The Night She Disappeared by Lisa Jewell
41
May 2017
Scarlett is heading from the art block towards Tallulah. She has a small portfolio clutched against her chest and she looks like she’s on a mission.
Tallulah turns and jumps into a shadow, but it’s too late, Scarlett’s seen her. She strides towards her, grabs her by her arm and pulls her gently on to a pathway behind the art block.
‘Well?’ Scarlett asks, her eyes wide with desperation. ‘Did you do it? Did you finish it? What happened? Are you OK?’
Tallulah lowers her gaze towards her feet. It’s dank and damp behind the block, the tarmacked path is green with mildew and moss.
‘I’m fine,’ she says. ‘I’m working on it. I know what I’m doing.’
Scarlett peers down at her in disbelief. ‘Oh God,’ she says. ‘You chickened out, didn’t you? Fuck, Tallulah. What happened?’
‘I just … I don’t know. I mean I told him I wanted to split up. I told him I didn’t want to live with him any more, didn’t want to move in with him, didn’t want to be with him and I thought he was going to shout, scream, you know, but he didn’t. He …’ She shudders at the memory. ‘He just picked the baby up and held him, like this, right next to his face, and said he wasn’t going fucking anywhere. And it felt like – it felt like a threat. You know? Like he’d hurt Noah if I made him leave. And so I just left it, you know, I didn’t want to push him. And then last night …’ She draws in her breath. ‘I was meant to be going to the pub, and he started crying, saying how scared he’d been that Noah wasn’t his and how much he loves him and so I didn’t go to the pub, I stayed in and we just talked, all night. You know? We had some wine and we just talked, like we haven’t talked for so long. And I told him how I feel and how I don’t want to be in a couple with him any more, but that I do want to raise Noah with him and he seemed to take it really well.’
‘So, he’s moving out?’
Tallulah shifts awkwardly from one foot to the other. ‘No. Well, not yet, anyway. He says he’s going to buy a flat, even if we don’t live there, so he’s got somewhere to have Noah on his own, you know. Because he really doesn’t want to move back in with his mum, and to be fair, I don’t blame him because his mum’s not very nice and his dad’s a total creep, so I said he can stay, just until he’s got a place of his own.’
‘Stay – in your bed?’
‘Well, yeah. But it’s fine. We’ll just put a cushion down the middle. You know, it’s no big deal. I mean, we’ve been together since we were fourteen. Since we were, like, kids. And it won’t be for long. He’s already saved up so much money. It shouldn’t be more than a few weeks.’
‘And what about your Wednesday afternoons? Will you still be, you know …?’
‘No,’ says Tallulah, defiantly. ‘No. That’s not going to happen any more. Purely platonic. Purely co-parents. Just for a few more weeks. And then he’ll go.’
‘And then?’
Tallulah looks at her questioningly.
‘Then what? When he’s gone? Will you and me, you know? Can we …?’
Tallulah sighs. ‘I can’t just jump into something. And you’re still straight, or whatever it is that you are. Still mucking about with boys. I’ve got a baby to think about and if I was going to get into something with you, it would have to be serious. And I don’t think you’re capable of that. I really don’t.’
She sees Scarlett flinch at the words, but then rally. ‘You’re right,’ she says. ‘You are. I’m a fucking moron. I’ve always been a moron. But I can change.’ She says this in a hammy, put-on voice, which makes Tallulah smile, but then she grows serious and puts her hand against Tallulah’s arm. ‘I’m a knob, Lules, but I can try. Seriously. I mean, I’m nearly twenty. I’m not a kid any more. I’m not a child. Will you give me another chance? Please?’
Tallulah pulls away from her touch at the sound of voices nearing the top of the path. When the voices pass she turns back to Scarlett. ‘I don’t know,’ she says. ‘I can’t think straight. I just need to deal with Zach for now. I need to get him out of my house and get my life back. Then I can get my head sorted. But I can’t do this right now. I really can’t. I’m sorry.’
Scarlett nods. ‘Sure,’ she says. ‘I get it. It’s fair. But I’m going to wait for you. I swear. I’m going to be like a nun for you. I’m going to be like ten nuns for you. Seriously, Lules, just don’t let him manipulate you. OK? Don’t let him trick you into staying with him. Because I reckon he totally will.’
‘He won’t, I swear. I can tell. He means it.’
Scarlett narrows her eyes at Tallulah and gazes at her sceptically.
‘I swear.’
Scarlett nods, just once, brushes Tallulah’s cheek with the fingertips of her right hand, then turns and leaves her standing there, her touch on Tallulah’s skin leaving behind a flush of nameless dread.