Until Tia by K.L. Humphreys
Tia
Christopher should be back with Marcus any moment and I’m excited once again. While Christopher was out, I kind of made a space for Marcus to be comfortable. While I was on my lunch break, I picked up this bean bag seat thing that looks a little too big now that I think about it, but hopefully, Marcus will like it and be comfortable. I also picked up some crayons, coloring pencils, and paper, as well as a few books for him to read. I'm not sure why I'm worried if he'll like me or not, but I want him to; both him and his dad.
“Are they still here?” he asks as he walks toward me from the elevator, clearly talking about Sully, Jameson, and Derek.
“Yeah, they’ve been in there all day, I asked them if they wanted anything to eat but they said no.”
He rolls his eyes, “They’re not here to eat, they’re here to help.”
I look past Christopher and to the little boy that’s gone shy on me again. “Hey, Marcus, how was school?”
He just shrugs, I get it, I really do. Just because someone’s nice to you once, it doesn’t mean they’re always nice.
I move toward him and crouch down in front of him just as I did earlier this morning. "I heard that you're a huge fan of superheroes? Hmm? Why don't I show you what I found?" I keep my voice soft and even so that I don’t scare him.
His beautiful, brown eyes light up at my words but he doesn’t speak. But that’s enough for me to know that I can show him.
I get to my feet and walk a few steps ahead of him so that he doesn't feel intimidated and wait for him to follow me. He does and it's as though a huge weight has been lifted off me. When he reaches the little nook type thing I have set up for him, his little eyes widen comically and his face splits into the most beautiful smile I've ever seen, even better than his father's.
"Wow," he breathes as he flops down onto the bean bag and reaches for one of the books I bought. "This is awesome, thanks, Tia."
"You're welcome, I'll be right over here..." I point to my desk that's just a few feet in front of him. "If you need anything, just let me know, okay?"
He still has the smile on his face, he nods, "Will do."
When I turn back to face Christopher, my breath catches in my lungs at the look on his face. It's intense, filled with heat, want, and another emotion that I can't name. "Are you okay?" I whisper as I walk toward him. Wondering if I overstepped by doing this.
"Never…" His voice thick with emotion, "Never has anyone other than me gone out of their way to buy something for him. My friends love him, I know that, but none of them have gone out of their way to give him that." The awe and amazement in his voice is too much.
I shrug, trying to not let his words affect me. "I wanted him to feel comfortable here."
Christopher closes his eyes, "I know, blue eyes, I know."
I can't stop the giggle that bubbles out of me, "Blue eyes?"
He steps forward closing the gap between us. My heart races as I suck in a sharp breath. No man has been this close to me since Jamie. "I'm not going to hurt you. I'd rather cut off my own arm," he tells me. "I called you blue eyes, because you have the most amazing eyes I have ever seen. Your blue eyes are pale yet bright. They're so expressive, every single thing you think, you feel can be seen through your eyes."
I lick my lips. "Christopher," I whisper, unsure what to say right now.
"I know and I understand but, Tia, I've only known you for about three weeks and we have a connection I'm not willing to let go. I'll go slowly, but the truth is, I want you and not just to have sex with. I want you all in."
I can't do this. I take a step back from him. "Excuse me, I need to use the restroom." It's a lie, I don't, but I need to put some space between the two of us.
As soon as I'm in the bathroom, I run the faucet and splash water over my face. What the hell is happening? This is crazy. I want Christopher, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life but the fear of what's happened in the past is like ice water being thrown on me.
The things that Jamie did to me were horrific, I have scars on my body from the abuse that he dealt out. Scars that I've never let anyone see and never want anyone to. The thought of being intimate with someone scares the ever loving crap out of me. Being raped repeatedly by Jamie was the worst thing he did to me. The results of those rapes have caused me to have nightmares; the night I cried out in my sleep wasn't even the worst nightmare I have had about it.
The thought of Christopher finding out what Jamie did to me makes my body break out in a cold sweat. I never intended for Gabby, November, and Asher to find out about him hitting me. If I had my way, they never would have, but at the same time, I'm grateful to them for everything they've done for me since finding out. They’ll never know about the rape. Ever. I don’t want the pitying looks or even worse, for them to think that it wasn’t rape. Gabby is my constant, always there to check up on me and make sure that I'm doing okay. November, God, I love that girl, she's always texting me, checking in and much like Gabby, she no longer talks about Jamie.
