Love & London by Ellie White

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

After we’d finished our food and watched a little TV, Jake drove me home to get changed for James' party. I felt extremely lazy, driving two streets over but, at the same time, I couldn't face walking it with my crutches. I have terrible balance at the best of times, never mind hopping while simultaneously trying to use two metal poles to keep me upright. I'm glad I have Jake to hold on to me while I attempt to get used to them.

Showering was another challenge. Luckily, I have a walk-in shower and didn't need any help getting in. Jake lazed on my bed, watching TV and, when I was securely wrapped in my towel once more, he helped me back into my bedroom and sat me at my dressing table. My good leg was starting to ache from taking all my weight for most of the day.

I'm not sure how I'll manage overnight without him being here to help me move around. Maybe, if I have enough to drink, I'll have enough Dutch courage to ask him to stay with me without feeling desperate for his company.

I try to put the mortifying experience to the back of my mind while we are in close proximity in my small bedroom. Just me, Jake and the huge elephant squashed in here with us. I catch him looking at me a couple of times and he looks like he is about to say something. On more than one occasion, he thinks better of it and even excuses himself to get us a drink from the fridge to avoid my quizzical gaze.

Once I'm ready, he drives us to Mum and Dad's house in Kingston-upon-Thames. There has been a shift between us today and I know it's because of my stupid remarks last night. First, I make him think that I thought we were on a date and then I tried to get him to kiss me. God knows what else my morphine induced brain made me say to him.

***

"Jacob, dear, I wasn't expecting you. What a lovely surpr-," Mum cuts off, her face changing from delight at the sight of Jake's arm hugging me tightly to his side to absolute terror as she spots my foot. "Maggie, my sweet baby girl! What happened to you?" she cries out, running towards me and I brace myself for impact.

"Mum, it's fine, honestly," I say as she attempts to hug me but doesn't quite know where is best for her to stand.

"I'm afraid I swept your daughter off her feet," Jake says, raising his eyebrows at me in amusement at his own joke. "Get it?"

I roll my eyes at him with a smile, letting him know that he's funny but also being a knob.

"More like twirled me off my feet, resulting in my fall from a three-foot-high stage."

Mum looks at Jake in horror. "I saw the video on The Facebook. Your brother took great delight in showing me when he got here but I didn't realise you were hurt. If I had known, I certainly wouldn't have laughed at it. You should have called me. I hate to think of you all alone in that flat, struggling."

"Mum, I was fine. I stayed with Jake. Anyway, it's just a fracture. Honestly, it looks worse than it is with the boot." She looks at me with a wide grin, then looks to Jake and back to me.

Should have kept my mouth shut.

"And I've told you a thousand times, it's Facebook not The Facebook. You don't need the ‘the'… Hang on, what video on Facebook?"

Ignoring me, she indicates for Jake to usher me up the garden path and straight into the living room.

"Come on in, sweetheart, we'll find you a comfy seat." I roll my eyes to Jake as she walks in front of me, mumbling something about the dangers of karaoke and me finally ‘seeing sense’. Not too sure what that's about but I'm sure she'll bring it up before the night is through.

As soon as we walk through the door, Mum’s off, hunting for something in the storage seat below the bay window. I learnt a long time ago not to ask questions or poke the beast when she's like this. I just let it happen, smile and nod when required.

"Kev, come and see your poor daughter," Mum shouts through the house. Somehow, he heard her and wanders into the room. Dad hugs and kisses me before shaking Jake's hand, his gaze narrowing on the hand that is clutching onto me. Dad eyes him up with suspicion before following Mum into the other room. How much more embarrassment can I take?

I spoke too soon.

"Well, if it's not Sandy and Danny themselves. Nice accessories," my brother taunts me, pointing at my boot and crutch before turning to his best friend. "Didn't know you were coming, Jake? When I asked you a few weeks back, you said you'd rather stick pins in your eyes. Someone persuade you otherwise?"

"I may have a broken foot but that doesn't mean I can't give you a dead arm, James," I threaten.

"She'll have to catch me first," he says, pulling Jake in for a manly hug, back clap thing like they do. My brother knows me well and he jumps just out of my grasp at the last second before my knuckle had a chance to hit a nerve in his arm.

"What video is mum on about?" I ask my brother accusingly "Apparently, you know something I don't."

"It's all over the internet. I'm surprised you haven't seen it. You're viral, sis. Lad Bible, Uni Lad, even Buzzfeed have shared it."

He hands me his phone as I watch in horror. We look so happy, smiling and laughing, and we dance much closer than I remember. And then, it happens. I spin, I squeal and then thump. I hit the deck.

