To Have & to Hurt by Morgan Bridges

Tristano

Today is Violetta’s birthday.

This thought is prevalent among the others as I watch her sleep. She is beautiful in repose and my decision to leave her grows more difficult with each passing second. How can I walk away from someone who gives me purpose? A person who gives my life greater depth and meaning?

Somehow protecting and caring for this woman has ignited a fire in the darkest part of me, setting it ablaze with the basic needs of a man. I want to keep Violetta safe from all those that would harm her. This was clearly demonstrated when those fucking policemen thought to take what was mine.

And Violetta is, whether or not she’s aware of this fact.

Another basic need I have is wanting to see she’s provided for in every way. Her health, both mental and physical, is also very important to me. However, I especially enjoy caring for her sexually. Yes, that comes with benefits for me, but they’re secondary to her desires and her satisfaction. I take pride in pleasuring her, and by doing so I obtain contentment just by watching her.

The way her breath hitches right before she comes…

Fuck me.

I adjust my now hardened cock and then run the heel of my hand over it. If she knew how desperate I am to have her, Violetta would run from me, from the beast inside that wants to ravage and claim her, for me and me alone.

“Where did you come from?” I whisper, taking her hand in mine and kissing the back of it. “How can such innocence, hidden underneath a will of iron, still exist in our world?”

Of course she doesn’t answer, continuing to slumber peacefully. I’d like to think it’s because she trusts me more than before. And it’s this trust that helps me keep my distance. I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize the fragile string. It could be snapped at any moment, especially if I come onto her too strongly.

Then there’s Carina and Rafael to consider.

Our age difference is a problem for them and everyone else. I don’t concern myself with other people’s opinions, but members of my family are the exception. Rafael going for my throat because of his fiancée would ruin the peace we’ve had for so long. And could possibly damage the foundation my brothers and I built when we re-entered the underworld together. We did it with the intention to get revenge, rise in power, and leave a legacy.

I won’t sacrifice all of that for a woman.

Even if she’s everything I desire.

Over and over I tell myself to leave the room, to let Violetta sleep undisturbed, but I…fucking can’t. Instead, I let my selfishness take over.

After I remove my shoes and clothes, and then change into a pair of shorts and climb into the bed with her. Violetta’s body looks smaller when she’s curled up like she is right now. However, when I gather her into my arms and her curves press against the length of my torso, she seems less petite.

Not to mention, her body can bring a man to his knees.

I blow out a sharp breath while acknowledging this was not the best course of action. Because now that I have my hands on Violetta, I want to touch her everywhere. And I mean everywhere. Her soft skin is like a rare lotus silk and I want it all over me. Driving into her tight cunt with her arms and legs wrapped around me, her breasts rubbing against my chest, and her lips on mine, would enable me to feel all of her at once.

The fantasy, that could quickly turn into reality, has me clenching both my fists and my teeth to refrain from acting on it. Violetta nuzzles the base of my throat and releases a tiny sigh, the warm puff of air skimming over where my pulse thrashes madly. How I’d love to hear that sound after I’ve fucked her to the point of exhaustion, where that’s the only noise she can manage since she’s drained of energy but full of satisfaction.

I thought I could rein in the hunger if I fed the craving by simply being near her or possibly holding her. But I was wrong. So fucking wrong. All I’ve done is tease the beast and now it’s more ravenous than before.

This time spent hearing Violetta’s sweet breaths, feeling the plush curves of her body, and inhaling her enticing scent, only reinforces how much I want what I can’t have. “Hell on earth” is an understatement considering how torturous and sublime this is for me. It takes me a long while to tame my carnal urges and to fully exert self-control over them. Meanwhile, she sleeps on without knowledge of the battle raging inside me.

Because of her.

I might have discipline, but I can’t stop myself from wanting her. As long as I don’t submit to my cravings, everything will be fine. This may be the biggest lie I’ve ever told myself.

In order to shift my thoughts away from the inner turmoil, I concentrate on my plans for the day. Tension sinks into my muscles at the idea of dealing with my mother. The fact that she believes she can coerce me into something infuriates me. My brothers and I are owed these fucking answers, yet she thinks to hold them over my head. Not for the first time, I worry that I could strangle her.

It’s due to the injustice of the situation, but also because I will give her whatever she wants, despite everything. My need to know, to have understanding of the past, drives me to look beyond her manipulative tactics and focus on what’s truly important.

Closure for my brothers and me.

We need to fully move on from that dark period in our lives and embrace what’s to come. For Maximus and Rafael it’s their wives. Both of them rejected my monologues on  building a legacy and its importance, but both of them will contribute to it.

Because they have someone to look after, to love, and to live for.

My brothers have always been envious of my position, and the power and recognition that comes with it. They never said it out loud, but I sensed it nonetheless. And what man, who’s been stripped of everything, doesn’t want to return with a vengeance that’s catalyzed by strength and authority? It’s a natural desire and I will never fault them for it. However, the tables have turned.

Inow envy them.

I want a faithful wife, someone who’s the epitome of our family motto. “Loyalty ’til death” carries a heaviness, yet the vow offers more in return. To have a wife that’ll be the bearer of my children, the keeper of my secrets, and the protector of my person?

She is priceless.

This is why I won’t act on my desire for Violetta, because I cannot and will not ruin what Rafael has discovered in Carina. And I would do the same if the situation was related to Maximus and his wife Emilia. My family deserves the best and now that they have it, I won’t let anything get in the way.