Asher, he's the most protective of the three. Whenever I speak to him, I know that he's got his brother Nico, who's a detective, as well as his cousin Kenton, who is some kind of badass, looking into it. Asher assures me that Jamie will never hurt me again, I want to believe him but he can't promise that. I haven’t told them that Jamie's here in New York, I feel it down to my bones that he's still following me, watching me. Whereas Asher is in Tennessee, where I want him to stay. The last thing that I want is something to happen to November and July because of me, that's something that I would never be able to live with. It's bad enough that I'm staying with Gabby and putting her in the firing line. I can't have the worry that anyone else will get hurt because of me.
Once I have rebuilt my composure, I go back to my desk. Christopher is on his haunches as he reads to Marcus. I swallow hard at the sight. I've never seen anything more beautiful than this. Christopher has so much love in his eyes for Marcus, it's clear for everyone to see, but the best thing? Is the love that Marcus has for his dad. The adoration, respect, and the happiness that Marcus has, makes my heart swell. Such a beautiful sight.
"Tia." Marcus smiles as he gets to his feet. "These are the best!" he exclaims as he rushes over and barrels into me as he hugs me. I crouch down and fold him into my arms. Nothing has felt as pure and as sweet as this hug. "Thank you," he whispers.
"You're welcome," I whisper back, grateful that he hasn't let go just yet. I'm savoring every single moment of this. "You're the sweetest little boy, ever. Thank you," I tell him, still whispering.
"For what?" he asks as he pulls back.
I release him but still stay crouched down in front of him. "For giving me a chance, for being so awesome and sweet, but most of all, for hugging me."
He tilts his head to the side and studies me and I can picture his father doing the exact same. "Do you not get hugs?"
I think about it and I can't remember the last time I had a real hug and those from Gabby don't count. "Not anymore."
He loses his smile, "I'll always give you hugs, Tia."
Such innocence. "That would be awesome."
He grins at me and runs back to his dad who’s currently staring at me with a weird look on his face.
"Everything okay?" I ask Christopher as I walk back to my desk and sit down. Hoping that being seated will stop my legs from shaking as he continues to stare at me with that unguarded expression.
"Everything is fine. Are you alright?" he asks as he passes Marcus the book that they were reading and the little boy doesn't even hesitate in taking it and flipping through the pages looking at the pictures.
"I'm good." I assure him with a nod and his gaze sweeps across my face. "Mr. Harlan," I say needing to keep the distance between us. Right now, things between us are blurring. I want things I shouldn’t be wanting.
He steps into my personal space and just like the last time my pulse skyrockets and my body begins to tremble. "Christopher to you. Always, Christopher," he demands. "I know you have a lot of shit you're dealing with, but I'm a patient man, Tia."
"I don't understand," I whisper. Why is he pushing this?
"I know you don't, but you will. Trust me on this, Tia, I will never hurt you. Ever. Marcus' mom abused him when he was a baby, she was negligent and I suspect physically abusive too. The thought of someone hurting a woman or child is abhorrent to me. I'll never hurt you ever."
For some reason I can't explain, I believe him, deep down in my soul I believe he would never hurt me but I'm still wary and I think I always will be.
"It's okay," he says softly. "Give it time and learn to trust me, you'll see that what I'm saying is true."
"What do you want from me? I'm broken," I whisper the truth that I've tried so very hard to hide. Jamie destroyed me and I don't think there's any way I'll ever fully recover from that.
He slowly reaches out and I tense as his fingers brush against my cheek, "You're not broken, blue eyes, you're so fucking strong. You have no idea what I see when I look at you, do you?" I shake my head, unable to speak. "I see the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my life. One that has been hurt and is afraid but still lives her life. Every time you've gotten scared today, you've managed to pull yourself together. That, Tia, is strength and I admire just how strong you are."
My breath hitches at his words.
"But the thing that has made up my mind is how loving you are to my son. I'm patient but I have a feeling with you that a little push is what you need. So, Tia, this Saturday, I'm making you dinner."
"Dinner?" I squeak.
He grins and my heart melts, "Yes, dinner. We're having a date, one that Marcus will be with us. I'm looking forward to it." He winks at me as he pushes away from my desk. "Son, you'll stay out here with Tia, okay?"
"Yes, Daddy," he replies instantly.
"I'll see you two in a while," he says and walks into his office, closing the door behind him, not once looking back.
I'm going on a date. God. A part of me thinks it's too quick but another part of me wants to. Christopher has reached a part of me that I forgot existed. I just pray that I'm not making a mistake. The last mistake I made almost killed me.