And it's on the internet for the world to see.

"Oh my god, did you know?" I glare at a guilty Jake.

"Yeah, it was up by the time we got to the hospital but I didn't want to tell you when you were high on morphine because, well, you were crying at every slight thing. You're scary as hell when you're mad and sober so I chickened out and hoped no-one would say anything," he says, looking to my brother for protection as if I wouldn't hurt the both of them.

"‘Oh, people are drunk, they won't remember us’," I say in a mock impression of Jake. "You forgot about the bloody internet!"

"Look, you were great, everyone loved you. You even got a standing ovation."

"They were trying to get a better look at me on the bloody floor."

"Now, now, don't argue. You're only on day one. It's a bit early for your first lovers’ tiff," my brother jokes. I don't have time to hurl any other insults at him as Mum comes back into the room so I settle for throwing one of mum's little scatter cushions at him instead.

"So, how long have you been sleeping with my daughter," Mum asks Jake as she pads the love seat with multiple cushions to prop me up.

Jake doesn't reply. Instead, he chokes on air, sending my brother into a fit of laughter.

"Mum!"

My brother just laughs harder.

"You can't just ask someone that. And nothing is going on between us. We're friends, like we have been for thirty years." If my face goes lobster red one more time today, I fear it'll stay that way.

"I can assure you, my intentions with your daughter are honourable," he says, laughing as he sits on the arm of the love seat with his arm draped around my shoulder. It's not helping our argument.

I don't bother telling him that he could sit on the love seat with me - there is room - although Mum would probably combust if he moved any closer.

"Can we talk about something else, please?"

"Don't be so immature, Maggie. There is no shame in sex. I was young once. Women have needs that need to be met and you've been alone for quite some time. No matter how old you are, nothing is better for stress. It'll keep you young, endorphins or something. Your father and I have been taking a class. 'Sex with someone you trust and care for releases endorphins. Endorphins are good'," she quotes as I die inside at the thought of my parents doing it at their age.

"A sex class? Yeah, I'm going to be sick," my brother says as he dry heaves.

"Oh, be quiet. It's done wonders for our marriage. Since you two have taken over the business, we’ve had so much more time together. Morning, noon, night - It doesn't matter. Just whenever the mood strikes."

Jake can't contain his laughter any longer as the colour drains from my face. Because that's what every family party needs, parents bragging about their sex life which is, evidently, more exciting than mine.

"You needn't laugh, Jacob; your mother is the one who introduced us to the class. She and I compare notes," Mum says, wiping that smirk off his face.

Jake removes his arm from me and stares at Mum with his mouth hanging open, his skin has a slightly green hue and I swear he's close to throwing up. I would feel sorry for him if I weren’t completely mortified myself.

"I'm going to find the straight bleach. Excuse me, please," my brother says as he walks away from us, shaking his head as though he is trying to shake the conversation from his memory.

"Speaking of your parents, here they come, now," she says as she spots them coming up the garden path. "I'll let them in," she adds, running off to answer the door.

"Pretend this conversation never happened?" I plead.

"Deal."

"I know you said you'd drive us back but should I book us an Uber home later, instead?"

"Yep. Do that. If I have to endure stories of our parents' sex-capades all evening, I need to be drunk. I better go say ‘hi’ to Mum and Dad, too. Hopefully, I can look them in the eye. I'll bring drinks back with me."

"So, you and Jake, huh?" my brother asks me after he passes Jake in the doorway with a raised eyebrow. "Singing cheesy romantic duets on the karaoke on Valentine's Day? Heard you spent the night there, too? Mum was just telling Angie and Margaret."

"What is with everyone? There is nothing going on. We're close friends. We run a successful ad agency together, partners. That's it. Can a male and female not be friends without something going on? Besides, ‘Summer Lovin’ is a song about a girl who thinks she’s in love and a guy who’s desperate to shag her."

"Okay, you got me there. It is normal for men and women to be friends; I have a lot of female friends. But that man in there is in love with you and has been for a lot longer than I've known. Believe me when I say that I've known a long time. He's good at hiding it from you."

I don't say anything. Instead, I opt for a pft of disbelief.

"Why do you think he hated hearing you talk about dating? Or why he lost it when you were planning on sleeping with Sam? Plus, we talk about it all the time. Scratch that. He, literally does not stop talking about it and, if I'm honest, we're all sick of him not making a move and then feeling sorry for himself. I guess - by the look on your face - you really didn't know. If you don't feel the same, you need to tell him before you get his hopes up."

