The words barely leave me before his lips are on mine and I melt into the kiss. It’s exactly how I thought it would be. Different from any of the boys I’ve kissed before. As though nothing exists but the two of us and this feeling.

Our tongues dance and his hand slides down my back until he squeezes my ass. I push into him so that my chest meets his. He groans deep in his throat, biting my bottom lip. The space between my thighs tingles and an urge comes over me to rub against him. He squeezes my ass again and I moan.

Too soon, he pulls away and rests his forehead against mine. “We shouldn’t do this.”

My forehead wrinkles. “What do you mean?”

“You’re leaving to go away to college this summer. I still have med school in two years. We won’t have time to be a couple.”

“I’ll take what I can get.” I lift my chin to kiss him again, but he pulls away and sits up.

“It’s not fair to either of us. We’ve toed the line between friendship and something more for so long, Maz. When we finally do this, I want the timing to be right.” He looks at me over his shoulder. “Because I can’t bear for us to fuck it up and not have you in my life at all. If being just friends with you for longer than I want to is what it takes to make sure you and I go the distance, then I’d rather suffer through that than lose you altogether.”

I sit up beside him. “You’re not going to lose me.” I rub his back while he studies me.

“That’s easy to say right now, but what about when it’s been days since we talked because we’re both busy, and I know you’re out with your friends doing God knows what while I’m home studying? What about the weekends you do come home, and we can’t spend as much time as we want together because you have obligations? I don’t want us to end up resenting each other.”

I sit quietly, looking at the stars. As much as I hate to admit it, he has a point. We’re headed in different directions for the foreseeable future.

Disappointment spreads over me. I wanted tonight to be special, memorable. Screw it. Why can’t it still be that? Why can’t we still share this moment?

“I understand what you’re saying, but will you do one thing for me?”

His head tilts. “What?”

“Take my virginity tonight. I want to remember this night as something special, and I want my first time to be with someone I care about. I want it to be with you.”

His mouth hangs open. “What about everything I just said?”

“I get it. I do. And I don’t want to ruin anything between us either. I can’t lose you. But that doesn’t mean we can’t get a taste of what it will be like so we have something to look forward to in the future.”

He cups my face. “Are you sure? I know what a big deal this is for you.”

I’m not an idiot. I know Nick has had sex before. And I’m not entirely innocent either. I’ve fooled around with a guy before, but I’ve never gone all the way. Mostly because it just never felt right.

“It feels right, Nick. It feels like it should be you.”

He kisses my forehead. “Then yes. I’d be honored. Let’s pretend like this is the first night toward forever.”

“It is,” I say. “We’ve just got a pit stop along the way.”

“Mazzy? Earth to Mazzy?”Ava’s voice draws me from my memories.

The night we shared at prom was magical, and even after how everything went down, I don’t regret making Nick my first. I was right about us having a pit stop. I just didn’t realize one of us would leave the other one there.