Not even my desires.

However, there are some things that I can do for Violetta and that includes offering her the chance to experience life. Her father is a piece of shit and I’m fairly certain he didn’t allow her, or Carina, to participate in a number of things. So I’m going to give that to Violetta as a birthday present. And if I’m honest, it’s a gift to me as well.

Because watching her will be a joy all on its own for me.

I wake to the feel of Violetta’s body tucked securely within my arms.

My insomnia was still present last night, but I managed to steal a couple hours of sleep, which would normally be unlikely, especially while in unfamiliar territory. Yet, having Violetta close…

She was like an antidote.

I’m unsure whether or not this is a good thing. Does being around her sabotage my vigilance? Or is she what I need to claim the sleep that constantly evades me? I am of two minds concerning this, but dismiss it with intent to revisit the idea at a later time.

My reluctance to leave the bed, to leave Violetta, is nearly insurmountable since I know these private moments with her are coming to end. I want as many of them as I can while I’m still able.

Duty and responsibility will call at some point.

They always do.

I’m showered and dressed before she wakes. I quietly approach Violetta and drink in the sight of her, roving my gaze over tousled curls, pouty lips, and long legs hidden by the sheets. The hunger within, the inferno of desire that never cools, flares to life. It sizzles and burns in my gut, and then spreads.

I lean down and sweep my lips over the soft spot of her temple and whisper, “Happy Birthday, ribelle. I promise it’ll be the best one of your life.”

Then I leave before my discipline snaps and I lose the battle to my lustful urges.

Benito is awake and his eyes glitter with curiosity and a hint of anger. He’s reclining against the couch with one of his arms draped over the side and his legs sprawled, but that relaxed position doesn’t hide the way his entire frame stiffens when our gazes collide. None of this surprises me, given how much interest he’s shown in Violetta.

However, he needs to back the fuck off because neither one of us is having her.

“Benito,” I greet.

“Boss.” His tone is hard, severe.

“Problem?”

He cocks his head. “Maybe.” His gaze darts to the bedroom door and then returns to me. “Depends.”

I arch a brow to prompt him and then wait. Benito knows he can speak freely with me, as long as it’s not disrespectful. Open lines of communication are a strategy I employ, which enables me to suss out what people really mean when they speak. And I particularly pay attention to what isn’t said. That gives me pertinent information, more often than not.

Benito exhales. “What are your intentions with her?”

The her is obvious, but it’s clear I need to make my personal objectives known.

“You know I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks,” I say, “but there’s an exception to that, which is my family. I consider you a part of that, Benito, and for this reason I’ll tell you what you want to know. However, after today? You won’t fucking question me when it comes to Violetta. Clear?”

He nods, his expression still wary.

I run my fingers through my damp hair and then drop my arm with an exhale. “I want her. It’s really that simple. But she is off-limits to everyone, including me, and not only because she’s young. Me being with her would complicate things and cause tension within my family, and I’m not willing to do that to them, no matter how—”

After cutting myself off to avoid revealing my darker thoughts about Violetta, I clear my throat and continue. “I will honor my promise and watch over her, but other than that our relationship will be strictly professional, if not platonic.”

Satisfied with my response, I pin him with my gaze and cross my arms. “What about you?”

Benito thrums his fingers on the arm of the couch for a moment before answering me. “Believe it or not, boss, I’m not trying to sex her up.”

I grind my molars at this, not wanting to hear anyone even insinuate they’re fucking Violetta, but I asked and I need to let him tell me. “I don’t believe you,” I say.

“Look, she’s fucking beautiful and her body is banging—”

I’ve taken a menacing step toward him before it fully registers.

Only when Benito stops talking and his demeanor shifts to defensive, do I lock down my anger. He eyes me in suspicion and I nod at him to indicate I’ve gotten a hold of myself.

“She’s attractive,” he says slowly, his gaze dipping to my clenched fists, “but I’m not into her like that. Seriously, she reminds me of my little sister. It’s the way she tells you to ‘go fuck yourself’ with only her facial expressions.” He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head. “I admire that shit. I’m going to protect her, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

I incline my head in acknowledgment. And gratitude.

Benito gets to his feet, walks up to me, and slaps my shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie. However, he doesn’t let go. He grips me with enough strength to get my attention but not directly challenge me.

“And when I say I’ll protect her, that means from you too, boss.”

I’m of two minds: whether to grab his fingers and break them or simply accept the thinly veiled threat. But he releases me before I can decide and takes a step back.

“Someone came by ten minutes ago,” he says. “Breakfast should be ready now and I was just about to notify you and Violet. Now I’m thinking you will want to do the honors. Should I call it a morning wake up call or morning wood?”

His mocking tone and shit-eating grin have me balling my fists again. “If you’d like to leave this country breathing and not in a bodybag, you’ll shut your fucking mouth.”

“Okay,” he says, elongating the word. “I’ve never seen you like this, and especially not over a woman, which is why I can’t resist the temptation. And that means I’ll be visiting Father Diego today to clear my conscience, seeing as I’m about to be murdered relatively soon.”

“Benito, watch over her until she wakes on her own. Then make sure she gets something to eat and actually consumes it. And lastly, shut the fuck up.”

His laughter follows me out the door.