I don't know how to respond to James. Is it true? Does Jake have feelings for me? Why didn't he tell me before I went on those dates or, you know, last night when I embarrassed myself and asked him to kiss me. If he has feelings for me, why didn't he kiss me last night? I desperately try to remember what he said to me but my mind is foggy and I can't make sense of it all.

"You obviously have feelings for him, too, Maggie. I think you know you do and that's okay. I say this as your big brother; you deserve to be happy. You think I would have let him get this far with you if I didn't know that he's the right person to make you happy? The smile you had on your face when you walked through that door with him tonight - Hell, the smile you have whenever you're with him. Well, I've not seen that smile for over eight years and I'd like it to continue."

I know he's right. Spending time with Jake has pulled down walls that, until recently, I hadn't even realised I had built over the years. In such a small amount of time, he has become as necessary to me as breathing. I crave his company when he isn't around and relax the moment I see his smile light up his face.

I lost myself when Philip died. I had been with him my entire life and, without him, I didn't know who I was anymore. We shared a family, we shared friends and hobbies so, when he was taken from me, I had nothing to call my own. Nothing that didn't painfully remind me of what I had lost.

Although, at one point, we were all friends, this relationship I have now with Jake is my own. We have our own little moments together; we understand each other like no-one else has been able to. He makes me smile and laugh and not give a shit about what people think about me, something that was such a foreign concept to me a few weeks ago.

I had always known he was good looking. How could I not be physically attracted to him when he is every girl’s fantasy? Besides that, he's kind, caring and considerate. He's funny and I can tell he has so much love to give. Ever since that first night at the pub, the day our dads threw us together in an unlikely partnership, he just needs to look in my general direction and my knees go weak.

I have to admit, there is a lot of chemistry between us. A lot of flirting and innuendos and, looking back on the times there's been just the two of us, there's been a lot of romance that I hadn't took any notice of. But there are reasons I shouldn't even entertain the thought of more than a friendship with him which is why asking him to kiss me last night was reckless. There’s the company, for a start. What would happen if things ended badly between us? And what about our friendship? I've come to depend on him too much to lose him.

Jake joins us again, this time, coming to sit closer to me on the actual seat instead of the arm of my chair. He pulls me into his side, back to reality, and I can't help but lean in all too comfortably as my brother gives me his all-knowing look.

I know he's right. He knows he's right. I do have feelings for Jake Mills. I would go as far as saying I'm falling in love with him but can I see a future with him? I'm not sure.

Jake hands me a glass of wine filled to the brim. You know, like a real glass of wine that empties half a bottle; exactly what I needed after my lightning bolt realisation. The realisation of maybe it wasn't the fact that I was trying to put myself back on the market, maybe it was Jake who brought me back to life all along.

I shove all thoughts to the side when Jake asks me if I'm okay, sensing that I'm having some sort of epiphany.

I'm thankful when James steps in to redirect the conversation. "So, I was thinking we go mingle for a bit, say ‘hello’ to everyone we have to and, maybe, play a little Jones family bingo to keep ourselves entertained? Then, we sneak away from the grown-ups and down to the summer house like we did when we were teenagers."

"Sounds like a great idea," Helen says as she joins us. I didn't even realise she was here. "Thanks for leaving me back there, by the way, James. I just had to endure a conversation with everyone's Mums about a new Kama Sutra book they're reading in some sex class." She adds a dramatic shiver for affect.

"It's every man or woman for themselves tonight. Sorry, babe," he says, kissing her on the cheek.

"Don't touch me. She's just detailed her Love Honey order in depth and I feel like I need to gouge out my brain." We all dry heave at that thought. "Think I better kill a few braincells with booze," she adds, plucking my brother’s bottle of Bud from his hand.

Thankfully, we turn our attention to other topics of conversation, including my karaoke accident. At least Helen gives me an ounce of sympathy and it's not long before Laura, Harry and Simon arrive.

Once our drinks are replenished, we run through the rules for Jones family bingo. It's a game we played as kids to pass the time at Mum and Dad's parties. Although, this time, we are all in our 30s and playing with alcohol instead of chocolates.

When we were kids, we'd be hyped up on sugar, often keeping us awake until long after the party had finished. Now that we're respectable adults, it's a sure-fire way of getting completely rat arsed in the least amount of time possible - A godsend when the older lot are discovering how much they still love sex.

"So, it's a drinking game?" Simon asks.

"Yeah. So, take one drink every time someone asks when James and Helen are getting married,” Laura says, typing into the notepad on her phone, knowing that's a topic that usually comes up at one of these things since they're both thirty-three and have been together for over a decade now.

"One drink every time someone asks if Maggie and Jake are shagging or suggests they should be shagging. Or even just going out with each other," Helen puts in and amending her suggestion slightly as I roll my eyes at her. Clearly, the rumours are spreading. "Whatever. If your names are mentioned in the same sentence, we drink."

"Can we not discuss the topic, quickly? I mean, they should be going on a date," Harry asks. We all drink.

"They did last night," James says. We all drink.

"Apparently, Jake needs to work on his dating skills," Laura snickers.

"First off, we had a lovely night until karaoke-gate. And, secondly, can we move on, please? We'll be drunk before the game starts at this rate," I beg

"Two drinks whenever someone brags about something new that they've bought or are planning on buying. Bonus drink if they mention how much it cost," Jake says, coming to my rescue and changing the subject.

"Two drinks when they brag about something a kid or grandkid has done," Harry continues.

"Down the whole drink when someone over the age of fifty mentions sex in any context," I finish the rules as we share a collective shiver.

"First one to tap out buys the rest dinner next weekend," James finishes, adding the wager. "I reckon that, if we speak to enough people in the next hour, annoy the hell out of them all, no-one will give a shit when we sneak off to the summer house."

We all agree and spread out to mingle with other guests. Jake makes sure to stick by my side after I insist that I can't actually move without his assistance. No-one fights me on my request even though any of them would be able to help me. I think they want to see where this goes as much as everyone else, me included.

I'm still not convinced that Jake sees me as anything more than his friend, no matter what my brother has to say about it. Jake isn't usually shy when it comes to women; he knows what he wants and has the confidence to go for it. It pains me to say but I've seen it in action. So, if he does share my feelings, why hasn't he told me about it himself?

"Here we go," Jake whispers in my ear as his parent's approach us. We hadn't even had chance to stand up so I feel slightly awkward when Margaret speaks as I am almost sat in her son's lap.

"Well, it's nice to see you two together," she says as she and Ray sit on the couch next to where we’re sat. We drink at the suggestive tone she uses when she says the word 'together'. "How long has this romance been going on?"

Another drink.

"Mum," Jake says, warning her.

"You just make a great couple, that's all. And everyone is so happy to see you both together," she says, smiling as she uses that word again.

Another drink.

"Just don't mess it up, son," Raymond says sternly, bringing me back to Earth with a bang. If we messed it up, what would happen to the company he and my dad have spent their lives building?

The interrogations didn't end with Margaret and Ray. People were obviously excited about seeing Jake. Since he hasn't been to one of these parties in a long time, they wouldn't leave him alone. They wanted to know everything about his life in the last twelve years. My aunties and uncles, our parents' friends, even old neighbours. Everyone wants a piece of him and yeah, I was jealous because I wanted to keep him to myself.

I wanted to know if what James said was true. Has Jake had feelings for me for a long time? How long? What kind of feelings? Why hasn't he told me?

And, if he doesn't feel that way, why would James make it up? It has to be true, right?

I conclude that Laura has known for a while. It would explain why she's always the one to help James diffuse the tension between me and Jake like at the bar when we fought over the slight possibility that I would sleep with Sam. Instead of calming me down, she was right at the bar with James and Jake, talking him down. Clearly, she knew it had the possibility to blow up in my face.

There is no way Helen doesn't know; James would have told her in detail. They can't keep anything from each other. Helen even says that, if she can't tell James, she doesn't want to know.

If what James said is true, that he can't stop talking about it, that everyone is sick of him not making a move, why hasn't Harry told me before now?

As I stand here, smiling and nodding at Janice from next door as she coos over Jake, it dawns on me that he has never denied that we're together when we've been asked - it's always been me - and everyone we've spoken to tonight have asked us something along those lines. People asking how long we've been together and me denying that there's anything other than friendship between us. Even Philip's Mum and Dad gush about what a lovely couple we make and say we should have gotten together long ago.

Jake just smiled at them when they spoke about it, maybe out of politeness, maybe in agreement. Maybe he does think we should have gotten together a long time ago and I keep shoving him firmly back in the friend zone like a complete shithead whenever someone uses our names in the same sentence.

I'm the reason he hasn't said anything, I'm the one who insists we're just friends. No wonder he won't dare say anything to me, he probably thinks I'm going to reject him.

But he did tell me. I remember now. Right after he gently turned me down, he explained. I was just too high on painkillers or maybe too embarrassed to really hear what he was saying.

‘I want to, believe me, I really want to kiss you. It's taking all my self-control not to but I don't want our first kiss to be one you don't remember when you wake up.’

I need to get him on his own. I need to talk to him and clear this whole thing up.

I honestly have no idea what to say or how to say it so, instead, I stand, half listening to the conversation he has with Janice and half overanalysing every single moment we've shared in the last six weeks.